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Wedding Woes

Pushy, Well-meaning MOG

My mother-in-law won't stop complaining and dropping not-so-suttle hints about how much she wishes we'd incorporate this or that in our wedding. Example?  "Why aren't we having a powerpoint video with pictures of us when we were kids? All the grandparents (and I) love that." How about because we're having pictures scattered throughout the reception hall and the powerpoint is cheesy and boring. "Why don't you guys want to have a bar? If you don't, no one's going to come to your wedding... And if they do, they aren't going to stay long." Wow thanks for the support. If you're coming only for the drinking, why don't you go somewhere else. 

I'm ready to slap her she's annoying on so many levels. We clearly and calmly explain why we've decided on whatever we've decided, and she can't leave it alone. She pushes and pushes like a 2 year old to get what she wants. I'm happy to have her give her opinion, but if the bride AND the groom clearly don't have the same excitement over your ideas and politely say "no", then leave it alone and go drive someone else up the wall!

PS:
Thank you to my parents who have only very gently made suggestions and not gone any further. You're awesome.

Re: Pushy, Well-meaning MOG

  • NiGoNiGo member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What are you supposed to do with that? Just keep being nice? Strange-hold?... please advise.
  • AshleyC48AshleyC48 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You're going to get a TON of unwanted advice.  Trust me I'm getting it coming out the ying yang.  Just thank them for they're ideas and move on. You don't have to take it.  As far as the not having a bar is this because of religion?  Or just not big drinkers?  Because you don't have to do an open bar.
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  • edited December 2011
    nod and smile and move on. Maybe eventually she'll get the hint.
    image
  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Why aren't you having a bar?
  • edited December 2011
    If she wants a bar, why doesn't she host it? If you want, a light champagne punch can be the compromise that shuts her yap- people can drink and not be smashed and run around like idiots. Otherwise, I think I'd have your groom take care of this because while she means well, this may be a test  in her mind later down the road.
  • edited December 2011
    Why does it matter why she's not having a bar? I'm not having one, and it's because my venue doesn't allow alcohol. It's a dry county, so I'm dealing with it.
    image
  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_pushy-well-meaning-mog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:acb9811a-b784-461c-9ce7-7c5c01d6287ePost:5e52ce3b-ba49-4be2-9dbf-29fa995cc12c">Pushy, Well-meaning MOG</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mother-in-law won't stop complaining and dropping not-so-suttle hints about how much she wishes we'd incorporate this or that in our wedding. Example?  "Why aren't we having a powerpoint video with pictures of us when we were kids? All the grandparents (and I) love that." How about because we're having pictures scattered throughout the reception hall and the powerpoint is cheesy and boring. "Why don't you guys want to have a bar? If you don't, no one's going to come to your wedding... And if they do, they aren't going to stay long." Wow thanks for the support. If you're coming only for the drinking, why don't you go somewhere else.  I'm ready to slap her she's annoying on so many levels. We clearly and calmly explain why we've decided on whatever we've decided, and she can't leave it alone. She pushes and pushes like a 2 year old to get what she wants. I'm happy to have her give her opinion, but if the bride AND the groom clearly don't have the same excitement over your ideas and politely say "no", then leave it alone and go drive someone else up the wall! PS: Thank you to my parents who have only very gently made suggestions and not gone any further. You're awesome.
    Posted by NiGo[/QUOTE]

    <div>"Thank you for the suggestion." </div><div>
    </div><div>And it's "subtle". Do people just not read anymore? </div>
    image
  • MissyCeeMissyCee member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Don't let her get to you. I have a lot of experience with a very pushy FMIL who questions every wedding decision made by FI and I. Listen to her, tell her you appreciate her suggestion and will think about it (even if you won't) and keep going. If she is questioning you on a decision, calmly tell her your reasons for your choice (We really liked this, It's in our budget, etc)

    If she's anything like my FMIL, it won't matter what your reasons are for your decisions, she still will bug you about it and at that point you just have to shrug it off and don't let it bother you. Good luck, you may have a tough road ahead with her LOL
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  • flower_divaflower_diva member
    Tenth Anniversary 100 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    "oh,you know I haven't thought of that"...."That's a very good idea"..".terific suggestion"........and as your saying it smile and ooze honey out of your mouth....after you you use these phrases time after time....she will eventually give up....OR she'll think that you are implementing all her suggestions.....which of course you are not.  If she really gets to pushy it is your Fi's place since it is hiis mom to ask her to back off.JMO
  • lexandfablexandfab member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Don't discuss the wedding around her. If she asks tell her you and Fi are deciding and it's between the two of you. Period.
  • edited December 2011
    I have the same situation, but it reverse. My MOG is great but my mother is drving up a wall. And no matter how many times I try to remember to "smile and nod" or say things like "oh,you know I haven't thought of that"...."That's a very good idea"..".terific suggestion"....I just don't have teh stmina for it. I do it for a couple of days, and then she catches me off guard and I forget, and it turns into a big fight.

    Apparently, there's nothing much you can do except try not to let it bother you and ignore it (and believe me, I know it's easier said than done.)
    caribbeantigermom.blogspot.com
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