I dont know where to start!

Danamaria41 · February 2012

Recently I have become a military bride, my sailor has only a few months left before new orders.he wants to move on with the wedding before then. He has given me full run of everything. I am a fairly young bride. I have no idea where to start. I only have a few months. I'm worried this will be a disaster..I would truly appreciate any advice.

CAB1217 · February 2012

Hi and Welcome! How young are we talking, here? How many months? What kind of wedding do you want? Always start with budget. Figure out what you can afford, then work from there. I came up with our budget, then booked our venue, then worked from there.

calindi · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_dont-start-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:df2e240c-da21-4f03-a228-f458e97b3b30Post:e14c8843-b4e3-49c7-b14c-e0e7a88b25a7">I dont know where to start!</a>:
[QUOTE]Recently I have become a military bride, my sailor has only a few months left before new orders.he wants to move on with the wedding before then. He has given me full run of everything. I am a fairly young bride. I have no idea where to start. I only have a few months. I'm worried this will be a disaster..I would truly appreciate any advice.
Posted by Danamaria41[/QUOTE]

Hi, and welcome! Don't worry about the timeline - the wedding industry has everyone convinced it takes FOREVER to plan a wedding. I got engaged 10 months ago, and I've been basically sitting on my butt for the last 8 months. You can do this!

My best advice if you're worried is to try to find a venue that includes as much as possible. With any luck, you'll find one that has food, tableclothes, booze, etc. all included. They'll likely also have a coordinator, though it would be ideal if you can squeeze it into your budget to hire a wedding planner, but sometimes that's just not feasible.

Step 1: Create a budget. Figure out how much you and your FI want to spend on this wedding without going into debt (not the best way to start off a marriage!). If your parents volunteer money or to pay for certain things, that's great, but the sad truth is that you can't count on money until it's a) paid or b) in your bank account, so don't rely on it too much. If you let people pay, they get input, and that gets even more confusing!

Step 2: Create a guestlist. However works best for you! I created an A, B, and C list (not that I'm using it that way, just to organize it for myself). A's were people who HAD to be invited who I REALLY wanted there. B's were people who I felt SHOULD be invited who I felt I'd want there. C's were people who either I kinda wanted to invite or felt they might feel bad if they didn't get an invite. Guess what? I am not inviting a single person from the C list. I figured out that I really needed about 50 family & 30 friends. Then since my parents are paying, we extended the exact same number to my FI and his family. So he gets 30 friends and 50 family, for a total guest list of 160.

Step 3: Use TheKnot's budget calculator to determine how much you can spend per item. If you want, let me know and I'll send you my Excel spreadsheet calculator. It's important to know how much of that money needs to go where, or else you might spend all your money and then go, "Whoops! We forgot the cake and limos!" and end up spending another $1000!

Step 4: Find a venue for ceremony & reception. Depending on how large your guest list is, it will determine how much money you can afford to spend per-head on the reception, and which spaces can fit them comfortably. If you book a 100 max venue and find out you ABSOLUTELY NEED to invite 200 people, you're going to be in trouble. So that's why guest list first, then venues.

Step 5: The details. Dress, photographer, videographer, DJ/band, florist, makeup artist, hair stylist, accessories, bridesmaids dresses, etc.

Danamaria41 · February 2012

I'm 20, soon to be 21. We have maybe 6 months before we have to do it or wait. But his wishes are he dosnt wanna wait that long he would like it to be soon. We have agreed to something simple and small.

calindi · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_dont-start-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:df2e240c-da21-4f03-a228-f458e97b3b30Post:255084e7-2ded-471b-8b2d-cfc222d41e26">Re: I dont know where to start!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm 20, soon to be 21. We have maybe 6 months before we have to do it or wait. But his wishes are he dosnt wanna wait that long he would like it to be soon. We have agreed to something simple and small.
Posted by Danamaria41[/QUOTE]

What about YOUR wishes? It sounds like you're nervous to plan this as quickly as he wants, which might mean (though I don't know you, only what you post) that you feel you're still too young to get married or are rushing it a bit. There's no shame in taking your time - in fact, it's highly recommended.

I recommend for all soon-to-be married couples to do pre-marital counseling. This would be good for you guys to figure out whether getting married in 6 months or waiting is better.

Danamaria41 · February 2012

It's not the rushing part. We have been together 3 years now. It's something we both want and are ready for. His timing with asking was not so perfect

Ive already chosen a place for ceremony and the reception. We don't have a small budget but not a large. Both families have agreed to cover costs. Personally I don't want a wedding planner. What my idea is is small. With time restraints. He wants to do a ceremony for our two separate families, only because my family would not be able to travel to his home and his could not travel to mine.

CAB1217 · February 2012

Oh honey 6 months is PLENTY of time. I had 8 months, but only REALLY did something about it about 3 months away, aside from booking the venue and photographer.

Now, keep in mind that having two ceremonies doesn't reallllly make sense to do. I get having a party for the other family members to celebrate, but you can't really get married twice, know what I mean?

melbelle24 · February 2012

I get the impression that you seem a little uncomfortable with planning it all so soon, and that's ok! Take your time and enjoy being engaged if that's what you want. My advice would be to talk to your FI about how you feel and come up with something that you both could be happy with. Two ceremonies doesn't make sense though. You can only get married to the same man once (unless you get divorced in the meantime). If you wanted to have a small ceremony with one family and then a "at home reception" or something with the other, I guess that would work. Or maybe try to budget for a smaller/cheaper wedding and use the money one family would have pitched in to help them travel to be there for your big day. Good luck!

