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June 2012 Weddings

Bachelorette Party Vent

Ok so we are all getting a LOT closer to wedding time. I've started doing some serious planning again and feel like everyone in my family/friends thinks my wedding is getting close enough to start thinking about a bunch of stuff.

I have 3 BMs, but no MOH because I didn't feel like I valued one of my three friends over the others. I've decided to instead divide up the typical MOH duties among my BMS, playing to each of their strengths. I've asked each of them what they would like to do and we've been figuring this out together.

One of my BMs, a friend of mine from uni, is going to be in charge of planning the Bachelorette party. She was very excited about this, but I am getting slightly annoyed because I don't think she is thinking about what I would actually enjoy. Mainly, she keeps mentioning male strippers and pinatas full of sex toys...

I am not a super party person. I do like getting my drink on, but I don't like going clubbing. I'm a big fan of pubs and hanging out with friends at home. Low key, social drinking. I'm also not the type of person who has ever gauked at guys. The best ladies night that I personally have ever enjoyed was one where me and 3 girlfriends made dinner together, drank champagne, stayed up late taking about our memories, and then spent the next day in bed watching disney movies. That's the kind of thing I enjoy doing, good friends, good food, good drinks. 

I don't know how to tell her that I would really dislike having a "typical" bachelorette party. I don't want anything with male parts on it, or male strippers. I think that would be incredibly awkward. I am all for lingerie presents but I would like to keep anything we do semi-classy. I will 100% appreciate anything she does either way but how can I say exnay to the naked manay without hurting her feelings? I don't want to come off bossy but at the same time I'd like it to be a night I would enjoy.

Re: Bachelorette Party Vent

  • My MOH was acting the same way. I talked to her about it and just explained the things that were not acceptable (male strippers) and gave her some idea for things that would be fun.She appreciated it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bachelorette-party-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bdffd25f-dd1e-43fa-a198-ccf740b9e4d0Post:7b691c99-8254-4cbd-9669-91de8a9ea6bb">Re: Bachelorette Party Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Bachelorette Party Vent : I really hope I don't come across as a bi&*$ but did she offer to throw your bachelorette party or did you tell her it was her resonsibility? No one has  to throw you a bachelorette party. It is usually a gift from one or more of your BM's, To get back on point, just talk to her and explain to her what you want and don't want. As a friend, she should understand.
    Posted by Ash61612[/QUOTE]

    <div>For sure Ash I totally know that, and when we were talking about her role in the wedding the Bachelorette party came up. I feel like where I live having the MOH plan the bride a bachelorette party is sort of expected, but from my own point of view it isn't anyones responsibility, its a gift and shouldn't be expected.</div><div>
    </div><div>I'm just more annoyed that anytime I mention something she says something like "male strippers!" in an excited voice. I don't know if she is just trying to bug me, or if she actually thinks its something I'd like. I can see why she would find it funny, as there aren't many moments in life where male strippers are ok, but that just is not me. </div>
  • When my MOH got married she told us (the BMs) that she wanted no penises at the party.  Her MOH did get penis straws but we used them at the house before going out for the night and she was fine with that. I think it's perfectly acceptable for the bride to make it clear what she feels comfortable with. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bachelorette-party-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bdffd25f-dd1e-43fa-a198-ccf740b9e4d0Post:6dc0bca1-d0e4-4c60-82e4-bf21e80e64ba">Bachelorette Party Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok so we are all getting a LOT closer to wedding time. I've started doing some serious planning again and feel like everyone in my family/friends thinks my wedding is getting close enough to start thinking about a bunch of stuff. I have 3 BMs, but no MOH because I didn't feel like I valued one of my three friends over the others.<strong> I've decided to instead divide up the typical MOH duties among my BMS, playing to each of their strengths. I've asked each of them what they would like to do and we've been figuring this out together. One of my BMs, a friend of mine from uni, is going to be in charge of planning the Bachelorette party</strong>. She was very excited about this, but I am getting slightly annoyed because I don't think she is thinking about what I would actually enjoy. Mainly, she keeps mentioning male strippers and pinatas full of sex toys... I am not a super party person. I do like getting my drink on, but I don't like going clubbing. I'm a big fan of pubs and hanging out with friends at home. Low key, social drinking. I'm also not the type of person who has ever gauked at guys. The best ladies night that I personally have ever enjoyed was one where me and 3 girlfriends made dinner together, drank champagne, stayed up late taking about our memories, and then spent the next day in bed watching disney movies. That's the kind of thing I enjoy doing, good friends, good food, good drinks.  I don't know how to tell her that I would really dislike having a "typical" bachelorette party. I don't want anything with male parts on it, or male strippers. I think that would be incredibly awkward. I am all for lingerie presents but I would like to keep anything we do semi-classy. I will 100% appreciate anything she does either way but how can I say exnay to the naked manay without hurting her feelings? I don't want to come off bossy but at the same time I'd like it to be a night I would enjoy.
    Posted by robynsch[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I really hope I don't come across as a bi&*$ but did she offer to throw your bachelorette party or did you tell her it was her resonsibility? No one <strong>has</strong> to throw you a bachelorette party. It is usually a gift from one or more of your BM's,</div><div>
    </div><div>To get back on point, just talk to her and explain to her what you want and don't want. As a friend, she should understand.

