Dietary restrictions

pzavecz · July 2012

I was reading through some of the threads and there was some talk about dietary restrictions...which got me thinking about my RSVP cards and the food at my wedding.

We're having a buffet for our wedding. Since we're not having a plated meal, I didn't even think to put anything about the food options on our RSVP card...since I figured there are different options to choose from at the buffet, people could pick what they want. (Probably a big woops on my part...) I do know of a couple people on our guest list who are vegetarians and they will be accomodated. Our venue coordinator/planner told us we could just let them know who needs a vegetarian meal and they would prepare a separate plate for them and we wouldn't have to use one of the options for our buffet as just a strictly vegetarian option.

Someone in a prior thread happened to also mentioned a guest needing gluten-free. I didn't even think about that, but, of course, I want to accomodate anyone with allergies or anyone who is a vegetarian (I'm not going to accomodate food "preferences" though, i.e. someone who doesn't eat cheese just because they don't like the taste, not because they are allergic). Since my RSVP cards are all printed and ready to go, how would I go about accomodating anyone else that may have a dietary restriction that I don't know of, without having to go through a redesign of my cards and reprinting (I got a custom design from an Etsy seller)? Do you think people would contact me directly if they do have any dietary concerns or maybe just write it in themselves on the RSVP card? Or should I maybe put something on our wedding website about letting us know of any dietary restrictions?

Your help is appreciated! Thanks!

pokepoke27 · July 2012

Most people will notify you of dietary restrictions (such as needing gluten free meals). You are completely right in not providing options on your RSVP cards. If you are having a buffet you do not need to know ahead of time what your guests want to eat.

Do you have a wedding website? I included all the food I was serving on the website. You can also add a note asking guests to please notify you if they have any special dietary needs.

EK2013 · July 2012

What do you know about the kinds of things your guests eat?

I didn't ask, and I'm kicking myself because I already know I have a ton of former-vegans invited (at least 10% of our guest list have been vegan at some point). I have a very vegetarian-friendly menu (a lot of VIPs are vegetarian or pescetarian), but there are fewer options that I can guarantee to be vegan.

Not to ask a dumb question, but why don't you want any vegetarian options on your buffet? (Or are you not counting salad/fruit/grilled vegetables and other vegetarian sides as dishes?)

Don't trust your guests to tell you, but don't blame yourself too much if something goes awry. I would put something up on the wedding website if I were in your position.

SpartanCat · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dietary-restrictions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ed9c9ee5-55f0-4f3e-b350-c45c69072831Post:27467847-fc7a-4bab-94a6-1b8def833c0d">Dietary restrictions</a>:
[QUOTE]I was reading through some of the threads and there was some talk about dietary restrictions...which got me thinking about my RSVP cards and the food at my wedding. We're having a buffet for our wedding. Since we're not having a plated meal, I didn't even think to put anything about the food options on our RSVP card...since I figured there are different options to choose from at the buffet, people could pick what they want. (Probably a big woops on my part...) <strong>I do know of a couple people on our guest list who are vegetarians and they will be accomodated. </strong>Our venue coordinator/planner told us we could just let them know who needs a vegetarian meal and they would prepare a separate plate for them and we wouldn't have to use one of the options for our buffet as just a strictly vegetarian option. Someone in a prior thread happened to also mentioned a guest needing gluten-free. I didn't even think about that, but, of course, <strong>I want to accomodate anyone with allergies or anyone who is a vegetarian</strong> (I'm not going to accomodate food "preferences" though, i.e. someone who doesn't eat cheese just because they don't like the taste, not because they are allergic). Since my RSVP cards are all printed and ready to go, how would I go about accomodating anyone else that may have a dietary restriction that I don't know of, without having to go through a redesign of my cards and reprinting (I got a custom design from an Etsy seller)? Do you think people would contact me directly if they do have any dietary concerns or maybe just write it in themselves on the RSVP card? Or should I maybe put something on our wedding website about letting us know of any dietary restrictions? Your help is appreciated! Thanks!
Posted by pzavecz[/QUOTE]

EK, I think she said she IS accomodating vegetarians.

