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Difficult friend situation

amjung2103amjung2103 member
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in Wedding Party
Hi Everyone,

I'm really more of a learker to the boards than a poster, but I don't know what to do about a situation with a friend of mine.

Long story short:  I did not ask a friend to be a bridesmaid, and one weekend when my MOH and another BM were in town trying on dresses (mine and some possiblities for them) I posted on FB that I thought I found my dress and maybe BM dresses too.  This friend then texted me saying "so am i not a BM?"  I tried as tactfully as possible to explain, but I know she was hurt.  According to what I have read on previous boards, this matter shouldn't be discussed becasue it will only lead to more hurt feelings.   A few weekends ago we were all at another brides bach party, and one of my BM's told me she thinks I should really talk to the friend - otherwise she will never get over it?

I guess the question is do I try and sit down and discuss it with her? or do I let it be and just have her do a reading/be part of staying over at the hotel the night before and getting ready the next morning?  I feel aweful, but was also really hurt by the fact that she put me on the spot by coming right out and asking me ...

All advice is really appreciated
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Re: Difficult friend situation

  • frogurt814frogurt814
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    I think you already told her that she's not a BM.  That should be it.  Not sure what else you would have to discuss.


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  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    First Comment
    That is a really difficult situation, and truthfully, i don't know how I'd handle it. I do hope that you have learned not to post wedding related stuff on FB, though, because I'm sure your FB friends list does not exactly = your guest list. Posting about a wedding that people aren't invited to may create more hard feelings.

    As for the friend, if she's a really good friend and you want to keep the friendship, you need to tread carefully. FWIW, reasons like having a certain number of people for symmetry, her lack of planning abilities or your percieved dedication to the cause are not really reasons that you should go to her with. I'm not assuming these are your reasons, btw.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    What else would you say to her? Here are the reasons you didn't make the cut? You should just let this be. She is probably hurt shes not a BM but since she is an adult I'm sure she will get over it and enjoy being a guest at your wedding.


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  • suz62984suz62984
    First Comment

    You told her that she wasn't a BM through text, which was rude on her part, so there isn't a whole lot else to say. If I were her and you came back to me to ask for a reading I would feel like I just got the "job" to appease my hurt feelings. I would leave things as is and invite her to the wedding. Just go about being her friend like you always have. Call, text, facebook, etc to say hello but do NOT bring up anything wedding related.

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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Is she someone who could have reasonably expected to be a BM and probably should have been, or is she just really off her nut here?  

    You don't owe her an explanation.  But keep wedding planning off FB.  Not only is it really boring to all 456 people on your friends list, it also can open the door to hurt feelings like this.  Just like you don't go blabbing to everyone at work about your wedding plans all the time (especially if they're not invited), I would hold off broadcasting any more WP-related news on FB.  Post pics from events and stuff, totally, but I'd hold off on posting status updates about what wedding planning stuff you just did. Makes it less likely that you'll have "episodes" like this.  Know what I mean?
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  • jaimed99jaimed99 member
    First Comment
    Yeah, I also learned about posting wedding stuff on FB...not MINE (I actually have a FB "list" for my wedding party who are on FB so that doesn't happen...)...I just found out via my DAD'S FB that my cousin is getting married in September...and no one told me.

    So I'd pass on the talking about the wedding on FB, unless you want to hurt the feelings of more than just your friend.

    As for "talking to her" and explaining why she's not a BM, that's probably not an awesome idea either...as PPs said, how would you like to be told why you didn't make the cut?
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