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Snarky Brides

Help! I have a Bride/MOHZILLLA!!!

Hello Knotties. I'm perturbed and here's why, I have 8BMs ranging in size from 5'2" size 0 to size 22 5'8" so finding styles that I liked for their dresses were no easy feat. Combined with my MOH keeps complaining about her money issues and how she can't be at any tentative planned bridal party occasions, which I've planned myself. She is my cousin and she's getting married two months after me and I'm her MOH and getting her to be excited about her own wedding is like pulling teeth. Whenever I ask her about her wedding she just rolls her eyes and declares that she doesn't care her FH is planning everything, ask him. It's really starting to get frustrating since I'm really excited about both our days and I'm getting fed up with having my wedding parade rained on. Embarassed

I spent over two months scouring for dresses that would be comfortable and look good then after deciding what I wanted I get showered with complaints about how to pay for the dress which were at most $200. I do realize that it is a lot to pay for a dress that might only be worn once but there is also a lay away plan and I told the BMs what I wanted about a year in advance. After receiving nonstop  whining and complaining about my MOH's financial problems I decided to just change the dresses.
So now I have 5 different styles picked for them to choose from all for $80. The down side is because they are on sale or being discontinued by David's Bridal they aren't available in-store for them to try on. Now that the price is considerably lower I would think everyone would be happy. No. My MOH is no rolling her eyes because she can't try it on.
I just can't win with her!!!

Today we went to pick out her BM dresses and low and behold she picks a $155 dress. REALLY?!?!  After I spent forever looking for something to accommodate her she picks something straight off the rack and tells me she was trying to get on that was on sale but "Oh well!!"

I've been telling my BMs to start ordering their dress and I get nothing.

I'm spent. I really want to be accommodating to everyone but this really has me irritated.

Help! I have a Bride/MOHZILLLA!!!
Be still and know... Wedding Countdown Ticker www.weddingwire.com/teamfaison

Re: Help! I have a Bride/MOHZILLLA!!!

  • edited July 2010
    Hello Knotties. I'm perturbed and here's why, I have 8BMs ranging in size from 5'2" size 0 to size 22 5'8" so finding styles that I liked for their dresses were no easy feat. Combined with my MOH keeps complaining about her money issues and how she can't be at any tentative planned bridal party occasions, which I've planned myself. She is my cousin and she's getting married two months after me and I'm her MOH and getting her to be excited about her own wedding is like pulling teeth. Whenever I ask her about her wedding she just rolls her eyes and declares that she doesn't care her FH is planning everything, ask him. It's really starting to get frustrating since I'm really excited about both our days and I'm getting fed up with having my wedding parade rained on. Embarassed

    I spent over two months scouring for dresses that would be comfortable and look good then after deciding what I wanted I get showered with complaints about how to pay for the dress which were at most $200. I do realize that it is a lot to pay for a dress that might only be worn once but there is also a lay away plan and I told the BMs what I wanted about a year in advance. After receiving nonstop  whining and complaining about my MOH's financial problems I decided to just change the dresses.
    So now I have 5 different styles picked for them to choose from all for $80. The down side is because they are on sale or being discontinued by David's Bridal they aren't available in-store for them to try on. Now that the price is considerably lower I would think everyone would be happy. No. My MOH is no rolling her eyes because she can't try it on.
    I just can't win with her!!!

    Today we went to pick out her BM dresses and low and behold she picks a $155 dress. REALLY?!?!  After I spent forever looking for something to accommodate her she picks something straight off the rack and tells me she was trying to get on that was on sale but "Oh well!!"

    I've been telling my BMs to start ordering their dress and I get nothing.

    I'm spent. I really want to be accommodating to everyone but this really has me irritated.

    Help! I have a Bride/MOHZILLLA!!!
    Be still and know... Wedding Countdown Ticker www.weddingwire.com/teamfaison
  • She picked that one, then she'd have to pay for it.
  • right. I'm going to get what she wants for her wedding definitely. I'm just wandering if it'd be worth it to change my BM dresses to the ones I really want. err. I'm an over thinker.
    Be still and know... Wedding Countdown Ticker www.weddingwire.com/teamfaison
  • I know everyone says this, but do what You will be happiest with in the end. I personally think that when you agree to be in someone's wedding you're pretty much agreeing to buy whatever dress they chose for you, and if money was an issue (doesn't look like it really was in her case after all) I think you did the right thing by offering cheaper alternatives. But before you make any final decisions, talk to her! If she's close enough to be your MOH, then you should be able to talk with her and work it out. 
  • edited July 2010
    Did you ever ask her about her budget?  Or the other bridesmaids?  Or did you just pick a dress and tell them how much it was after the fact?  It sounds like she isn't just being difficult; she isn't having an easy time money-wise.

