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Birthday Wedding

sandjpringlesandjpringle
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We have had a hard time setting a date for our wedding and are now looking at a date in May 2014.  The date is also my cousin's birthday (she will be turning 26) - is this a problem?  I'm worried about 1- her taking the attention off our day 2- her being upset that its on the same day and 3- do i need to celebrate or do something nice for her on the day? 

I haven't asked her to be a bridesmaid yet, but it's a definitely possibility- so my wedding would be on my cousin/bridesmaid's birthday.

is this ok?  what is protocol?  am i wrong to be worried about it?

Thanks!
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Re: Birthday Wedding

  • kipnuskipnus member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Just go for it. Birthdays happen on wedding days and it's ok. Turning 26 isn't a big deal like turning 18 or 21. You could have your DJ/MC announce her b-day at the reception, if you want. I know lots of people have enjoyed attending weddings on their birthdays--it's a big party! 

    Whatever you do, do not ask anyone to be in your bridal party yet. Wait until about 9 months out from your wedding date. May 2014 is still a long ways away!
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  • KellyBrian2013KellyBrian2013
    1000 Comments
    In Response to Re:Birthday Wedding:[QUOTE]We have had a hard time setting a date for our wedding and are now looking at a date in May 2014. nbsp;The date is also my cousin's birthday she will be turning 26 is this a problem? nbsp;I'm worried about 1 her taking the attention off our day 2 her being upset that its on the same day and 3 do i need to celebrate or do something nice for her on the day?nbsp;I haven't asked her to be a bridesmaid yet, but it's a definitely possibility so my wedding would be on my cousin/bridesmaid's birthday.is this ok? nbsp;what is protocol? nbsp;am i wrong to be worried about it?Thanks! Posted by sandjpringle[/QUOTE]

    Really, birthdays should not be a big deal. However, it may be nice for you to give her a heads up: "Hey, cousin. FI and I have been figuring out dates and we finally settled on one. But I realized it's your birthday! I hope you don't have plans already, because we're planning one heck of a party!" Then change the subject. You'll be the one in the big, white dress so don't worry about it taking away from your day. And while no recognition of her bday is necessary, considering she is close enough to be considered as a bridesmaid, I probably would acknowledge it in some way. That could be the DJ making an announcement or you wishing her a happy birthday when you thank your guests at the reception.
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    I wouldn't recommend getting married on one of YOUR birthdays, but it shouldn't be an issue to get married on your cousin's brithday.  26-year-olds should be used to not making a big deal out of a birthday.   If you want, you can have a cake or sing happy brithday at the RD (if your cousin will be attending the RD), otherwise I wouldn't worry about it.
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  • freebread03freebread03 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its First Answer
    She's 26, not 12, I really don't see why this would be a problem. Grown ups go to work, events, etc on their birthdays all the time without the expectation of special acknowledgement, and I have to assume she would too. Just make sure to wish her happy birthday and let her know how happy you are that she could make your big day.
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  • 1mobags1mobags
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    My wedding is on my nieces 8th birthday..... She is fine with it..... My sister (her mother) keeps taking about how the day won't be about the child and on and on and on and on...... It's insane. Shocking how some people think that being born on a day makes it theirs.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Well, I wouldn't change your wedding date, but if you're worried about her taking the attention off your day, then don't bring it up to her.  She can celebrate on her own before or after the wedding, depending on what time of day it is.

    If you don't mind including a celebration for her at your wedding, then I'd ask her if she's okay with that, because she may not want the attention.

    Just to relate another experience with the same issue, at my brother's wedding reception, my great-aunt (the recently married second wife of my maternal grandfather's brother), came up to my father, told him that it was her birthday, and wanted a cupcake with a candle on it to blow out while everyone sang "Happy Birthday" to her.  My father agreed to it, but then never followed through because he was distracted as FOG.  My great-aunt got really pissed off when it didn't happen and left nasty messages for my parents and my mother's sister on their answering machines.  Everyone did profusely apologize to her to stay on her good side-she does have a pushy personality that my mother's cousins, the children of his first wife, and others in our family find off-putting.  She is known in our family today as "Aunt Cupcake."  I've had run-ins of my own with her.
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birthday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:46f698ef-4f6c-42e0-86bd-d33cbae64b16Post:55312eb9-3c67-417e-898b-155d383103ff">Birthday Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]  I'm worried about 1- her taking the attention off our day
    Posted by sandjpringle[/QUOTE]

    I give this reasoning a GIGANTIC eye roll.  C'mon - you're an adult who is getting married and you're worried about a birthday taking away your spotlight?  It's just so idiotic.  You're getting married, not getting crowned king of the world.  It's okay that other people exist and celebrate things, too.  At our AHR, we listed off about twenty other people who had things going on and who should also be celebrated that evening with us.  Graciousness - get it.

