How to register for a huuuuge bridal shower?

ellev · February 2011

Let me start by saying that I'm the only child of only children so my family is pretty small and I've only been to 3 bridal showers. I'm marrying into a huuuge Italian family -yaaay! - I've always wanted a big family and my FMIL told me tonight that there will be 40 women at my bridal shower from her side? Say what?!?!? Is this normal?

Well, I was going to register for lingerie (especially awesome since my boudoir pics are the week after); would be tacky to only register for lingerie since there will be so many people?We have a tiny house and we've been living together for a while so we basically have everything we need or have space for. Should I just suck it up and find a few household things to register for or is it okay to register just for girly things for me for my bridal (not my wedding!) registry?

mbcdefg · February 2011

I think there were about 30-40 people at mine, and I've been to similarly sized showers for other girls.

I would feel weird about registering for lingerie if people like my mom, FMIL, aunts, etc. would be there. Actually, I wouldn't really want to register for it if the party just had my friends there, either, but if I HAD to do it I'd definitely feel more comfortable if it were just my friends. And I wouldn't want to buy lingerie for someone if I were a guest ... I'd probably be the person getting you a nice bathrobe or something.

I would register for some household items ... neutral bedsheets and towels, an upgrade to any appliances that are a bit old (blender, vacuum, etc.), stuff you'd never buy for yourself (waffle iron, ice cream maker, panini press, etc.), fancy china and crystal, big things that people might want to chip in together to get, smaller items in all different price ranges, etc.

ellev · February 2011

Hahaha, my FMIL was the one who suggested the lingerie or I never would have thought about it! It's particularly funny because she's very traditional and conservative and I was really shocked but I love the idea.

Part of the problem is that we have nowhere on the counter or in a cabinet to put a panini press, ice cream maker, etc. or all those awesome kitchen things because we really have a tiny kitchen.

Is it okay to register for things like a nice bathrobe or other personal items that aren't OMG seksi lingerie?!?

badkittyct · February 2011

My bridal shower is going to be about 60 people omgZ!

The older women will probably give you money or other things for your house and your friends will get you the naughtier stuff.

mbcdefg · February 2011

I would still put a few household items on your list, because there are always people who won't want to give money, or who will want to give a more "traditional" gift or won't want to give lingerie.

Plus, if there are people from the groom's family there, they might be a little reluctant to give you something that's not really for him to share with you, like a household item would be. (Although I suppose some nice lingerie would be something he'd also enjoy, lol.)

sgdc2011 · February 2011

I say register for things, you can always return them. IMO showers are where you get most of the gifts vs. money. I would never register for lingerie, that's just not my style, I would rather pick something out myself. Do a honeymoon registry.

Heather822 · February 2011

40 is not that big. I went to one that had over 100!

I definitely would NOT register at all for lingerie. The purpose / tradition of showers is to shower the COUPLE with gifts to start their NEW LIFE TOGETHER. So its not like Christmas or your birthday. Stick the the mainstream places: Bed Bath & Beyond, MACYS, etc. Leave the lingerie for a possible gift from your bridal party at the Bachelorette Party. As others said, I guess you could always return things for cash.... IMHO there is something kinda sad and shady about that though.

Denise91980 · February 2011

I had about 65 people at mine. Believe me...people will buy you lingerie. DH and I have lived together for years before my shower but it was still nice to get newer stuff that I wouldn't necessarily buy myself. We are in a 2 BR apartment and are hoping to buy a house by the end of this year so those gifts will come in handy. I feel like you can always use towels, linens, new appliances (they are not made like they used to and break easily).

cutiepie12702 · February 2011

I've never seen someone register for lingerie before, let alone all lingerie. Every bridal shower I've been to it was always traditional for the mother to buy her daughter lingerie for the wedding night. I think some older/conservative guests (especially people you don't know very well) would feel a bit strange buying something like that, and some would prefer to give you a gift you will have for a very long time or forever (I highly doubt you will be using the same lingerie 10 years from now haha). Even though you live together I'm sure there are still items you'd like to upgrade or things you don't have that you would like to have. Plus, do you really need 40+ lingerie outfits? Some guests may want to buy you a higher ticket item...and if I was going to spend $200 on an item I know I'd want it to be more substantial than a bunch of lingerie.

PrettyGirl815 · February 2011

I would definitely register for some things. You can also do a honeymoon registry which is fun also.

shoebie · February 2011

FInd things to replace or register at bed bath and beyond you can return anything on your registry for cash within 2 months of the shower you need to register for more than just lengire though

LADY324 · February 2011

I would not register for lingerie I would not feel comfortable if I was an aunt on the grooms side who maybe does not know you that well to buy lingergie. Also how are 60 people supposed to all buy you lingerie. I think that it's rude when you don't give people an option. I am sure you could use nice sheets and towels or maybe a new coffee maker. I am sure if you go and walk around Bed, Bath and Beyond you guys can find some things you would like to put on a registry.

kristen8040 · February 2011

People buying you lingerie is one thing. Actually registering for it I think is a waste of money. Eventually if you do end up buying a house or moving into a larger apartment you'll wish you had registered for those appliances. Yes I know it's annoying to have it sit around and not be used much, but I think you'll be more grateful for that later on.

