Oh, What to Do?

cg-pm52111 · June 2010

So I gues my drama-free wedding planning has come to an end.

Originally, a friend of ours was going to do the photography for us. We decided that we'd have him do e-pics to kind of test the waters. Well, he only ever emailed 2 of them to us and they weren't that great. I was waiting for him to send more, but none were ever sent. Well, we went ahead and booked a professional photographer because we just felt more comfortable.

Now, I haven't heard from said friend since August, until today when he wrote on Facebook (of all places!) that he needs to know what's going on. Yikes! So, obviously now I need to have a conversation with him. I guess I'm wondering what I can say? I'm trying to avoid hurting his feelings as much as possible. Maybe that's not possible? Maybe I should just let FI talk to him? :-) Or maybe I'm just worrying over nothing? Any advice is appreciated. TIA!

mrussell1983 · June 2010

If he is a friend of FI's (at least originally) it might make it easier for him if FI talked to him. I would suggest that you remain honest about it. Perhaps instead of saying that they weren't that great you could bend a bit here and say they were not what you were going for (which would not be UNtrue, lol). I would have done the same thing as you though. I have a friend that offered to do our wedding photos and while I love what he does and value his friendship and artistic interpretations I don't think that his photography is along the lines of what we are looking for for our wedding. He offered to show me some things he did for some of the Army balls, but I have not even heard from him since he informed me he would be sending me a portfolio. It is just too much of a risk for such a huge day if you have any doubts. Hopefully your friend will understand and know that while you enjoy his work, it isn't what you are looking for for the big day.

HTH! Good luck!

Gabs71109 · June 2010

So, did you not tell him when you signed on with a professional? If that is the case you need to clear the air ASAP.

I would absolutely have FI handle it if the guy is "his" friend. Men handle things so differently than women.

I would just make sure the message you want your friend to receive is clear, like PP mentioned. Was it the style? Was it the fact that you only got 2 shots? Honestly IS the best policy but try not to hurt his feeling in the process.

Who knows - he might be relieved to be able to be a guest at the wedding and not have to worry about taking pictures all day.

GL - def not a fun situation.

danto · June 2010

It may not even be a big deal to him (he may be deciding to purchase camera equipment or whatnot and that's why he asked). I'd tell FI to approach it as "good news, we've hired a professional - we'd much rather have you attend as a guest and just enjoy the day. Thanks so much for the offer though"

Arez16 · June 2010

I don't think you should feel too bad about it as he only sent you two pics, and has not contacted you since last August. Although, maybe it would have been better to tell him a tad earlier.

Just be (pretty) honest with him. Tell him that you were looking for a little bit of a different style (or something like that) and decided to go with a professional photographer that you you know you have seen a lot of their work and you really enjoy. You could also say that you decided you really wanted your friend to be able to enjoy the wedding and not have to work during it. You could also say you still expect him to take photo's as a regular guest and seeing he is a photographer and all (maybe something like that but not "expect').

If it was me, if anything I would be relieved, I would want to photograph my friends wedding, I would want to be dancing and eating!

Good luck

mrussell1983 · June 2010

PPs bring up a good point. Now the friend will be able to "have fun and 'party'" with you guys instead of having to work

angelbbutterfly · June 2010

I agree with the whole "we decided to just go ahead with a professional as he has the time to really deal with all my concerns and this way everyone invited, incl u can enjoy the wedding instead of worrying about our pics." def let FI handle it... if he doesnt mind... SOmetimes us girls are described as being bit$&* just for mentioning things lol! GL!! Dont let it stress u out, its ur day! If he ends up being mad to bad hell get over it

Jillibeans11681 · June 2010

You shouldn't feel bad ... it's your wedding and those pics are going to last forever! A similar thing happened to a friend of mine when she realized her friend's dad took terrible pictures and she didn't want him as the photog anymore. I suggested she mention that a close family member offered to pay for the wedding photos as a gift and their budget allowed for some extras. Sometimes you have to weigh whether possibly hurting someone's feelings and affecting a friendship is worth it, or if a little white lie might be better to save face. Only you can make that decision.

mariegra · June 2010

Chances are, he'll be very understanding and relieved....as others have said here, just let him know that you had second thoughts since you last spoke (in August) and decided that you'd rather let the professional photographer capture the day. If he chooses to take photos on his own, then it will just be a 'bonus', but not expected of him. Let him know you appreciate his offer and hope that he'll be "relieved" and can enjoy the wedding/reception more this way.

Oh, What to Do?

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