    My MOH is dealing with some serious financial hardships right now.  I found dresses in her original budget, and then when that changed, I found dresses in her new budget.  I also offered to help pay for the dress.  I'm not saying you have to do this, but it's an option.

    FWIW - I can understand if she doesn't want to talk about her wedding.  My wedding is 95% my fiance's wedding.  That's just how it worked out, he cares a lot more than I do.  Plus, planning hers and being a part of yours, she might just be a little tired of weddings in general, you know?

    ETA - Have you tried looking for the dresses you want online, somewhere cheaper?  I found dresses I loved but they were in the $200 range, but I was also able to find some online for about $100.
  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    2500 Comments
    edited July 2010
    In Response to Help! I have a Bride/MOHZILLLA!!!:
    [QUOTE]Hello Knotties. I'm perturbed and here's why, I have 8BMs ranging in size from 5'2" size 0 to size 22 5'8" so finding styles that I liked for their dresses were no easy feat. Combined with my MOH keeps complaining about her money issues and how she can't be at any tentative planned bridal party occasions, which I've planned myself. She is my cousin and she's getting married two months after me and I'm her MOH and getting her to be excited about her own wedding is like pulling teeth. Whenever I ask her about her wedding she just rolls her eyes and declares that she doesn't care her FH is planning everything, ask him. It's really starting to get frustrating since I'm really excited about both our days and I'm getting fed up with having my wedding parade rained on. I spent over two months scouring for dresses that would be comfortable and look good then after deciding what I wanted I get showered with complaints about how to pay for the dress which were at most $200. I do realize that it is a lot to pay for a dress that might only be worn once but there is also a lay away plan and I told the BMs what I wanted about a year in advance. After receiving nonstop  whining and complaining about my MOH's financial problems I decided to just change the dresses. So now I have 5 different styles picked for them to choose from all for $80. The down side is because they are on sale or being discontinued by David's Bridal they aren't available in-store for them to try on. Now that the price is considerably lower I would think everyone would be happy. No. My MOH is no rolling her eyes because she can't try it on. I just can't win with her!!! Today we went to pick out her BM dresses and low and behold she picks a $155 dress. REALLY?!?!  After I spent forever looking for something to accommodate her she picks something straight off the rack and tells me she was trying to get on that was on sale but "Oh well!!" I've been telling my BMs to start ordering their dress and I get nothing. I'm spent. I really want to be accommodating to everyone but this really has me irritated. Help! I have a Bride/MOHZILLLA!!!
    Posted by Mrs.Faison[/QUOTE]


    A) Stop nagging her about whether she's excited for her wedding or yours.  People are allowed to be different and have different levels of excitement about weddings.  I despise people who do this to me.  This does not constitute her raining on your parade.
    B) What "planned bridal party occasions" are you talking about?  If these are WP meet and greets or you trying to make WP help you with your wedding, she isn't obligated to attend any of those and you are probably asking too much.  If you're talking about shower and bach parties, then you are just being rude by planning them for yourself.
    C) BOTH of you should have asked your WPs for their budgets for the dress before even starting to look.  You don't get to pick out a $200 dress and say "I don't care if you can afford it, this is what you have to buy."  But, neither does she.  So just as she told you she can't afford what you picked out, you are within your rights to tell her that you can't afford what she picked out.  Changing your dress back is not fair to the other BMs, who it sounds like were also unhappy with the price, and also need to be allowed to get a dress within their own budgets.
    Married 10/2/10
  • In Response to Re: Help! I have a Bride/MOHZILLLA!!!:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Help! I have a Bride/MOHZILLLA!!! : A) Stop nagging her about whether she's excited for her wedding or yours.  People are allowed to be different and have different levels of excitement about weddings.  I despise people who do this to me.  This does not constitute her raining on your parade. B) What "planned bridal party occasions" are you talking about?  If these are WP meet and greets or you trying to make WP help you with your wedding, she isn't obligated to attend any of those and you are probably asking too much.  If you're talking about shower and bach parties, then you are just being rude by planning them for yourself. C) BOTH of you should have asked your WPs for their budgets for the dress before even starting to look.  You don't get to pick out a $200 dress and say "I don't care if you can afford it, this is what you have to buy."  But, neither does she.  So just as she told you she can't afford what you picked out, you are within your rights to tell her that you can't afford what she picked out.  Changing your dress back is not fair to the other BMs, who it sounds like were also unhappy with the price, and also need to be allowed to get a dress within their own budgets.
    Posted by quotequeen[/QUOTE]

