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Mom has Breast Cancer...Anyone with Advice?

rachaelgettingmarriedrachaelgettingmarried member
10 Comments
in Moms and Maids
Hi All,

So we got some crappy news about a month ago, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer about a month ago. The good news is, its DCIS and hasn't spread outside even the milk duct so her odds are really good. She doesn't have to go through any chemo, just a lumpectomy and radiation. I was just wondering if any of you have gone through this or know someone who has and what to expect?

I am getting married in 2 months and it looks like she will be going through radiation during the time of the wedding. I've already been trying to get all the little planning details out of the way now so we aren't stressed and she can just focus on getting better. I know radiation can be like a sunburn, will it hurt her to hug people? The other thing is, she really wants to keep this private, she has said several times that she doesn't want to look like the sick person. I maybe overthinking the whole hug thing, I just want to know what to expect and I would love some ideas on how to be supportive to her.

Thanks ladies!!
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Re: Mom has Breast Cancer...Anyone with Advice?

  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Radiaiton can make you very tired - everyone is different.
    Playing it ear is the best advice.  If she is tender, you could just have the two of you do the receiving line or do table visits. 

    The best way to not stress her out is to treat her like you always do.  Let her know that you want to do whatever she needs but that she needs to tell you what that is.  I have a friend going thru this right now with more serious BC and she is expecting her family to read her mind and is upset when they don't.

    You sound like a wonderful, considerate daughter.  This is a rough time for her but this is also the time leading up to your wedding so it has it's very special times too.  Keep her privacy, treat her like mom and not a cancer patient, and enjoy this very special time.  I know the weeks leading up to my daughters' weddings were a very special time for us.  Geez, how many times can I use "special" in one paragraph?

    Good luck!
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  • Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry for your news, but thankful that it is new and manageable.  What you are doing is great.  Get as much done as possible now, so she can concentrate on herself.  As for the rest, let her tell you what she needs.  It's impossible to tell which of the possible side effects she will get, and how bad they will be.  If she doesn't want hugs, one way would be to have her reach for both hands of the people who approach her and then lean in for the double european style cheek buss.  Really, the only way is to play it be ear!

    Good luck, and she has my prayers!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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  • rachaelgettingmarriedrachaelgettingmarried member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you so much, that is a great idea with the hand holding thing. I haven't actually talked to her about possible side effects just because I don't want to stress her out lol. And you are also definitely right on the playing by ear, I appreciate the advice and thoughts though!!
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  • redheadtmkredheadtmk member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I just want to reiterate the tell her she needs to let you know what she needs. My mother is usually very verbal about asking for help in her advancing age. Now that my stepdad has cancer she suddenly wants us to call and offer help. She gets upset and we have to ask whats wrong. Its a pain when you are used to someone behaving a specific way. Tell her to let you know what she needs and follow it up with an occassional phone call asking if there is anything you can do for her. Or call and ask if you can pick anything up on your way to visit. We just automatically do some cleaning etc when we visit. Hugs and prayers for quick andfull healing your way!

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  • rachaelgettingmarriedrachaelgettingmarried member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow thank you all for the advice, it really helps and makes me feel a lot better. I will continue to try to help without babying her too much. We hung out yesterday and went shopping for veils, it was a great day. She has surgery in a week or so, hopefully we can keep her spirits up till then.
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  • scuster09scuster09
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with these ladies. While it is not my mom, it is my sister. She had a tumor removed last week and she is a BM, and the wedding is in 2 weeks. They have done many biopsies, but are still cannot come to a cancer vs. no cancer diagnosis. We are keeping things as normal as possible. She has been for 1 car ride since her surgery, but today she decided to go to my trial run appointment for my hair today and she did really had and we had a really good time! I will be praying for you and your family. 
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