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Untraditional Wedding- not sure what kind of events to have before wedding

nrsallienrsallie member
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in Pre-wedding Parties
Hi,

My groom and I decided to have a more casual wedding- there's no unity candle, no jumping of the broom, no wedding party,etc., which we figured would cut down drama or stress. 

However, I now realize that in the days leading up to our October wedding/brunch reception for 65 guests, I have nothing planned for them to do.

There's no rehearsal dinner, no bachelorette party or bridal shower-so many guests are from out-of-state...I know that at the rehearsal dinner the bride's parents would pay but there's no wedding party.  And the groom and I will be paying for the wedding/reception.

If we invite guests that are in town on Friday to dinner, does that mean we have to pay?  Is it rude if guests pay for their own meals?  Same question for a spa day for female guests...

Thanks in advance for your help.
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Re: Untraditional Wedding- not sure what kind of events to have before wedding

  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2011
    There is no need to have any pre-wedding parties.  You are inviting people to your wedding/reception that's it.  You don't have to plan activities for them.

    Traditionally the Groom's parents are the ones to pay for the RD, and traditionally the bride's parents pay for everything else.  However, in this day and age any payment from any of the parents is solely their choice and cannot be expected by the B&G. 

    If you invite guests to anything then yes, the expectation is usually going to be that you pay for it.  Some family may be willing to pay their own way but it could get akward with some people.
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  • twilight.rosetwilight.rose member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ditto PP. It's fine not to have pre-wedding parties. You shouldn't be hosting showers/b-parties yourself anyway.

    Yes, you do need to pay for any events (spa days, dinners, etc.) that you invite your guests to attend. Otherwise, they are grown people who can entertain themselves on Friday and Saturday (you could provide a list of local attractions with the invite, but that would be sufficient.) They will understand that you and your FI are busy with last minute preparations for your wedding. Most people don't expect to be entertained and mollycoddled every second when they arrive a day or two early for a wedding.
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Showers and b-parties are absolutely not required to be married, and there is no obligation for anyone to hold them.  Your wedding invitation is for the ceremony and reception.  You are under no obligation to provide anything else for people to do.

    A wedding does not have to be a weeklong or even a weekend event.  It is a day.  And that's where your obligations begin and end.  On wedding day.

    But anything that you DO issue an invitation to:  spa day, dinner, etc. you do have to pay for.

    And frankly,  I'm hard pressed to imagine anyone who will be out of sorts if they don't have to give up time and $$ to attend a shower or other pre-wedding event. 
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • ki10ki10 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you have a wedding website, you could recommend things guests might enjoy leading up to the wedding.
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  • nrsallienrsallie member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks to everyone for your response.
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