Sleeping arrangements??

2010Bride2be · May 2011

So I was reading Dear Abby today (Yes, I read it!) and one letter was in regards to a couple dating and the sleeping arrangements at their parents' homes.

So my question to you is when you and FI visit your parents' homes, what are the sleeping arrangements? Do you sleep in the same room?

FI and I have always slept in different rooms when visiting my family. I'm 33 and he's 40, and I couldn't bring myself to disrespect my parents by sleeping in the same bed. But then again, my parents have made it pretty clear that no one sleeps together in their home unless youre married.

sharonda1981 · May 2011

That must mean your parents are very religous? We sleep in the same bed. We have been together for 8 year with a daughter, we sinned long time ago and still sinning living together I wish someone would tell me I can't sleep with my FI. We are too grown for that. We would just then get up and go get a hotel. Now we would sleep together but having sex in our parents home is something totally different. I wouldn't want to do that even if we had permission!

wheatney22 · May 2011

I am a pastor's kid so it was separate sleeping arrangements for us. My brother's been dating his girlfriend for 11-years and when she visits my parents, they sleep in separate rooms.

Of course now that I am married, hubby and I will be sharing a room :-).

ejagers · May 2011

We sleep in the same room and we have been celibate for 2+ years so not having sex is just a way of life for us. But even if we weren't, we still would not have sex in our parents home.

BlissPhilly · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sleeping-arrangements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:7492d91f-690f-404a-adcf-d69a6b2adb0bPost:570adeaf-cc12-4685-ab6f-384215cd8cb0">Re: Sleeping arrangements??</a>:
[QUOTE]We sleep in the same room and we have been celibate for 2+ years so not having sex is just a way of life for us. But even if we weren't, we still would not have sex in our parents home.
Posted by ejagers[/QUOTE]

Please tell me how you do that...I am being serious, I honestly want to know because I try my best to hold out on the cookies but Groomzilla always finds a way to steal them...Please tell me how you do it...

sharonda1981 · May 2011

I guess I'm just looking at it in realistic terms. Shoot we already live together and have a daughter so why not sleep in the same bed? What are we gonna do that we haven't already done? We had to leave our apartment for a few weeks and stayed with his mom and we slept in the same bed. We asked his mom was it ok if we shared rooms and his mom told us to quit acting shy. So I guess it really depends on your parents beliefs and what they allow.

island07b2b · May 2011

Separate rooms. No if, ands, buts about it. Once we are married then one room it will be.

MrsBrown2Bein2011 · May 2011

My mother threw a natural fit when I asked could my FI spend the night over my grandma's with us Christmas Eve. Grandma didnt care one bit. She basically invited him. Of course we were not going to sleep in the same bed or room but she didnt want him in the house. I love her but she can be petty.

sweetjess2011 · May 2011

We sleep in the same bed at my mom's house, no sex tho!

purplehoney · May 2011

Always seperate rooms... until the i dos. The first time I visited his parents house We couldn't stay in the same house!! he had to stay with his aunt down the street. I thought that was a bit much but since then we can stay in the same house... lol

ejagers · May 2011

@ BlissPhilly
Guuuurrrrlllll! Don't get me wrong, it is a struggle. HOWEVER, we have learned that it is a SACRAFICE on both parts. In premarital counseling, we found out that dying to our flesh is a must for marriage. There are going to be things that neither one of us want to do, but for the sake of the other's need we do it. Marriage is supposed to mirror Christ's love for the church (his bride). How did he love the church? He gave his life. So if He can give His life, certainly we can wait. It is definitely the Christ in me that is abstaining from sex. I guess it's just understanding the reason behind doing it and then wanting to do it. It is not by my own will at all. But understanding that He gave so much for me in all my mess, makes it easier to do. (sorry didn't mean to give a sermon) And to tell you the truth, FI and I have never been more intimate with each other than we have these last 2+ years of celibacy. (We will be together 5 yrs on 5/17/11) You REALLY find out if you truly love someone when the "sex goggles" come off. LOL

halfpin21 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sleeping-arrangements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:7492d91f-690f-404a-adcf-d69a6b2adb0bPost:570adeaf-cc12-4685-ab6f-384215cd8cb0">Re: Sleeping arrangements??</a>:
[QUOTE]We sleep in the same room and we have been celibate for 2+ years so not having sex is just a way of life for us. But even if we weren't, we still would not have sex in our parents home.
Posted by ejagers[/QUOTE]

