Wedding on Sept. 11

teaformeplease · July 2010

Hi Everyone,

This is my first post, but I have been lurking for awhile. I am newly engaged to my boyfriend of two years. We are just starting out wedding planning and I would really like to get married in Sept or Oct of 2011. I know Sept and Oct are extremely popular and fill up fast, so we were considering Fri/Sun dates.
Sept 11 2011 is a Sunday. It is the 10 year anniversary of 9-11 and also happens to be my 29th birthday. Do you think it would be in poor taste to have a wedding on this day? My rationale is that because not many people probably want it for an anniversary, things might be more available or less expensive. It also has a different meaning for myself and my FH. But I don't want to offend anyone. The wedding will likely be in my hometown in upstate NY, or else in the Philadelphia area.

TIA!!

ksmith67 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-sept-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5a64b77-ad06-42cc-81a0-1006e2101e6ePost:d6c2740a-d598-4c49-9077-575fc8b4f9f6">Wedding on Sept. 11</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Everyone, This is my first post, but I have been lurking for awhile. I am newly engaged to my boyfriend of two years. We are just starting out wedding planning and I would really like to get married in Sept or Oct of 2011. I know Sept and Oct are extremely popular and fill up fast, so we were considering Fri/Sun dates. Sept 11 2011 is a Sunday. It is the 10 year anniversary of 9-11 and also happens to be my 29th birthday. Do you think it would be in poor taste to have a wedding on this day? My rationale is that because not many people probably want it for an anniversary, things might be more available or less expensive. It also has a different meaning for myself and my FH. But I don't want to offend anyone. The wedding will likely be in my hometown in upstate NY, or else in the Philadelphia area. TIA!!
Posted by teaformeplease[/QUOTE]

While I can understand wanting to find a date that is potentially cheaper(we've chosen a Friday) something about this whole concept just rubs me the wrong way. I don't know that people will necessarily be offended by you chosing this date, but they may still wonder why you chose it since it is such an important day in American history. And especially with it being your birthday.. I wouldn't want to share my birthday with my wedding day at all, mostly because I wouldn't want either to be overshadowed by the other later on in life.

apple_green · July 2010

We've discussed this before and I think most people agreed that if you or your guests were not directly affected, it's generally okay. However, in the past we were discussing 9/11/10 (it's a Saturday). The 10th anniversary is a bit of a bigger deal...

I say you have over a year, so I'm guessing that venues are not that full yet. I would recommend choosing another Sunday if you really want a Sunday wedding. If 9/11/11 is the only date left for your dream venue, okay - but honestly I think all Sundays will probably cost roughly the same.

tidetravel · July 2010

As long as you don't have friends or family members that were personally affected by the events of 9/11, then go for it. The only reason people question it is because it's a relatively recent event. People don't balk at weddings held on Dec 7th or April 19th. My personal belief is that if everyone changes their lives on that day because of the attacks, then the terrorists won. Make the day a reason to celebrate.

blackfire5th · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-sept-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5a64b77-ad06-42cc-81a0-1006e2101e6ePost:1b4ddc6d-64cb-4915-8f55-ba9c45258d27">Re: Wedding on Sept. 11</a>:
[QUOTE]As long as you don't have friends or family members that were personally affected by the events of 9/11, then go for it. The only reason people question it is because it's a relatively recent event. People don't balk at weddings held on Dec 7th or April 19th. My personal belief is that if everyone changes their lives on that day because of the attacks, then the terrorists won. Make the day a reason to celebrate.
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

<div>Amen Tide! I think it would be a big F YOU to the terrorists and that they are not still affecting your life. I was personally affected by 9/11 and I would not be offended.</div>

teaformeplease · July 2010

Thanks for the replies so far- I appreciate it! I do agree- life goes on and we need to find reasons to celebrate that day again eventually. To my knowledge, no one that would be on the guest list was directly affected.
I don't mind the idea of having my birthday and wedding anniversary be the same. One less thing for the FH to forget, and it's a pretty sweet excuse to take a great 1st anniversary/30th birthday trip in 2012.

