please help!

Hi guys, i'm new here. I am currently in m second year at Northeastern University, i've been with my high school sweetie for three years now, and we talk about getting married all the time. We arent engaged yet, but I get the feeling it will be coming soon (fingers crossed!)...I thought we would be able to have our wedding before we graduate, which will be in 3 years (we're in a 5 year program), but when we were talking about it last night he told me i was being unrelistic. He says once we get married we wont be on our parents insurance policy anymore, and we will have to pay for it ourselves, and we may not be able to afford it. Does anyone know about this?? I cant stop thinking about it, please help!

Re: please help!

  • Sooo your parents are still paying for some of your bills?Then you're not ready to get married.You need to able to support yourself before you get married and start trying to support two people and building a life.Foundation is the most important part of any house aka relationship. Start paying for your own bills and then discuss marriage.If that means you wait til after you graduate and get a job...then wait. If he's "THE ONE" then he will still be there then.
  • My parents are not paying all my bills, i've had a job since i was sixteen, I pay for my own cell phone bill, my own college tuition, my own groceries, my apartment...even if they were paying for all of that i dont it would determine whether or not i am ready to get married. my question was not asking if i am ready to get married, i just wanted some advice as far as the insurance goes...
  • From what I gathered from how you worded your post is that you are on your parents insurance and they were paying for it.If you are reimbursing your parents for your insurance aka paying for it yourself then my answer changes.Call the insurance company and get a quote for the two of you on one policy. BUT be careful how you word it. I know with my insurance, I can't be covered under my parents unless I am actually living with them. I am not sure how that works with you being in college(are you staying on campus or living with your parents or living with your BF?) so if you are not living with your parents but are still on their policy, I would word it when you call that you are thinking of moving out and would like a quote for your own policy. If you get multi-line discount with your parents, having your BF and you on one will provide a multi line discount, you can add renters insurance or your house insurance to add another discount as well.Just do your research and then present it to him as it will only cost this much more or this much less or it will stay the same. Then if he brings up another 'but' then do your research again until he runs out of buts and (if) there is a hidden reason behind him waiting it will come out and then you can go from there.GL!
  • that was probably my fault about the poor wording, sorry! Thanks so much for the advice, thats exactly what i was hoping for, and i will contact the insurance company ASAP! thanks a million :)
  • No problem :)GL!
  • If all your concerned about is health insurance, then check with your school. My school has a student health insurance plan and it is very reasonably priced. Second of all, I find it offensive to say that if your parents pay some of your bills that you are not ready to be married. Especially if you are a student (and we are on the student board). My dad pays for my cell phone bill, car insurance and health insurance. I am a full time student and work part time. I pay my rent, food, gas and utilities and I take out loans to pay tuition. I am getting married after I graduate, at which time my husband and I will assume my bills. Traditionally, didn't people live with their parents until they got married and moved in together and started having their own bills?
  • I, too, am still on my mom's insurance and once FI and I get married I will no longer be able to be on hers (even though I will still be in school). Once you get married you are considered independent regardless of your student status. That being said, the cost of your insurance will differ based on many factors. However, if you have both been paying for all of your bills already and have money left over then you shouldn't have a problem paying for the insurance. (But it most likelly will be significantly more expensive than you parents' insurance). Hope this helps  :)
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  • Second of all, I find it offensive to say that if your parents pay some of your bills that you are not ready to be married. Especially if you are a student (and we are on the student board).Well sorry if it offends you but that's my opinion. You should be able to support yourself before you get married no matter your student status. But that is my opinion and you don't have to agree with me. Like PP my parents started making me pay for things when I was 16. By the time I moved out, I was paying for everything except my school and because I was working for my parents, the company paid for it. When I stopped working for them, the responsibility fell upon me like it should have unless my parents were in the position to be able to pay for my schooling which they were not.There are plenty of people who work full time and go to school full time and still support themselves completely. Yes it's hard but it can be done. If you are lucky enough to have help more power to you.:)
  • When I stopped working for them, the responsibility fell upon me like it should have unless my parents were in the position to be able to pay for my schooling which they were not.Also forgot to add that if they CHOSE to pay then that would be awesome but I did not expect them to. Do they feel bad they can't help me pay for school? Yes. But you do what you got to do to survive. Keeping their house and electricity on is more important than helping out their grown daughter, who is out on her own supporting herself, go to school. And by ready to get married I don't mean emotionally, spiritually, etc. I mean financially.
