Two Ceremonies!?!

afink07 · March 2012

So I have a huge problem with my FI wanting a greek wedding, but I really want my catholic wedding. We thought about doing two ceremonies, one on saturday and then the other on sunday, but my mother thinks that's crazy and our families will only come to the one in each's respective church. Any tips or ideas would be so helpful!

MairePoppy · March 2012

Are you both active in your churches?

I agree with your mom, two ceremonies in one weekend is crazy. As a guest, I would attend whichever one immediately preceded the reception.

Also, I'm not so sure the second priest, whichever one that may be, will go along with that, being that you will already be married in the other church. You should make appointments with the pastors of both churches to discuss a solution.

afink07 · March 2012

I'm more active in my church, but he wants his because it's tradtion. Both our priests have ok-ed this idea and both will have a recpetion. The second one will be a much smaller reception though, and not as formal.

NOLAbridealmost · March 2012

I think you've got to sit down with your priests and FI and have a come to Jesus about what getting married will mean for your relationship with the church. The consequences of either of you marrying outside the faith go way deeper than guest list issues and wedding logistics.

sherrycox · March 2012

Can you not incorporate your FI's Greek traditional ceremonial stuff in to your catholic ceremony, so you have one ceremony? I have seen it on 4 weddings, where they have had both priests at the ceremenony and performed parts of the ceremony. IT was quite interesting and then at the reception incorporate both traditions. Or another option is to have a Catholic ceremony and a greek reception or the other way around.

calliopeia2013 · March 2012

FWIW, when my parents got married 30 years ago, they did a combined Catholic/Greek Orthodox ceremony in a Catholic church- it featured a Catholic Mass performed by the Catholic priest, but there was also a Greek Orthodox priest who performed the crown ceremony (I forget what it's actually called), and said a seperate blessing.

ElisabethJoanne · March 2012

Good for you for talking with the Priests first!

Roman Catholic Canon Law does state that there can only be 1 ceremony in which the consent to fully marry is given, though. "Fully marry" is my phrase. I don't read the Canon as prohibiting a civil ceremony just for insurance or immigration purposes, for example; that's a (possibly fraudulent, and the Church would have something to say about the fraud) money contract, basically, not the sacramental covenant that is marriage. The Catholic board will give you all the Canon Law on this you can stomach.

Again, personally, I think that a couple who has talked with the religious authorities near them has done all the Church can require of them and should have clear consciences and valid marriages. The Catholic board might disagree.

I do think people will only attend their respective "days." I do think you'll be very stressed and very tired. I don't think those are reasons to nix the idea.

afink07 · March 2012

We've asked his priest if he could come and do the crowning ceremony at my church where my preist has said it's fine, but his priest said that he can only do it in his church. Both say that either place we go though, it would be considered a "legit marriage" in the eyes of both churchs since they both fall technically under the "catholic" umbrella, they're just different rites.

MairePoppy · March 2012

If you have the okay from both priests and you want to do it, go for it. I believe the majority of the guests will attend only one of ceremonies, though. It would be interesting to hear all the details, once you have them worked out.

monkeysip · March 2012

By Greek, do you mean Greek Catholic or Greek Orthodox?

I'm assuming you're saying that your FI is Greek Catholic, which is just another rite of the Catholic church. In that case, you're right, it is fine either way you want to get married. You'd be having a Catholic wedding in either church, the difference is between Greek and Latin (Roman) rites.

I guess if both priests are okay with it, then I can't say there is a real problem with it, but it does seem strange. I know you want the crowning that comes in a Greek wedding, so is there any reason to still have the other one? I'm just wondering if you'll be missing anything in particular by only marrying in your FI's church.

It is a little strange, and like PPs said, guests might just choose one or the other. That's why it seems preferable to just have one ceremony.

toothpastechica · March 2012

If I was invited...I would go to whatever ceremony is shorter...from what I have heard both have fairly long ceremonies traditionally, And as much as I like witnessing people close to me say thier vows and get married, thier particular religions are not specifically as significant to me as it is to the people getting married (and even if they are I dont like long cermonies...I swear I have mild ADHD). Also I wouldnt wanna go to the second one, because I dont want to watch you go pretend to get married when you got married the day before at another church. Doesnt make sence to me. Why cant you incorporate aspects of one into the other? Also if I was from oot, I would only go to the one with the big reception...sorry I love you, but not enough to give up 2 entire days for 1 wedding...that might mean someone having to take both a friday and a monday off work...to even come not cool imo.

