Community› Cultural Wedding Boards› Catholic Weddings
Catholic Weddings
New Discussion
Options

Convalidation of my civil marriage

afortunada818afortunada818 member
First Comment
in Catholic Weddings
Hello everyone,
Well I Hope what im about to share with you will help and encourage other women who might be going through the same thing.
See I got married 5 years ago, it was a civil wedding, I was 6 mo. pregnant and we just had a dinner with parents and grandparents. We are both catholics and were raised in Mexico, so we always talked about having our catholic wedding there. For many reasons, we couldnt find the right timing for this, and now we are scared of having a wedding over there because of the violence. Anyway, we both always dreamed of having a nice wedding. On december my husband asked me to marry him in the catholic church, he bought me a beautiful engagement ring, and it meant a lot, because the 1st time he didnt proposed we had both discussed getting married and went to buy my ring...so it always felt it wasnt a proposal. So we started the planning of our catholic wedding. I googled my situation to see what was I supposed to do, and I found so many hurtful comments, saying that women in my situation shouldnt have a big celebration, and shouldnt wear a bridal dress, that is wrong to even call it a wedding because is not a wedding, that it needs to be called either a convalidation ceremony or renewal of vows!   WELL, that didnt let me down though, because all my guests and family are as excited as we are, and we are paying for the wedding we want, regardless of what other ppl think, my only concern was the Church. So I contacted my parish, and last week we went to a preparation class... i was surprised to see we werent the only couple, there was this other couple that has been married for 21years and are now having their catholic wedding. So after that they explained to us that we can either have a convalidation ceremony, something intimate, or have a wedding... so of course we chose the wedding... We booked the church, we are now in the process of chosing the readings and the music... it is a wedding, because we have never been married in the catholic church, i remember reading somewhere that a priest wouldnt allow for the invitations to say the word wedding, and that's such a lie! The book that I got from the church has everything written down so i can do my programs... I'm so excited and super happy! Getting the proper blessing from our priest in the catholic church is such a wonderful thing, that it deserves to be celebrated and that's what we are doing... 
We all deserve the wedding of our dreams, so dont let anyone discourage you!
April 2012 October siggy challenge Photobucket Wedding Countdown Ticker
Report Reply to Post

Re: Convalidation of my civil marriage

  • Options
    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    i am glad everything is working out for you and that your marriage will be valid and blessed.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    wifeandmommy0609wifeandmommy0609
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Congrats. My DH and I were married Civilly in 2008 I am in the process of becoming catholic ( will be at easter vigil) and we will be having our Wedding the sunday after easter. We have two children who both are baptized in the catholic church. We found our church to be very understand (not sure if it's because at the time i wasn't catholic and choice to do so now).

    I have had other women on other boards say mean things about how it's really not a wedding and comments like you have read but to be honest I could care less what they say since they don't know me or my situation.

    I am glad it is all working out for you.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • Options
    SoHappyToBeMrsCSoHappyToBeMrsC
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You are lucky that your church is allowing this, in fact I am quite surprised by it to tell the truth.

    My parish does not allow convalidations to be like weddings, regardless of the circumstances. The rules are:
    1. You do not get a private ceremony.
    2. It must be done during a weekday mass, not on a weekend.
    3. You will be called up during the Mass to speak a few vows, and then return to your seats.
    4. Of course, you cannot wear a wedding dress, have a bridal party, etc.

    You're lucky your church is allowing this. Have fun at your wedding!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    H and I are currently participating in the pre-cana of a couple that are civilly married but undergoing RCIA and convalidation.  Originally, they planned on having a wedding-like affair at the fiance's home parish, but since then they have decided to have the convalidation at the church we attend (mainly for travel issues from the bride's side).  My priest told them that it'll be a weekday celebration, and it will not resemble what we think of as a traditional wedding (no bridal party, no huge processional, etc.)  If they want to have a huge reception afterwards, that's their business.  However, since their convalidation will be a Thursday evening, that limits how big of a party they can throw.

    I still think convalidation is a worthy experience for couples that were married outside of the church.  However, I think that most parishes discourage turning the convalidation into a second wedding, so I think we should prepare brides on this board to expect a smaller celebration.


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic **Bio**
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    yes, my sister's convalidation was on a weekday (after the mass, actually) and the only people present were the priest, deacon, and their children.
    Report Reply
  • Options
    afortunada818afortunada818 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Well I called several catholic churches and most of them do convalidation ceremonies as weddings. Then only issue is if one of the two parities has been married to someone else before, was married under another religion, or one of them is not catholic. In my case both my husband and I are catholics, and never been married to anyone else, nor have kids from another person. Maybe that's why.... it wont count as if we have been married in the catholic church since we got first married. For the catholic church this will be our first wedding, matter of fact we are working on the readings and the Priest will say my name with my maiden name, not my current last name.  At first I thought maybe it was a cultural thing, since in Mexico ppl do this all the time, but none of the parish staff is hispanic.  They are very excited to go through this process with me, and they do encourage me to have a big celebration, because we are celebrating God's blessing in our marriage, and the fact that we have decided to stop living in sin. And that's what's important, rather then getting married by the law and celebrating.... is a thing of faith.. i guess...

