(Ex) Bridesmaid Drama

Time2PlanAWedding:-) · December 2011

I let two of my bridesmaid's go almost a month ago now due to the fact that they treated me like crap and after the bridesmaid's dress appointment the friendship went down hill. Things weren't the same with our friendship and come to find out one didn't even want to be in my wedding anyway, she was just doing it to be nice. Well, that is the long story short. Anyways, one of them is now taking me to court for the $86 deposit on her dress. Does anyone have any crazy bridesmaid stories to tell me to make me feel a little bit better about what is going on? Thanks!

Viczaesar · December 2011

If you kicked her out of the wedding, you SHOULD be paying for the dress. I'm on her side.

KellyBrian2013 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ex-bridesmaid-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:08aace38-406e-45f4-be6e-97a619d74226Post:e6469181-84b3-4b40-be7f-6557f6023924">(Ex) Bridesmaid Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I let two of my bridesmaid's go almost a month ago now due to the fact that they treated me like crap and after the bridesmaid's dress appointment the friendship went down hill. Things weren't the same with our friendship and come to find out one didn't even want to be in my wedding anyway, she was just doing it to be nice. Well, that is the long story short. Anyways, one of them is now taking me to court for the $86 deposit on her dress. Does anyone have any crazy bridesmaid stories to tell me to make me feel a little bit better about what is going on? Thanks!
Posted by Time2PlanAWedding:-)[/QUOTE]

Ditto PP.

She bought a dress specifically for your wedding... which she is no longer involved in. You should have offered to pay her back, and then you could have tried to sell the dress to recoup your costs.

That's "your bad" for kicking her out. I wouldn't be surprised if the court sides with her and orders you to pay up, which you should have done in the first place.

lbarr088 · December 2011

Yeah I agree with PP. To completely "rid" them you would've had to pay them back. I wish I had crazy BM stories to share but mine do what they want and all they have to do is show up to the wedding...sooo I think they're pretty happy

frogger6673 · December 2011

Not to be rude, but I agree with all of the PPs. Etiquette is that one never "let's go" a member of their WP. If things were that bad, and they were treating you like crap as you say, I would have suggested finding out what the issue is. Maybe there was an underlying issue that caused them to react towards you in a negative manner, which may or may not even have to do with you.

em01092 · December 2011

I mean, I agree that the OP is in the wrong most definitely and exBM is entitled to her money, but isn't it possible that suing over that small of an amount (in terms of lawsuits) could wind up not being worth it after court fees? Or am I just dumb? Do you not pay any if you win? Seriously I don't know how it works so I know I could be off.

vsgal · December 2011

I would be taking you to court as well. You kicked her out, you pay for her expenses.

Not knowing exactly what they did, you kicking them out is truly heinous behavior that screams bridezilla. Pay her what you owe her and apologize for being out of line.

PetalPockets2012 · December 2011

You should pay for the dress. It's not like they were planning on getting that dress just for their next party. Being a BM is not a job, it is an honor. The fact that you "let them go" sounds like you fired them. You kicked them out, you pay for it.

graysquirrel · December 2011

I have seen court cases like this before. The BM always gets the money because the dress was purchased for the sole reason of wearing it as part of the WP. It is like being in a contract. In this case, the BM is in the right. If I were you I would just give her the $80 and be done with it. Besides the law being on her side, so is etiquette. If you kick someone out, it is only right to cover the costs that they incurred.

mercy4 · December 2011

If I were you or the ex-bridesmaid I would just swallow the deposit. The fact that anyone is going to court over this is just trashy. Sorry.

KellyBrian2013 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ex-bridesmaid-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:08aace38-406e-45f4-be6e-97a619d74226Post:84a3dc14-9ad0-4428-ad7d-f5b1381e07f1">Re: (Ex) Bridesmaid Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]If I were you or the ex-bridesmaid I would just swallow the deposit. The fact that anyone is going to court over this is just trashy. Sorry.
Posted by mercy4[/QUOTE]

Why is it "trashy" to want money back for a dress you aren't going to where when you were <strong>kicked out</strong> of the wedding. I'd be more inclined to say the BM should eat the cost if she left willingly, but it sounds like bridezilla above didn't give her a choice - I'd be pissed and you'd bet your britches I'd be after my money.

$80+ is a lot of money to some people (that's mine and FI's grocery budget for 2 weeks).

andrea2473 · December 2011

I don't have any crazy BM stories because I treated mine like friends and not employees. To the PP who thinks the suit may not be worth it, you're probably right, but this sounds like one pissed off former BM/friend. She probably doesn't even care but just wants to stick it to the OP. And she will more than likely win OP, so give her the money back. YOU asked her to pay it, and then took away her reason for using it. Where is she wrong in that picture?

em01092 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ex-bridesmaid-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:08aace38-406e-45f4-be6e-97a619d74226Post:da233f9f-eb43-428b-a838-f1a96e877b2f">Re: (Ex) Bridesmaid Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: (Ex) Bridesmaid Drama : If the ex-BM wins she will be entitled to not just the $86 but also the cost of filing suit and serving the complaint on OP. In this neck of the woods, that would turn an $86 dress deposit into a judgment of approximately $150. If she hasn't yet filed suit but is just threatening to sue, you still have time to pay up and avoid the extra costs. Get in touch with her and take care of it. OP, you owe her the $86. Pay her and move on, or this will just keep coloring your entire wedding experience. She shouldn't have had to sue you to recover money she put down on a bridesmaid dress for your wedding.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

<div>Ok see I was under the impression that exBM would have to pay something to even file the suit in the first place, winning or not. I agree that the OP should pay up and avoid this mess for everyone. </div>