    </div>
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  • i agree- i think it is perfectly fine to mention something the next time she says something about strippers.  maybe something like, "i'm not sure if you're joking about the stripper thing, but i want you to know that the whole stripper thing makes me really uncomfortable.  i am so grateful that you are planning this and i am really looking forward to spending some fun girl time together, but i would really just love to hang out at a pub and then go back home and put on our jammies and have a sleepover."
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bachelorette-party-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bdffd25f-dd1e-43fa-a198-ccf740b9e4d0Post:16fd93c7-9407-447b-aa86-798414bfd008">Re: Bachelorette Party Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Vent : For sure Ash I totally know that, and when we were talking about her role in the wedding the Bachelorette party came up. I feel like where I live having the MOH plan the bride a bachelorette party is sort of expected, but from my own point of view it isn't anyones responsibility, its a gift and shouldn't be expected<strong>. I'm just more annoyed that anytime I mention something she says something like "male strippers!" in an excited voice</strong>. I don't know if she is just trying to bug me, or if she actually thinks its something I'd like. I can see why she would find it funny, as there aren't many moments in life where male strippers are ok, but that just is not me. 
    Posted by robynsch[/QUOTE]
    <div>
    </div><div>maybe you could go out to lunch or coffee and chat about it? mention you are thrilled and very appreciative for what she is doing and you just want to make sure everyone (mainly you but your other guests too) are comfortable and have a good time.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bachelorette-party-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bdffd25f-dd1e-43fa-a198-ccf740b9e4d0Post:2f76d0eb-ad6b-48b8-a08c-eeaa76138c27">Re: Bachelorette Party Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]i agree- i think it is perfectly fine to mention something the next time she says something about strippers.  maybe something like, "i'm not sure if you're joking about the stripper thing, but i want you to know that the whole stripper thing makes me really uncomfortable.  i am so grateful that you are planning this and i am really looking forward to spending some fun girl time together, but i would really just love to hang out at a pub and then go back home and put on our jammies and have a sleepover."
    Posted by TeamMoriarty[/QUOTE]

    <div>best advice right here, or even something like i prefer low key with no male parts what so ever, wine, dinner, movies, old fashioned teenage sleep over with the adition of alcohol lol.</div>
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  • My girls asked me for ideas for my bachelorette.  I told them the things I don't want are male entertainment, drinking til I puke, and staying in a hotel anywhere.  They all respected that and I trust them to come up with something I will enjoy.

    In your situation, I would hope she would discuss ideas with the other 2 girls.  I think you should tell them that when it gets brought up they should tell that girl that you've made it pretty clear that you don't want that and that it's your party, not hers.  If your other girls respect you and your wishes they should stand up for you!

  • Robyn,

    I feel nearly exactly the same way. I hope it works out for you! I haven't told my MOH yet and I'm hoping that they don't go against my wishes either.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bachelorette-party-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bdffd25f-dd1e-43fa-a198-ccf740b9e4d0Post:2f76d0eb-ad6b-48b8-a08c-eeaa76138c27">Re: Bachelorette Party Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]i agree- i think it is perfectly fine to mention something the next time she says something about strippers.  maybe something like, "i'm not sure if you're joking about the stripper thing, but i want you to know that the whole stripper thing makes me really uncomfortable.  i am so grateful that you are planning this and i am really looking forward to spending some fun girl time together, but i would really just love to hang out at a pub and then go back home and put on our jammies and have a sleepover."
    Posted by TeamMoriarty[/QUOTE]
    this is really well put
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bachelorette-party-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bdffd25f-dd1e-43fa-a198-ccf740b9e4d0Post:2f76d0eb-ad6b-48b8-a08c-eeaa76138c27">Re: Bachelorette Party Vent</a>:
    [QUOTE]i agree- i think it is perfectly fine to mention something the next time she says something about strippers.  maybe something like, "i'm not sure if you're joking about the stripper thing, but i want you to know that the whole stripper thing makes me really uncomfortable.  i am so grateful that you are planning this and i am really looking forward to spending some fun girl time together, but i would really just love to hang out at a pub and then go back home and put on our jammies and have a sleepover."
    Posted by TeamMoriarty[/QUOTE]

    Well put.
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  • Thanks everyone, great advice! I definitely know what I have to do but like you mentioned Gillian it's really hard. I want my girls to have a good time too. I will let ya'll know how it goes!
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