Would love your opinions...

gymchick05 · November 2010

In general...how far apart should siblings plan their weddings? How close is too close? Especially with a large number of OOT guests?

MattsPenguin · November 2010

With a large number of OOT guests (especially if they have to fly), I'd say 2-3 months. That was supposed to be the amount of time between mine and my brother's. (until he K/U his fiance and they eloped last week).

Calypso1977 · November 2010

while they say you get one day, if i had an engaged sibling id put at least 3 months between weddings. this is not as much for folks who need to travel as it is for the immediate family who will most likely incur a lot of expenses between showers, gifts, wedding attire, BP duties, etc.

however, if mine were the one booked first, and a sibling booked theirs a week before/week after mine, and folks got in a tizzy about it, it would be on the other sibling to deal with since mine was booked first adn i wouldtn worry about it.

marissa_claire · November 2010

Depends on a lot of factors. FI's sister wanted to get married four months after us, but a lot of her relatives said that much time would be hard on the budget. There's no rule, but I would certainly talk to the OOT guests and see what traveling yay much apart would do to their finances.

Celles · November 2010

I know the rule is that you only get one day, but I think I'd try to leave a two month cushion between my wedding and a sibling's -- more out of deference to our mutual OOT guests than out of any asinine need to "claim the season." Travel can be expensive and difficult to coordinate, especially if you have a spouse or children with schedules and obligations to work around. I think a little breathing room between OOT commitments is nice.

andy71781 · November 2010

A month is fine. My sister got married a month before I did this summer. Her wedding was in Michigan and 75 people and mine was in Chicago at 150 people.

gymchick05 · November 2010

just asking cause FI is upset his brother just planned his wedding 7 weeks after ours. We had our date for 5 months and they just got engaged. I dont think its a huge deal, but hes upset. Nothing we can do about it, just wondering opinions

shortee426 · November 2010

I think a couple months is ideal. My brother's wedding is 3 weeks after mine. It's not my preferred situation, but it's what worked out with our schedules.

andy71781 · November 2010

I will say this - any feelings of upsetness (and I will 100% admit that I had them at first) stems from issues in the relationship between the siblings - not the wedding dates.

gymchick05 · November 2010

Its great to see a lot of you have had close weddings and it wasnt a big deal. I really didnt think it would be, but I wanted to have examples when I tell him that

Ghoti · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-love-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5025c300-f5a7-4427-82c4-a1ddaf09be55Post:72ca5e4f-a73b-4b60-9894-2ee219aa6e84">Re: Would love your opinions...</a>:
[QUOTE]just asking cause FI is upset his brother just planned his wedding 7 weeks after ours. We had our date for 5 months and they just got engaged. I dont think its a huge deal, but hes upset. Nothing we can do about it, just wondering opinions
Posted by gymchick05[/QUOTE]

How OOT are we talking here? Coast to coast? 2 hour drive? Have you spoken to your FIL's about it?

Calypso1977 · November 2010

OP, most likely folks will make the committment to your wedding over the brother's if forced to choose.

opalsky007 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-love-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5025c300-f5a7-4427-82c4-a1ddaf09be55Post:72ca5e4f-a73b-4b60-9894-2ee219aa6e84">Re: Would love your opinions...</a>:
[QUOTE]just asking cause FI is upset his brother just planned his wedding 7 weeks after ours. We had our date for 5 months and they just got engaged. I dont think its a huge deal, but hes upset. Nothing we can do about it, just wondering opinions
Posted by gymchick05[/QUOTE]

<div>It will probably be fine, but it could be difficult for folks to make arrangements for both. I'd suggest you send out save-the-dates if you have not already so that folks can plan to take time off and budget for travel if needed.</div>

gymchick05 · November 2010

between 1000-2000miles including 80+ year old grandparents that have to travel 2000miles, so its not close. We just found out so he hasnt talked to his parents, but there isnt anything they can really say about it anyway. Hopefully the OOTers can come to both

gymchick05 · November 2010

yea our STDs went out about a month ago

shortee426 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-love-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5025c300-f5a7-4427-82c4-a1ddaf09be55Post:49b661d3-7d08-4aa7-a068-07a6be1b2840">Re: Would love your opinions...</a>:
[QUOTE]I will say this - any feelings of upsetness (and I will 100% admit that I had them at first) stems from issues in the relationship between the siblings - not the wedding dates.
Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

<div>YES! I love my brother (we are twins), but ever since I moved away I have had some jealously whenever he hangs out with the family. I had this fear that because he sees the family more, that they will choose his wedding over mine. In reality, our family is family to BOTH of us and they will try to make it to both. And if they can't make it to one, it has nothing to do with me or with him.</div>

strlzfan11 · November 2010

Is there any way that the grandparents can stay with a local relative (or split time between a few) during the time between the two weddings?

tenofcups4me · November 2010

I think 7 weeks is way too close and grossly inconsiderate in those circumstances.