    Pretend I said this. All of it.
    image
  • Thank you all for your bluntness. I prefer to be told the truth versus pussy footing with my feelings, so thanks, fo reals.
    I knew the snarky brides board was exactly where i needed to post this. you ladies rock.
    Be still and know... Wedding Countdown Ticker www.weddingwire.com/teamfaison
  • Being a BM is a big financial expense. If your MOH or anyone else couldn't afford it, they should have declined.  Your MOH's financial problems are not yours. She accepted to be MOH and she should be prepared to spend. Who cares if she is not excited about her wedding. Not your problem.

    Realistically, you are not going to find a dress that looks good on BMs ranging from size 0 to 22. It is important for all of them to try on the dresses. But you should be able to select a few dresses that you like and tell all of your BMs that as a group they need to decide on one of them.

    Don't let your MOH run the show or rain on your parade.
  • edited July 2010
    In Response to Re: Help! I have a Bride/MOHZILLLA!!!:
    [QUOTE]Being a BM is a big financial expense. If your MOH or anyone else couldn't afford it, they should have declined.  Your MOH's financial problems are not yours. She accepted to be MOH and she should be prepared to spend. Who cares if she is not excited about her wedding. Not your problem. Realistically, you are not going to find a dress that looks good on BMs ranging from size 0 to 22. It is important for all of them to try on the dresses. But you should be able to select a few dresses that you like and tell all of your BMs that as a group they need to decide on one of them. Don't let your MOH run the show or rain on your parade.
    Posted by Lisa8888[/QUOTE]

    Wow! Talk about snarky! I'm guessing you dont care about the finacial situation of "friends". I'm guessing you're someone that would register for the $165 butter dish. To hell with other people. Never mind that those BM are not just human props for a wedding. Being a BM is not about just spending money. Or maybe i have it wrong. Maybe i should expect my BMs and MOH to spend hundreds of dollars on my wedding. Maybe i could get them to partially finance my house cuz being a BM is you know a huge financial responsibility and if they cant commit the money then tough cookies step down! 

    I was a MOH for a dear friend. When i accepted to be her MOH i was in a different finacial situation than when it came closer to her wedding. Situations change, people get laid off. But declining to be a MOH would have crushed my friend.  She knew about my finacial situation and she picked a dress that i could afford.  It would be nice to be considerate of your "friends" that you have picked to stand up there with you on your day.

    And honestly $200 for a dress that they will only wear once is a bit much. Factor in shoes, hair, make up and you're talking about $300-$400. If you really want them in those $200 dresses then buy it for them yourself.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to Re: Help! I have a Bride/MOHZILLLA!!!:
    [QUOTE]Being a BM is a big financial expense. If your MOH or anyone else couldn't afford it, they should have declined.  Your MOH's financial problems are not yours. She accepted to be MOH and she should be prepared to spend. Who cares if she is not excited about her wedding. Not your problem. Realistically, you are not going to find a dress that looks good on BMs ranging from size 0 to 22. It is important for all of them to try on the dresses. But you should be able to select a few dresses that you like and tell all of your BMs that as a group they need to decide on one of them. Don't let your MOH run the show or rain on your parade.
    Posted by Lisa8888[/QUOTE]

    So far I have read 2 of your posts.  Both of those posts have been the worst advice I've ever read.  I hereby bestow upon you the worst advice ever award


    and will henceforth call you /b/.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • eye to eye, B.
    image
  • Lenore2010Lenore2010 member
    1000 Comments
    edited July 2010

    To veer off topic here, I will go with the idea that planning your own shower is rude, it is in fact unforgivably rude.