kittykaz · July 2010

My wedding date is 9/11 of this year. It was a date that worked out for me and my family and the venue. I understand the significance of the date, but I think it's really pretty arbitrary. It's a date like any other. I feel the same way as tide, too, about letting it become a day of celebration, not a day of sadness

dawnmarie0627 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-sept-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5a64b77-ad06-42cc-81a0-1006e2101e6ePost:d6c2740a-d598-4c49-9077-575fc8b4f9f6">Wedding on Sept. 11</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Everyone, This is my first post, but I have been lurking for awhile. I am newly engaged to my boyfriend of two years. We are just starting out wedding planning and I would really like to get married in Sept or Oct of 2011. I know Sept and Oct are extremely popular and fill up fast, so we were considering Fri/Sun dates. Sept 11 2011 is a Sunday. It is the 10 year anniversary of 9-11 and also happens to be my 29th birthday. Do you think it would be in poor taste to have a wedding on this day? My rationale is that because not many people probably want it for an anniversary, things might be more available or less expensive. It also has a different meaning for myself and my FH. But I don't want to offend anyone. The wedding will likely be in my hometown in upstate NY, or else in the Philadelphia area. TIA!!
Posted by teaformeplease[/QUOTE]

The September 2011 board had a post about this a few weeks ago. A lot of us are getting married on 09/10/11 and there were some concerns about OOT guests not wanting to fly that weekend. Others were concerned about people being offended by the date. Although I would not be comfortable getting married on 09/11 because I was directly affected and have family and friends who were as well, I don't see any problem with someone getting married that day. Even though my wedding is the day before and not the day off, I still spoke to immediate family members as well as some of our OOT guests to see if they were uncomfortable (they weren't).

Also, you are probably right about being able to get a discount having a wedding that day. A few places that we looked at has discounted rates for 09/11/11.

bonnyandtim · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-sept-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5a64b77-ad06-42cc-81a0-1006e2101e6ePost:a6596caf-448f-4669-9acf-39430c7132b1">Re: Wedding on Sept. 11</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Wedding on Sept. 11 : While I can understand wanting to find a date that is potentially cheaper(we've chosen a Friday) something about this whole concept just rubs me the wrong way. I don't know that people will necessarily be offended by you chosing this date, but they may still wonder why you chose it since it is such an important day in American history. And especially with it being your birthday.. I wouldn't want to share my birthday with my wedding day at all, mostly because I wouldn't want either to be overshadowed by the other later on in life.
Posted by ksmith67[/QUOTE]

My birthday is 10/31 (already an easily "overshadowed" day), & my wedding is 10/30.

I purposely chose the day before my b-day for all of those reasons.

I LOVE my birthday. I've been very lucky & Halloween has not overshadowed my birthday to my friends & family all these years. It is always a great day. & really, after this year, the only person that is really going to "remember" 10/30 is my FI. So I just wanted to have 1 big weekend.

As far as 9/11, I would consider if anyone at your wedding was closely associated with that day. If so, then I wouldn't have my wedding that day. It is important to remember things, but it is also important to move forward with our lives. There are many other tragic days in History that we have personal events on (12/7? The days of Gettysburg?) If you'd like to, maybe you can have a 9/11 remembrance in your wedding.

JessAndTrav · July 2010

I'm usually the one who says, "If nobody you know was directly affected, then sure, have it!" BUT...I will say---since it will be the 10th anniversary, I'm not so sure.

I'm sure that it will be the headlining topic in the news for that entire week before hand, and people always seem to make a bigger deal out of monumental anniversaries, 10th, 25th, etc.

Moneypenny424 · July 2010

Before I opened the post, I was thinking "Well, this is probably fine now, as long as it isn't the 10th anniversary." I wouldn't choose that day, but would certainly attend a wedding on 9/11/10 or 9/11/12. I was personally affected and have many friends who were as well (unfortunately, who were even more affected than I was), so I wouldn't have it as my date, but I agree that it is time for the rest of the world to feel comfortable on that date again.

I think the 10th anniversary will be a big deal, a bigger deal than 9/11 has been in recent years.

I also agree that I would never get married on my birthday. I also love my birthday. Please don't take this the wrong way but if, God forbid, something happens, I wouldn't want to have my birthday remind me of a failed marrigae or something.

KatyRoseM · July 2010

I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't go to a wedding on that date. I don't really think that it takes the date back from the terrorists. I wouldn't be offended, I just wouldn't go, I'm not much fun on that date and wouldn't want to celebrate.

As for the comparison to Pearl Harbor, its important to note that 12/7/41 was 60 years ago, not 10. That makes a difference, in 60 years it won't be so raw, and fewer people who remember it will be invited. Most people now still have strong memories of 9/11, in another 50 years that won't be so true.

