Inviting Coworkers, not inviting coworkers -

adawn1981 · February 2013

Hello.

How are you girls dealing with teh coworkers on the guest list issue? We have a small venue and a small guest list. We invited just over 100, but are hoping for about 80 to show up (of course we will accommodate over 100 if they RSVP yes). FI and I used to work together for years, so our mutual friends are at my old job, where he still works. We each invited our families, and we invited our mutual friends from his job, a couple people that he has met in the past 8 months that I haven't worked there, and I only invited 2 people from my new work. Everyone is nice to me at my job - but they are all about retirement age and we do not "hang out". The 2 that I did invite are the only other younger girls in my office and we take breaks together, so of course I invited them, they are like friends. The 2 invited are keeping it quiet and understand why. The other ladies (not invited) have been asking about the wedding, when it is (one wrote the date on her calendar) and when I am going to be doing invites, etc. Do I tell them they are not invited because the venue is small... do I say nothing and let them figure out they are not invited? It's starting to get uncomfortable because I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings, but there is no room for my whole team (and bosses) to be invited, plus I am not close to them. What are you doing about coworkers and how do you tell people that they are not invited?

Thanks!

[Deleted User] · February 2013

At my lab, either no one is invited or the whole group is. I decided to invite my boss and a another guy(and their wives) because they're my dive buddies and two of the girls, who are my bridesmaids. I think more people were expecting an invite so back when we were forming the guest list, I became very vocal during lunch times about how FI's family is so huge and the guest list was already up to 300 with our families and very close friends. Once the save the dates went out, a friend posted a pic of it on fbook(AWKWARD!!!) and I think that the people that saw it and didn't see one in their hands figured it out.

Our guest list is down to 251 now and every time I look at it, I see a few of my friends and think, "Why DID I invite them anyway??" Not because we're not friends anymore but just because I've moved so many times and their lives have taken on new challenges and we just haven't seen each other in a long time. Then I remember that if I hadn't invited my friends, FMIL would have just invited more of her family members/friends that FI and I have never met or he hasn't seen since he was tiny and there's no telling when someone's going to be in the mood for a family reunion ;-)

vk2204 · February 2013

I work with over 400 people, and I am only inviting 2 of them to our wedding. A lot of people ask about it and want to know details. If they ask a specific question, I answer it (did you get your dress, where at, stuff like that) but if they keep prying I just tell them I don't like talking about it. But that is the truth lol, it stresses me out even more because I always remember something to add to my ever growing 'to do' list. What really helps is another girl I work with is getting married a month after me and she LOVES talking about her wedding, takes the pressure off of me!

ChiGirl2013 · February 2013

I'm a SAHM with my own home business so it doesn't really matter on my part. FI has 2 jobs. He's not inviting anyone from his PT job because most of them are in their 20's and he's in his early 40's so they don't really hang out or anything. He invited all of his bosses and the 2 other guys in his department from his main job. Honestly, we don't expect any of them to come. It's a VERY small company and if they came, they'd pretty much have to shut the place down. Even having 1 guy gone while FI is gone will be majorly stressful for them.

I would just tell your coworkers that you're trying to keep the guest list down and, unfortunately, you can't invite everyone from work. Older women LOVE weddings so I can see how they'd get excited. If you think they'd go for it, maybe suggest going out as a group after the wedding for cocktails or something and they can celebrate with you that way. Just word it carefully so they don't think you're going to be paying. lol

Christine9866 · February 2013

I am only inviting my two bosses. I am switching jobs in one week, but they are both invited to my shower and wedding. I will not be inviting my new boss or anyone from that program I will be working with. Of few of my co-workers asked me directly if they were invited. I had to tell them we had budget constraits and could not invite people from work, nor do I hang out with them outside of work. I told my bosses to keep it quiet, which of course they will. I have been with the agency for awhile and moved around to different programs. I started working here with a bunch of girls who are all around the same age. We have all became close and have maintained our friendships. (they have since moved on from the agency) and FI and I were invited to their weddings. They are all invited to ours as well.

tiny speck · February 2013

I'm not inviting co-workers who I don't hang out with outside of work. It's a bit different being that our work environment is the university, so my co-workers are other PhD students and professors. The only co-workers we're inviting are the other students we spend time with on a regular basis; no professors or advisors, as that may have been a bit awkward.

orangehills · February 2013

I'm not. Everyone knows it- no one expected to get invited. But it helped that I cut my wedding to 25 people haha. As for the ladies you work with asking- if they ask, answer their questions, they could be someone like me- knows they aren't invited and wouldn't expect it, but love to hear about wedding details. If something comes up and they think they are invited, just slip in there- oh we have limited seating and aren't able to invite everyone we would like, so sorry!

adawn1981 · February 2013

Ok, thanks ladies. Chigirl, you are right, these older ladies have been asking about it since the day I started working here because I had an engagement ring on. They love weddings! At the end of the day, you have to do what you have to do. You can't invite everyone and you cannot make everyone happy. They'll get over it. I mean, if they had a huge birthday party or retirement party outside of work, they would probably not invite me, so hopefully they understand!

Inviting Coworkers, not inviting coworkers -

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