Anxiety coming on...are you feeling the same?

Re: Anxiety coming on...are you feeling the same?

• CaylaSummer

  

  September 2010 edited December 2011

  what kind of a wedding are you having? and how many guests? I don't know yet how much mine will cost but we are anticipating around 150 ppl including kids. I'm putting about 10,000 of my own money and my FI is putting some and the reception is being taken care of by our parents so yes now that I think of it ours might cost around 20,000-25,000. We are looking at a banquet hall plus church fees etc. 

  
  

  Yes it is a lot of money for one day I definitely agree however don't worry too much about pleasing your guest do what you can within your budget. Just shop around and ask other brides who got married recently. As well there are tonnes of ppl here that can give you pointers how to cut costs.

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• mcrotondo member

  

  September 2010 edited December 2011

  Hey there Cayla,
  
  Thanks so much.  We are having 130 people.  Our parents are contributing $15K and the rest is up to us.  That's great that your parents are covering the reception, that will be a huge weight off of your shoulders.  That is the biggest cost (food and beverage_  You almost need $10K just for the other things and $20K + for the food and beverage.  It is quite the money making industry.

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• APW2010 member

  

  September 2010 edited December 2011

  The online budget tools are pretty bad, there are a lot of things missing from most of them, and our budget totally didn't fit into their recommended percentages. And there are tons of hidden costs, I picked the brains of all my friends who had gotten married in the last few years for all the costs they weren't expecting so that I could try and plan for all of it. But there's always more you don't think of.
  
  The one thing I don't think you should be worrying about is the wedding being good enough for your gusts. Sometimes a wedding different than what they are used to is more interesting and entertaining for them, and as long as you are hosting a party that you think will be a great time, so will everyone else. Just don't stress or worry and everyone will take your lead.
  
  I hear you on the poor forever bit. If we waited until I felt like we had enough $$$ to have a baby, we never would. So we'll have to just decide that we're ready in other ways and trust that we'll find a way to work it out - after all, plenty of people manage to do it on way smaller incomes than we have. My biggest gripe is that since I am the breadwinner our household income will be hit way harder than families where the man is, during my mat leave. So probably, we will have to split the parental leave. But it will work out. We live in an expensive city... but I wouldn't give that up. Just think, if you find a way to swing a cost as big as this wedding, your budget skills will be so improved and you'll have so much experience with it!!!

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• ring_pop member

  

  September 2010 edited December 2011

  What you're describing sounds like pretty classic pre-wedding stress.
  
  1. Re: wedding being good enough for your guests - IMO what makes a great wedding is a great couple. I've been to a variety of weddings ranging from simple to extravagant, and my impression of the wedding always comes down to the couple. Were they happy? Were they smiling all day? Are they great together? As long as you've followed your basic wedding planning etiquette and extended common courtesies to your guests, don't worry too much about it. Banquet hall weddings can be overrated anyway.
  
  2. Re: money - oh is there ever enough?? DH and I agonized a lot over the same question before our wedding. Our wedding cost 40k in total, with 25k coming from us. But I have to say... in the end, having such an amazing day, and seeing our friends and family having such a good time, made it really worth it. Looking back, I can honestly say that I only remember what a fantastic day I had. I don't regret spending the money. Sure, I could have saved it for something else, but for me, there just aren't that many things in life that I would spend that kind of money on. I don't care much for fancy houses, cars or stuff, but I'm damn happy to hear people raving about our wedding, and to watch our wedding video again.
  
  3. Re: construction - You can certainly try to negotiate a better rate because of the construction, but if you've already signed a contract, there's probably not much you can do... unless you're willing to walk away from your down payment.
  
  4. Re: life ahead and being poor forever - I'd be surprised to meet anyone who didn't want more money. There's a board on The Nest called Money Matters, and it's a great place to talk about life and money. Drop by sometime!