We're in the same situation. We sleep in the same room/bed but we don't have sex anyway so we're cool. Now at my friend's house (something about an example for her kids but her son's baby mama slept in the same bed as him under her roof but I won't touch that), she's more conservative than my parents. So when we came in town last weekend, we got a hotel room.

halfpin21 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sleeping-arrangements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:7492d91f-690f-404a-adcf-d69a6b2adb0bPost:db7c67b2-9f41-4eba-a951-3fedc0ff3489">Re: Sleeping arrangements??</a>:
[QUOTE]@ BlissPhilly Guuuurrrrlllll! Don't get me wrong, it is a struggle. HOWEVER, we have learned that it is a SACRAFICE on both parts. In premarital counseling, we found out that dying to our flesh is a must for marriage. There are going to be things that neither one of us want to do, but for the sake of the other's need we do it. Marriage is supposed to mirror Christ's love for the church (his bride). How did he love the church? He gave his life. So if He can give His life, certainly we can wait. It is definitely the Christ in me that is abstaining from sex. I guess it's just understanding the reason behind doing it and then wanting to do it. It is not by my own will at all. But understanding that He gave so much for me in all my mess, makes it easier to do. (sorry didn't mean to give a sermon) And to tell you the truth, FI and I have never been more intimate with each other than we have these last 2+ years of celibacy. (We will be together 5 yrs on 5/17/11) You REALLY find out if you truly love someone when the "sex goggles" come off. LOL
Posted by ejagers[/QUOTE]

You said it all right there!! I'll have my donation in your collection plate when I get paid. :)

2010Bride2be · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sleeping-arrangements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:7492d91f-690f-404a-adcf-d69a6b2adb0bPost:62d515b7-9fb5-4e98-b2ef-99406a95faab">Re: Sleeping arrangements??</a>:
[QUOTE]That must mean your parents are very religous? We sleep in the same bed. We have been together for 8 year with a daughter, we sinned long time ago and still sinning living together I wish someone would tell me I can't sleep with my FI. We are too grown for that. We would just then get up and go get a hotel. Now we would sleep together but having sex in our parents home is something totally different. I wouldn't want to do that even if we had permission!
Posted by sharonda198 1[/QUOTE]

Ha! I had to tell my parents about your post. My parents and I are FAR, FAR, FAR from religious. Not even close. FI and I do live together, but when we visit them, its their house, their rules.

BlissPhilly · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sleeping-arrangements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:7492d91f-690f-404a-adcf-d69a6b2adb0bPost:db7c67b2-9f41-4eba-a951-3fedc0ff3489">Re: Sleeping arrangements??</a>:
[QUOTE]@ BlissPhilly Guuuurrrrlllll! Don't get me wrong, it is a struggle. HOWEVER, we have learned that it is a SACRAFICE on both parts. In premarital counseling, we found out that dying to our flesh is a must for marriage. There are going to be things that neither one of us want to do, but for the sake of the other's need we do it. Marriage is supposed to mirror Christ's love for the church (his bride). How did he love the church? He gave his life. So if He can give His life, certainly we can wait. It is definitely the Christ in me that is abstaining from sex. I guess it's just understanding the reason behind doing it and then wanting to do it. It is not by my own will at all. But understanding that He gave so much for me in all my mess, makes it easier to do. (sorry didn't mean to give a sermon) <strong>And to tell you the truth, FI and I have never been more intimate with each other than we have these last 2+ years of celibacy. (We will be together 5 yrs on 5/17/11) You REALLY find out if you truly love someone when the "sex goggles" come off</strong>. LOL
Posted by ejagers[/QUOTE]

Wow....Thanks for taking to the time to really explain it to me...I was hoping you didn't take what I was asking as rude (since we can't hear each others voices or facial expressions) but I was truly being sincereI 'm glad you realized that...
That is very encouraging and GREAT that you two are doing that. I really kind of want to try it...

mrswac58 · May 2011

Well mine and FI's fam are totally different. Out of respect, we decides to sleep in seperate rooms at my mom's house.The next time it was the same room but he was on the floor. Chile now, she can care less. Esp now that we are engaged.

