this is the code for the render ad
Snarky Brides

Holy freakin FFIL-zilla!!!!!!!!!

so......we went to our venue today to make a payment, pick a menu, hash out locations on things and such.  My future father in law wanted to come along with my future mother in law because he had never seen the venue.  Thank goodness they arrived after we made all of the food choices because when we went to the ceremony hall he had input on where guest should WALK, how they should be seated (we don't have ushers), why I shouldn't be walking where I am walking from etc....I just said, oh I'll think about those suggestions, thank you!  But I am not changing anything.

Then we go upstairs to the reception room and we talk about the dj and dance floor placement.  He proceeds to go BSC about the dj "blasting out" the three tables in front of him (not directly in front, but between him and the dance floor).  I said yeah, but he will be louder to whoever is sitting by him no matter where he is, do you have a better suggestion?  He just continued to get a little more irritated, irrational until he threw his hands up and said, "Really Shannon???? Really???!!??? I could see this happening if someone didn't take the time to plan, not on purpose, so whatever, I just wont say anything, do whatever you guys want." 

*insert stunned awkwardness here*

Fiance and I were able to diffuse the situation and actually find a better layout, but my Future in laws and I have a fantastic relationship, the whole family does, so FFIL little outburst just kind of made me go, "holy crap....what the hell just happened???" This is more a vent session than anything else, but:
1) If he blew up over DJ layout, should I expect more of these little blow ups???
2) Advice on how to deal with this amicably and without making anyone mad.

image

June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

Re: Holy freakin FFIL-zilla!!!!!!!!!

  • Hm.  I would start by talking to your fiance.  He *presumably* knows the man and can answer your questions better than anyone here. 

    If you indeed do have a good relationship with his spouse your FMIL (and your fiance agrees this is a good idea and won't actually create more drama) ask her next. 

    After these two, the next person you could talk to is the man himself.

    Bypass any of the above if you are advised by your fiance it is best.

    ---

    If I had to guess I'd say they / he feels:

    a. stress about money because of the wedding

    b. stress about his relationship with his son changing (loss of his son?)

    c. stress about a family gathering with potential tension from his relationships on either his side or his wife's side

    d. stress about some aspects of the wedding he disagrees with (your dress is sexy and he feels it is inappropriate? the music is too loud because it is not big band or country or whatever he prefers? you are getting a high end caterer and he thinks it should be pot luck?) --- and he is displacing his real issues onto issues that he has - WHICH - seem to have been somewhat legitimate concerns that he did NOT express in a healthy constructive manner. 

    In other words, it was not so much what he said but how he said them, right? I mean, not just the loudness and abruptness, but also the fact that he was trying to sort of take over when he should have been quiet and supportive or just quiet, until he had a more private moment. At least, that is my read on it.

    I wish you luck!

  • They are paying to host beer and wine. Not that isn't enough, I'm just saying they aren't footing the entire bill.....but I'm sure it is still stressful. Is be surprised if he was concerned about relationships because all are healthy and happy. My FIs parents are divorced my FMIL is his step mom, but I have a FMIL that is his bio mom but they are all close. His bio mom even went to his grandfathers on his dads side retirement party and recent 75 birthday. FI thinks he is a control freak and it is coming out a little more now.....even he was surprised by his actions. FMIL did give him a pretty stern talk and then jokingly brushed his behavior off as being a "dadzilla". I think she was embarrassed too. It really was not like him at all.

    image

    June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

  • Don't share your plans with your future in laws. And when they ask about wedding plans just change the topic.
  • If he can't behave in public, he doesn't get to come on any more outings. Have the money you need to cover the beer & wine if it comes down to it and keep them out of the planning from now on.
  • yeah I figured that was the best course of action, it just totally blew me away because it was so night and day to his normal behavior.  Maybe there is an underlying issue???  I hope so because if he blew up about all that little nonsense, I can only imagine what else he has up his sleeve.

    image

    June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

  • You know... I almost wonder if he has hearing loss.  My father has hearing damage from his years as a carpenter when he was young.  He HATES loud environments, and gets very stressed out because he can't hear when people are talking to him.  It really puts him on edge because he loves to socialize, and it really isolates him.

    Just a thought.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • possibly.  He dj's on the side and was a drummer in a band.  Maybe he does have some issues.  I'll be sure to sit them opposite the dj :) That's a great thought!

    image

    June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

  • Maybe he was trying to seem helpful and involved? Sometimes people feel the need to make suggestions and come off wrong. Obviously he got emotional because he is prob is excited based on the fact you guys have a good relationship and youre marrying his son ya know. My dad gets like that sometimes...wants to feel a part of things so he makes suggestions but just causes stress. Just a shot in the dark...
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards