Newbie in need of advice! (Pardon the length)

DanniF · June 2012

Hey ladies! Been browsing the boards for a while but didn't really know where to jump in but now I NEED your advice so I'm diving right on in now lol

I'll start off by saying my fiance (FI?) is the most awesome, understanding man ever and he spoils me terribly and I feel like I may be doing him a disservice in all of this planning. We've only been engaged for 2 weeks and I have changed our date and wedding plans about 5 times trying to accomodate all of our family/friends!

I should say that we had pretty much planned our wedding before even getting engaged but once it was official, I was bombarded by everyone and their desires and I've been folding *hangs head in shame* Let me explain...

-We were scheduled to be married in Gibraltar this December but it was too soon for folks. Changed it to July.

-Even in July, folks felt it was too expensive so we decided to do a large family "engagement party" in December so folks could come to something and only immediate fam would go to Gibraltar. More whining. Scratched Gibraltar.

-Decided to have a wedding/reception here in LA in July. His sister's getting married in June. Too close.

Now we've set a March date here and we'll go to Gibraltar later by ourselves but we're waaay over our originally desired budget and he's going with it but I'm thinking it's quite unfair when all he wants is to be married to me, he couldn't care less about the fanfare. But family involvement is soooo important to me.

Can I please both my FI and my family??

happe2gether · June 2012

First of all WELCOME to THE best board on TK! You feel free to jump right in and ask all the questions you want.

Now to answer your question.. um NO!! you can't possibly please all of their needs and still be able to meet you and fiance's needs. The thing is your wedding is ultimately about you and your man. So you have to find the time and place that is perfect for you both. Now if by considering their needs you mean they are paying for things then you might have to be mindful of what they would like to see happen. But the main thing is you will need to make sure they type of wedding you and fiance want is what you ultimately end up having.

M1ssJ · June 2012

Welcome hun!!!! This is the best board ever.

PP is right you will NEVER please your family and yourself and FI. The only ppl that need to be pleased are you and FI. If family is financially contributing in a meaningful way then I would include them in the plans.

Weddings are not everyone's idea of a perfect time. It is what YOU , as the bride, envision and agree upon with your FI. Go back to him. Make a list of the ppl you REALLY want at your wedding. (for me my mom and brothers had to be there, everyone else would be nice but wasnt a big deal).

If you want to get married in Girbraltar do it!!!! Don't please everyone and be upset and broke in the end. You can have a wedding there and a bbq in LA when you get back. Who doesnt want to come wont and who does will. And that is the truth ruth!

footballwife77 · June 2012

Welcome, and i'm with the 2 previous posters. It's about you and your fiance. not pleasing the rest of the fam. If they want to be there, they'll make it work for THEM.

20pearls16 · June 2012

Welcome to the AAW board and congrats on your engagement. Never loose sight of what your FI wants. You are marrying him not your family. Weddings are a stressful time and adding on to that can be catastophic. Relax, relate. release. You are only 2 weeks in. Take a step back and ask your FI want he would like to do, make a plan and stick to it. No one else's opinion matters more than the two of you.

[Deleted User] · June 2012

Danni welcome and congratulations!!   Glad you came out of lurkdom girlie ;)

The thing is you can't please all of the people all of the time. It's super sweet of you to even attempt it. Once you figure out what budget, season and locale will work for the two of you, the rest will fall into place.   My best friend got married nowhere near where either family lived and in the planning stages she was worried about the location being too inconvenient to get to. She called me on the day she was to book her venue and asked what I thought for real and I said I can't speak for anyone else but sookie you could have your wedding on the moon and I'd be calling nasa about the shuttle schedule. Now Gibraltar may take some means but you know what, that's what advance notice is for. To the extent possible, the people who love and support you will go where they're asked or they'll send their regrets and <em>cheerfully</em> find a different way to celebrate with/for you. The complainers will complain no matter where you're married.

[QUOTE] Who doesnt want to come wont and who does will.<strong>
</strong>Posted by M1ssJ[/QUOTE]

sorry for being so verbal, but basically, this.

[QUOTE] <strong>And that is the truth ruth!</strong>
Posted by M1ssJ[/QUOTE]

you clown!! lol. now you poked my tv addiction beast, where is this from it's killin me.

msbdumas · June 2012

Alllllll of these pp !!!! Congrats and welcome to the best board here ! I hope you come to an conclusion...don't let them ppl stress anymore than you have to be ! Do what's best for you and FI !!! Again Welcome and we are here whenever !!

Carla1019 · June 2012

Welcome!!!!

I think you have a great idea to have a large engagement party (let your family host) and then you can have the smaller wedding within your budget with a few select people.

M1ssJ · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_newbie-in-need-of-advice-pardon-the-length?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:7553a9ec-ae47-4d45-8ca2-f9fd0b892d9bPost:b1ceaeee-8404-4c23-8647-cbc6873bee85">Re: Newbie in need of advice! (Pardon the length)</a>:
[QUOTE]Danni welcome and congratulations!! Glad you came out of lurkdom girlie ;) The thing is you can't please all of the people all of the time. It's super sweet of you to even attempt it. Once you figure out what budget, season and locale will work for the two of you, the rest will fall into place. My best friend got married nowhere near where either family lived and in the planning stages she was worried about the location being too inconvenient to get to. She called me on the day she was to book her venue and asked what I thought for real and I said I can't speak for anyone else but sookie you could have your wedding on the moon and I'd be calling nasa about the shuttle schedule. Now Gibraltar may take some means but you know what, that's what advance notice is for. To the extent possible, the people who love and support you will go where they're asked or they'll send their regrets and cheerfully find a different way to celebrate with/for you. The complainers will complain no matter where you're married. sorry for being so verbal, but basically, this. you clown!! lol. n<strong>ow you poked my tv addiction beast, where is this from it's killin me.</strong>
Posted by sultryzulu[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I cannot remember I pick up things and say them like I made it up lol

</div>

nitaashanti78 · June 2012

Welcome welcome welcome

Ditto to what the PP's said...this is your special day, do what makes you happy!

thedivav · June 2012

Welcome I won't beat the dead horse Relax and enjoy

MissusD1116 · June 2012

I'm with thedivav...wont beat it..LOL ..welcome suga!

CaseynMike · June 2012

Welcome to the board...the best board that is!!

and I say ditto to everything everyone else has said!

shiravduncan · June 2012

Congrats and welcome! I had to except one thing...someone is going to always be upset, have an opinion, or not like something. Once I got over that FI and I have had fun planning. It's about the two of you and my famous line has been "thank you for your thoughts but after considering what's best for US we have decided...". Please have fun during the planning, and keep your eyes focused on the two of you! Have the date and the place that the two of you want.

mejai1 · June 2012

Welcome! So nice to have another L.A. bride here... What they said.

dedra123 · June 2012

Welcome and congrats - and all of the above!!! do you!!!!

kcc76 · June 2012

Welcome! Yes do what makes you and your FI happy because like everyone has said "everyone will not be happy"! Sit down with FI and talk about it again and see what you come up with.