My dad's house (parents are divorced). My dad love my FI from day 1. He actually insisted that we stayed in the room together. Of course no sex but he made it clear that it didnt offend of upset him.

Now HIS parents, lord help me JESUS!! FI has his OWN HOME. The first time i had visited his home, we were already serious( long distance). His parents wanted me to stay at THEIR house. 1) they live 20 mins away 2) they live in the country 3) they had 2 golden retrievers and like 6 cats. 3) I have pet allergies 4) I had never met them in my ife. FI shot that down quick. Then they insisted that we sleep in separate rooms. And to make sure, They came over every morning before they knew we would be awake. Well we were bed hopping everymorning until i got fed up and told FI i wasnt doing it anymore. His parents weren't gonna dictate how we were gonna be living if we weren't in their home. That's just too much. I will never stay in their home God willing.

bbrown185 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sleeping-arrangements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:7492d91f-690f-404a-adcf-d69a6b2adb0bPost:043a9a3a-8779-4af5-86fd-ff9d21e7f4ce">Re: Sleeping arrangements??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sleeping arrangements?? : Please tell me how you do that...I am being serious, I honestly want to know because I try my best to hold out on the cookies but Groomzilla always finds a way to steal them...Please tell me how you do it...
Posted by BlissPhilly[/QUOTE]

I know right????? The words I would love to fit in my wedding dress hold no water with my groom. Do tell, do tell :)

To answer the question, we have not ever had to stay with family, but I know my parents would want us in separate rooms

bilss11 · May 2011

We haven't been visiting our parents lately as his have been visiting us

(thats a WHOLE different post tho! lol) but to tell the truth we did sleep in the same bed when I lived with FI and his mom for a month or so. We started out trying to be polite and sleep separately. Eventually we started sleeping in the same bed and his mom said nothing about it. She did find out we were "doing the do" in her house when a few months after I moved out, we were showing her an ultrasound! Im sure she had a few names for me but she has never said anything to me...sooooooo I guess I would say it depends on your parents. My daddy would definetly not be going for it though.

bbrown185 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sleeping-arrangements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:7492d91f-690f-404a-adcf-d69a6b2adb0bPost:db7c67b2-9f41-4eba-a951-3fedc0ff3489">Re: Sleeping arrangements??</a>:
[QUOTE]@ BlissPhilly Guuuurrrrlllll! Don't get me wrong, it is a struggle. HOWEVER, we have learned that it is a SACRAFICE on both parts. In premarital counseling, we found out that dying to our flesh is a must for marriage. There are going to be things that neither one of us want to do, but for the sake of the other's need we do it. Marriage is supposed to mirror Christ's love for the church (his bride). How did he love the church? He gave his life. So if He can give His life, certainly we can wait. It is definitely the Christ in me that is abstaining from sex. I guess it's just understanding the reason behind doing it and then wanting to do it. It is not by my own will at all. But understanding that He gave so much for me in all my mess, makes it easier to do. (sorry didn't mean to give a sermon) And to tell you the truth, FI and I have never been more intimate with each other than we have these last 2+ years of celibacy. (We will be together 5 yrs on 5/17/11) You REALLY find out if you truly love someone when the "sex goggles" come off. LOL
Posted by ejagers[/QUOTE]

Amen.

ejagers · May 2011

@ BlissPhilly
Awww girl no problem. I'm used to people asking me that and I don't take offense to it. As someone said on another post, ya'll are like family. And I love all ya'll for being soooooo positive and encouraging ALL the time. You all have helped me sooooo much thus far. Ya'll don't even know how much!!!!

@ halfpin21
LMBO!!!

@bbrown185
Just really tell him how you feel. My FI wasn't going either but he knew it was something that I really wanted and he wanted to make me happy. After he learned the biblical meaning behind it, he wanted to make GOD happy.

lil01 · May 2011

We lived with my mom before & we slept in different rooms. At his mom's house, we've always slept in the same room. His fam is SO different from mine. My mom would care, but his fam wouldn't care.

sadou02 · May 2011

My hubby just came in and since we've been traveling back and forth between Miami and Tampa each week when we're at my parents house we sleep in seperate rooms. My parents didnt make the rule but with my two younger sisters and my parents, I just feel it to be disrespectful to sleep in the same room with us not being married.

prncsz · May 2011

When we started dating fiance's parents lived with him. I would spend the night but they didn't have a problem with us sleeping in the same room. When I first brought fiance home to meet the rest of my family we stayed at my grandparents house and slept in the living room on an airbed with separate covers but my mom (who was living with my grandfather at the time after my grandmother passed away) did not have a problem with it. My stepdad did and said it was still disrespectful.

