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Is it appropriate?

MichelleB2MichelleB2
in Registry and Gift Forum
Question ladies, my ex and I separated a little more than a year ago and he is now getting married the end of the summer to a gal he dated some 16 years ago. Honetly I'm happy for them, I know what she's getting and she can have him, and I got the best part of him in our 2 amazing children.  Which brings me to my question.  A mutual friend of ours was telling me about where they were registered and he told me he thought it was odd that aside from Macy's and crate and Barrel and a couple of like stores, they also registered at REI.  Out of the 8 items they registered for 2 were cooking gear and the rest was all stuff for the kids who are 5 and 2.5.  I found it odd that the bride who has NOT meet the kids for many reasons and most based on my sons emotional instability at this time (but that's another story), would actually register for items for the kids.  Am I wrong or is this odd or is this the new trend?  I have been to many weddings where there are kids from a previous relationship and in all my years have never seen this.  Thoughts?
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Re: Is it appropriate?

  • BTCarolusBTCarolus
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_is-it-appropriate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:5ba4ded3-ba29-490a-958b-c9d246a68114Post:d5e78438-33dd-4546-b3f1-b15fa6828a56">Is it appropriate?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Out of the 8 items they registered for 2 were cooking gear and the rest was all stuff for the kids who are 5 and 2.5.  I found it odd that the bride who has NOT meet the kids for many reasons and most based on my sons emotional instability at this time (but that's another story), would actually register for items for the kids.  Am I wrong or is this odd or is this the new trend?  I have been to many weddings where there are kids from a previous relationship and in all my years have never seen this.  Thoughts?
    Posted by MichelleB2[/QUOTE]
    It's odd to ask for things for the children, but it's none of your business. Let it go, and don't become the crazy ex who interferes with her former husband's new marriage.
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  • EK2013EK2013 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    I'm going to say something potentially clueless right now: if it means your kids get a few nice things, who cares that it's odd, since it's not your etiquette handful to deal with?

    The general sense I've gotten is that the registry traditionally is for the couple. I've seen people side-eye gifts for pets on registrys because the gift isn't "for the couple"; I've personally never heard of adding gifts specifically for kids to the registry.

    I would think it might be less controversial if they had chosen to register for gifts that could be enjoyed as a family. But again, you shouldn't worry over it unless you think the kids will be somehow made unhappy or uncomfortable by this.
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  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    None of your business. Stay out of it.
     
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  • egm900egm900 member
    First Comment
    I'd stay out of it, if anyone brings it up, say something neutral and change the topic (Friend: Isn't it strange Ex and Future Wife registered for things for the kids? You: That's right, they are getting married soon, I guess they would have registered by now.  How is your mother doing/I love your shoes, where did you get them/anything else other than the registry or ex's wedding) But yes, it's odd, some other people have posted about seeing this and thinking it was strange.
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  • roseofdeborahroseofdeborah
    First Comment

    I think that is odd, but at the same time if this woman is planning on being in your ex's life forever I can imainge that planning for the future of being apart of your kids lives is not that far fetched. Eventually the time will come where that will happen, and I'm sure if she registered for activities for them to do as a family she is trying to make them feel welcomed.

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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited June 2012
    What kind of kid's stuff from REI are we talking about?

    I do think it's a little odd, but I also don't see any way this is potentially your business, so I wouldn't think of it again.
    Lizzie
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  • MNVegasMNVegas member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    Depends on what type of gift is on registry. Is is something the kids can use on family trip?

    I don't see why you would even care unless you are planning on stirring things up over their registry.
    Mary Click here for my bio! image
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    I agree that it's none of your business and that you shouldn't say anything about it to anyone.  

    It's ok to register at REI, but it's inappropriate to register for kid's stuff, no matter if they are the couple's biological children or will soon be step children.  
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  • mbaetembaete member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I know this is not my place, but I find it strange that your children have not met the woman who is to be their step mother. I can see this causing more problems than any items on a registery.
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    I honestly find it odd that you didn't stop your friend in his tracks when he started telling you about your ex's wedding gift registry items.

    As soon as the conversation started, you should probably have said something like "their wedding and their registry is really none of my business.  Can you pass the sugar?"

    image

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    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

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  • lb1212lb1212
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_is-it-appropriate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:5ba4ded3-ba29-490a-958b-c9d246a68114Post:a3a6f5ec-e4b0-4f83-a0bd-22013c6f8453">Re: Is it appropriate?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know this is not my place, but I find it strange that your children have not met the woman who is to be their step mother. I can see this causing more problems than any items on a registery.
    Posted by mbaete[/QUOTE]

    This - unless, of course, your ex isn't that involved in your kids' lives.  Personally, I think it's a good sign that she's thinking about your kids and making plans for them to be in their new home. My son and FSD picked their bathroom accessories (shower curtain, bath mats, toothbrush holder. etc.). 
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  • cep12cep12
    First Comment
    Yes, I Do think it is odd. She should be registering for things for them. BTW it is a wedding not a baby shower or birthday party! but oh well it is her wedding and she can put whatever she wants on her registery since it is her day.
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  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    My thoughts are that this is honestly none of your business.  Let the past go.
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