    April 2012 October siggy challenge Photobucket Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • Options
    katiemac101katiemac101
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Afortunada,

    Feliciades!  Que bueno que todo salio bien.  Que tengan una boda muy bonita. 
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Cocnut0216Cocnut0216 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That is a relief for me to hear too.  My fiance and I were civilly married (eloped)  in January (same anniversary date) because we needed to make sure we could move together if I was placed somewhere for my job (which may end up happening shortly before the wedding anyway) and we wanted to (if we didn't move) start working for a house to move into before/after the Catholic wedding. 

    I haven't changed my name to his yet, and I don't refer to him as my husband.  We decided to keep things a secret with the civil ceremony because it would have broken my family's heart and some wouldn't agree with the civil ceremony before the religious one.  I don't know how my priest will react when we talk to him about our situation, but I needed to make sure that wherever I was stationed, we wouldn't have to be apart. 

    In my opinion the civil ceremony is just the bacground paperwork for silly things like taxes and whose name goes on the water bill.  I don't really feel married and dont' think I will until he and I are joined by God.

    Thanks for posting this, you give me hope :)

    - J
    "What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined...to strengthen each other... to be one with each other in silent, unspeakable memories." -George Eliot
    Report Reply
  • Options
    KnalexisKnalexis member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am very glad to see there are positive people in this situation. I have read many nasty responses to this sort of thing, and I don't think there is a need for such negative energy or feelings toward something wonderful!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    Riss91Riss91 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's really great that this is working out for you all! Best wishes!

    Re: the negative responses you've seen: Sometimes people purposefully do NOT get married in the Catholic Church for really poor reasons like wanting an outdoor ceremony. So, many a times, the negative responses you've seen are directed at those people that are skirting the Church's rules and traditions out of their own convenience, which is demeaning to the Church and to the sacrament. Using convalidations as a tool to forego a proper Catholic ceremony in front of your family is somewhat abusive. It should be used for the proper reasons. But, I agree that the ladies on these boards could try harder to be more understanding, in general.

    Report Reply
  • Options
    mrsflowers07mrsflowers07 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Our convalidation is in five days! Do not let anyone discourage you in your plans. We also had a civil ceremony for our families the same day last year because they were all so hurt at the thought of not seeing us be married but knew we were oppse to the public display. However the comitment between us and God is something that we feel should remain something between us and God. Thus we pre-planned to have our convalidation a year later for just us two :-)

    Because I have done the dress, bridesmaids, ect I will not be doing that this time around. I can not tell you the excitement I have to go before God with my mate! My dress is tea length and not white but if I wanted it to be... why not? This will be the day that our marriage is brought to our God and sealed with our faith. Fortunatley for us although people are not so understanding our Lord is :-) Good luck to you both!!
    *Mrs.Flow*
    Report Reply
  • Options
    melody65melody65 member
    First Comment
    edited February 2012
    THANK YOU FOR THIS POST!!!! We're Catholic too and had to have a civil ceremony because the VA loan for our home needed us to be married. My civil wedding was just us, our daughter, and our witnesses.
    Well I looked up what my options were for a convalidation ceremony and they were all saying how I shouldn't have a big wedding, no big dress and big reception. On top of that since we've already bought and moved into our house we already have the things most people would register for so I was looking up honeymoon registries since we never went on a honeymoon.

    On THAT forum that I posted I felt attacked there because I got called rude and that it's technically a vow renewal and how we're already MARRIED and how people don't register for vow renewals. Another person said I should use the money for my "fake" wedding and use it on a vacation...calling it incredibly rude that we as an already married couple would ask people to pay for our vacation. Really?! I could go on and on about our situation and why we had to do things this way but then again why am I defending myself? So happy for you chica! And why...why do people jump and judge without knowing all the facts?!
    Report Reply
  • Options
    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_convalidation-of-civil-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:822d8ecb-6927-4198-9632-692d19ef24d0Post:8dd39386-7125-4ac0-a458-07a7cc4ef689">Re: Convalidation of my civil marriage</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>On THAT forum that I posted I felt attacked there because I got called rude and that it's technically a vow renewal and how we're already MARRIED and how people don't register for vow renewals.</strong> Another person said I should use the money for my "fake" wedding and use it on a vacation...calling it incredibly rude that we as an already married couple would ask people to pay for our vacation. Really?! I could go on and on about our situation and why we had to do things this way but then again why am I defending myself? So happy for you chica! And why...why do people jump and judge without knowing all the facts?!
    Posted by melody65[/QUOTE]
    The bolded part is what I responded with, except I never called you rude, and I was in no way attacking you but letting you know that a civil ceremony means that, in fact, you are married.  It's just a fact and not meant as an attack.  You did not mention anything about having a convalidation of your civil ceremony just that you were now having your "wedding".  <div>Also seeing as how I was the only one to respond to that post, no one including myself said anything about your" 'fake' wedding or " asking people paying for your vacation".  This must have been something someone has said to you as it was never in that thread.  Please don't put words in my mouth and spread these lies.  </div>
    Ignorance is a poor defense. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards