question: what happens after the wedding??

money saver · March 2010

I've been reading post after post and we talk about flowers, dresses, pictures, accessories etc.. etc.. But what happens after the wedding? do you plan on looking for an apartment, house, trailer, condo? do u plan on living at ur parents house to save money, so that u can branch out on ur own? when do u plan on having babies if u already dont have any?oh sorry if there was another post like this, i didnt see one...

these are all questions i havent really thought about bc ive been too worried about the wedding. do u look for a place before the wedding? my FI thinks so bc he doesnt want to live at his parents and me live with mine when we are married.. but i guess we will have to bc all of my saved money is going into this wedding. And ive already lived with my FI for 5 years in apartments ( we moved several times) really dont want to do it again... HAAAAAA, what to do.. i guess only time will tell.. would like to hear what ur plans are like, hope that they r better than mine... thanks ladies...

GracefulMeadow86 · March 2010

FI and I bought our first home together in January so that's where we are now, and where we will be after the wedding. We also had an apartment together before then. See what you can do about living on your own (together obviously) post wedding. I understand spending all your savings on the wedding, but I would never ever ever want to have to live with my or his parents after we were married, saving money or not. I'd go insane. If i had to eat hotdogs for a year in order to afford an appt with my then husband, i would. lol everybody's different though.

I think most people who dont live together before they are married setup a place, apartment, house, condo, etc where one person lives before they are married and then the other moves in once the marriage is finalized.

GracefulMeadow86 · March 2010

oh and babies. we're waiting for a few years at least then we'll consider it.

KellyJayD · March 2010

I agree with the PP we bought our first house in September after living in an apartment together for 2 years. I personally like the idea of living together first. I would set up a place where you are going to live after the wedding because I would not want to live with parents after the wedding that would suck lol. I need my freedom and to be able to do what I want when I want ya know
As far as babies Fi is 35 and I am 25 so don't want to wait too long but def a year or two.

SuMmErKuTiE · March 2010

We already have an apartment together and we plan on buying a house sometime in late fall (we'll be married in June). We're planning on moving south to get away from this craptastic weather and overpriced houses so we have a huge plan all worked out that we've been talking about and contributing to for over a year now.

I agree with pp, do whatever you can to avoid living with parents after you're married. The beginning of your marriage is cruicial for you to grow together as a unit and learn how to compromise and run a household together. It's a great way to save money, but I would never even consider it unless our parents had some sort of apartment set up in the basement with it's own bathroom and kitchen. I know my parents didn't live together before getting married, my mom had an apartment with one of her friends and my dad still lived at home so he went out and got his own apartment a few months before the wedding so he could get used to being independent and living on his own before getting married. Then once they were married, my mom moved into his apartment and they began their life together.

As far as babies... we would like to wait at least a year into our marriage before trying for a few reasons. We'd like to get settled in a new area and we'd like to have some "us time" to ourselves before starting our family. We would like to have 3 kids, but are ok if we end up having 4.

jmestyle · March 2010

We've been living together in a house that he owns for the past 7 years! We plan on staying there

As for babies, I feel like I'm the only one that has zero interest in having babies anytime soon!

xoxob · March 2010

We are going to stay in our cramped Brooklyn apartment!!! This makes our registry ideas difficult because we don't have anywhere to put nice china or appliances, etc. The reason we're staying here is because the rent is so good and we have enough space. We're not moving again until we can buy something, but in order to buy something we will probably have to leave the city/Brooklyn. We're not sure when we would be willing to do that, so we're mostly leaving it up to fate (ei: jobs, kids, etc)

The first year of marriage is considered the hardest even for couples that lived together previously, so like all the PP said, do what you can to live alone together sans family. I go crazy having parents visit for the weekend!

Jme!! You are SOOOO not the only one who has zero interest in immediate babies. I am one of 2 in my group of friends getting married and I don't want to be the only one with a baby. II know, I know, if everyone jumped off the Brooklyn bridge, blah blah. But, I love my life and I love my friends and I think the whole pregnancy experience would better for me if there was at least someone else on board. Then our babies could play

I'm also just not ready. We want one child, pending on the state of the world, and that isn't going to happen until we're both happy with our careers and I'm done with my masters degree.

Sterna1 · March 2010

I guess I can speak to after the wedding since I got married this past July. FI and I lived together for two years in an apartment that he had before we lived together. Our plan was to have him finish his sixth year degree, get married and then buy a house. With the stress of him being in school and planning the wedding I could not try and buy a house at the same time. We seriously started looking when we got back from the honeymoon in August and closed on our house at the end of October. We got a dog about two months ago and are going to try and start TTC in a few months (we are both in our early 30's and don't want to wait to long).

I agree with the PP about not living with either set of parents unless there is a totally separate area for the two of you. Having lived together before getting married helped, but it is different after the wedding. The first year is all about building your relationship stronger, setting more future goals and working towards them. I didn't want any major parental pressure which we would not have been able to avoid if we lived with them. We have learned so much about ourselves and us as a couple since we have gotten married.