As for 4/19, Waco had more of a local impact than 9/11 did, so maybe in Texas it would be odd. In Colorado it would be odd to get married on 4/20.

Anyway, I don't think its wrong exactly, just odd. Though I would say doing it then because it was cheaper strikes me as odder, but that's just because I hadn't heard that reason before.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-sept-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5a64b77-ad06-42cc-81a0-1006e2101e6ePost:1b4ddc6d-64cb-4915-8f55-ba9c45258d27">Re: Wedding on Sept. 11</a>:
[QUOTE]The only reason people question it is because it's a relatively recent event. People don't balk at weddings held on Dec 7th or April 19th.
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]
i don't really agree with this. the events of september 11 are referred to as "september 11". whereas the events of december 7 are referred to as "pearl harbor" and not the date itself.

i'm also not sure how i feel about the idea of turning the date into a celebration. that feels weird to me. i understand the idea of not letting the terrorists win, but at the same time, to me, it's a solemn day.

my answer is that while i don't think it's offensive, i admit i would raise my eyebrows over it. and i certainly wouldn't do it myself.

kittykaz · July 2010

I guess because I didn't have anybody I know personally affected, I didn't really give it a second thought. I was picking a weekend in September. The second Saturday in September worked best for everybody. I thought hmm, that's 9/11. But that's as far as I thought into it. I have no intention of offending anyone. I sure hope I didn't. If I knew someone who was deeply affected by the attacks I guess it would be different, and I would have thought, I don't think so and so would want to be celebrating on that day, I should move it.

And I didn't do it because it was cheaper. That thought hadn't even occured to me.

kristinanddan · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-sept-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5a64b77-ad06-42cc-81a0-1006e2101e6ePost:67c90ff3-1629-4e09-bde4-771c4de9d28f">Re: Wedding on Sept. 11</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding on Sept. 11 : i don't really agree with this. the events of september 11 are referred to as "september 11". whereas the events of december 7 are referred to as "pearl harbor" and not the date itself. i'm also not sure how i feel about the idea of turning the date into a celebration. that feels weird to me. i understand the idea of not letting the terrorists win, but at the same time, to me, it's a solemn day. my answer is that while i don't think it's offensive, i admit i would raise my eyebrows over it. and i certainly wouldn't do it myself.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

I agree with all of this. Where in upstate NY are you planning your wedding? If it is anywhere within commuting distance of NYC, it is very possible that some of your guests were directly affected by 9/11, and would be upset at the idea of a wedidng on 9/11. Being in NY, and knowing many families whose loved ones didn't come home from work on 9/11/01, I could never have/attend a wedding on that day. While life must certainly go on, 9/11 is a very quiet solemn day for me.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

Well, my stepfather's first wedding took place on his birthday, so it happens. But that's neither here nor there.

Like PPs said, if you know guests who were affected, I would reconsider it. Especially since you're in Philly or upstate NY. The chances of having someone affected seem good. Personally, one of my BMs lost her dad that day, so I wouldn't want to mail her an invitation or constantly have things written out that said, "September 11."

I AM getting married on the anniversary of the death of one of my friend's mother. However, when I picked the date, I didn't know. Plus, you can't pick a date that has NO meaning for EVERYONE. But September 11? I mean, come on. You know it has emotional significance for a lot of people.

JadziaDax · July 2010

Will this question ever go away? There will always be a group of people fine with the date, and another group of people who may think it is odd/ disrespectful.
You are asking if it is in poor taste to have the wedding on that day. Obviously you know it is if you are asking. Isn't it just easier to pick a different day, if you feel uneasy enough to bring up the topic on a message board? Do you really want to set a date you feel uneasy about, and for good reason, just to spend the whole time preparing for the wedding second guessing your decision?

kelly&wayne · July 2010

This is definitely a touchy subject and I believe that everyone's opinions are completely valid, either way. My first thought was that if no one on your guest list was directly impacted by 9/11 then it's OK. I completely understand the perspective of people who say it's a solemn day and they would not want to be participating in a celebration, but to that I have to agree with Tide. It is a day to stop, reflect and think about the poor innocent people who lost their lives and the heroes who tried to save lives, but if we spend the whole day wallowing in the events of 10 years ago then the terrorists have won again. Taking time to remember and then moving on and celebrating life and love, I believe, is a far better way to spend the day.

jnic0319 · July 2010

I wanted mine on 9/11 for the same reason, surprisingly many girls are all thinking the same thing. As long as none of you and FI's family were personally affected by the tragedy I do not think it is a problem at all.

