XP: What is wrong with people?

snuff9861 · August 2012

I seriously made my rsvp's idiot proof and yet people still don't comprehend how to do it properly. I addressed envelopes to people who were invited by name and put number of seats have been reserved in your honour. And I know I'm not the only person who has ever experienced it but that doesn't make any less frustrating.

I had FMIL tell me her brother will be coming (awesome he was invited) but he will be bringing his granddaughter ( who was not invited). I haven't said anything to FMIL because I have yet to tell FI and really its his family to deal with.

Today I had the parents of one of the groomsman rsvp yes, which I found odd since one of them will be in China. So I contact the GM in question and he says he put down two (he filled in his parents card for them) as his cousin (also invited) will that way be able to bring a date. I say we did not add plus 1s for single guests. He said he was aware and that that was hurtful. Why should Fi and I be the only ones allowed to find happiness? Why can't his cousin bring a one night stand (I kid you not those were his words). Again Fi will be getting an earful when I get home. People suck.

smalfrie19 · August 2012

Wow! So sorry! I hope your FI is super understanding! Nobody needs that kind of stress!

Loopyseven · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-what-is-wrong-with-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56169a12-34f3-4c4a-a0d6-b1df445c6a5ePost:f5ead275-c79b-45a8-9c55-951f7980d9a0">XP: What is wrong with people?</a>:
[QUOTE]I seriously made my rsvp's idiot proof and yet people still don't comprehend how to do it properly. I addressed envelopes to people who were invited by name and put number of seats have been reserved in your honour. And I know I'm not the only person who has ever experienced it but that doesn't make any less frustrating. I had FMIL tell me her brother will be coming (awesome he was invited) but he will be bringing his granddaughter ( who was not invited). I haven't said anything to FMIL because I have yet to tell FI and really its his family to deal with. Today I had the parents of one of the groomsman rsvp yes, which I found odd since one of them will be in China. So I contact the GM in question and he says he put down two (he filled in his parents card for them) as <strong>his cousin (also invited) will that way be able to bring a date. </strong>I say we did not add plus 1s for single guests. He said he was aware and that that was hurtful. Why should Fi and I be the only ones allowed to find happiness? Why can't his cousin bring a one night stand (I kid you not those were his words). Again Fi will be getting an earful when I get home. People suck.
Posted by snuff9861[/QUOTE]

<div>I'd be tempted to seat GM "parents" at a separate table from GM cousin... LOL.</div><div>
</div><div>Sorry you're having to deal with this. Hopefully your FI can settle things up with his family.</div>

melb2013 · August 2012

I will literally flip out if someone does this to me. That's completely absurd. What was your response to the GM?

libby2483 · August 2012

Uggh...frustrating. Hopefully you don't get any more like this.

We had one couple add their adult children to the RSVP, and another person RSVP for him and his "fvck buddy" (his words not mine - he doesn't consider himself in a relationship with this person but wants someone to spend the night with at the hotel after). In the end, we had enough space and money in the budget so we just let it go. If this isn't the case for you, though, call up people and explain there was a misunderstanding.

loca4pook · August 2012

Just so you know,. etiquette DOES say every adult guest should be allowed a guest/plus one....I am sure that is why you got those people adding their guests on their own

As a person who was single a long time, it would have been awkward to be invited alone especially if I didn't know anyone at the wedding. Some people will choose to go alone, but alot of times people feel comfortable knowing there will be at least one other person with them that they know...

Also, is the uncle bringing granddaughter because she/he is driving him? if so, that makes TOTAL sense actually

monkeysip · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-what-is-wrong-with-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56169a12-34f3-4c4a-a0d6-b1df445c6a5ePost:c822dfc3-bef6-4d5a-afed-452a184f671c">Re: XP: What is wrong with people?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just so you know,. etiquette DOES say every adult guest should be allowed a guest/plus one....I am sure that is why you got those people adding their guests on their own
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

Where did you hear this? Guests/plus ones for (truly) single people are not required, but appreciated.

