WTF sister??

ac_in_dc · February 2010

OK, um ,it seems like it may have been a good idea that I stayed here after getting married.

I've got 3 sisters, and I've mentioned before that one of them is BSC--she married at age 21 for 6 years & had a son, then married again about 18 months after that marriage ended and had 3 more kids in rapid succession during a marriage where the fights & manipulation started on the honeymoon. She's divorced her 2nd H in 2006 and is still struggling with him over custody, etc. He's a terrible, terrible person.

Anyway, she's been dating aggressively since 2006--I think she's looking for a white knight to resue her from a financial and social situation that can seem bleak. Her kids are ages 7-14 now. About a month ago we spoke on the phone and she mentioned that a guy she knew as an acquaintance in middle school had reconnected with her on FB and asked her on a date. They started talking on the phone a bunch and met up for a date Jan 30.

So my mom (also BSC) has mentioned to me on the phone how fast things are moving with these two...but I haven't spoken to my sister since their first date (she usually only calls me when she needs something). Well, about 30 minutes ago I found out via FB that she is engaged.

WTF?!?! />! />! />!?!?!?!?! ZOMG!?!?!?!?!?!?!

So what would you do? Would you call her? Wait for her to call me like a proper sister, or friend, or whatever? What if she asks me to be her MOH (I was in her last 2 weddings)? What can I possibly say?

Damn, I wish I could have a beer right now.

katiewhompus · February 2010

Oh lordy, can you get a non-alcoholic and trick yourself drunk?

saschaduran · February 2010

Oh how sweet....did she get engaged on Valentine's Day?

That really sucks. I wouldn't call....they may break up this week. She sounds like she would get along well with my stepmom.

RachNRich · February 2010

I second Katie's trick-drunk suggestion. I also say wait for her to contact you---going to her is like asking to make yourself more livid about the dumbness of what just happened.

squirrly · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wtf-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdce0391-4aae-4ef3-8212-f9dd5f9a9235Post:836e19ae-5351-4d7b-b5bf-a9c221950e15">Re: WTF sister??</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh lordy, can you get a non-alcoholic and trick yourself drunk?
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

I vote for that.

Wow, thats. . . a lot. I'd ignore it till she calls. And I'd decline the MOH position due to the pregnancy, personally.

ETA: Because I wouldn't want to be the MOH a third time. Not because I think pregnancy should actually preclude that. Sorry, I failed to put that in the first time.

ac_in_dc · February 2010

What if this guy is a pedophile or something? He's been married & divorced twice as well, but doesn't have any kids.

Why the fvck would she do this to her kids? They spent all of last weekend with him.

bbyckes · February 2010

I'm kinda a live and let live person. To my sister, I'd be all like, "What are you doing nutbag, wtf?" I can't imagine she would have another "big" wedding with BMs and such. Maybe you'll luck out and they'll JOP it.

How's the growing baby? I meant to ask you earlier how things were going. How youze been?

ac_in_dc · February 2010

I'm doing great with the pregnancy, thanks coffer!! Plenty of weird aches and pains to complain about but nothing out of the ordinary. I'm starting to get really curious about the baby--what's he going to look like? What's his personality going to be? It's really fun to daydream about .

bbyckes · February 2010

Have you settled on a name or at least narrowed it down?

ac_in_dc · February 2010

No idea yet. I like traditional/biblical stuff. And DH likes biblical stuff too, but he's a little bit more adventurous than I am. He's pushing Ezekiel right now...I think it's a cool name, but I'm worried that it's a bit too risky & trendy. My current favorites are Samuel, Anthony, Vincent, and Dominic. But I'm not super-attached to any of them.

I'm guessing we'll probably figure it out in the delivery room...ack!

bbyckes · February 2010

haha, I think a lot of people do their figuring in the delivery room. If it's any consolation, my pregnant friend is considering Ezekiel as a first name as well. I like it. Zeke is a cool nickname too, if it makes you feel any better.