I know I'm in the minority here with the "you get one day" groupthink, but I would have said at least 6 months, ideally about a year. It's too much to ask of parents, siblings, and other family to do that kind of travel that close together.

And quite honestly, even if travel isn't involved, I don't want to go to 2 weddings from the same family in 2 months. I think that's being an inconsiderate host.

squirrly · November 2010

It depends on your guests. H's brother got married in August '09, and our wedding was in May '10. Theirs was 1 hr from his family's home, and ours was 1000 miles. Had they both been OOT and closer together, I think it might have been tough for people, mostly because of vacation planning. It just depends on your people's jobs. Between H's family and friends, we had 4 firefighters from the same department at our wedding - they can't just book time off whenever.

If it's within reasonable driving distance and doesn't require vacation days, I think a month is enough. If it requires more than that, it all depends. Personally, I'd shoot for 3+ months, just to be sure, but that's me.

And, since your wedding was scheduled first, and will happen first, it's really on the other couple at this point.

Calypso1977 · November 2010

im sorry, but there is no way i'd put my life on hold for as long as a YEAR for the sheer purpose of spacing the weddings out for the convenience of guests.

mandysmear · November 2010

I think it depends on the family. I know of a family that did the daughter and son's weddings a week apart. The had guests coming from the UK though. So for that family it makes sense. For family a couple hours away or a $300 flight away? I'd say a few months would be favourable (as a guest).

shortee426 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-love-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5025c300-f5a7-4427-82c4-a1ddaf09be55Post:d358fd5d-e2ac-4ff5-a0b8-3aea7df6fd93">Re: Would love your opinions...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think 7 weeks is way too close and grossly inconsiderate in those circumstances. I know I'm in the minority here with the "you get one day" groupthink, but I would have said at least 6 months, ideally about a year. It's too much to ask of parents, siblings, and other family to do that kind of travel that close together. And quite honestly, even if travel isn't involved, I don't want to go to 2 weddings from the same family in 2 months. <strong>I think that's being an inconsiderate host.</strong>
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

<div>Is the same person hosting both weddings? If not, then I disagree with you on that one. My parents are hosting my wedding and my brother's FI's parents are hosting theirs. Does that make her parents inconsiderate hosts because they're wedding is 3 weeks after mine? She has nothing to with mine, other than showing up as a guest.</div>

tenofcups4me · November 2010

Of course there are other things I do twice in two months, but seeing all my family (who I happen to like) as well as giving two sets of engagement gifts, two sets of shower gifts, and two sets of wedding gifts in a short period of time isn't something I personally want to do in that timeframe. And I still maintain it's inconsiderate on the part of the family planning that -- I don't really want to give up that much time for ONE family (if they're getting married within 2 months, that's essentially a good chunk of 4 weekends for 2 showers and 2 weddings). And yeah yeah yeah, I know I can always decline, but I wouldn't if they were local. If there 1,000 miles away, I'd have to decline at least one.

FWIW, I haven't actually encountered that because the one time two sisters from the same family were considering getting engaged/married around the same time, the second sister waited until after the first one got married to announce her engagement. So at least in my family, my thinking is not unusual.

tenofcups4me · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-love-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5025c300-f5a7-4427-82c4-a1ddaf09be55Post:31a4a0c5-b796-4a2b-9e7f-3b20c57b378a">Re: Would love your opinions...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would love your opinions... : Is the same person hosting both weddings? If not, then I disagree with you on that one. My parents are hosting my wedding and my brother's FI's parents are hosting theirs. Does that make her parents inconsiderate hosts because they're wedding is 3 weeks after mine? She has nothing to with mine, other than showing up as a guest.
Posted by shortee426[/QUOTE]

Actually I think it makes your brother (and parents) inconsiderate for not considering that all your family members will have two weddings to attend in a period of three weeks. Unless, of course, it was you who decided to set your wedding just three weeks before theirs after their date was set, and then that's a whole other level of wrong. I don't think it has anything to do with the bride's parents.

