Socially Anxious Bride-to-Be

Re: Socially Anxious Bride-to-Be

• victoriaml13 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I have Asperger's Syndrome so I can somewhat relate.  However, I have other issues that change how my Asperger's manifests itself.  I personally wanted a small wedding, but since my mother is paying for it, I had to invite a bunch of people I don't really feel close to and don't really want there.  I originally wanted 30-60, but my mother has inflated it to 75-100!!  Fortunately we haven't had the wedding yet (it is planned for next year), but I am not really looking forward to seeing all these people I am not really comfortable with.
  
  I guess the point of my post is that you are not alone; there are others of us who have social difficulties.

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• nattykins member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  [QUOTE] I originally wanted 30-60, but my mother has inflated it to 75-100!! [/QUOTE]
  
  
  I hear you there! My FH insists the numbers will be 200ish. I'm thinking (hoping!) more at 120ish. I know most of my extended family won't be there because they are from away and I'm actually relieved about that!! I'd rather a small amount of people that I'm comfortable with than a pile of cousins and aunts and uncles who don't really want to be there!

  

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• becunning2 member

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I don't have any diagnosis for social anxiety, but it is uncomfortable for me to be in the spotlight too.  Since a "small" wedding is out of the question, can you at least try to cap it in some way so you're not as overwhelmed?  Maybe you can discuss with your fiance and both of your parentals a reasonable guest size that can include people but not be too overwhelming. 
  
  And if you can't...  just remember:  all those guests are there because they love you and are happy for you (or your husband, but same thing!).  Happy, positive thoughts!
  

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• MeaganR12

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  My FI has severe social anxiety and a panic disorder. He was a groomsmen in a wedding in February and even though it wasn't HIS wedding, it was pretty hard for him to be up in front of a lot of people. He has a pill called Clonazapam which is similar to Xanax that he rarely takes (because it's a benzo); but on that day it was a lifesaver. I would probably recommend you trying the same thing if there's a medication that you respond well to. Long-term I think that therapy is a better choice, but it's nice to have something to fall back on just in case. 

  
  

  My FI is mostly anxious in settings where he doesn't know everyone and therefore isn't really nervous about our wedding. Maybe you telling yourself that everyone there loves you and isn't judging you will help ease your mind.
  

  
  

  Good luck, I know how difficult anxiety can be

  

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• SouthernBelleLA

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm in a very similar situation. My FI is the extremely outgoing, networking, social butterfly type. I, on the other hand, have literal panic attacks at the thought of meeting new people. It is physically emotionally exausting for me, and sometimes I spend the next day in bed if I have to meet a lot of new people.  Very embarrassing and has caused a few issues in our relationship.
  
  What you can do is tell immediate family all about the proposal and other details you are too uncomfortable to discuss and have them spread the word. As far as wedding goes, take a deep breath and focus on your future hubby! Good luck to you, I really understand where you're coming from and I hope everything goes smoothly.
  

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• raspberrytart

  

  May 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm big on the social anxiety.  Our guest list is near 200 people, and 160 of them are his friends and family.  The bane of my existence is small talk--I fear it and hate it. However, I haven't found the pre-wedding congratulations to be all that bad--I tell a quick story of the proposal to those who want to hear it and move on.

  
  

  As for the wedding day, there are also a few things that give me a little peace of mind:

  
  

  *  One of the big things about social anxiety is that you feel like you're not in control.  You worry about not having anyone to talk to or saying something stupid, or what stupid party game you're going to be asked to play, or if you're going to be wearing a dumb outfit.  But at your wedding, you have more control over these things.

  
  

  *  Yes, there will be lots of meeting with strangers.  But no one is going to expect an extended conversation, because you're the bride and you'll have lots of other people to meet.  If that awkward pause in the conversation comes up, you can just excuse yourself and walk away.  You don't have to approach people and try to come up with something to say--they will probably come to you.  In fact, the proposal story, how we met, etc. should be so old-hat by then that you won't mind telling it.  Most people will say how happy they are for you, compliment your dress, etc.  No scary heavy conversation!

  
  

  *  If your new hubby wanders off for a conversation, you can wander the other way and find some friends or family to talk to, or dance with the little kids, who don't expect conversation.

  
  

  You said that you were still figuring out your medication stuff.  I found that zoloft worked great, but it killed my libido and made orgasms impossible.  Paxil, effexor, and cymbalta all helped with the anxiety but had other side effects that I didn't like.  I switched to wellbutrin and it has helped without interferring with the sex (though it doesn't work quite as well as zoloft).  You have over a year until your wedding day, so you have some time to start trying out medications.  I definitely recommend that you do it--just warn your sweetie that you might need some extra support and understanding because every medicine does something different!

  

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