LD1970 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-what-is-wrong-with-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56169a12-34f3-4c4a-a0d6-b1df445c6a5ePost:c822dfc3-bef6-4d5a-afed-452a184f671c">Re: XP: What is wrong with people?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just so you know,. etiquette DOES say every adult guest should be allowed a guest/plus one....I am sure that is why you got those people adding their guests on their own As a person who was single a long time, it would have been awkward to be invited alone especially if I didn't know anyone at the wedding. Some people will choose to go alone, but alot of times people feel comfortable knowing there will be at least one other person with them that they know...
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]
Not true. Not if they're not actually in a relationship.

snuff9861 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-what-is-wrong-with-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56169a12-34f3-4c4a-a0d6-b1df445c6a5ePost:c822dfc3-bef6-4d5a-afed-452a184f671c">Re: XP: What is wrong with people?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just so you know,. e<strong>tiquette DOES say every adult guest should be allowed a guest/plus one</strong>....I am sure that is why you got those people adding their guests on their own As a person who was single a long time, <strong>it would have been awkward to be invited alone especially if I didn't know anyone at the wedding. </strong>Some people will choose to go alone, but alot of times people feel comfortable knowing there will be at least one other person with them that they know... <strong>Also, is the uncle bringing granddaughter because she/he is driving him? if so, that makes TOTAL sense actually</strong>
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

<div>1) If they are in a relationship. All of our adult guests who are, regardless of length, were invited with their s/o</div><div>
</div><div>2) The cousin knows more than half of the guest list. Not an issue.</div><div>
</div><div>3) She's 12, so no.</div>

loca4pook · August 2012

I am an older bride who has never been invited to a wedding without having the option of a guest...TRULY...Every single time I was ever invited to a wedding since I was over 18, I have been offered a guest. I didn't always bring one, but I was always offered one.

I think it is about compassion. Who wants to go to a wedding alone? Seriously, people.If someone is adding someone to go wtih them, chances are it's because they feel so uncomfortable going alone. It's uncomfortable for single people..Trust me, I've been there...It's always nice to offer them the option to bring someone so they feel more comfortable.

libby2483 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-what-is-wrong-with-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56169a12-34f3-4c4a-a0d6-b1df445c6a5ePost:09190751-fa17-4149-9db1-ba4a39af6630">Re: XP: What is wrong with people?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am an older bride who has never been invited to a wedding without having the option of a guest...TRULY...Every single time I was ever invited to a wedding since I was over 18, I have been offered a guest. I didn't always bring one, but I was always offered one. I think it is about compassion. Who wants to go to a wedding alone? Seriously, people.If someone is adding someone to go wtih them, chances are it's because they feel so uncomfortable going alone. It's uncomfortable for single people..Trust me, I've been there...It's always nice to offer them the option to bring someone so they feel more comfortable.
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

<div>While it is nice if it fits with budget and space restrictions, it is certainly not required to give every single person a plus one. Yes, it is a nice gesture, especially if the person will not know a lot of other people there, but from an etiquette standpoint it is completely optional. And it is actually quite rude if a single guest just adds on their own date, as mentioned in your previous post. I guess you have been very fortunate in the weddings you have been invited to!</div>

banana468 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-what-is-wrong-with-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56169a12-34f3-4c4a-a0d6-b1df445c6a5ePost:09190751-fa17-4149-9db1-ba4a39af6630">Re: XP: What is wrong with people?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am an older bride who has never been invited to a wedding without having the option of a guest...TRULY...Every single time I was ever invited to a wedding since I was over 18, I have been offered a guest. I didn't always bring one, but I was always offered one. I think it is about compassion. Who wants to go to a wedding alone? Seriously, people.If someone is adding someone to go wtih them, chances are it's because they feel so uncomfortable going alone. It's uncomfortable for single people..Trust me, I've been there..<strong>.It's always nice to offer them the option to bring someone so they feel more comfortable.</strong>
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

Sure it's nice to do that. That hardly means that not extending the option means that you're doing something inappropriate.

What you've experienced is nice but wasn't required and the OP isn't rude because she isn't allowing those really single to not bring random dates. You need to read up on etiquettte before you take such a stand.

msuprincess04 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-what-is-wrong-with-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:56169a12-34f3-4c4a-a0d6-b1df445c6a5ePost:09190751-fa17-4149-9db1-ba4a39af6630">Re: XP: What is wrong with people?</a>:
[QUOTE].. chances are it's because they feel so uncomfortable going alone. It's uncomfortable for single people..Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

I actually disagree with this. I think the majorty of people want to bring someone so that they have someone to drink with and sleep with after the wedding. Let's be honest. There's a lot of booze and baby-making at weddings.

