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Q about contributing to a Bach Party

AgentNinetyNineAgentNinetyNine
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
I'm posting under an AE because I know the bride frequents TK.  Short story: I just RSVP'd no to the bachelorette party for a co-worker, and the girl organizing it e-mailed me back asking if I can send some money to contribute.  Is it rude of me to say no, because it's really not in my budget?

Longer version:  I declined the invitation because the b-party is going to cost me at least $300; it's OOT and somewhat extravagant compared to what I'm used to.  I would also be really uncomfortable there because it's not really my scene and I don't know the 28 out of the 30 people who were invited.  The wedding and shower are going to cost me a lot of money, so I really don't feel like I need to contribute to the b-party if I'm not going to be there, but I don't want to be a biitch, either.  Is it a common thing to ask for contributions from friends who aren't attending?  Would you just send the girl a check to avoid looking like a Scrooge?
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Re: Q about contributing to a Bach Party

  • McKenna2012McKenna2012 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't think you should have to contribute to something you're not attending. 
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  • christin228christin228
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That wouldn't be rude of you at all.  I think it's really rude of the person organizing to ask you for money even though you aren't attending.

    I wouldn't give any money.  I would tell them I'm not able to contribute, because it's out of my budget, that's the reason I'm not going to the b-party in the first place.
    Unless you are also really close friends with her, $300 is a lot to spend to go to a b-party for a co-worker.


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  • waltzingmatilda13waltzingmatilda13 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If you're not attending you really don't have to contribute. Just tell her that it's out of your budget, but you hope they all have a good time.
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  • AgentNinetyNineAgentNinetyNine
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We're not really close friends.  B-parties in her circle are usually much more over-the-top (trips to Vegas, etc) so this is a pretty scaled-back version.  I don't think she realizes that between a hotel room, dinner at the restaurant they picked, and drinks after, it's going to be that much.  The bride has told me that at previous bach parties she's spent nearly $300 just on drinks.  That's all sort of irrelevant, though.  Thanks for the advice, I'll reply to the BM (MOH, maybe?) and tell her I can't contribute.
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  • ebbowman5ebbowman5
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree--- you shouldn't have to pay for other girls to go out on the town!
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  • HipBride3HipBride3 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I can't believe she would ask you for money when you are not even attending! 
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    You are not being rude in declining because of the expense.

    She is being rude by asking you to pay for something you cannot afford and cannot attend.  Chick has some ovaries to ask that of you, that's for sure.
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  • Matty143Matty143
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My girlfriends have made it a tradition to go out of town and "go big" for the B. Party. We have been to Las Vegas several times and yes, we spend well over $300.00.
    (Even for our good friend who was married in Hawaii)
    That being said, for a co worker, and if you are not attending the party, there is no reason for you to pay anything. It was tacky of that person to even ask you.
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  • rachaelgettingmarriedrachaelgettingmarried member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I think its very rude of the MOH to request money from you. If you were in the WP I would think out of respect you might want to send a bottle of wine or something, but certainly not as just a guest. And regardless, I think its bad form for the MOH to request money like that, if I were the bride I would be mortified.

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