Talk to me about deeds and such

bakekiwi · May 2012

A question for you lovely ladies. I’ve got an opinion, and I’m wondering if I’m off-base. This is a cart before house scenario. H doesn’t see the need for me to be on deeds and such for his family’s properties in the future. I don’t operate that way. What’s mine is yours, plain and simple (in my mind). I want him to be on a house deed, and I want to be on his. My wanting to be on the deeds isn’t about money; it’s about our shared responsibility.

So, my backstory spawns questions. Are both of you going/are on the deed of your house? How about car? Is this something that is important to you?

september's bride · May 2012

We're both on all the deeds/titles to things we've acquired while we were together, but I'm not on anything that H has through his parents and vice versa.

It's not important to me to be on the deeds for anything H may inherit in the future.

goobersinlove · May 2012

Lucky for us, FI and I both have the "what's mine is yours" mentality when it comes to money and property, and have both been very relaxed about finances with each other (having lived together for three years now). I actually don't own anything in my individual name and neither does he. We both share the checking account, the cars, the lease, the credit cards, etc. Assets that you cannot hold jointly (401k plans) we have named each other as the beneficiary.

With respect to your issue of your H's family's property - if other relatives own interest in real estate, I think they get a say in whether or not you get to jump in on that and it isn't just up to your H.

anna.oskar · May 2012

Nope. Not important at all as long as I'm not being kept off so he can be an asset controlling ass due to some sexist agenda.

He's the sole on our home (he built it), I'm the sole on investment properties (family properties). We each are the sole on our individual cars.

cheeseandrice · May 2012

I wouldn't put my spouse on family properties either, to be honest.

If you buy a house together, then I would insist on being on the deed. H and I are both on our house, which we bought together. He's not on my car, though, and that's about all we have. We share checking/savings, but our retirement accounts are individual.

KateJ10 · May 2012

We are on the deeds of things we have aquired while we were married, but anything before that- no. I am the only one on my car, and also the only one on the house since I bought that 4 years ago. Plus, it would be a major PITA to get his name on the house deed, so I just don't care to do all that extra work .

bakekiwi · May 2012

Perfect! I'm very happy to be getting these points of view, family/friends are a bit bias.

My H believes that if something is 'ours' a peice of paper doesn't dictate what it should mean to us. If it's a house we're living in together, I don't know how i'd feel about not being on the deed of a house we both acquried together.

Blueyed228 · May 2012

Im pretty sure you are not entitled to anything he inherits legally anyway.

We are both on the deed for this house, but when I inherit property, family business, etc from my parents he wont be on those. Same thing if he inherits anything from his family.

spiment · May 2012

If it's his family property, I would say leave it. It's family property but as others have said, if you buy a house together or anything like that I would absolutely 100% DEMAND to be on a deed. Same with Credit Cards, etc.

skippylouwho · May 2012

If you bought it together then you should be on it. This goes to future in heritance if he dies before you. If you aren't on it, and he dies then there could be the possibility that his family could try to acquire it.

You really (all of you!) should set up joint revocable trusts. Move all your assets (all proptery checking accounts, savings accounts, stocks, cars, boats, CDs, etc) in to it. The trust should be set up that you can revoke (end) the trust at any time however on upon the death of either of you it becomes a sole revocable trust in the name of the survivor.

You can do most of this yourself so your expense with an attorney will be minimal.

My parents did this. When my dad died my mom then immediately became owner of a sole revocable trust. ALL items in the trust immediately became hers and she did not have to change and deeds, titles, etc. They structured their trust so that it was joing revocable during their life times, sole recovable until my mother died and then it automatically, immediately (at her death) split in to 2 separate revocable trusts. One for me and one for my brother. At that point our trusts contained 50% of everything she owned. I got 50% of all stock, as did my brother. We each owned 50% of all property. He wanted my parents house. We had it appraised and he paid me half of the value. He then owned it out-right. I kept her brand new car. We used Kelly blue book value and I paid him for his half of it. She'd paid cash for it so there wasn't any debt to pay off.

I cannot tell you how easy this made everything for us. I really can't - get a trust, do it now.
We only had to probate a very few things and paid almost nothing in estate taxes. One thing that could not go in to the trust was her big IRA. We had 2 options for payout and my brother and I could make our own decisions, we didn't have to both do the same thing.

We could receive it in a lump sum and each pay our taxes or we could have it pay out over 5 years, paying taxes each year. We both chose 5 year pay-out.