If you have any other questions, let me know )

ZoeTheDog · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_question-happens-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:49bc4345-fe3b-478e-87d9-b6aee772c48bPost:e404155c-4b93-407f-8bb2-2e33f7b6e7d7">Re: question: what happens after the wedding??</a>:
[QUOTE]We've been living together in a house that he owns for the past 7 years! We plan on staying there <strong>As for babies, I feel like I'm the only one that has zero interest in having babies anytime soon!</strong>
Posted by jmestyle[/QUOTE]

Um, table for two, please?

GracefulMeadow86 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_question-happens-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:49bc4345-fe3b-478e-87d9-b6aee772c48bPost:8b4147a6-5f65-40df-b0fc-764cc013ef1e">Re: question: what happens after the wedding??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: question: what happens after the wedding?? : Um, table for two, please?
Posted by ZoeTheDog[/QUOTE]

Make it three. We aren't even going to THINK about it for at least 2 years.

akulaji · March 2010

FI and I have been living together for almost 3 years, so we've already done that part. My friends that didn't live together before getting married did what PP said... one got an apartment, condo, etc. before the wedding to set up shop (so to speak) and the other spent weekends there and moved in after the wedding. I do think it's important to make sure you two are compatible living together. It definitely helps minimize that adjustment period of suddenly living with a new person.

We're also not planning on having any babies for at least a couple of years for several reasons: 1. We are still assessing school systems, etc. where we want to buy a house and start our family. We don't plan on moving a lot after we have kids 2. We want to be financially in the right place for it... it's expensive! 3. We want to live together as a married couple and enjoy that time for a while... once you have those kids, you can't go back! 4. I know I'll have kids at some point, but I'm grappling with some fear about actually birthing a baby... I guess the baby bug hasn't completely bit me yet!

beach11 · March 2010

I bought a house a few years ago & FI & I fixed it up. He moved in a few months after I did, so we have been living together for about a year now. I don't think I would ever be able to live with my parents after we were married. I agree with everyone also, if you don't live together now, have one person get a place before the wedding, and the other move in after the wedding.
As far as kids go, we will try a few (like 3-4) months after we are married. I am 30 already, so we don't want to wait too long, and we already have our house situation set up.
IMO you should talk to your FI about what you are both most comfortable with.

Vikki2pay · March 2010

We didn't live together before we got married. DH and I moved in to an apartment about 3 weeks after the wedding now we're saving for a house, and we want to start trying for a family before the end of the summer.

christikao · March 2010

We've only been living together since last Nov but been together for 8 years. Hopefully we will be able to purchase a house within three years but as of right now we are just renting. My parents did offer to let us stay at their house for free (they travel a lot so it's more like house sitting) so we can buy a house sooner but FI is not down with that. As for kids, we probably will not have any, ever.

CTGirl30 · March 2010

We've lived together for almost 2 years now and bought our house last August.
I'm 31 and he's 34 so we're a bit older and a little more established, I guess...we're not waiting long on starting a family. Probably will start trying this summer / early Fall timeframe.

crushme8602 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_question-happens-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:49bc4345-fe3b-478e-87d9-b6aee772c48bPost:e0e7342b-23f7-4f67-b0ba-96b3740ab68b">Re: question: what happens after the wedding??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: question: what happens after the wedding?? : Make it three. We aren't even going to THINK about it for at least 2 years.
Posted by GracefulMeadow86[/QUOTE]

four!

money saver · March 2010

thank u all for sharing ur plans for the future... my fi and i talked about a few options, he really doesnt want to live with my parents and i DONOT want to live with his not that they would even offer anyway. Im not crazy about the apartment idea 1. because i have already lived on my own with him since i was 16 from apartment to apartment, crazy neighbor to crazy landlord to nosey kids in my yard.... oh and lets not forget the third floor apartments and all those stairs, so for me i REALLY dont want to do the apartment thing again but if i absolutely have to then thats what ill have to do. My fiance is trying to talk me into buying a trailer.... I have many mixed feelings about it. My family really puts the idea down and stomps on it, because trailers are considered to be for the low class, trashy people. but we drove by a few trailer parks and they were actually really nice, the prices are great and the best part to me its that its better than an apartment. if we could save money and then buy a house later on and rent the trailer out we could make some money. but my family........ i know i should do what me and my fiance want to to but in the back of my head i hear my moms voice, and dad and aunts, cousins etc... in the end we decided these options..
1. look for a small fix me up house with a 2 bedroom for a baby if it happens
2. if the house option doesnt work out then look at trailers
3. look at apartments
4. if none of the above work live with mom and pop

5. and this is the very last resort.. get married at city hall, go out to dinner with close relatives and take the money we saved for the wedding and put it towards a house.
i think we will wait until january of 2011 to start looking since we will get married in may
oh as far as babies maybe in 2 to 3 years im 22 im thinking 25 is a good age to start trying, i do want children and so does my fi if we are blessed to have any we would like a pair.
growing up is tough and scary, exciting too only time will tell but ill keep ya posted on what we come up with...

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