    My sister married on the birthday of one of her bridesmaids.  She got her a special cake and sang Happy Birthday.  I found it very thoughtful.

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  • libby2483libby2483 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited November 2012
    Just pick the date you want. We got carried on my cousin's 5th birthday, which was also one day before my uncle's birthday and two days before my mom's birthday. Nobody seemed to mind. In fact, my cousin basically thought the wedding was a giant birthday party for her and she loved it.
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  • freebread03freebread03 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birthday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:46f698ef-4f6c-42e0-86bd-d33cbae64b16Post:80b680b2-9e97-4da1-b9aa-16c04a40a536">Re: Birthday Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Birthday Wedding : <strong>I give this reasoning a GIGANTIC eye roll. </strong> C'mon - you're an adult who is getting married and you're worried about a birthday taking away your spotlight?  It's just so idiotic.  You're getting married, not getting crowned king of the world.  It's okay that other people exist and celebrate things, too.  At our AHR, we listed off about twenty other people who had things going on and who should also be celebrated that evening with us.  Graciousness - get it. My sister married on the birthday of one of her bridesmaids.  She got her a special cake and sang Happy Birthday.  I found it very thoughtful.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ditto this.  Do you really think so little of your cousin that you think she would do something to take the attention off your day because it's her birthday?  IMO, that's just really not very nice.  I think you need to take a step back and read what you wrote and think about how it really sounds.  </div>
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  • SmallenForeverSmallenForever member
    100 Comments
    I'd ask your cousin. If you want her to be in the bridal party, you need to check and make sure she doesn't already have plans for her birthday. When I was picking dates, one of my bridesmaids asked me not to choose her birthday because she was planning on going out of town. It was no big deal. If your cousin was any other guest, I'd say just go with the date, but if you want her to be in your wedding party, ask her and make sure it's okay. Tons of people plan birthday trips and parties way in advance, so it doesn't hurt to ask. 
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  • freebread03freebread03 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birthday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:46f698ef-4f6c-42e0-86bd-d33cbae64b16Post:92262d63-a6f0-4226-8ae7-b39d271d5f5c">Re: Birthday Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd ask your cousin. If you want her to be in the bridal party, you need to check and make sure she doesn't already have plans for her birthday. When I was picking dates, one of my bridesmaids asked me not to choose her birthday because she was planning on going out of town. It was no big deal. If your cousin was any other guest, I'd say just go with the date, but if you want her to be in your wedding party, ask her and make sure it's okay. <strong>Tons of people plan birthday trips and parties way in advance</strong>, so it doesn't hurt to ask. 
    Posted by SmallenForever[/QUOTE]

    <div>1.5 years in advance for a 26th birthday?  Highly doubtful...if someone tried to get me to plan a trip over 1.5 years in advance, I'd think they were crazy.</div>
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  • SmallenForeverSmallenForever member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birthday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:46f698ef-4f6c-42e0-86bd-d33cbae64b16Post:d8b1a41a-1531-4341-bfa9-aa833acb6047">Re: Birthday Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Birthday Wedding : 1.5 years in advance for a 26th birthday?  Highly doubtful...if someone tried to get me to plan a trip over 1.5 years in advance, I'd think they were crazy.
    Posted by freebread03[/QUOTE]

    <div>It could happen. My FI goes out of town every single year on his birthay to visit his twin. He wouldn't cancel it for anything. I think if OP thinks there may be an issue with her cousin's birthday and the wedding date, asking is the best thing to do.</div>
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  • freebread03freebread03 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birthday-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:46f698ef-4f6c-42e0-86bd-d33cbae64b16Post:dc336e85-be7c-48ed-b8bc-837a5297aacb">Re: Birthday Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Birthday Wedding : It could happen. My FI goes out of town every single year on his birthay to visit his twin. He wouldn't cancel it for anything. I think if OP thinks there may be an issue with her cousin's birthday and the wedding date, asking is the best thing to do.
    Posted by SmallenForever[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ok, true, I stand corrected. Guess I just wish I could plan anything more than 2 weeks out for myself!</div>
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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    If you can't trust a 26 year old woman to behave her age about such a non-issue, then I question why you'd want to have her in your bridal party.