    I think, however that planning AND PAYING for your own bach party is not only NOT rude, it ought to become the norm. Some may call it AWish, but really the whole wedding experience is pretty much a AW deal for the bride by definition (and even for the groom to some degree). Planning and paying for your own bach  (and NOT asking your bach guests to pay for anything BTW!) gets you the bach you want and takes it off your bridal party's plate, both from a  finanicial and planning POV.

    The bridal party may not be required to plan or pay for a bach, but all three times I was in weddings I felt like we needed to do it. We had fun, but it did cost all of us.

    As to the MOH, she is not required to be excited about her wedding, let it be. It sounds like you appreciate the honest opinions you are getting here though and hats off for that. The dress issue sounds frustrating, probably could have been avoided with better communication. A lot of these issues can be avoided.


    Very OT Note:

    -a few of you may recall I left the boards a few weeks back. A bad day and the very recent death of a friend had set me off pretty bad and I went GBCK for reasons not so very much to do with TK. Though a thread about what a bunch of A-holes everyone on the boards were did set me off a bit! I have been back and lurking the past few days. I plan to head over to the Nevada boards to see if I can offer any suggestions to anyone planning a Vegas or near Vegas wedding.

  • Thumbs up, betrothed.

    Lenore, don't let the door hit ya. 
  • Lisa8888, you can find a flaterring dress between a size two and a size 28.  I know because I've done it. All my girls look nice and I think they will all be comfortable. 
    White Knot Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • In Response to Re: Help! I have a Bride/MOHZILLLA!!!:
    [QUOTE]Very OT Note: -a few of you may recall I left the boards a few weeks back. A bad day and the very recent death of a friend had set me off pretty bad and I went GBCK for reasons not so very much to do with TK. Though a thread about what a bunch of A-holes everyone on the boards were did set me off a bit! I have been back and lurking the past few days. I plan to head over to the Nevada boards to see if I can offer any suggestions to anyone planning a Vegas or near Vegas wedding.
    Posted by Lenore2010[/QUOTE]

    I like you, and was not happy to see you go, but WTF is this AW I'm coming back but not to you BS?  What are you looking for here? 

    I guess good for your local board.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
    image
    Just call me "Brothel"
    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
    my read shelf:
    Betrothed 123's book recommendations, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
  • Heels, what do you care anyway? You were not even part of that discussion.

    Oh, and yes it IS possible to find something that looks good on a size 0 and a 22. Challanging, but possible. Or you can do the same color/material different styles thing. Not everyone is a fan of that but I think it can work.

  • In Response to Re: Help! I have a Bride/MOHZILLLA!!!:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! I have a Bride/MOHZILLLA!!! : I like you, and was not happy to see you go, but WTF is this AW I'm coming back but not to you BS?  What are you looking for here?  I guess good for your local board.
    Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]


    Thanks B, but I did not mean I was not coming back to Snarky, just I had a more specific purpose in coming back to TK which is chatting on th NV board. Of course I will be around Snarky (to the chagrin of some lol) I just posted here! Sorry for the confusion.

    Peace out, B.
  • What do I care?  You totally threadjacked this post.  Besides, I don't have to have been here for that particular convo to have an opinion on it.  I've had plenty of other interactions with you. 
  • In Response to Re: Help! I have a Bride/MOHZILLLA!!!:
    [QUOTE]What do I care?  You totally threadjacked this post.  Besides, I don't have to have been here for that particular convo to have an opinion on it.  I've had plenty of other interactions with you. 
    Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

    Honestly, I do not even remember any of them. Flattered I was so memorable for you, but with no sarcasm I can say I honestly do not recall. Are you sure you are not confusing reading my posts with interacting in threads?

    Also, I did have a comment or two to make on the OP and did so. Yup I added my own aside, but the OP had pretty much gotten the advice she was looking for (and thanked all for it, I might add).

    So Heels, you are very much entitled to your own opinions, and beyond that all I have to say is . 
  • Going back OT to the bride's dilemma with dresses...

    8 BMs, size 0 - 22.  While some may be able to find a dress flattering for all, it seems very difficult.  For my brother's wedding, there's 6 other BMs, and we all have the same unshapely, unattractive dress.  For my wedding, I'm determining the length and color of the dress, and letting my BMs pick what kind they want.  This way, if they want to wear the dress again, they can.  Plus, I figure if they pick out something they love, then they'll feel beautiful in the dresses, which makes for better wedding pictures! Smile
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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