LetsHikeToday · February 2012

Honestly, I had 14 months to plan and wish I did it it 6. You can do it!

crownsuperstar · February 2012

We planned ours in 8. You can totally do it. Also, hey and welcome!

Zimsgirl · February 2012

I'm wishing my engagement wasn't 2 years long. I feel like I've barely done shiit lately because all my vendors have been booked for a while. I agree with Cal on the counseling. FI and I did a marriage prep weekend through my dioceses and I'd highly recommend it. Some of it obviously had to do with the church but a lot of it was really practical like financial planning

LOLways · February 2012

I had 12 months and 2 weeks. Due to being OOT from the wedding location and the fact that I moved and started grad school, I wish I had had MUCH more time. That said, if H had gotten around to proposing a year sooner than he did, I would've had plenty of time and not had to juggle 1948357493857 things at once while trying to plan.

Basically, if you have X amount of time to plan your wedding, you'll get it done in that time. It's not exactly optional to not get it done! Just try to enjoy this special time with your FI as much as you can. I was SUPER stressed and it got worse as I got closer to the big day because my family is psycho. Do what you gotta do to take care of yourself and try to spend quality time with your FI where you aren't talking about wedding stuff. I had to stop H a lot and make him talk about something other than the wedding because I got kind of sick of it and just wanted to be in a regular relationship with him.

Ditto PPs who suggested marital counseling. I converted to Catholicism (sp?) and there is an exhaustive pre-cana process. Since we live 2.5 hrs away from each other, we did the online class and while it was VERY long, it was great and sparked a lot of important conversations we needed to have. I suggest finding something that is best for you both, but since you're so young, do what you can to be sure you've had all the conversations you need to have. I thought we had covered all the bases before even getting engaged, but it turns out that there's always something to be learned.

Zimsgirl · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_dont-start-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:df2e240c-da21-4f03-a228-f458e97b3b30Post:4294cc85-4fb2-421a-95ca-7821e3d02f9e">Re: I dont know where to start!</a>:
[QUOTE]I had 12 months and 2 weeks. Due to being OOT from the wedding location and the fact that I moved and started grad school, I wish I had had MUCH more time. That said, if H had gotten around to proposing a year sooner than he did, I would've had plenty of time and not had to juggle 1948357493857 things at once while trying to plan. Basically, if you have X amount of time to plan your wedding, you'll get it done in that time. It's not exactly optional to not get it done! Just try to enjoy this special time with your FI as much as you can. I was SUPER stressed and it got worse as I got closer to the big day because my family is psycho. Do what you gotta do to take care of yourself and try to spend quality time with your FI where you aren't talking about wedding stuff. I had to stop H a lot and make him talk about something other than the wedding because I got kind of sick of it and just wanted to be in a regular relationship with him. Ditto PPs who suggested marital counseling. I converted to Catholicism (sp?) and there is an exhaustive pre-cana process. Since we live 2.5 hrs away from each other, we did the online class and while it was VERY long, it was great and sparked a lot of important conversations we needed to have. I suggest finding something that is best for you both, but since you're so young, do what you can to be sure you've had all the conversations you need to have. I thought we had covered all the bases before even getting engaged, but it turns out that there's always something to be learned.
Posted by LOLways[/QUOTE]
I'm Catholic and we could choose between the marriage prep weekend or 6 sessions with a sponsor couple. Since we live 3 hours away we chose the weekend. We also have to meet with our priest like 3 times

LOLways · February 2012

Zimsgirl-

Yeah our priest was in a 3rd location, so getting the 3 of us in one place was darn near impossible. Luckily the church I did my RCIA with (where H lives, which was where I was before moving), said it was totally ok to do the online class. I need to post a review of it on the Catholic Brides board, I'm not sure how many people know about it.

Zimsgirl · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_dont-start-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:df2e240c-da21-4f03-a228-f458e97b3b30Post:d0e4357a-7f2c-4fe1-930f-3f353605d8bf">Re: I dont know where to start!</a>:
[QUOTE]Zimsgirl- Yeah our priest was in a 3rd location, so getting the 3 of us in one place was darn near impossible. Luckily the church I did my RCIA with (where H lives, which was where I was before moving), said it was totally ok to do the online class. I need to post a review of it on the Catholic Brides board, I'm not sure how many people know about it.
Posted by LOLways[/QUOTE]
Yeah luckily we just have to meet with the priest 3 times so we just do it when we go home for break. We are having a different priest marry us, the priest that I had in Catholic school and did my confirmation prep with. We got new priests at our parish after I graduated so I wanted our priest to marry us because I know him and have learned a lot from him. I need to email him to see if he wants to meet with us over break

iluvmytxrgr · February 2012

You can't get married twice, Sweetheart. Basically, one family is going to watch the real wedding and the other familiy is going to watch a repeat. It's not the same thing. Plus, you are spending twice the money. I would either pick one or the other or pick a place everyone has to travel to. If they are willing to pay for a wedding and a vow renewal, they should be willing to pay for travel to one event instead. It's cheaper.

venemasl · February 2012

Hi! My fiance is also a Sailor who wanted to rush the wedding before he leaves for deployment too which is in a month!

We decided to wait though. I think he just wanted the extra marriage benefits while on deployment! ha But since you just want something small and both families can't be there, maybe you could do a justice of the peace type thing and then have a big reception when he gets back from deployment and help both families travel, so you can have everyone together. Maybe that will give your families a little more time to try to save to travel to be there for you. And don't worry your not alone on being lost on where to start on wedding planning!! I'm right there with you!

I dont know where to start!

Re: I dont know where to start!

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