Corgnilias · August 2012

I'm sorry. If it helps you commiserate/laugh, we have had a couple odd situations too with this whole RSVP business. We had one single friend tell us he was going to wait until the very last day to RSVP because he was going to try to find a date by then. His name was the only name on the invite and he is friends with about half of the people who will already be coming. It wasn't a big deal to us, but his telling us about his strategy seemed a little odd, and honestly I was relieved when he RSVPd just himself because he is friends with some of the bigwigs at my work, and I would have felt awkward if he brought one of them. Then we invited another couple (again just the husband and wife's names on the invite) and they RSVPd for four people. They are bringing two high-school aged children from a previous marriage. We know the kids and are okay with it, but it would have been nicer if they had asked us. But here's the kicker. Just this week they emailed a second RSVP saying that there will be "about four of us coming." So now I don't know if that means that one or two of the kids will stay home now, or if it means they might be bringing their college-age daughter in addition. Good thing we are not assigning anything by name, and one person recently had to drop their RSVP, so we do have wiggle room for stuff like this.

S6ix · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-what-is-wrong-with-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:56169a12-34f3-4c4a-a0d6-b1df445c6a5ePost:09190751-fa17-4149-9db1-ba4a39af6630">Re: XP: What is wrong with people?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am an older bride who has never been invited to a wedding without having the option of a guest...TRULY...Every single time I was ever invited to a wedding since I was over 18, I have been offered a guest. I didn't always bring one, but I was always offered one. I think it is about compassion. Who wants to go to a wedding alone? Seriously, people.If someone is adding someone to go wtih them, chances are it's because they feel so uncomfortable going alone. It's uncomfortable for single people..Trust me, I've been there...It's always nice to offer them the option to bring someone so they feel more comfortable.
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

This has been my experience too. I think my friends realize that the intention of etiquette is to ensure the comfort of one's guests. So, when I have been single and been invited to weddings, I've always been given the option to bring a guest. It may not strictly be necessary according to whomever is writing Emily Post these days, but it certainly is the nice thing to do, which is what etiquette is all about.

loca4pook · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-what-is-wrong-with-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:56169a12-34f3-4c4a-a0d6-b1df445c6a5ePost:f1b22aed-0af7-422b-8c28-ab57e4ab88c2">Re: XP: What is wrong with people?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: XP: What is wrong with people? : This has been my experience too. I think my friends realize that the intention of etiquette is to ensure the comfort of one's guests. So, when I have been single and been invited to weddings, I've always been given the option to bring a guest. It may not strictly be necessary according to whomever is writing Emily Post these days, but it certainly is the nice thing to do, which is what etiquette is all about.
Posted by S6ix[/QUOTE]

THANK YOU. I was starting to think I way alone on this one..I am guessing all these people writing these posts are 18 year old brides who never had the pleasure of going to a wedding alone where they don't know a single sole..Once you are forced to do it once, you'll always give people an option to bring someone again........

My point is..nobody who is COMFORTABLE being alone at a wedding would write someone in. They do it for a purpose..Look for their reason..I I think many people like to go somewhere with a "buddy"..Isn't that normal to not want to do somewhere alone when you know most people will be coupled up?

loca4pook · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-what-is-wrong-with-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:56169a12-34f3-4c4a-a0d6-b1df445c6a5ePost:9e6692e3-cd78-470b-badf-2467decf875a">Re: XP: What is wrong with people?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry. If it helps you commiserate/laugh, we have had a couple odd situations too with this whole RSVP business. We had one single friend tell us he was going to wait until the very last day to RSVP because he was going to try to find a date by then. His name was the only name on the invite and he is friends with about half of the people who will already be coming. [/QUOTE]

See, any person who has been single for a significant amount of time gets that guy and understands, IMO...Nobody wants to be the odd duck at a table when everyone else has a date. You have nobody to dance with all night while all your friends are dancing with spouses/SF. chance are you already feel bad you aren't dating someone

Do people on this board REALLY not understand that?