Reilly626 · February 2011

Ask for money towards a honeymoon or bigger house!

kristen8040 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_register-huuuuge-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:44ea2717-a3ac-4fbf-af4b-e232f2892121Post:e1ffc2e1-ea0d-4ba5-9423-a07cb67aed4c">Re: How to register for a huuuuge bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ask for money towards a honeymoon or bigger house!
Posted by Reilly626[/QUOTE]

<div>Asking for money is rude. Just don't register for 500 things, people will get the hint. </div>

cindy91788 · February 2011

I agree, 40 people is not a big shower in my experience. The last few showers that I attended had at least 60 or more people there. I have a huge family, and we are expecting to invite about 60 people as well.
I would not register for lingerie at all. If you are going to have a shower, it is a good thing to register for things that your family and friends can purchase if they wish to, even if it seems like you don't need anything.
I have lived on my own since I was 24, FI and I own a house together, but we still managed to come up with things to register for. I'm sure you have older items that need replacing, and there are plenty of things besides the usual plates and glasses to register for. You can do luggage, cleaning items, laundry type items, pet items, etc. If you have a favorite store, check if they have a registry program available, if you don't want to use Bed Bath & Beyond, Macys or Crate & Barrel like many people do. That way, at least you get items from your favorite store, instead of random BBB things that you really don't want.

cindy91788 · February 2011

P.S. - to the OP, are you from North Carolina or New Jersey? In this thread it says North Carolina, but when I go to your profile, it says New Jersey.. I was just curious if I was going crazy, the Knot is being screwy, or it is somehow two places? lol

ellev · February 2011

Thanks for all the opinions and advice, ladies, I really appreciate it. I live in NC, but my FH is from NJ so that's where we're getting married, and I'm originally from DC.

I guess my question sounded silly to you all, but I have never been to a shower where the hostess (in this case my FMIL) invites friends that don't know the bride and, in some cases, won't even be attending the wedding. Not that I'm ungrateful, I know it's a lot of work to plan a shower and I appreciate everyone attending, but a bridal shower registry has never been an issue in my experience. It's always been a pretty intimate circle of friends and it was pretty much all lingerie anyway, but the bride knew everyone already!

Also, when my FMIL told me about it, she brought up the idea of a lingerie/gardening equipment (don't ask me how those two things go together) shower, so that's where I came up with the lingerie idea and maybe why I was so surprised that there would be so many strangers there.

Thanks again, it was a big help!

Heather822 · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_register-huuuuge-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:44ea2717-a3ac-4fbf-af4b-e232f2892121Post:e20c1983-4e58-4275-98e4-b38ec10db26b">Re: How to register for a huuuuge bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for all the opinions and advice, ladies, I really appreciate it. I live in NC, but my FH is from NJ so that's where we're getting married, and I'm originally from DC. I guess my question sounded silly to you all, <strong>but I have never been to a shower where the hostess (in this case my FMIL) invites friends that don't know the bride and, in some cases, won't even be attending the wedding.</strong> Not that I'm ungrateful, I know it's a lot of work to plan a shower and I appreciate everyone attending, but a bridal shower registry has never been an issue in my experience. It's always been a pretty intimate circle of friends and it was pretty much all lingerie anyway, but the bride knew everyone already! Also, when my FMIL told me about it, she brought up the idea of a lingerie/gardening equipment (don't ask me how those two things go together) shower, so that's where I came up with the lingerie idea and maybe why I was so surprised that there would be so many strangers there. Thanks again, it was a big help!
Posted by ellev[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#008080">Just an FYI ~ it is extremely poor etiquette to invite people to the shower, but not the wedding. It comes off as very gift grabby. I would strongly advise your FMIL against doing that. Good luck!</font>

</div>

felicia220 · February 2011

I had about 70 people (I think, i don't remember the final count)at my shower. We were in a similar situation, small house, already lived together, had a lot of what we needed. We registered for upgrades; All-clad frying pans, 500 thread count sheets, Mirco cotton towels, etc. To replace all of our old worn out stuff. We had a small registry to more than half the people just gave us money or GC to the places we registered.

As for the lingerie, I wouldn't register for it. Only 2 people gave me lingerie, one being my cousin, who is like a sister. The other was my MIL, which honestly I found to be very uncomfortable and ended up returning them. Stuff that intimate, IMO, should be bought by you. I didn't mind so much that my cousin bought it, because we have that type of relationship, but anyone else would just creep me out.

ellev · February 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_register-huuuuge-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:44ea2717-a3ac-4fbf-af4b-e232f2892121Post:35de710d-5c7c-44a6-a1a3-f7a3b90bd68d">Re: How to register for a huuuuge bridal shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to register for a huuuuge bridal shower? : Just an FYI ~ it is extremely poor etiquette to invite people to the shower, but not the wedding. It comes off as very gift grabby. I would strongly advise your FMIL against doing that. Good luck!
Posted by Heather822[/QUOTE]
Thanks for the well wishes! Yeah, I thought that was odd, but I wasn't sure what she meant by it and they're her people, not mine, so I don't even know them.

I hear all of you about registering for lingerie, but if people are going to buy it anyway, at least they would know the right size. Maybe I just have less shame than the rest of you. I will definitely register for plenty of other things!

ellev · February 2011

I've just resolved this issue because the shower will be after the invitations go out and I can't have girly stuff on my registry at that point. Thanks again for the input, ladies!!

How to register for a huuuuge bridal shower?

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