Ghoti · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-love-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5025c300-f5a7-4427-82c4-a1ddaf09be55Post:92ba0757-c835-41e2-8921-bbd09defbf49">Re: Would love your opinions...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would love your opinions... : I have to disagree. My two siblings had weddings 4 weeks apart, and it worked out fine. I, along with two other bridesmaids, was in both weddings and it wasn't a problem at all. I agree with pp's that I would not put my wedding on hold for a year just because someone else in my family was getting married too- and honestly I know nobody in my family would ask that of me. I don't really understand why you wouldn't want to go to two weddings from the same family in 2 months, or why it would even matter. I'm sure there are many other things you do twice in two months, no?
Posted by bree4305[/QUOTE]

I think the thinking is because most the guests are OOT, meaning about $ 200 for the plane tickets per person (at least), then $$ for a hotel, food and car, that's pretty expensive for most people to do twice within 2 months.

NillaWafer10 · November 2010

It would definitely be a bummer if some of your family couldn't make it to both. It looks like your wedding is in June, so hopefully that gives your OOT guests enough time to plan for both trips.

If i could only attend one wedding, I would probably choose the one I was invited to first.

ootmother2 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-love-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5025c300-f5a7-4427-82c4-a1ddaf09be55Post:d358fd5d-e2ac-4ff5-a0b8-3aea7df6fd93">Re: Would love your opinions...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think 7 weeks is way too close and grossly inconsiderate in those circumstances. I know I'm in the minority here with the "you get one day" groupthink, but I would have said at least 6 months, ideally about a year. It's too much to ask of parents, siblings, and other family to do that kind of travel that close together. And quite honestly, even if travel isn't involved, I don't want to go to 2 weddings from the same family in 2 months. I think that's being an inconsiderate host.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

I agree that 6 months is reasonable for the families, considering the 2,000 mile distance. Good manners should keep one from puttting family members up against the wall financially.

I'd wait for family discussion before getting upset though. It doesn't sound as though this is carved in stone. Can your FI get a discussion going here?

shortee426 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-love-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5025c300-f5a7-4427-82c4-a1ddaf09be55Post:8b45d856-0a5c-4d13-b576-58974dae406c">Re: Would love your opinions...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would love your opinions... : Actually I think it makes your brother (and parents) inconsiderate for not considering that all your family members will have two weddings to attend in a period of three weeks. Unless, of course, it was you who decided to set your wedding just three weeks before theirs after their date was set, and then that's a whole other level of wrong. I don't think it has anything to do with the bride's parents.
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

<div>The bride's parents are the hosts. For both weddings. Mine are the host of mine, and FSIL's are the hosts of hers. You said it's inconsiderate for the hosts to do that. Therefore, per your post, it does have to do with the bride's parents.</div><div>
</div><div>FYI, after I got engaged in Feb. we started planning for a July 3 wedding. We had not yet put down any deposits when my brother and FSIL decided in May on a July 17 wedding. In order to put as much time as possible between the two events, I chose to move my date despite my strong desire to keep it, because I felt it was important to give our guests time in between the two events. I would have loved to have more time in between them, but due to J's school schedule that was the first Sunday of the summer we could have it. Should I have moved mine to January, risking guests (and ourselves who need to fly across the country for it!) not being able to make it due to snow storms? We did what worked with our schedule and my brother/FSIL did what worked with theirs. It certainly will stink if people can't make it to both, but we certainly understand.</div><div>
</div><div>EDIT: Typo</div>

PsyDet 2155 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_would-love-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5025c300-f5a7-4427-82c4-a1ddaf09be55Post:72ca5e4f-a73b-4b60-9894-2ee219aa6e84">Re: Would love your opinions...</a>:
[QUOTE]just asking cause FI is upset his brother just planned his wedding 7 weeks after ours. We had our date for 5 months and they just got engaged. I dont think its a huge deal, but hes upset. Nothing we can do about it, just wondering opinions
Posted by gymchick05[/QUOTE]

You have a good attitude about the situation...there really is nothing much you can do. I think 7 weeks is a long enough gap between weddings. Best of luck with everything!

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