DramaGeek · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dietary-restrictions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ed9c9ee5-55f0-4f3e-b350-c45c69072831Post:b561884c-3efb-4df9-9fac-0eb2138c02d0">Re: Dietary restrictions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Dietary restrictions : EK, I think she said she IS accomodating vegetarians.
Posted by SpartanCat[/QUOTE]

<div>She is, but not on the buffet. The caterer is making up a different meal strictly for those people.</div><div>
</div><div>OP, I don't think your guests will contact you unless they're close friends/family, and in that case you probably already know their dietary needs. For instance, I am attending my cousin's wedding in a couple of weeks. We are not close at all. I have no idea what they are serving, so I plan to eat ahead of time in case there isn't anything I can eat. So, I wouldn't count on vegetarians and those who are GF to let you know without prompting. I just assume I need to take care of my own problem.</div><div>
</div><div>If you want to, you could print a business card size insert on your printer that says something like "Dietary needs can be accomodated. Please let us know if you need a vegetarian, gluten free or other special meal."</div>

pzavecz · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dietary-restrictions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ed9c9ee5-55f0-4f3e-b350-c45c69072831Post:7c5913d9-b31a-4610-b7ac-abdc6dd637bc">Re: Dietary restrictions</a>:
[QUOTE]What do you know about the kinds of things your guests eat? I didn't ask, and I'm kicking myself because I already know I have a ton of former-vegans invited (at least 10% of our guest list have been vegan at some point). I have a very vegetarian-friendly menu (a lot of VIPs are vegetarian or pescetarian), but there are fewer options that I can guarantee to be vegan. <strong>Not to ask a dumb question, but why don't you want any vegetarian options on your buffet?</strong> (Or are you not counting salad/fruit/grilled vegetables and other vegetarian sides as dishes?) Don't trust your guests to tell you, but don't blame yourself too much if something goes awry. I would put something up on the wedding website if I were in your position.
Posted by EK2013[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It's not that I don't WANT anything vegetarian...it's just that our venue will already accomodate the vegetarians separately without having to use up one of our 2 entree options (can't remember how many choices we get exactly) to be just vegetarian when there will probably only be a few people eating it and having the rest go to waste. I wanted a chicken dish and beef dish. This way we can get all the choices we want and then have a separate vegetarian option at no extra cost just for those who need it. Both of our families are big meat eaters and we only know a couple of vegetarians (don't know any vegans), but of course, if someone tells us they are vegetarian, vegan, or whatever, and we didn't know about it, we'll accomodate (or at least do our best, if it's vegan...I don't know how difficult it is for caterers to create a vegan meal, but we will be letting the caterers know to see what that they can do).

</div><div>ETA: Sorry, re-read your post again. I am not counting side dishes like vegetables and fruits and things. Those will be in the buffet if I am not mistaken. I was referring to the entree choices.</div>

EK2013 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dietary-restrictions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ed9c9ee5-55f0-4f3e-b350-c45c69072831Post:05d220d5-ef68-4bdb-a7dd-952189728c06">Re: Dietary restrictions</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dietary restrictions : It's not that I don't WANT anything vegetarian...it's just that our venue will already accomodate the vegetarians separately without having to use up one of our 2 entree options (can't remember how many choices we get exactly) to be just vegetarian when there will probably only be a few people eating it and having the rest go to waste. I wanted a chicken dish and beef dish. This way we can get all the choices we want and then have a separate vegetarian option at no extra cost just for those who need it. Both of our families are big meat eaters and we only know a couple of vegetarians (don't know any vegans), but of course, if someone tells us they are vegetarian, vegan, or whatever, and we didn't know about it, we'll accomodate (or at least do our best, if it's vegan...I don't know how difficult it is for caterers to create a vegan meal, but we will be letting the caterers know to see what that they can do). ETA: Sorry, re-read your post again. I am not counting side dishes like vegetables and fruits and things. Those will be in the buffet if I am not mistaken. I was referring to the entree choices.
Posted by pzavecz[/QUOTE]

<div>That makes more sense! From "we wouldn't have to use one of the options for our buffet as just a strictly vegetarian option" I had this odd image of the buffet being a sea of meats. (Like, having 10 options for dishes but all of them having meat in them.)</div>

bonge · July 2012

Most people with glutten allergies will be able to find something in a buffet. There are usually more options than with a plated meal.

