This is my first post on anything, so here it goes!
My fiancé and I have been engaged for a little over two months and are just starting to get ideas for our wedding. We would like to be better settled down and have time to save up some funds before we start any planning. However, my mother has been causing some frustrations.
Recently, MOB called up MOG and was telling her about all the things she had been planning. MOB has started picking out the flowers for the wedding. She has come up with the idea that everyone in my family who plays a musical instrument will play for the ceremony in some way or another. She has also decided that I will be walking down the aisle to Canon in D and that she will be the one to play it on the piano. She has planned to keep this last part a secret from my fiancé and me until the actual wedding. She says the wedding and reception will take place in my hometown (which my fiancé and I told her we’d like to have the reception in his hometown about 20 minutes away) and at the same locations as her and my father’s wedding. It also sounds like to plans on inviting her entire extended family, when we would really like to have a smaller wedding.
Now, MOB has not talked with me or my fiancé about any of this and we had to hear it from MOG. I specifically told MOB that I will ask for her help when I’m ready and need it (we had a little spat and she didn’t talk for me for weeks after I told her this in a completely calm manner). She doesn’t know me or my tastes like she thinks she does and we don’t have the strongest mother-daughter bond. My fiancé and I have tried to explain we have our own ideas about what we want and would like to have a rough budget before we plan anything, but she disregards it.
I love my mother and appreciate her ambition, but I’m upset she would go behind my back about all of this and that I had to hear it from MOG. I would love to have her help in planning, but I don’t want her to try and take over and disregard what my fiancé and I really want. I also don’t want to make her upset and be ignored again.
How do I approach her about this when I’m not supposed to know about any of it? Should I just ignore all of this until my fiancé and I have a better idea of what we want? I’m just not quite sure what to do with this information or how to handle my MOB.