Kristin789 · July 2010

>>Do you think it would be in poor taste to have a wedding on this day?

Yeah.
Sept 11 is a national day of mourning - it's the day that this country was directly attacked and many Americans died.
You can still have a wedding on that day of course, but understand that many people on your guest list just won't come because they feel it's inappropriate to attend a big dinner/dance blowout on the saddest day of the year.

Chloe7777 · July 2010

I am getting married on September 11th of this year. While it was not my #1 choice of dates, everything fell into place with our ceremony/reception/vendors. I live in Michigan and none of our guests were directly affected by the event.

I still feel weird telling people I'm getting married on September 11th, but I figure what better way to spend that day than surrounded by friends and family?

Knittibell · July 2010

I have not read all the responses, but here's my two cents. My 6 year wedding anniversary would be tomorrow. A year after I was married my husband was killed by an elderly driver. Now, every 4th of July weekend, I feel a bit sad. It was an amazing day, but it's bittersweet, remembering how much I've lost.

Now, don't misunderstand me, I am sure you and your fi will have long happy lives together, but the practical side of me says- don't get married on your birthday. Have that be a seperate happy occasion. Have a happy birthday and then a happy wedding/anniversary day.

As for the 9/11 component, I do feel the best thing we can do to honor the people we've loved and lost is to live our lives with as much love and joy as we can possibly manage, and what better way to celebrate that than a wedding? The only thing I might consider is that for the rest of your lives your anniversary will be considered a national day of tragedy/mourning. I'd feel somewhat superstitiious about that.

JadziaDax · July 2010

Knittibell I'm so sorry to hear what happened. You are strong to come on here and share your story.

kittykaz · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-sept-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c5a64b77-ad06-42cc-81a0-1006e2101e6ePost:4ec7ecb9-7f6c-48a9-8858-b7396e3376f4">Re: Wedding on Sept. 11</a>:
[QUOTE] />>Do you think it would be in poor taste to have a wedding on this day? Yeah. Sept 11 is a national day of mourning - it's the day that this country was directly attacked and many Americans died. You can still have a wedding on that day of course, but understand that many people on your guest list just won't come because they feel it's inappropriate to attend a big dinner/dance blowout on the saddest day of the year.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

I don't understand how you can make a statement like that without knowing the OPs guests. That is your personal feeling about that date.

If she was to feel like someone on her guestlist would be offended, hurt, saddened, etc, it is her decision to make to either change the date or risk them not showing. But if she knows her guests well enough and thinks no one would be offended, then I don't see how you could say with all certainty that "many people just won't come"

irshis20 · July 2010

September 11 is my mother's birthday, and that is how my family prefers to think of that day. It's been my mom's bday for more than 60 years - celebrating her birthday is first and foremost in my mind that day.

That said, we are aware of the emotions surrounding the day for many others. I think it's odd that you would CHOOSE to get married on that day given that you have more than a year to plan your wedding - you should have no problem finding vendors this far ahead. I would think that getting married that day would be a last resort, not a first.

You should also consider Philadelphia's proximety to NYC and DC...it is very possible that people you invite will have a sad connection to that day and the first emotion they experience when hearing "September 11" is a bad one, not good. Do you really want to deal with that for the rest of your lives?

Chloe7777 · July 2010

[QUOTE] You should also consider Philadelphia's proximety to NYC and DC...it is very possible that people you invite will have a sad connection to that day and the first emotion they experience when hearing "September 11" is a bad one, not good. Do you really want to deal with that for the rest of your lives?
Posted by irshis20[/QUOTE]

To each their own. Like anyone else, I feel very sad when thinking about the events of 9/11/01. My loved ones and I see this as a way to turn a sad day in history into a happy one for our family, and that is what I'm going to "deal with" for the rest of my life. If people decide not to come to my wedding that day because they'd rather stay home and be sad, that is their choice and completely understandable. But I am going to celebrate life that day with my friends and family.

Knittibell · July 2010

Thanks- I was here when I planned my first wedding, and now after being widowed for 5 years I'm recently engaged, so I am back on!

Wedding on Sept. 11

Re: Wedding on Sept. 11

Choose Another Board

Search Boards