What age is too young/old for flower girl/ring bearer?

mom2thebride · March 2013

Here's the dilemma, we have a 9 year old boy and a 7 year old girl or a 3 1/2 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. Is three too young for flower girl/ring bearer? Is 7 and 9 too old? If we had them all involved in the wedding party, what would you call them? Thanks for any guidance you can give me.

AddieCake · March 2013

I think anyone not old enough to get him or herself down the aisle is too young and kids over 10 are pushing it. Our ring bearer was 7.

Jen4948 · March 2013

I'd say kids in these roles should be between 4 and 8-not older or younger. Younger kids can't usually understand it or get themselves down the aisle and back, and the "cuteness" factor just doesn't make up for the fact that in that instance they're being used as props. For older kids, I'd just make them regular wedding party members-they don't usually prefer to be "flower girls" or "ring bearers" past age 8.

HobokensFury · March 2013

My RB and 8 and my FG was 10.

libby2483 · March 2013

I think kids are too old to be FGs or RBs when they consider themselves to be too old. If they think of it as a baby job, they are too old. My H's eleven year old sister was a BM. She is very mature for her age, and I know she would have felt silly being a flower girl.

I think kids are too young to be FGs or RBs when they can't get themselves down the aisle without assistance.

loca4pook · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-age-is-too-youngold-for-flower-girlring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4667127d-cff1-4821-a3d6-ed4ed88de724Post:3fcbe8ee-8795-46c2-829c-dc893077899f">What age is too young/old for flower girl/ring bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the dilemma, we have a 9 year old boy and a 7 year old girl or a 3 1/2 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. Is three too young for flower girl/ring bearer? Is 7 and 9 too old? If we had them all involved in the wedding party, what would you call them? Thanks for any guidance you can give me.
Posted by mom2thebride[/QUOTE]

I have a little flower girl, but it worked out for me because I have an older boy who wanted a "job", so his job is to get the flower girls down the aisle. I am calling him an "usher" since he is clearly too old to be a ring bearer...but he likes his job and it works.

I disagree with the "props" comment I chose my niece and she is a big part of my life, and I wanted to include her in my day. I felt excluding her based on age wouldn't have necessarily been very nice.

Ajuliana · March 2013

Have you thought about having the older ones escort the younger ones down the aisle? That way you can include them all, while also having a little help to keep the little ones happy. My flower girl, our niece, will be 3 years old. Both of her parents are in our WP, so they will walk down last and escort her. That way, if she gets shy, there's mommy and daddy to scoop her up and make her feel all better.

erinlin25 · March 2013

totally depends on the kid-- my nephew is 3, but acts like 6, and is all about being the ring bearer. Who knows what will happen the day of, but either way it will be cute. My flower girl will be 18 months; so damn cute and her mom is one of my best friends (bridesmaid) who will go last so that way she can assist her daughter if needed. I've seen 10 year olds freak out before, so it really depends on the kid.

And if something happens where one of them doesn't walk, it does not mean the ceremony does not go on. If the kid is cranky and scared, don't force them down the aisle.

My friends wedding, the flower girl got scared (she was 6) so she walked down the aisle holding hands with a bridesmaid. It was cute, no big deal that she did not go solo.

Jen4948 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-age-is-too-youngold-for-flower-girlring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4667127d-cff1-4821-a3d6-ed4ed88de724Post:d6f891cf-e1a0-4862-81c9-73a675b6df0a">Re: What age is too young/old for flower girl/ring bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to What age is too young/old for flower girl/ring bearer? : I have a little flower girl, but it worked out for me because I have an older boy who wanted a "job", so his job is to get the flower girls down the aisle. I am calling him an "usher" since he is clearly too old to be a ring bearer...but he likes his job and it works. I disagree with the "props" comment I chose my niece and she is a big part of my life, and I wanted to include her in my day. I felt excluding her based on age wouldn't have necessarily been very nice.
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

By just being there, she isn't being "excluded" if she's not a "flower girl" going down the aisle. If doing that is something she can't understand the significance of, then expecting her to do that is indeed using her as a "prop" regardless of how involved she is in the rest of your life.

