Pre-wedding Parties

Wanted a Jack-n-Jill but BM insisted and planned a Stag. I don't want a shower. What to do?

My fiance' and I wanted a Jack-n-Jill (Stag & Doe) party because we have so many friends in common, plus we just have so much more fun with all of our friends together. His BM, his brother, insisted he wasn't "paying" for a Jack-n-Jill and went ahead and planned a Stag party after I had already told my MOHs (I have 2, both of my sisters) that I didn't want or need a shower (we live together and we don't need any wedding gifts) When the time comes I told them to plan something with his BM. Well...now his stag is planned and the girls are out of luck. They want to have a "Stagette" for me and run it just like they would a Jack-n-Jill or a stag party, rent a hall and sell tickets that include food, beer & wine, have raffles, games, dancing, karaoke, foot massages and have it be a whole lot of girl fun! Has anyone else ever done anything like this? I think it sounds fun I'm just really bummed that his BM didn't go with our wishes of a Jack-n-Jill party. He was bummed too but he knows it will be a good time so he's ok with it but still wants something for me. What are your thoughts on a "Stagette" party? (Not a sleezy type party at all)

Re: Wanted a Jack-n-Jill but BM insisted and planned a Stag. I don't want a shower. What to do?

  • McKenna2012McKenna2012 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It's my understanding that the Stag and Doe is kind of a fundraiser for the wedding.  If your fiance is having just a stag party, which I assume is like a bachelor party and not a fundraiser, I think you should just have a regular bachelorette party.  Grab some girls and go out for a night of fun.  Easy.
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  • edited December 2011
    Are you disappointed that you won't make money?  You can do the food, drinks, games, karaoke, massages, and tons of fun without selling tickets and making money.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_wanted-jack-n-jill-but-bm-insisted-planned-stag-dont-want-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:1c6cbfa9-fae1-47ca-b31d-058ed6d7f573Post:55e29bbc-2981-4ea9-a203-861094ac2dca">Wanted a Jack-n-Jill but BM insisted and planned a Stag. I don't want a shower. What to do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance' and I wanted a Jack-n-Jill (Stag & Doe) party because we have so many friends in common, plus we just have so much more fun with all of our friends together. His BM, his brother, insisted he wasn't "paying" for a Jack-n-Jill and went ahead and planned a Stag party after I had already told my MOHs (I have 2, both of my sisters) that I didn't want or need a shower (we live together and we don't need any wedding gifts) When the time comes I told them to plan something with his BM. Well...now his stag is planned and the girls are out of luck. <strong>They want to have a "Stagette" for me and run it just like they would a Jack-n-Jill or a stag party, rent a hall and sell tickets that include food, beer & wine, have raffles, games, dancing, karaoke, foot massages and have it be a whole lot of girl fun! Has anyone else ever done anything like this?</strong> I think it sounds fun I'm just really bummed that his BM didn't go with our wishes of a Jack-n-Jill party. He was bummed too but he knows it will be a good time so he's ok with it but still wants something for me. What are your thoughts on a "Stagette" party? (Not a sleezy type party at all)
    Posted by BrandiLCarey[/QUOTE]

    I think it's rude to sell tickets to a stagette or stag party in lieu of a shower. On top of that, the 'hostesses'  expect the guests to buy their own food and drinks? What exactly is being provided for the guests? If you don't want or need gifts, you can skip the shower. But don't replace it with a fundraiser. You and fi are not a charity.
                       
  • edited December 2011
    Since they've already planned a Stag, it looks like you'll either have a bridal shower thrown by your girls, or nothing at all. I've never heard of a Stagette, usually the opposite of a Stag would be a bridal shower.

    There's really nothing you can do if your BM didn't want to co-operate or be a respectable guy and take your opinion into consideration.

    Just enjoy time with your girls at the bachelorette party.
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Just because he didn't do what the bride wanted didn't mean that the BM wasn't respectable.
  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    This all sounds money grabby...
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  • edited December 2011
    Just accept what is give to you. I am confused by this whole post and why you are putting so much thought into these parties.
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  • SuMmErKuTiESuMmErKuTiE member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Please don't have a fundraiser type party where your guests have to pay to buy a ticket for the party. Just have a regular bachelorette party with a girls night out. I'm from Connecticut originally, and for my b-party we rented a party bus and went up to Mohegan for the night. A lot of other bachelorette parties go to Mohegan or to MGM Grand and go to Shrine. You could rent a limo for the day and stop at different wineries on the CT Wine Trail... have a spa day at Elemis Spa at Mohegan then go out at night, a spa day at MGM Grand then hang out by the pool and go to Shrine at night. Rent a party bus and go to NYC for the night. If you're getting married in the summer, you could go to Block Island for the day or the weekend.. go to Newport.. the Cape.. have a night out in downtown Milford.. your options are endless.
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Extorting money from friends is rude in whatever form it's in.

    You can accept or decline any parties that are offered to you.

    So your FI is getting a stag. Okay. Your friends want to throw you a bachelorette party.  Okay, that's really nice of them.  You can either decline and stay home and pout, or you can accept and go have some fun. Up to you.  It does kind of blow that your friends weren't amenable to something you really wanted, but that happens.

    A bachelorette party doesn't have to be a raunchy drunken festival.  My sister's party was dinner at a fancy restaurant, then back to one girls' house for dessert and champagne and hanging out.  Over by midnight.  It was fun and no one was hungover the next day.  You can do a spa party, or movies, or get tickets to a show, or a slumber party, go bowling or to an amusement park, or whatever.  Just hang out and have some fun.  Doesn't have to be fancy.
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