Perhaps its becase I am an older bride, but I totally relate to anyone wanting to NOT have to go to a wedding alone.......

rsanna · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-what-is-wrong-with-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:56169a12-34f3-4c4a-a0d6-b1df445c6a5ePost:191e509a-f754-468d-8221-fe239570dad3">Re: XP: What is wrong with people?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: XP: What is wrong with people? : See, any person who has been single for a significant amount of time gets that guy and understands, IMO...Nobody wants to be the odd duck at a table when everyone else has a date. You have nobody to dance with all night while all your friends are dancing with spouses/SF. chance are you already feel bad you aren't dating someone Do people on this board REALLY not understand that? Perhaps its becase I am an older bride, but I totally relate to anyone wanting to NOT have to go to a wedding alone.......
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

I can understand if you don't know anyone there. But it is completely different if you know people at the wedding. It just sounds extremely entitled, which is why it is rude to just add a guest to an RSVP. It is the same thing if someone's child or children aren't invited to the wedding but you want them there. Don't go. If you are't comfortable going to a wedding without a date/guest, don't go.

Also your comment about everyone being 18 year olds brides is out of line. No one has been mean or rude in this thread.

KellyBrian2013 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-what-is-wrong-with-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:56169a12-34f3-4c4a-a0d6-b1df445c6a5ePost:191e509a-f754-468d-8221-fe239570dad3">Re: XP: What is wrong with people?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: XP: What is wrong with people? : See, any person who has been single for a significant amount of time gets that guy and understands, IMO...Nobody wants to be the odd duck at a table when everyone else has a date. You have nobody to dance with all night while all your friends are dancing with spouses/SF. chance are you already feel bad you aren't dating someone Do people on this board REALLY not understand that? Perhaps its becase I am an older bride, but I totally relate to anyone wanting to NOT have to go to a wedding alone.......
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]

We get it. You're an "older bride". You don't like going to weddings alone. You think it is courteous for everyone to get a +1 when they are truly single.

However, etiquette does NOT dictate truly single people NEED a +1. And for some of us, that's where the guest list needed to be cut in order to accomodate our budgets. Get over it. If you can't function at a wedding without a date as someone who is truly single, then RSVP no and don't go.

I'm sorry, there were single friends at our wedding along with several friends who are in relationships (and friends in relationships whose SOs couldn't make it). Guess what? We all conversed and danced with one another. In fact, I think I spent more time dancing with the BM (close friend) and a GM (brother of groom) than I did actually dancing with my groom.

I've attended weddings as a truly single person where I didn't know anyone. It was fine. I survived... and you know what? I actually had fun. I mingled. I met new people. Really, it wasn't the doom & gloom situation you're making it out to be.

Sorry, but every post I've read today from loca has had the exact same message & tone, and it's finally gotten to be ridiculously annoying.

S6ix · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-what-is-wrong-with-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:56169a12-34f3-4c4a-a0d6-b1df445c6a5ePost:17432075-cea4-40e4-ad80-0d5d22b02ac6">Re: XP: What is wrong with people?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: XP: What is wrong with people? : But I would ask you what the ettiquete is for a guest? Weddings are extremely expensive, and people can only do so much. Just as it would be nice for them to be able to offer you a guest, wouldn't it be nice of you to be considerate of the bride and groom or whoever is paying for all this?
Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]

I generally have not brought a guest, even when I was single and offered the option. I sincerely appreciated the thoughtfulness of the bride and groom in each case, and put on my big girl panties and socialized with new people at the weddings. So, everyone was nice and nobody spent extra money. Win, win.

I think that, in these situations, everything becomes very clear and easy when everyone tries to understand others' perspectives. As a bride now, I think yeah, my 99-year-old great uncle is a widower and isn't dating anyone, but he might be able to attend if he has a nurse or an attendant accompany him. He got a plus one. Same for my single cousin who is on the outs with his brothers and sisters. Same for my perennially single girlfriend who will know nobody else. I get that all of these plus ones are expensive, but we adjusted the budget accordingly, in order to ensure everyone could have a good time.

cbvcru67 · August 2012

Can we take a second and realize that half the stories people referenced are about them adding their children? For the poster hashing and re-hashing why SINGLE GUESTS NEED A DATE!!! OMG!!!!, take a deep breath and listen - many of these situations are couples inviting their adult children. That is rude. Lonely or not, it is. Part of being an adult is not dragging an entourage with you everywhere you go and understanding how an invitation is issued.