AddieCake · March 2013

I wanted to add that you should be prepared for things to go awry at any age and be flexible. Our 7-year-old RB was terrified and in tears at the rehearsal and then was fine for the actual ceremony.

aRachel21 · March 2013

I think it depends on the kids. I was 2 and a half, and my brother was 4 when we were FG/RB for my aunt's wedding. We made it down the aisle just fine, were quiet in church, smiled for pictures, and didn't start any temper tantrums. If they are generally good kids, then I think they will be fine.

megannie · March 2013

My ring bearer and flower girl are three year old twins who are really excited to be in the wedding. They are close family members, their mom will be with them throughout , and their grandma and grandpa are in the wedding too. If for some reason they don't want to go down the aisle on the day of, then they won't have to. My daughter was three in my sisters wedding and went right down the aisle swinging her flower girl basket at her side. As long as you are ok with them balking at the last minute, should that be the case, I think you will be fine.

amalama · March 2013

I think as long as you are flexible with what actually works on the wedding day, anyone old enough to walk is fine. But just be prepared for things not to go exactly as planned.

My daughter was a FG for my sister when she was 2 1/2. I warned my sister that it might be hard for her, but my sister didn't want to leave her out (my other sister's daughter was the other flower girl, and her son was the ring bearer). She definitely would have felt left out because all of her cousin's were in the wedding, so we went ahead with it. The day of the wedding she followed the other flower girl down the aisle picking up the petals she was dropping. I had to go pick her up to get her to stop and then hand her off to someone else for the ceremony (I was the MOH). I was really embarrassed and felt really bad, but my sister was fine with it and it definitely didn't ruin the ceremony or anything, it took all of 2 minutes.

For ours we are also including all the nieces and nephews as well as our daughter, which means 8 kids ages 3-7. We are fine if any of them decide they don't want to do it that day or are scared (but they are all really excited about it right now). Their father's will also all be in the front row (or can walk down the aisle with them if they want) so that if there is a fuss they can take them outside. We also will have one 6 month old niece who will be going down the aisle with her father during the family seating. I guess maybe we will list her as a flower girl, I'll probably ask my sister what she thinks. I hate the wagon thing though so she will definitely be carried by her dad.

If it stops the ceremony for a minute, oh well. But having them all a part of it was worth the risk to us. If any of that would bother you, personally I wouldn't have any kids at all, no matter the age, because they are all pretty unpredictable.

loca4pook · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-age-is-too-youngold-for-flower-girlring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4667127d-cff1-4821-a3d6-ed4ed88de724Post:c9f08f37-5027-425d-9cb2-7211aab59f94">Re: What age is too young/old for flower girl/ring bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What age is too young/old for flower girl/ring bearer? : By just being there, she isn't being "excluded" if she's not a "flower girl" going down the aisle. If doing that is something she can't understand the significance of, then expecting her to do that is indeed using her as a "prop" regardless of how involved she is in the rest of your life.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]

Because it shows to my family how important she is to me, as well. Years from now, she might not remember the specific day, but we will have the photos and sentiment together knowing she was a part of it.

I was 10 when I was in my cousins wedding. Do I remember the details about that day 20 years later even though I was old enough to remember technically? no, not at all but I have that bond with my cousin anyhow knowing I once upon a time had that special place in her heart to be chosen.

loca4pook · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-age-is-too-youngold-for-flower-girlring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4667127d-cff1-4821-a3d6-ed4ed88de724Post:e4c22e82-50e2-4ad8-9985-de51e14ee994">Re: What age is too young/old for flower girl/ring bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think as long as you are flexible with what actually works on the wedding day, anyone old enough to walk is fine. But just be prepared for things not to go exactly as planned. My daughter was a FG for my sister when she was 2 1/2. I warned my sister that it might be hard for her, but my sister didn't want to leave her out (my other sister's daughter was the other flower girl, and her son was the ring bearer). She definitely would have felt left out because all of her cousin's were in the wedding, so we went ahead with it. The day of the wedding she followed the other flower girl down the aisle picking up the petals she was dropping. I had to go pick her up to get her to stop and then hand her off to someone else for the ceremony (I was the MOH). I was really embarrassed and felt really bad, but my sister was fine with it and it definitely didn't ruin the ceremony or anything, it took all of 2 minutes. For ours we are also including all the nieces and nephews as well as our daughter, which means 8 kids ages 3-7. We are fine if any of them decide they don't want to do it that day or are scared (but they are all really excited about it right now). Their father's will also all be in the front row (or can walk down the aisle with them if they want) so that if there is a fuss they can take them outside. We also will have one 6 month old niece who will be going down the aisle with her father during the family seating. I guess maybe we will list her as a flower girl, I'll probably ask my sister what she thinks. I hate the wagon thing though so she will definitely be carried by her dad. If it stops the ceremony for a minute, oh well. But having them all a part of it was worth the risk to us. If any of that would bother you, personally I wouldn't have any kids at all, no matter the age, because they are all pretty unpredictable.
Posted by amalama[/QUOTE]

I second that sentiment totally. It is the "thought" that makes a difference for years to come, IMO.