Nickivegan · July 2012

As a vegan, I will usually write something on te response card, or next to the vegetarian option. But, we also always write a cute little note, too. So it never has come off rude. However, I think all but one wedding I was invited to knew I was vegan. I have also Always packed a lunch for myself. Extra fruit, hummus and veggies. I know my diet is annoying, and I don't expect people to go out of their way to accomadate me, so I am always prepared!

Ali092011 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dietary-restrictions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ed9c9ee5-55f0-4f3e-b350-c45c69072831Post:b3acac47-47b1-415d-af7c-282d90127d14">Re:Dietary restrictions</a>:
[QUOTE]As a vegan, I will usually write something on te response card, or next to the vegetarian option. But, we also always write a cute little note, too. So it never has come off rude. However, I think all but one wedding I was invited to knew I was vegan. I have also Always packed a lunch for myself. Extra fruit, hummus and veggies. <strong>I know my diet is annoying, and I don't expect people to go out of their way to accomadate me, so I am always prepared!</strong>
Posted by Nickivegan[/QUOTE]

This. I was a strict vegetarian for years and just recently incorporated chicken and some fish into my diet. When a vegetarian option was presented to me, like as a meal option for a wedding, I would gratefully choose it. If not, I did just fine with what I had, whether that meant eating only side dishes or having plenty of appetizers so I wasn't hungry come meal time. I think it's great that you're making a separate plate for vegetarians, and I think that's as far as I'd go unless a guest contacted you with a request.

One thing I plan on doing is having my venue label things that are gluten free or vegetarian so my guests can navigate the options. See if they can do that, because if you do have a guest with a gluten intolerance, sometimes it's not so obvious whether or not they can eat something (may have been prepared using some ingredient they can't have).

On a side not, I'm often surprised by how many people choose the vegetarian option even when there is meat available. You may want to rethink not having a vegetarian station, unless you've finalized things. I know <em>a lot</em> of meat eaters who would choose eggplant parmesean over chicken francese, for example.

mbuckley85 · July 2012

People with food allergies usually know to contact you to make sure there is a choice for them. Conversely, catering companies usually have choices at no extra charge for people with food allergies as they are so common now.

I know at our wedding with have guests with severe allergies to:

~Peanuts

~Treenuts

~Shellfish

~Chicken/Turkey

I'm know that these people will all be fed at the wedding.

Habs2Hart · July 2012

We had people with known dietary restrictions. I am lactose, my boss is celiac, and my SM is gluten and dairy free. I made sure there was no butter on anything (other than what they can put on the bread) and that all salad dressings were labelled with "dairy free" if they didn't include dairy. Most people with dietary restrictions know what they can and cannot have and can find something to eat on the menu.

rlavach · July 2012

I agree that most with a food allergy (like Celiac) will contact you or write something in. I'm vegan by choice and do have a lot of food allergies, but I don't bother the host about that. When I get there, I'll look around to see if there's anything vegan that doesn't have things I'm allergic to. If not, I'll ask one of the waiters to see if something can be made. It's not always the best, but at least I'm not just eating salad. I've never had an issue with it.

I agree with others regarding having vegetarian options that aren't only by request. You'd be surpised at how many non-vegetarians enjoy eating those options, alongside their meat. There are a lot of people who eat meat occasionally, but prefer not to. The majority of our guests were meat eaters, but to accomodate my diet, about 1/3 of our options were vegan. Everything was consumed at the same rate. It wasn't like all the meat was gone & all of the veggie dishes were just sitting there. People like variety.

smartlypretty · July 2012

I put a line on my RSVP cards that said:

Dietary restrictions accomodated. Please specify________

I have a ton of vegetarians, vegans, nut allergy, seafood allergy, gluten free, etc so I wanted everyone to not feel werid about letting me know.

entropicbeauty · July 2012

I actually have a few gluten free vegans attending my wedding and I ended up deciding to provide a Vegan GF Chili - I'm surprised by how many meat eaters have selected that as their preference for the meal. It's a super cheap option and it will accommodate virtually everyone who has a food allergy.

I would consider providing something like this that will accommodate allergies while still being appealing to all.

pzavecz · July 2012

Thanks everyone for the advice and suggestions, especially those of you with dietary restrictions who shared their own personal experiences. This was very helpful!