TWmom · February 2010

Well....being a single mom getting married for the first time and knowing what a douche my ex is. I can kind of sympathize with her situation. Being alone with kids is terrifying expecailly when you are outnumbered\ have never been a single parent-at least not for very long\and feel that you dont have any support from the other parent. I want to make very clear that I am not condoning her behavior, or trying to make excuses for it, only trying to help you maybe understand her POV??? Whatever the exact situation, know that it isnt yours, nor is it really your place to make the situation harder for her by persecuting her for her choices, good, bad or otherwise. Has she maybe not called you because she is afraid you wont be supportive? Maybe you should call her, tell her it hurt your feelings that she didn't call you personally. If it comes up, tell her your concerns in a loving way, and let her know that even if you don't agree with her you'll be there for her as her sister. And if she does ask you to be MOH, use be honest and tell her that at this point you don't feel comfortable standing in that roll(what if the wedding isnt scheduled until after you have the baby? thatll kind of kill that whole pregnancy excuse dont you think?) . Although, I personally think you should stand by your sister at her 23rd wedding, and be happy to do so.

Good Luck!!!

bbyckes · February 2010

Some people need to work shiit out before jumping right into one relationship after another - being a single parent and being scared isn't excuse enough to justify perpetually being in bad relationships. Maybe some of that can be attributed to poor decision making.

AC, I hope your sister makes choices that are best for her children and not to satisfy her loneliness.

julezlee · February 2010

Whoa. I would totally wait for the call from her. If for no other reason than I would need some time to get my supportive voice in order so I wouldn't just blurt out "What the heell are you doing?"

Glad little baby ac is doing well!

angie74 · February 2010

dude. are you sure you didn't make this shiz up?

I would wait to hear from her. and I wouldn't be in wedding three- I just couldn't take it seriously. sorry.

TWmom · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wtf-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:fdce0391-4aae-4ef3-8212-f9dd5f9a9235Post:1ddf54e2-41b0-4760-8055-3d741760b72e">Re: WTF sister??</a>:
[QUOTE] I want to make very clear that I am not condoning her behavior, or trying to make excuses for it, only trying to help you maybe understand her POV??? Whatever the exact situation, know that it isnt yours, nor is it really your place to make the situation harder for her by persecuting her for her choices, good, bad or otherwise.
Posted by TWmom[/QUOTE]
My point wasn't to make excuses for the sister, but to say that regardless of the choices her sister has made, she should still support her <em>sister</em> even if she doesn't support her choices.

I also said, that she should call her sister (in a few days, when shes calmed down alittle) and let her know how she feels about jumping into that relationship....It isn't good for those kids...and it is scary. But really, all you can do is voice your opinion.AND YOU SHOULD, and if you don't want to be in the wedding, then DON'T. Figure out a way to be authentic to yourself and your feelings without disrespecting her. Even if you feel like she only calls you when she needs something, is it really worth maybe losing your sister because you refuse to support her decisions, and therefore her possible husband?

Congrats on the baby! I have 2 boys...they are soo much fun...buy one of those suits they use to train police dogs....your going to need it!!...(they are ROUGH!!!)

luckyme502 · February 2010

I always loved the name Seth for a little boy.

AlexiaANDRobert · February 2010

Vincent and Dominic are two of my most favorite names. My friend is due next month and she beat me to Vincent but you know where my votes are!

Also, as far as your sister is concerned, I'd wait for her to call you. First of all, for it to be on facebook and her not call you is complete crap. Secondly, it's a lot to happen so fast and it may not even be anything.

Finally, if she does contact you, I'd be straight with her. My sister was dating a douche and my older sister and I said she wasn't welcome in our homes and we weren't hanging out with her until she got rid of him. It was a long complicated process but it worked out. We're really close and always have been so that works for us. Your sister is older and has children so it's different, but I'd just be straight with her.

Good luck!

WTF sister??

Re: WTF sister??

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