In the end of the day, if they refuse to participate or cry or steal the show, it's not going to ruin the day or anything..It will just be part of the story for years to come, and that is okay. At least, they will be PART of the story...

As for the person, who said it was "rude" to ask an older boy to escort them. I had a boy who desperately wanted to be included in my wedding party (which I am not really having in a traditional sense) so he is super excited to get to do it. It was HIS idea because he wanted to be included so bad. In the end of the day, if she refuses to walk, no big deal either way...He will carry her and life will go on...no scolding or blame will be passed on him

erinlin25 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-age-is-too-youngold-for-flower-girlring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4667127d-cff1-4821-a3d6-ed4ed88de724Post:e4c22e82-50e2-4ad8-9985-de51e14ee994">Re: What age is too young/old for flower girl/ring bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think as long as you are flexible with what actually works on the wedding day, anyone old enough to walk is fine. But just be prepared for things not to go exactly as planned. My daughter was a FG for my sister when she was 2 1/2. I warned my sister that it might be hard for her, but my sister didn't want to leave her out (my other sister's daughter was the other flower girl, and her son was the ring bearer). She definitely would have felt left out because all of her cousin's were in the wedding, so we went ahead with it. The day of the wedding<strong> she followed the other flower girl down the aisle picking up the petals she was dropping. </strong>I had to go pick her up to get her to stop and then hand her off to someone else for the ceremony (I was the MOH). I was really embarrassed and felt really bad, but my sister was fine with it and it definitely didn't ruin the ceremony or anything, it took all of 2 minutes. For ours we are also including all the nieces and nephews as well as our daughter, which means 8 kids ages 3-7. We are fine if any of them decide they don't want to do it that day or are scared (but they are all really excited about it right now). Their father's will also all be in the front row (or can walk down the aisle with them if they want) so that if there is a fuss they can take them outside. We also will have one 6 month old niece who will be going down the aisle with her father during the family seating. I guess maybe we will list her as a flower girl, I'll probably ask my sister what she thinks. I hate the wagon thing though so she will definitely be carried by her dad. If it stops the ceremony for a minute, oh well. But having them all a part of it was worth the risk to us. If any of that would bother you, personally I wouldn't have any kids at all, no matter the age, because they are all pretty unpredictable.
Posted by amalama[/QUOTE]

cutest thing ever! I think I remember more of the cute kid moments at weddings than I do when they just walk and "do it right." My friends wedding his neice was 3 and she just ran (like sprinted) down the aisle straight to her mom. Missed it if you blinked, but we all laughed and it was adorable.

vk2204 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-age-is-too-youngold-for-flower-girlring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4667127d-cff1-4821-a3d6-ed4ed88de724Post:3fcbe8ee-8795-46c2-829c-dc893077899f">What age is too young/old for flower girl/ring bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the dilemma, we have a 9 year old boy and a 7 year old girl or a 3 1/2 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. Is three too young for flower girl/ring bearer? Is 7 and 9 too old? If we had them all involved in the wedding party, what would you call them? Thanks for any guidance you can give me.
Posted by mom2thebride[/QUOTE]

I have 3 cousins that I wanted included no matter what. The 2 girls are 7 and 9 and the boy is 4. I first asked them to be in the wedding, then asked what they wanted to be. The girls both said bridesmaids and the boy said he wanted to be the "ring bear" but he wouldn't wear a bear costume lol. We are not having a FG.

Only involve them if you want them to be involved - not because they fill certain roles that are associated with younger kids.

Kate61487 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-age-is-too-youngold-for-flower-girlring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4667127d-cff1-4821-a3d6-ed4ed88de724Post:b9fee4a5-abe7-4bd1-8553-2c378b6ba9aa">Re: What age is too young/old for flower girl/ring bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What age is too young/old for flower girl/ring bearer? : cutest thing ever! I think I remember more of the cute kid moments at weddings than I do when they just walk and "do it right." <strong>My friends wedding his neice was 3 and she just ran (like sprinted) down the aisle straight to her mom. Missed it if you blinked, but we all laughed and it was adorable.
</strong>Posted by erinlin25[/QUOTE]

Our 6 and 7 yo FG/RB pair did this. they speed-walked to like the 3rd row (where their mom was sitting) and she stage-whispered "slow down!" and then they practically crawled the last 4 feet. too funny.