Shia · August 2012

I am in the middle of filling out my RSVPs and it has been fustrationg so we have decided not to invite children nor give a guest a plus one because we can't afford too. Some of our guest are disappointed/upset but most of them respectfully agree.

Peledreamsofrain · August 2012

I'm sorry people are adding plus ones on your invites. It seems to be a pretty common theme. So far I've avoided this rude behavior (yes it's super rude), but people do seem to lack the motivation or reading comprehension to utilize the RSVPs correctly.

I personally spent days agonizing over how to make the invites as fool-proof as possible, and had very explicit instructions for guests to follow to pick their meal options. I'd say 50% of people followed the really easy instructions. Leaving me to trail after the rest like a waiter taking their order. It drives me nuts. Check a box or go online, it's not rocket science.

At this point, I have so many other details to worry about with the wedding that I'm tempted to just dub everyone who ignored the invite instructions as 'chicken'.

libby2483 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_xp-what-is-wrong-with-people?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:56169a12-34f3-4c4a-a0d6-b1df445c6a5ePost:096a3e72-1ee1-4732-9196-52e38e270af5">Re: XP: What is wrong with people?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: XP: What is wrong with people? : THANK YOU. I was starting to think I way alone on this one..I am guessing all these people writing these posts are 18 year old brides who never had the pleasure of going to a wedding alone where they don't know a single sole..Once you are forced to do it once, you'll always give people an option to bring someone again........ My point is..nobody who is COMFORTABLE being alone at a wedding would write someone in. They do it for a purpose..Look for their reason..I I think many people like to go somewhere with a "buddy"..Isn't that normal to not want to do somewhere alone when you know most people will be coupled up?
Posted by loca4pook[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It is very nice to offer single guests a plus one, especially if they will not know many other people there. It may make some people more comfortable. But no one should feel guilty or like they are being a bad host if they don't give single guests a plus one. Some people would feel more "comfortable" if they could bring their kids to weddings, but it is perfectly fine to have an adults-only wedding. And the comment about everyone on here being 18 years old is just really silly.

</div>

willywally5 · August 2012

So today we hit the 50% response rate on RSVP's and the deadline isn't until the 18th. So that is good. BUT, people keep ADDING THEIR KIDS, RANDOM GUESTS, ADULT CHILDREN and who the heck else knows who. Gah. The kids thing is our own dumb fault because of the way RSVPs were set up and then DD realized she really didn't want kids there and only actually invited four children who are immediate family.

People either don't know how to read a properly addressed invite or worse, they just don't give a crap and will add anyone they think should come. So aggravating.

I think when it's all said and done, there will be about 20 additions to the guests who were actually invited. Venue has tons of space, so will probably let it slide but still. People are dumb. Or rude. Or both.

KellyBrian2013 · August 2012

We ultimately had about 5 people written in, including someone who we intentionally did not invite. We let it slide; just wasn't worth the hassle especially since we had about 50 people decline (invited 250, had just under 200 in attendance).

APDSS22 · August 2012

I guess this is something to look forward to when I do my invitations.

[Deleted User] · August 2012

Our families just threw us an engagement party this past weekend, and FI's grandpa told me he will be writing in guests even he doesn't know! He was joking, but he might be serious enough about the joke to actually try doing it. We'll get his RSVP card and it'll say "24 out of 2 attending!" I just have to try to remember till then. LOL.

As far as the whole +1 debate, some people just can't afford it. I know we can't. Everyone will be invited with their SOs, single people will be invited singly. That's just what has to be done. If I was single, I wouldn't be offended if I was told I couldn't bring a date to a friend/family member's wedding. I would just say "oh well, it's not my day" and move on. Or, if it really bothered me, I'd decline. That's the adult way to handle it, IMO. Not by trying to sneak them onto the RSVP card and hope no one notices, and certainly not by throwing a fit.

ladyomnipotent · August 2012

Weddings have traditionally been great events for singles to meet other singles.

Since when did human beings become so pathetic that they can't attend an event alone?

XP: What is wrong with people?

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