Married gals: Name change?

Pretty Parula · March 2010

Did any of you have hesitations about changing your name? I didn't think I'd have a problem with it, but Mrs. Waters just doesn't sound like me. It sounds so... old. LOL

I'm so used to my last name, and I like it. I feel like I should change my name though, because DD has her dad's last name and I think it's stupid to have three last names in one household, so I'm trying to psych myself up for it. Thoughts?

ericak926 · March 2010

Don't think of yourself as "Mrs. Waters" then. You will be Alyssa Waters. Sounds much better huh?

I have the problem with hearing "Mrs. Breeding". I always think of FI's Mom.

brit21489 · March 2010

I know how you feel. I like my last name, even though I share it with tons of people. It is the only last name I have ever had and I will feel very weird changing it. You could hyphenate it if you want to keep your old last name.

Pretty Parula · March 2010

Moody-Waters... lol sounds a little bit too much like the band Muddy Waters.

I'm going to have to hear 'Mrs. Waters' all the time, though, with my students, so I'll have to get used to it I guess.

Blonde407 · March 2010

Have them call you Mrs. Alyssa?

For some reason guys are a little sensitive about not taking the last name or doing the hyphen thing... all the guys I know anyways lol

nbaker1 · March 2010

I was excited at first, until I started thinking about losing a bit of myself when I take his last name. But, I am a Chiristian and I truly believe what the bible says in Mark 10: 7-9

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. And the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

Besides, I like how Dr. and Mrs. Bernard Williams sounds :-)

jmucheech21 · March 2010

I'm not married, so I haven't been through it yet, but I 100% agree with you about it feeling weird!! I love my fiance (haha, duh) and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I just feel so attached to my last name! Its been my identity my whole life.. and I like it!

It also doesn't help that my fiance has been married before and in a way (and it may sound stupid) I feel like he's already given his name to someone else and that feels kinda weird to me. Which, I know is SO DUMB, because, nothing else about him being previously married bothers me even in the least. Its just the name thing.

So, you're definitely not alone. =/

cjbwifey2010 · March 2010

I know what you mean Alyssa! Since i dont have a middle name, i will just have my current last name be my middle name and take on his last name. Like Blonde Jess said...men are kind of sensitive about not taking their last names. I know FI was! I always joke around with him and say im going to keep my name to see what he says...good times!

As far as the whole Christian thing nbaker, and I am a Christian as well so dont get me wrong but, i TRULY dont think that the verse you quotes has anything to do with taking your husband's last name. The two of you can become one flesh in many other ways. If we're going to take it literally, it also says that the man shall leave HIS parents and be united with his wife...so why doesn't the man take the woman's last name? See what i mean? Anywho, everyone has their own perception of things when they read the Bible, and if this is yours, i definitely understand, but i just felt like adding my 2 cents !

Moral of the story...Alyssa M. Waters sounds good to me but you have be comfortable with it!

Pretty Parula · March 2010

LOL thanks girls!

CJB - yeah, I definitely don't read the Book that way either. There are a lot of far more direct passages in the Bible that no one adheres to anymore either, and I certainly don't feel that a woman needs to do that to be a good Christian. I bet Jesus will love me no matter what my last name is, yo!

I think I just need you guys to help me come up with some cool nickname I can have the kids call me. Right now they refer to me just as 'Moody,' 'Moodz,' or 'Hey Moody,' none of which work that well with Waters.

Gotta keep it fun for the kiddos!

adarlingzta · March 2010

As someone who did change her name, I can tell you it does take some adjusting. I did not respond immediately when someone said Amy WIlliams instead of Amy Darling. It just takes time. Like the boyfriend, FI, Husband thing. Or momma

I respect PPs feelings on why she is taking her FIs name but that verse was left field for me. Since women were chattel at that point, not so sure I would use that as a precedent. But hey, whatever works and makes you feel good is the right thing to do.

Bottom line, take on Waters b/c you want to, not b/c you think you should or have to. Do with Moody what you like. I kept my middle name and just dropped Darling all together. You'll be used to Waters by Memorial day.

BTW, tomorrow is your last Friday as a single gal

so excited.

skhynes · March 2010

I had very little attachment to my last name for some reason. I loved changing my name, maybe because I kinda always hated my maiden name. The only thing that sucks is that all my degrees are in my maiden name, but I don't even have an office to display them in so that doesn't matter either, LOL!

amyers321 · March 2010

sky...
That's my one issue...I was told to put my maiden on my license as my middle so that is the plan if they will let me do that.
I am changing it completely (dropping my maiden) on my ss card so I'm not sure if I can keep the maiden on my license but it's worth a shot. Otherwise I may have to have my teacher cert reissued which I do NOT want to do.

skhynes · March 2010

Really, Amanda? I just had to send in a copy of my marriage license and a statement that I wanted it changed to the Dept of Health and it was no problem. That's so bizarre that they don't have something set up like that for teachers.