    Really, I stopped caring about my birthdays after I turned 21.  They just aren't that big of a deal, and aren't landmark party days anymore.  If your cousin still expects a huge party every year, and everyone to pet her and coo over her like she's five..... then she is seriously weird.
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  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    We got married on my cousin's 9th birthday.  AND he had to fly 2500 miles from home to be at our wedding.  He was really upset with us at first (not to our face, but to my aunt) because he thought it meant he wouldn't get a party.

    We had a cake and everyone sang happy birthday to him at our reception.  Then he had his own party when he got home.  Now it's fun for all of us that we share our anniversary with his birthday.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its

    If you want to get married on your cousin's wedding the right thing to do is not ignore it's her birthday.  Get her a card, sing a quick happy birthday, surprise her with a cupcake or something.  Being it's your cousin and other family is going to be around people WILL say happy birthday to her, heck they might even break out in a song or a couple of people might to a toast or smething,  get over it.  

    It doesn't mean attention is being taken from you.  People are able to celebrate both events on the same day while still keeping more of the attention on the couple.







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • HandBananaHandBanana member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    In Response to Re:Birthday Wedding:[QUOTE]In Response to Birthday Wedding:nbsp; I'm worried about 1 her taking the attention off our day Posted by sandjpringleI give this reasoning a GIGANTIC eye roll.nbsp; C'mon you're an adult who is getting married and you're worried about a birthday taking away your spotlight?nbsp; It's just so idiotic.nbsp; You're getting married, not getting crowned king of the world.nbsp; It's okay that other people exist and celebrate things, too.nbsp; At our AHR, we listed off about twenty other people who had things going on and who should also be celebrated that evening with us.nbsp; Graciousness get it.My sister married on the birthday of one of her bridesmaids.nbsp; She got her a special cake and sang Happy Birthday.nbsp; I found it very thoughtful. Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    I wouldn't eyeroll this without knowing her cousin. My BIL received a standing ovation from the entire restaurant because he showed up in his fatigues at our RD. He was not returning from a deployment but simply a training exercise and regularly wears his fatigues out for this type of attention.
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  • HandBananaHandBanana member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    It is nive that you are considering your cousin's feelings but you are fine unless they are an attention driven nut.
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  • sandjpringlesandjpringle
    First Comment
    Thanks for all of the advice!

    I just talked to her about it and she is really excited and could care less about it being on her birthday- she's just excited we are getting married.  I think i'll get her a cake or cupcake to celebrate- thanks!
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  • egeurtsegeurts
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    My wedding ended up being on my uncle's birthday and another friend's anniversary, and I didn't know about it until a few days before. We didn't do anything special, but acknowledged both of them and gave them extra thanks for taking time out of "their days" to share in ours. As adults, its NBD. 
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  • Jlp818Jlp818 member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    My sister got married on my 25th birthday. Her wedding was a blast. I looked at it as a awesome way to spend my birthday. She did have a cake brought in and everyone sang happy birthday to me. At first it was a little embarassing but I really do appreciate her doing that. I think it is more than fine to have your wedding on her birthday. I'm not sure how close you two are but maybe get her a nice card for her birthday but thats it really. Have your wedding on whatever day works best for you and your VIPs.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think the only thing you need to consider is, do you ever normally celebrate her birthday with her? I know my friend celebrates all her cousins' birthdays with them and if she got married this would put a kink in their birthday celebration plans. I don't mean on the day of their wedding, but I mean every year on her anniversary day. Or even when she turns a milestone birthday. I dunno, just something to think about.
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  • Carrie81677Carrie81677
    10 Comments
    I was a bridesmaid in a wedding on my 26th birthday.  The wedding was 37 different kinds of awful, but not because it was on my birthday.  The bride and groom did ask ahead of time if I was okay with it, which on the one hand was very courteous, and on the other was weird, because they were weird.
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