Bridesmaid financial issues

Re: Bridesmaid financial issues

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  4LeafClover3

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Did you seriously set your wedding date before your FBIL and FSIL only because you and your fiance have been together longer? Seriously? That seems really petty and immature.
  
  Any way... she may really feel it is difficult for her to pay for a $99 dress. You don't fully know their financial situation and with them planning a wedding cash could be tight. You should have NOT told her that she can withdrawal from the wedding if that would help. She probably took what you thought was being nice as you wanting her to leave the wedding party. Also, you absolutely can not remove her from the wedding party. It will make you look like a bridezilla and a brat so you need to just wait and see what she says about her financial situation in regards to being able to afford being in your wedding. You definitely do NOT need to buy her dress if she can not but you can't remove her because she is debating whether she can afford the dress. Think of it this way... she will be in your life for a long time. Do you really want to cause that kind of drama when you will likely have to see her on and off all your life?

  

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  Lynne101

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Wow I was thinking the same thing about how you had to set your wedding ahead of hers because you were with your boyfriend longer. Personally i think she took the high road by telling you right away she wasn't sure she could afford to be your bridesmaid. At that point you could have said " iunderstand" or else just went ahead and paid for the dress . I think you trying to FORCE her and saying whats $99 puts her in quite an awkward position. Then telling her shes out if she doesn't fork over the cash is rally insulting. She was very upfront with you since the get go. You should have left it alone or else let her know you would not mind at all treating ner to the dress paying for her dress does not obligate you at all to the otner bridesmaids. How would they even know unless you made a big stink and announced it ! Personally at this point i wouldn't blame her for not only backing out... But not even coming to your wedding.... Which maybe is what you wanted all along!

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  blahblah85

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Are your BM's getting alterations?  Might as well add on another a hundred dollars.  A 99 dollar dress isn't just a 99 dollar dress when it comes to weddings.
  
  And why are you getting bm dresses already?  You have 10 months until your wedding.

  

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  AutumnFair member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-financial-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c6e9e65e-257a-4de9-a4af-87f2570b4e92Post:ccd8ddb4-30da-40af-8a37-0aa8128c4fc5">Bridesmaid financial issues</a>:
  [QUOTE]Hi there Knotties, I am having an issue (or maybe not so much of an issue) with one of my bridesmaids. I hope to keep this short, my fiance's brother got engaged to his fiance a month before we did. They set there date for the end of next summer (2012) and when we got engaged I set it for the beginning of June of the same year. I thought that should be appropriate since my fiance and I have been together longer. As I was thinking about my bridesmaids I thought it would be neat to include her since she'll be my brother in laws wife and I also thought that she'd play a major role in mine and my fiance's future so why not stand up there with me. I asked her to be one of my bridesmaids and she said I would be honored but I don't know if I can afford it. I said I understand but I am going to keep it cheap for all my girls, meaning they aren't paying for the shower and the only thing they'd truly be paying for is the dress and accesories for the day. So we went to go look at bridesmaids dresses and the dress that they (yes I let them pick their dress out) chose was only $99. They told me that that wasn't bad at all. I then just notified them (my bridesmaids) that I had just ordered my dress and within the next 2 weeks<strong> I'd like it if they'd ordered theirs so that way they get it in the right colors and size.</strong> It turns into a big fiasco for my bridemaid and now she doesn't want to pay for it due to things she has to do for hers<strong>. I then ask her if it would be better for them if only my fiance's brother (best man at that) were to be in the wedding and not her, if that will help them out. </strong>And I'm just trying to be nice but now she wants to start a fight with me and her main answer is "I need to discuss it with him." <strong>How can I put it to her now that I don't want her to be in the wedding or what should I do now in this situation? I will not pay for her dress because that to me means I have to pay for everyone's and that's not fair for me at all too. So where do I go from here?</strong> HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  Posted by kim4animals[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>First, like PP said your still 10 months out, getting their BM dresses are WAY WAY too early. I have been to plenty of weddings where BM dresses were ordered at different times and never had a problem with the dye lot as for their size, you are taking a huge chance with ordering this early, people can change sizes easily and there is a much higher chance girls not fitting in their dress.</div><div>
  </div><div>So you gave her an out. In her point of view, you basically asked her to get out of the WP but her husband can say. Wrong move on your part.</div><div>
  </div><div>There is NO nice way in KICKING someone out. You might not want her in your WP anymore but you need to rethink that idea and the possible consequences before going through with it. You are going to look very very bad (basically a Bridezilla) and you are going to cause a big strain in the relationship between you/your FI and his brother/wife and quite possibly other family members on your FI's side. </div><div>
  </div><div>You don't have to pay for the dress (though FYI, Brides CAN pay for one BM dress and not others, people understand if other people are in a tight financial means). What you can do is call up to the store and ask them the very last date to order the dress with and without rush fees, call up your FSIL and tell her the information and leave it on HER to get the dress or not. If she doesn't get the dress then she has removed herself from being a BM. But you really should apologize to her for trying to give her an out and leave it up to her to get the dress.</div>

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  MairePoppy mod

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  That was tactless on your part to ask her if she wanted to drop out. And then to add the part about still wanting her fi to be in the wedding was just rubbing salt in the wound.
  
  There is no reason to order the bm dresses so early. Find out from the shop how long it takes for dresses to come in and give the information to all your bms.
  
  
  

                     

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