  • I am getting married next October.  This was our original date and was kept the same when I found out I'd have to do an extra semester because my dad's insurance drops me at 23 and I can't afford my own (it would be over %1000.00 a month!).  My finace will be putting me on his insurance next October when we get married until I get a full-time teaching job and we (me, him and our daughter) will be living off of his one paycheck for 2 months.  Insurance is really expensive is my point so definitly make sure yoy know what you are getting into!!  Also I agree that I don't see how already supporting yourself correlates with getting married, sometimes circumstances arise and you just have to go with it.  Everyone is different and people get married right out of school or while they are in school all the time. 10/10/10 Bride!!
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  • When I got engaged in December, right up until I graduated in May, I wasn't sure if I'd be accepted to grad school so I researched my options. Your parents' carrier may have a stop-gap plan that will tide you over temporarily (3-6 months.) I could have gotten coverage for under $100/month that included 6 doctor visits in 6 months. If you consider 1 dental exam, 1 eye exam and 1 gyno visit, that leaves you with 3 extras for emergencies. On average, unless you have a condition that requires more care, this is adequate.Fortunately, I am able to stay on my parents' plan until I get married in December, and then I'll be covered by FI's plan. I'm lucky, but even if you're not, you have options!
  • Health insurance was a big issue for us when we started planning our future.  I have a pre-existing condition and can't get health insurance on my own, so my parents have been awesome enough to keep me on theirs and help me cover my medical expenses (~$800/mo even with coverage!) while I'm a full-time student.  Make sure you're very clear about your health conditions when you get a quote- most companies gave me relatively low quotes, but then denied me or wanted to charge me over $1,000 a month!  I have a lot of friends who don't have any health issues and still had the exact same experience!  My cousin's paying $1,100 a month for her and her son because her husband's work won't cover them as long as she has a job, but her job doesn't offer insurance.  The system is crap, and I don't think anyone should count on that changing anytime soon...We took advantage of having our parents cover health insurance by building up our savings and making some investments over the years.  Both of us have been working since we were 14/16, so having our parents pay for this is a luxury not a necessity. Take advantage of this change to build savings so later you can afford everything you need!  I would recommend waiting to get married until you graduate, but, if it's kosher with you and your families, don't wait until then to move in together and start sharing other big responsibilities.  Joining finances is tricky even if you already have the same spending style, and it will give you a better idea of how much per month you actually spend as a couple.  I was surprised at how much he spends on some things (like work lunches on Fridays) and how little he spent on others, and it really changed our spending habits to look at where "our" money was going!  I hated waiting 4 years before talking about marriage as a reality, but I'm really, really glad we waited this long and built a strong financially foundation :-)
  • I agree with apple that you should be financially stable before you get married.  If your parents pay for any of your bills, that is not financially stable.
  • I don't think it is always reasonable to tell a college student they need to be financially independent before they are ready to get married. It just isn't always possible for students to be financially independent in general. I'm a senior in college at a small school in the middle of nowhere. There just aren't enough jobs in the area for everyone who is looking for one to have one. "Townies" and students are struggling to find anything that will get them a paycheck. And leaving the area isn't a guarantee to find work either. I know a lot of people who graduated in May and still can't find jobs.If one person is financially independent and can take care of their partner who isn't, because of something like being a full time student without a full time income, I don't think it is fair to tell the couple they aren't ready yet, but will be in a few months or as soon as the other one gets a job.
  • Someone who is in college and working as many house as they physically can.. along with a work load is a huge responsibility.  The fact that you are on your parents insurance does not make you unfit to get married.  After all, you are going to school to become a teacher (like me! ) and you will get FULL benefits as soon as you get a job.  It is not laziness. 

    Being a college student is hard work.  I am in my last semester of college at MSU in NJ.  I am student teaching full time.. working 3 nights a week as well as taking a class.. selling Lia Sophia Jewlery on weekends AND a volunteer CCD teacher on Sundays.  I also got dropped from my dads insurance bc  I am 23 and still in school however.. I get student insurance through my tuition.  Does your school have a health center?  You should def. look into it.  At my school it is very clean and I find it very convenient.

    You and your fiance will figure everything out. :)  Think positiveLaughing
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