Alex3Mom · July 2012

After reading this, I'm feeling like a terrible hostess, but at a large party, I wouldn't even begin to try to accommodate all of this: gluten, sugar, salt, lactose, nut, shellfish -free. If you do, you are going to be serving a pitcher of water. When feeding groups of people, I think it's best to go fairly mainstream in menu choices and hope for the best. That's the reason, if you attend many banquets, you end up pretty much eating the same meal. It's usually something like a choice of chicken, beef and seafood plus a pasta dish for the vegetarians. People are or at least claim to be allergic to eggs, wheat, dairy, actually almost anything you can name, plus there are those on diets for cholesterol, diabetes, IBS and on and on and on. If peoplel are really this allergic, they need to make their own arrangements for food and not depend on a caterer or restaurant to accommodate their unique needs.

KateH2013 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dietary-restrictions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ed9c9ee5-55f0-4f3e-b350-c45c69072831Post:4ce9f0b7-023e-4e49-bc1f-948f07d20533">Re: Dietary restrictions</a>:
[QUOTE]After reading this, I'm feeling like a terrible hostess, but at a large party, I wouldn't even begin to try to accommodate all of this: gluten, sugar, salt, lactose, nut, shellfish -free. If you do, you are going to be serving a pitcher of water. When feeding groups of people, I think it's best to go fairly mainstream in menu choices and hope for the best. That's the reason, if you attend many banquets, you end up pretty much eating the same meal. It's usually something like a choice of chicken, beef and seafood plus a pasta dish for the vegetarians. People are or at least claim to be allergic to eggs, wheat, dairy, actually almost anything you can name, plus there are those on diets for cholesterol, diabetes, IBS and on and on and on. If peoplel are really this allergic, they need to make their own arrangements for food and not depend on a caterer or restaurant to accommodate their unique needs.
Posted by Alex3Mom[/QUOTE]

I disagree with this view given the fact that any reputable caterers will either know how to handle the food intolerances/allergies, or like the OP said, will communicate about what they can provide instead. By inquiring about allergies, you're not opening the door to people telling you what they *want* to eat, but what they *can't* eat. There are a lot of allergies and intolerances (even serious ones) these days. Unless you're OK with guests leaving early because they can't eat what's offered and are hungry, it's best to gather what information you can about guests allergies so you can at least inform the caterer. This will ensure no cross-contamination happens as well (it shouldn't happen anyway, but you never know). Plus, it would be rude to invite someone to your wedding or party and then tell them they'll need to make their own arrangement for food because they've got an allergy.

ElisabethJoanne · July 2012

You could expect people to contact you, or include the note others are suggesting. My family has lots of allergies, some deadly, but they're such quiet people they'd rather go hungry than bother a host. We've actually never been asked about diet restrictions (except vegetarian, which we're not) in an invitation. I'm sure my mother would not expect even a professional caterer to make one meal that works around all her allergies.

For my wedding, the dinner, but not the hors d'ouvers or cake, are free of all the allergens in my family. I have the list on the wedding website, with a note, "Please contact us if you have an additional concern" or something. The list of things we've already eliminated is so long, I don't think we'll get anything more. If we do, I'm sure it will be something we're not serving any way. We'll check with the caterer, then add it to the list of prohibited foods.

ChellaTims · July 2012

I'm gluten free and it's never been an issue before. There are usually several things that I can eat or if I have a question about anything being served I'll try to find someone to ask. The only wedding food that's ever really caused an issue is barbecue sauce because some are gluten free and others are not. I doubt that I would actually write anything about it on the rsvp because the food being served is really important to some people and I would never want anything changed. If it was something more like a peanut or allergen like that I would make sure they knew about it. I just eat a really good breakfast and/or lunch and have a great time at the wedding.

mrskristinyc · July 2012

Our meal package only allows 1 chicken entree option (but 6 hors d'ouvres for the cocktail hour, a salad, and two sides). We definitely have a few on the guest list who don't eat chicken.

On our response cards, we put "Please let us know if you have any dietary restrictions" and then listed Vegan/Vegetarian, Gluten-Free, and Other (please specify). Our venue allows us to substitute meals for these restrictions, and for the hors d'ouvres and other parts of the menu, we made sure to pick a few options that were vegetarian/vegan so that all of our guests could hav SOMETHING during the cocktail hour.

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