KellyBrian2013 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ex-bridesmaid-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:08aace38-406e-45f4-be6e-97a619d74226Post:b28469ed-f3e0-4671-9f1a-6768e0197cca">Re: (Ex) Bridesmaid Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: (Ex) Bridesmaid Drama : Ok see<strong> I was under the impression that exBM would have to pay something to even file the suit in the first place</strong>, winning or not. I agree that the OP should pay up and avoid this mess for everyone.
Posted by em01092[/QUOTE]

I believe you are correct, but as PP said - if the court rules in her favor (which it is HIGHLY likely that they will), she would not only get what she is suing for, but reimbursement for the costs of filing the suit.

staceycaine · December 2011

In Response to (Ex) Bridesmaid Drama:
[QUOTE]I let two of my bridesmaid's go almost a month ago now due to the fact that they treated me like crap and after the bridesmaid's dress appointment the friendship went down hill. Things weren't the same with our friendship and come to find out one didn't even want to be in my wedding anyway, she was just doing it to be nice. Well, that is the long story short. Anyways, one of them is now taking me to court for the $86 deposit on her dress. Does anyone have any crazy bridesmaid stories to tell me to make me feel a little bit better about what is going on? Thanks!
Posted by Time2PlanAWedding:-)[/QUOTE]

They were under your employ?

Pay the $86.

jemmini6 · December 2011

Um, yeah...you 'let go' employees, not friends.

You owe her the money, so you can either pay her now, or she WILL win against you in court and you'll have to pay the dress AND the court fees. Your choice. Either way, you made a bridezilla decision to kick them out, you need to be reimbursing BOTH of them for what they spent already.

AurorasEnvy · December 2011

Yikes. If this girl is pissed enough to take you to court over $86, I'd just mail her a check and wash your hands of the entire business. Maybe they were being crappy friends, but it was kind of a "crappy friend" move to dismiss BMs from being involved in your wedding. Sounds like everything is going to work out to be a draw IMO.

Habs2Hart · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ex-bridesmaid-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:08aace38-406e-45f4-be6e-97a619d74226Post:e6469181-84b3-4b40-be7f-6557f6023924">(Ex) Bridesmaid Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]I let two of my bridesmaid's go almost a month ago now due to the fact that they treated me like crap and after the bridesmaid's dress appointment the friendship went down hill. Things weren't the same with our friendship and come to find out one didn't even want to be in my wedding anyway, she was just doing it to be nice. Well, that is the long story short<strong>. Anyways, one of them is now taking me to court for the $86 deposit on her dress.</strong> Does anyone have any crazy bridesmaid stories to tell me to make me feel a little bit better about what is going on? Thanks!
Posted by Time2PlanAWedding:-)[/QUOTE]

She shouldn't have to take your to court. You owe her that money and you should have offered to pay it when you pulled the biitch move of kicking her out of your wedding.

MyNameIsNot · December 2011

Seriously? You kicked someone out of your wedding and you are surprised that there is drama? Usually, when you do something so horribly nasty to a friend, you get drama. And now you are surprised that she wants you to reimburse her?

I am continually shocked at the ways that brides use their wedding as an excuse to mistreat friends. OP, you should be ashamed of yourself. Consider yourself lucky if you come out of this wedding with any friends at all left.

My advice would be to reimnburse her immediately and start apologizing all over the place, but the kind of person who could do something like this is probably not concerned with salvaging friendships anyway. Instead, pay the $86 now and avoid it turning into $200, and then go hire some professionals on craigslist to stand in your wedding. Then you'd be justified in acting like they were employees.

RamonaFlowers · December 2011

Unless this girl physically tried to kill you, attempted to seduce your FI, or deliberately lit your wedding dress on fire, there really isn't anything she could have done to you that was "crappy" enough to justify kicking her out of the wedding.

Also, unless you can prove that she actually did one of those things, you don't have a snowball's chance of winning in court against her. A judge isn't going to care that your friend didn't want to go to your dress fitting, plan your shower, swoon over your color scheme or even if she was talking smack about you behind your back. The only thing a judge is going to care about in this situation is the fact that this girl put a deposit down on a dress that you expected her to wear in your wedding, and then you kicked her out of the wedding and therefore flushed her money down the toilet. You will have to pay the deposit back, and you're most likely going to get slapped with all of the court fees as well, so it would probably be in your best interest to pick up the phone, apologize to no end and see if just giving her the $86 now will stop this from going any further.

batfacepattermonth · December 2011

I'm sorry your ex Bridesmaids were treating you crappy. I don't have any stories to share, but two of my bridesmaids have personal issues that could turn into drama for them later (unrelated to me or the friendship but I am keeping it in mind to not be disappointed if they have to drop out last minute), so I'll let you know! But what happened?

VirgoBella · December 2011

Some of the members on this site are so harsh. This stuff happens more than you think! I'm not posting to attack you, just giving some advice.

I highly recommend giving back the deposit to your ex bridesmaid. It's the right thing to do. Anything you asked her to pay for must be returned back. For things that you didn't ask of her, you don't need to compensate. For instance, let's just say you let your bridesmaids choose new or used shoes to wear on the day of your wedding. If she purchased new shoes then she would be responsible for keeping or returning them back to the store of purchase.

Some members, like the ones who commented prior to my posting, are quick to judge by blaming the bride for being the irrational one. However that's not always the case. Sometimes its the bridesmaid who turns against the bride by causing arguments and stress. Not every bride is a 'bridezilla.'

I've heard several stories from newlyweds & couples married for years of losing touch with some or most of their bridal parties after their weddings. These particular individuals are often the single ones, the ones that don't want to accept the change and react in spiteful, jealous ways.

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