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Snarky Brides

Need Other Brides Advice!

Hey ladies, I need some advice.  My flower girl is my fiances niece.  We've been having small issues with her parents since we asked, but the issues are now growing larger.  Her mother sent out an email the other day, with a pic of my flower girl in her dress, and the closing statement was, "this is the only pic I'm sending between now and the wedding."  This pic is the only time I've seen her in the dress.  A couple of weeks ago I asked her and her daughter to come to my house to get ready, seeing as how all the women would be there.  Apparently she neglected to tell her husband and he emails his mother all upset about the wedding schedule.  My FMIL calls me, knowing I had talked to her about the schedule and such and suggested I touch base with her again about it.  THis evening I emailed her, said hey, just wanted to make sure the schedule was okay with you.  Her response, I suppose it's okay.  I was thinking of going to do something else that morning (I have a 2:30 ceremony) so I dont know that we'll be able to come over there to get ready.  The event she's going to starts at 11:00 am and is an all day thing.  From talking to my FMIL they were'nt planning on leaving the event until 1:00!  I emailed her back asking what issues she had with the schedule and requested that she bring her daughter to my house prior to the ceremony so that I could see her and approve any hair accessories or hair styles she may have done, seeing as how I have not seen anything in person.  

So was I out of line to request seeing her BEFORE we walked down the aisle?  This person has caused other very nasty drama and tension between other family members and tried to start very nasty drama between me and my FMIL a few months ago.  I need advice!  I've already talked to my Fiancee and my FMIL and told them both if they decide they don't want her in the wedding, I'm perfectly okay with it.
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Re: Need Other Brides Advice!

  • Sounds like she's trying to stir up trouble. If it was me, I'd tell her that you want the neice there for photos etc, since she is a part of the bridal party, and if they can't make it you will understand (even if you don't. Be the bigger person, and don't give her any fuel for her fire) and will do without a flower girl in your wedding.

    How old is the flower girl? If she's old enough to know what's going on, I suspect that if she finds out she may not get to be in the wedding, she may be upset and her mom will change her mind quickly.
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  • My flower girl will not be at the church until 30min before the wedding. I am not going to have her in any pre-wedding pics because it would make for a very long day for her (she is 3). While I agree that you should see her before the wedding, don't make a big deal out of how far in advance she is there. Have her in all the post wedding pics.
    ~Emily~
  • My advice is to communicate through phone calls instead of email.  It is easy to misinterpret people online.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_need-other-brides-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0aff9d3b-59f6-44f2-9708-36159ff20676Post:afef61f0-2931-4fb8-a12f-b7048e241252">Need Other Brides Advice!</a>:
    [QUOTE]  I need advice!  I've already talked to my Fiancee and my FMIL and told them both if they decide they don't want her in the wedding, I'm perfectly okay with it.
    Posted by grinningkat[/QUOTE]

    This confuses me... it's up to your FI and FMIL if you have a flower girl or not? Wouldn't it be you and FI making that call?
    Praying for a miracle!
  • I don't think you're out of line requesting to see her before the ceremony but i think you need to APPROVE her hair and accesories if you didn't pay for them. I would just drop it and have some pictures with her after the ceremony.
  • I don't understand why you have to approve hair accessories/ hairstyle.   If she brings her by right before the ceremony, it will most likely be too late to do anything about it.

    Making a big deal out of this will most likely result in more drama, so why stress about it?  You've seen the dress; it's not like she's going to ruin your wedding by wearing her hair up when you want it down.
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  • edited September 2012
    I don't really see the big deal about wanting to see her so far in advance.  You don't really need them there an hour and a half before, or longer.  You don't need to approve of hair styles and accessories.  I'd let this go.  It's not worth getting into a fight with your FSIL.
  • The reason I mentioned the hair and accessories is because she ALWAYS has her hair in her face, and REFUSES to let it be pulled back.  It is bad.  Plus her mother initially wanted her to wear the tiara she wore in HER wedding.  I have not seen her in the dress, only pics, and since all the females in the family will be at my house, including her MIL she rarely sees and her sister in law she rarely sees, I'm not understanding why she's fighting so hard.  I'd rather not be surprised by what she is wearing.  And yes, my FI and my FMIL would have say in whether or not she's still part of the wedding.  

    It's just become even messier, I was never reuqesting her be there for the whole time, just make it easier on the whole bridal party, which is VERY small, by having everyone leave together and arrive together.  I don't want to be trying to coordinate anything else on the day of my wedding!  
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited September 2012
    It sounds like you are going to need to let this go.  Yes, it sucks that the mom is pushing so hard.   but, the FG is just a kid.  You'll be lucky if she stays clean through the ceremony, try not to worry so much about her hair.

    Also, that font color is horrible.  It makes your posts harder to read.   You might want to consider just using standard black.
  • All in all, the way the the flower girl looks isn't a big deal- they're all cute and people smile as they walk down the aisle- no one's going to say, "I can't believe she's wearing that!"  And, it can definitely be a plus to have the flower girl arrive later, especially if she's younger, so she doesn't get bored, ancy, or tired.  If you need her there for specific pics, just let the mom know, I need her there at this time___ for pictures.  I or one of my bridesmaids can pick her up if that won't work.  Probably best not to worry too much, though.  It will be a small detail when it really comes down to it.
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