DramaGeek · March 2012

So people can choose to see it live or see the rerun? Cause that's basically how I see the second ceremony. I just can't imagine going throug the motions of a second ceremony once already married. The joy of the day, for me anyway, was the fact that we were becoming man and wife. By the end of the night we were exhausted - thrilled, but exhausted. I can't imagine having to get up and do it all over again the next day, and I fear that some of the luster will have worn off. Guests for round 2 will likely feel cheated, and you'll likely just be going through the motions.

afink07 · March 2012

I think i'm just gonna give in and we'll do one greek ceremony. Then one our one year do a small vow renewal just with in town people at my church. Then we dont have to worry about people choosing which wedding to go to and I won't want to completely die sunday evening from running around everywhere.

tldh · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_two-ceremonies-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:95de1ef1-8586-4751-a58d-a2a82855778aPost:48ee486b-938d-4742-a39e-386374ad7516">Two Ceremonies!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]So <strong>I have a huge problem with my FI wanting a greek wedding</strong>, but I really want my catholic wedding. We thought about doing two ceremonies, one on saturday and then the other on sunday, but my mother thinks that's crazy and our families will only come to the one in each's respective church. Any tips or ideas would be so helpful!
Posted by afink07[/QUOTE]

I have a huge problem with this. Why do you have such a huge problem with your FI wanting to marry in the church in which he was raised?? Before you even begin to worry about your ceremony, you need to figure out the religion question because clearly, your faith is a huge part of your life and doesn't make room for the faith of the man you love.

I'm Catholic, DH is Greek Orthodox. We are not having children so religion will never be a problem in that area. We were both fine with getting married in either church. We attend Greek mass and sometimes Catholic mass and had a non-denominational ceremony.

tldh · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_two-ceremonies-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:95de1ef1-8586-4751-a58d-a2a82855778aPost:9b69911a-1ccb-4156-a416-ae70fe991f6f">Re: Two Ceremonies!?!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I think i'm just gonna give in and we'll do one greek ceremony. Then one our one year do a small vow renewal just with in town people at my church.</strong>Then we dont have to worry about people choosing which wedding to go to and I won't want to completely die sunday evening from running around everywhere.
Posted by afink07[/QUOTE]

What you are talking about is a convalidation ceremony. I don't think the Catholic church will agree to this plan. Please take the advice that was given and talk to the priests in your parishes about doing a combined ceremony. I would also count on spending a lot of your premarital counselling time working out your religious differences. I sense hostility towards your husband and the orthodox faith ("huge problem", "give in").

afink07 · March 2012

"With" is the wrong word, i should of used "because". Also, if you had actually read, we've already talked with our priests and his won't allow for a combined ceremony in my church, but mine will recognize the wedding in his. Also, my preist is willing to come and say a blessing at the ceremony at his church.

DramaGeek · March 2012

If your priest is willing to participate in a ceremony at his church, then you have your solution. Why would you need to do a second ceremony at a later time?

And I agree with tldh, you guys need to figure this religion thing out before you get married. Will you each continue to attend your own church after you're married? If so, what will you do when/if you have children? If you plan to attend church together, how will you decide which church to attend?

afink07 · March 2012

We're not going to have children and we'll each only go to our own churchs. Then on special holidays we'll do an every other one. And we want to do a vow renewal later in my church to show respect to my parents and family.

hydrangeabeach · March 2012

Sounds like the blessing from your priest at the greek church is a solution, if you're okay with that. Is it possible to have both ceremonies in each church on the same day? First the RC church and then the GC ceremony? Still tiring, but not as bad as two days and two receptions. Or what about doing one or the other rite just for family when you get back from your honeymoon? Then go out for dinner and start writing your thank you notes....

afink07 · March 2012

We finally started couseling and we have decided that we will have a roman catholic wedding on our wedding day with everyone here in STL. We will have the wedding reception and everything. Then either over christmas or summer after we will go to NH with his family priest to have the Greek ceremony with his family. It turns out that we were getting our messages mixed up and everything and for him to stay in good standing with his church he has to have a ceremony in his church. So that's why we're having a second ceremony. We won't be having a second "reception" but will have a celebration of our marriage with his family on the beach.

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