amyers321 · March 2010

Hmm...maybe they do....I'm going by what I'm being "told". Perhaps I shall look into it

sunflowr0803 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_married-gals-name-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:66Discussion:ee832621-6faa-42dd-b000-63139a0b08dbPost:dcfb9e38-b143-4400-9681-2cc993b9a142">Re: Married gals: Name change?</a>:
[QUOTE]I had very little attachment to my last name for some reason. I loved changing my name, maybe because I kinda always hated my maiden name. The only thing that sucks is that all my degrees are in my maiden name, but I don't even have an office to display them in so that doesn't matter either, LOL!
Posted by skhynes[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm glad you changed your name because you ended up with the coolest nickname ever. STOVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</div>

Pretty Parula · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_married-gals-name-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:66Discussion:ee832621-6faa-42dd-b000-63139a0b08dbPost:c0c10317-a7bb-4d94-b99a-f2826d5c7729">Re: Married gals: Name change?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmm...maybe they do....I'm going by what I'm being "told". Perhaps I shall look into it :)
Posted by amyers321[/QUOTE]

<div>If you hear anything about that before I do, will you let me know? I have no intentions of making my maiden name into my middle name EVER so it'd be good to know if I'm going to have to shell out a wad of cash to update my cert.</div>

jmucheech21 · March 2010

Haha, do you really think the FLDOE would pass up on a chance to make the extra $200??

(Yup, another teacher here.)

Theresa626 · March 2010

I really really didn't want to change my last name. I felt like I was losing a huge piece of identity and as awful as this sounds, it's hard to take on a last name that is very ethnic when you are not of that ethncity. I also am a teacher and everyone calls me by my last name more than my first so it's almost like changing your first name. It feels like losing your identity. But, it was ridiculously important to him that I change my name. We had a lot of discussions about it and I felt that it was best to just change it because he doesn't really feel strongly about a whole lot of things or ask a whole lot of me but this he felt really strongly about. So, he wins and I change my name.

Also, cjbwifey, I totally agree with you.

skhynes · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_married-gals-name-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:66Discussion:ee832621-6faa-42dd-b000-63139a0b08dbPost:a4a4ba25-8201-4b0e-b601-7fa2b7d64349">Re: Married gals: Name change?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was excited at first, until I started thinking about losing a bit of myself when I take his last name. But, I am a Chiristian and I truly believe what the bible says in Mark 10: 7-9 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife. And the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Besides, I like how Dr. and Mrs. Bernard Williams sounds :-)
Posted by nbaker1[/QUOTE]

Really? That's quite a stretch. That passage speaks to the sanctity of marriage and has nothing to do with changing your name. Beisdes, people didn't even have last names in Biblical times. Just because a married couple have different last names doesn't make them any less united to each other.

And it WAS a logistical nightmare changing my name at work since I also go by my last name (Dr. S). People are still getting confused and scheduled incorrectly because of it. Biggest PITA about the whole process, but you just make it work.

eviegrl42 · March 2010

I was pretty torn before I changed my name. I loved my last name but I had no ties to it. My dad left when I was a little girl and I never heard from him and my mom just kept his last name just because. So changing it was hard and also a gianormous PITA but I'm getting used to it little by little

However, everyone has their own opinions about this name changing process and you should do whatever makes you comfortable

amyers321 · March 2010

"fellow teachers'
I'll keep you posted.
I shall be sitting at social security during spring break...
They may have to live with my maiden until I have to update my cert....

Dragonfly6191 · March 2010

I'm having the same issues. I am the last person in my family that can possibly carry on my last name, and I am already attached to it. I know my Dad/Grandpa etc will understand my name change, but I know they'd really like me to keep it. It's a decision I still keep going back and forth on daily. I think FI would eventually get over it....it's the in-laws that would probably never forgive me.

My only real "reason" for wanting to go ahead and change it is that when my parents divorced, my mom went back to her maiden name. It was really annoying to have a different last name than a parent. So for my future children's sake, I feel like I should!

Also, in reference to CJB's post....ironically, I know someone who took that verse EXACTLY that way. They ended up both changing their names to her maiden name first, and then his last name..hypenated. They had to put a whole page on their wedding info site to explain it because I guess so many people asked...and they quoted that exact verse! To each his own I suppose!

umcollegegrl · March 2010

For me, its more of the issue that I had already begun establishing myself in my field with my maiden name. I'm a chemist, and I've already got several publications with my maiden name. However, I did want to take DH's name and have the same last name as our future children. I changed from Cheryl Lynne Tatum to Cheryl Tatum Ernest and have now been trying to use my full name on everything (I didn't use my middle before). I got quite a bit of resistance from my PhD advisor (a male who's wife hypenated, and also so flack from a woman in my dept who can't believe I would chose to give up my maiden name), but I think changing it now, before I get my PhD and enter the professional world is a better option and hopefully people will be able to connect that fact that Cheryl T and Cheryl T E are the same person.