I don't know when I have children. I'll probably be different and say that they can't sleep in the same room if they aren't married. Just out of respect. I was aprehensive about sleeping in the same room with him even if it was his house until his parents told me it was okay.

BluIvory82 · May 2011

before my FI and I got engaged it was always separate rooms, until this past Christmas. I still live at home with my parents. My family invited him over for our annual party and my DAD said you guys can sleep in the same room. I kept saying no, that is okay we will sleep in separate rooms, until my mom who said Trust me, it is ok with us you can sleep in the same room. My parents would have never done that ever, because I've been a situation like that back in college and it was HELL NO!, and I never even asked LOL

But trust and believe I wouldn't even dare try to anything. It is still my parents house.

chescam · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sleeping-arrangements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:7492d91f-690f-404a-adcf-d69a6b2adb0bPost:570adeaf-cc12-4685-ab6f-384215cd8cb0">Re: Sleeping arrangements??</a>:
[QUOTE]We sleep in the same room and we have been celibate for 2+ years so not having sex is just a way of life for us. But even if we weren't, we still would not have sex in our parents home.
Posted by ejagers[/QUOTE]

<div>This is really interesting. I know you explained yourself further in the post but if you were denying the flesh you would not be sleeping in the same room. You're putting yourself in the direct path of temptation, not taking into consideration the appearance of sin. I don't think that this is healthy at all. </div><div>
</div><div>ETA: </div><div>FI and I decided early in our relationship that we would wait until marriage to have sex. It'll be the first for both of us after marriage. We've been together for 5 years with the last two being long distance. I'm 25 and this was important to me/us. So for us, we don't sleep in the same bed and won't be living together until after the wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

sweets18 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sleeping-arrangements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:7492d91f-690f-404a-adcf-d69a6b2adb0bPost:db7c67b2-9f41-4eba-a951-3fedc0ff3489">Re: Sleeping arrangements??</a>:
[QUOTE]@ BlissPhilly Guuuurrrrlllll! Don't get me wrong, it is a struggle. HOWEVER, we have learned that it is a SACRAFICE on both parts. In premarital counseling, we found out that dying to our flesh is a must for marriage. There are going to be things that neither one of us want to do, but for the sake of the other's need we do it. Marriage is supposed to mirror Christ's love for the church (his bride). How did he love the church? He gave his life. So if He can give His life, certainly we can wait. It is definitely the Christ in me that is abstaining from sex. I guess it's just understanding the reason behind doing it and then wanting to do it. It is not by my own will at all. But understanding that He gave so much for me in all my mess, makes it easier to do. (sorry didn't mean to give a sermon) And to tell you the truth, FI and I have never been more intimate with each other than we have these last 2+ years of celibacy. (We will be together 5 yrs on 5/17/11) You REALLY find out if you truly love someone when the "sex goggles" come off. LOL
Posted by ejagers[/QUOTE]

FI and I are doing the same thing... We have been together for 5 years and have been celibate the entire time. I agree its a struggle but I have definitely seen God honor our relationship as a result. Good to see someone else doing the same thing... But I'm not hating at all on the ones that aren't...<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /> I may need to make a post for some tips for after we get married cause I am sooooo nervous and anxious!!!!

lsk40 · May 2011

Well I live in the same city as my parents but my brother his girlfriend and her baby came to visit and they slept in the same room because my mom made them my parents have a room down stairs and my mom wanted my brother to stay down there in case they needed something so they wouldn't have to go up 2 sets of steps to get him and my dad flipped he was so mad my brother his girlfriend just left and went to a hotel I couldn't believe he did that because my parents lived together for over 20 years before they got married

TNMurray · May 2011

When I go home and bring FI, I don't spend a night and don't plan on it until after we are married. My mom has the same rules. We have spent a night at my dads house and he allows us to sleep in the same room. He rather us stay the night then get on the road sleep, which we always try to do.

Sleeping arrangements??

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