We actually had 7 kids in our wedding. Our 6/7 yo FG/RB were H's niece and nephew. They're a huge part of our lives and we couldn't imagine not having them be a part of it.

The other 5 were my cousins. I originally didn't intend to ask them b/c it seemed like just too many kids. But my g-ma was throwing a fit that the oldest girl and boy at least be in it and I wasn't comfortable having 1 sister without the other 3. In the end it just wasn't worth the fight and they are all important to us, so we went with it - sincerely they were really excited about it and all had a blast so I think it will be a good memory for them. my 5 and 6 yo cousins were FGs and the 8 and 9 yos were "jr BMs" with my 11 yo "jr GMs" (I know some people on here are anti-JRs, but they certainly weren't offended by the title and it made it easier to distinguish who we wanted in which pictures. Since the adults went and did additional outside photos and we didn't make the kids trudge along.)

kipnus · March 2013

I agree with PPs who said that it totally depends on the kids. We didn't have any RBs or FGs in our wedding--instead, I had all four of my siblings, including my 11 yr old adopted sister, stand on my side. However, at my bio sis's wedding, 50 days later, my adopted sis was happy to be a flower girl along with bio sis's 9 yr old FSILs.

ridedatbike · March 2013

Lol my fg is my 16 month old and my ring bearer is my close friends 13 month old. It does depend on the kids obviously I picked my daughter. They're both really well behaved though.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2013

The suggestion from our church was no child under the age of 5 in a WP.

I agree with PP's that it can depend on the maturity of the individual child.

Just a suggestion for RB's. . . sew fake rings onto his pillow and have the BM keep the real rings with him the entire time.

Jen4948 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-age-is-too-youngold-for-flower-girlring-bearer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4667127d-cff1-4821-a3d6-ed4ed88de724Post:053dba4e-24e3-4fbd-b3fd-171ee8cafb57">Re: What age is too young/old for flower girl/ring bearer?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What age is too young/old for flower girl/ring bearer? : Because it shows to my family how important she is to me, as well. Years from now, she might not remember the specific day, but we will have the photos and sentiment together knowing she was a part of it. I was 10 when I was in my cousins wedding. Do I remember the details about that day 20 years later even though I was old enough to remember technically? no, not at all but I have that bond with my cousin anyhow knowing I once upon a time had that special place in her heart to be chosen.
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

You were 10 and could understand what was going on and what your role was. A toddler can't no matter how "important" she is to you, and when she's older she may not share the feeling of "importance" you feel right now. You can't project that onto her-she's entitled to her own feelings.

hollyk224 · March 2013

My flower girl was 4 1/2 and we didn't have a ring bearer.

lovesclimbing · March 2013

My RB was 3 and my FG was 5 or 6 (I think. She's a little cousin and I have 14 little cousins in addition to the ones that are actually my age and I'm friends with so it's hard to keep all the ages straight).

They both did great. At first, both were really shy especially the RB. But he loosened up during the rehearsal and did great day of! He carried his stuffed moosey and the RB pillow down the aisle. So cute!

The best thing for little RB's is to give the GMs candy to keep in their pockets. And just feed the RB during the ceremony. That's what my parents did and what we did too. Worked great! If you do it during the rehearsal too, they'll learn to associate the GMs with candy and will want to head up the aisle! (Check with mom and dad first.) Our RB made it about half way through the ceremony and then sat down in the front row with his dad, which was fine. Our FG stood up there through the whole ceremony.

I really don't think any age is too old to be a FG or RB. My cousin and his wife had an 11 year old boy as their RB. And they had two 50+ year old women as their FGs. I thought it was a bit weird but whatever. If the FG/RB-to-be are fine with it, whatever floats your boat, I guess.

gpeeples · March 2013

My 11-year-old cousin who is too young to be a groomsman is going to carry my 6-month old nephew down the isle with the ring. I think it's cute to have the baby as the ring bearer, and it gives my cousin a job. And yes, I am aware that we are using my nephew as a prop, and I'm okay with that (my brother and SIL think it's cute too).

What age is too young/old for flower girl/ring bearer?

Re: What age is too young/old for flower girl/ring bearer?

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