mlharbis · March 2010

I never had really given it much thought, I had always planned to put my maiden as my middle and take his last name. My dad made some comment about how it hurts his feelings that I am willing to give up my last name. You have to think of it from both sides. If I had a son and his wife didn't take our last name I would think differently of her or at least be really disappointed. It just seems unnecessarily confusing to have 2 last names at one house. How would invitations come addressed to both of you? BUT, the choice of changing your name is up to you because it is your name, just like your maiden name will always be your maiden name even if you drop it completely from your name.

MrsWhitneyAmanda · March 2010

I was the last in my family with my name but my daddy told me a LONG time ago that when I got married I should drop my maiden name and take my husband's name, keeping my middle name in tact. Like Sarah, I wasn't super attached to my last name. I mean, sure, it was mine for nearly 25 years but I'm still the same Whitney Amanda I was now that I was on May 15th of last year. Might be because Amanda was more a part of my identity than Richards was but whatever *shrug*. It's actually really weird to hear people refer to me with Richards now and I haven't even been married a full year yet. I WISH people would call me Mrs. K but I guess I won't get that until I have kids or deal with kids who aren't family on a regular basis. I also have the added benefit that neither my MIL or grandMIL goes by Mrs. K - both are PhDs so they are Drs. K. I'm the only one in the family with just Mrs

It was SUPER important to DH that I take his name; I never really considered not taking it but I mentioned it to him a few times after reading debates on the subject here on TK and he wouldn't even entertain the most minute possibility that he and his wife wouldn't share the same last name.

As to why a Christian woman would take her husband's name instead of him taking hers, most families I know place the man into the role of Head of Household (which is not the same as boss or bread winner, just for the record) under Biblical principle. It makes sense, then, that if he is head of the household that the household would have his name. Just my $.02.

Pretty Parula · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_married-gals-name-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:66Discussion:ee832621-6faa-42dd-b000-63139a0b08dbPost:62dc520b-f1bd-4ae8-b091-f4f345147216">Re: Married gals: Name change?</a>:
[QUOTE]As to why a Christian woman would take her husband's name instead of him taking hers, most families I know place the man into the role of Head of Household (which is not the same as boss or bread winner, just for the record) under Biblical principle. It makes sense, then, that if he is head of the household that the household would have his name. Just my $.02. :)
Posted by MrsWhitneyAmanda[/QUOTE]

<div>Right - I just have a fundamental difference of opinion with the 'head of the household' idea. Having spent countless hours in religious studies classes in college, I'm not just spouting liberal ideals that I haven't thought about. Much of the Biblical precedent is based on a social system that is sexist, oppressive, and primarily irrelevant to today's society. We could get into whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I'm not talking about moral standards - I'm talking about viewing all humans as being of equal worth. Since we're no longer in an age in which women and minorities are property, uneducated, or prohibited from making decisions for themselves and their families, FI and I both feel that husbands and wives should share equal responsibility in heading the household/family - in most aspects of life. (He's in charge of mowing the lawn forever and ever. I'm in charge of BF'ing if we ever have a baby. lol)</div><div>
</div><div>Ok I'm stepping down from my soap box. LOL</div><div>
</div><div>It doesn't really make a difference to me regarding the name change issue; I don't think that taking FI's name would be a step backward in terms of equality or anything, and it seems practical. I guess since I'm referred to by my last name a lot more than most people it's kinda like changing my first name, as one of the other teachers said before. I'm sure I'll get used to it. 'Waters' just doesn't lend itself to fun/goofy nicknames the way 'Moody' does.</div><div>
</div>

cjbwifey2010 · March 2010

Dragon--- r u serious? was your friend on Bridezilla because i saw one episode when someone did that! LOL

ANywho, Whitney, I know what you mean, head of the household is the man. I was just trying to explain to nbaker that the scripture she quoted cannot be taken word for word but needs interpretation because if not, then it would seem like the man was supposed to take on the woman's name...see what i mean? I hope its not too confusing! LOL

therockisblinding05 · March 2010

At first I was jazzed about the change...after FI proposed I just kept saying "I'm going to be Mrs. Knox over and over and over. But now that it's getting close, I'm dreading the process and my name flows the way it is. Plus, I have always hated my middle name, but for some reason making my maiden name my middle just seems wrong. I'm Alyssa- the girl with the bad middle name, and I always have been. Now it's going to be different...

Spingchicken · March 2010

Aaw. My fav teacher EVER was Mrs Waters.

Pretty Parula · March 2010

I made a contest on FB for all of my former students to come up with a new nickname for me - LOL can't wait to see what they come up with!

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