  
  
  Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
  

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• Stephk08 member

  

  September 2010 edited December 2011

  Not to worry, I think all soon-to-be brides feel the way you are feeling, I know I've had my moments!  I was also worried about impressing my friends and family, but as the day is getting closer I am able to let a lot of things go. I realized that, as long as our guests are fed, comfortable and entertained, they're happy!  As long as your wedding is FUN, all the details fall by the wayside. Remember, it's about you and your partner, NOT them. Don't sweat the small stuff, it's too exhausting- I learned that the hard way! 

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• mcrotondo member

  

  September 2010 edited December 2011

  Thank you!  I don't feel so crazy anymore   Things will work out i'm sure and I will keep you all posted on the final tally of costs.  Ring pop, when you mentioned there are not many things in life you would spend that much money on....truth is you are right and at the end of the day, it is just money.  We are all here for an indefinite amount of time and we should enjoy whatever precious moments we can.
  
  Thanks ladies and I will definitely check out the nest.
  
  Monique

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• ring_pop member

  

  September 2010 edited December 2011

  Glad you're feeling better!
  
  Keep us posted and vent whenever you need to!

  
  
  Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
  

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• isabeleric

  

  September 2010 edited December 2011

  If I had a nickel for each of my friends/fam past brides who told me it is VERY stressful, I'd be rich enough to not worry as much. I know EXACTLY what you mean, you are not alone, in fact I think most brides find it very stressful, 

  I used to think gals exaggerate about how much there is to do, and how expensive everything is. Now, I have had some time off work and there are still not enough hours in the day to get it all done, and it is a LOT of pressure to please everyone. There is an element of feeling "on display" and I think we've all worried that the guests won't like the food, or one of our family members will take offence to whom they are seated with or if a tradition of theirs isn't followed, etc. I think the wedding industry has become a huge profit-makign monster (sorry to sound cynical) and it pressures us to go to minute and expensive detail so that every piece of stationary matches the flowers, you have to have the fanciest cake, and god forbid you don't have designer champagne glasses, and so on. I am not writing this to sound depressing, I am saying you are completely not alone in your feelings and it is perfectly natural. All my former bride friends warned me about this and as brides, we need to fight the pressures and reassure ourselves that we've done a great job. The cliche is true that you can't please everyone all the time, and never before have you tried to please 100 or 200 people on the same day. So to every bride: what you feel is normal, remind yourself that the important thing is to please YOURSELF and your HUBBY on your wedding day, and the rest will all work out just fine. 

  

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• mcrotondo member

  

  September 2010 edited December 2011

  Thank you for your kind words and thoughts,  You are right, I never thought it would be this stressful.  Usually I don't get nervous to be on display, i'm a leo you would think I would love attention LOL.  But for some reason this is different.  Maybe it is because we have 2 groups of virtual strangers coming together for a night...hoping they all get along
  
  I think the biggest reason I get worried is because in my day job, I am a meeting/conference planner.  I am usually in control of everything, I am usually the MC, I am usually the one who runs the show and cues people.  I am the one who decorates and makes sure everyone is on time.  Now I can't be that person and I cannot clone myself.  I can't say I know of anyone in my family and friends who is a take charge person like me so there is no one to run the show.  That make me nervous.  I now understand "day of wedding coordinators"  and would recommend it.  You can only rely on people so much.  Also, you want your family and friends to have fun and not worry about running the show.
  
  anyway, thanks again and all the best to you all.  I will keep you posted on the last 30 days of running around.
  Monique

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• suellen2bwed member

  

  September 2010 edited December 2011

  Our wedding is not until the end of May and I am already loosing sleep. We set our budget at 10,000 for 80 guest and so far we are on target (my dress is a present from my mom) for me it is not about the budget, I am terrified of the day of. Because our budget is so tight I can't do a wedding planner for the day of . We are getting married at 11:00 am and the amount of things to do the morning of are overwhelming and I don't want friends and family doing it.
  The amount of choices for invitatons, decor and everything else is positivly overwhelming!
  Dress shopping is next and I am so stressed about that too!
  I am just so glad I am not alone in this, I thought I was the only one not loving every moment of this process!
  S-E

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