I know trusts weren't the original questions so to get back to that
1. you should be on everything you purchase together (or it should be in the name of the trust).
2. Whether you get moved to deeds/titles of things you each bought before marriage is something you need to agree on. It will make it easier for inheritance.

3. For items that he owns with his family, they will have some say in that and they may say no and then you and he have no choice.

4. If it is about items he has or will inherit - that is also something you need to agree on.
I know of many families that set up businesses and investments so that spouses of their children can NEVER inherit or own them. My parents did that with a family business. They were very concerned with a golddigger marrying my brother or me for the money generated by that business. And in my brother's case ... his ex-wife would have. This isn't uncommon. My DD's MIL inherited millions and millions. She had everything structured so spouses of her children can't touch it. She happens to love my DD so she's actually had this changed and DD actually will inherit equally with her 2 children. My guess is if DD's SIL marries an acceptable person she'll change it so he can inherit but possibly not.

But back to MY point. GET TRUSTS SET UP. Save yourself, your surviving spouses and any children a lot of headache and expense.

Blueyed228 · May 2012

If its a family property that should stay in his family, why would we set up a trust saying that I would inherit his family property? That makes no sense. At that point I would just go on the deed.

A trust for family property would only make sense if there were kids involved and the property would go to them.

bakekiwi · May 2012

This is all good iinformation that I need to look in to.

Now that the wheels are turning: If H and I were to live in his family property, in which he only has his name on the deed, what would happen if something happened to him? Would I have to relinquish the house? I also refuse to pump money in constant renovations (very old estate) and not have a say or be on the deed.

Blueyed228 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_talk-to-me-about-deeds-and-such?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:c9fe671b-6664-46c1-a8aa-047fba6c66dcPost:cccec46c-dd3e-4252-9ac5-771d90c3c64d">Re: Talk to me about deeds and such</a>:
[QUOTE]This is all good iinformation that I need to look in to. Now that the wheels are turning: If H and I were to live in his family property, in which he only has his name on the deed, what would happen if something happened to him? Would I have to relinquish the house? I also refuse to pump money in constant renovations (very old estate) and not have a say or be on the deed.
Posted by bakekiwi[/QUOTE]

Is there a mortgage? If you are on the mortgage you should be on the deed.

bakekiwi · May 2012

Yes, there will be if we were to live there.

Blueyed228 · May 2012

Then you need to go on the deed. Put it this way. God forbid something happens to him and they want to kick you out, if you are not on the deed, then you are out. But you are still responsible for the mortgage.

bakekiwi · May 2012

Oh ouch that is a bad outcome not to protect against.

The mortage point is an excellent one, I'll be damned if I pay for something that isn't fully mine.

Blueyed228 · May 2012

If they dont want to let go of the property, you could make a contract that says they need to buy you out of something.

skippylouwho · May 2012

If you are living in family property that is to remain family-owned then you wouldn't have it in the trust for the 2 of you. It could be in a trust but not one that you are part owner of.

Aboslutely if there is a mortgage that you are both paying on then you need to be on the deed and it needs to be in the trust.

You can read lots of free information on trusts and how to set them up online or at your library.

gailpete · May 2012

Definitely make sure you are on the deed or have some other legal protection if your money is going to pay for this house. My SIL and her ex were living in a family property and making payments to the ex's parents to buy the property. After 15 or so years, when the marriage broke up, suddenly those payments weren't to buy the house, but were "just rent" and my SIL was left with nothing. Be sure to protect yourself.

jess9802 · May 2012

Please don't attempt DIY estate planning. See a lawyer and make sure it's done right. Every state has different laws about inheritance and marital property. In my state, a surviving spouse will, absent a will, inherit 100% of the deceased spouse's estate, unless the deceased spouse had children from a prior relationship - then surviving spouse gets 50%, and all of the deceased spouse's children get the other 50%. You could inherit the house subject to the mortgage. I sure as hell would not agree to be responsible for the mortgage unless I was a co-owner.

It would also help to know how your state treats inheritances in the event of divorce. Just because your name isn't on the deed doesn't mean that separately owned property won't be subject to division if you and your H divorce. I'm not a family lawyer, but honestly - if he inherits property and the two of you live in it and make it your home, you pay for it, you improve it, etc. - in many states (including mine), that property and/or its appreciation would be treated as marital property subject to division.

You and your husband need to get on the same page, especially if he assumes you are going to contribute, financially and otherwise, to homes/property in which you have no ownership interest.

Talk to me about deeds and such

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