Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited

eguzman2323 · June 2012

I need some advice regarding this issue since it was just sprung on me and I didnt and dont know how to react...alright I will try to be brief.

Ok, so I have handed out all of my invitations and for my cousins who still live at home I included them on just one family invitation. So I gave my aunt "x" an invitation for 4 people that is my aunt, uncle, cousin 10yrs old and cousin 21 yrs old. So just a couple of days ago I called my grandma to ask her if she was coming to our bridal shower and said; "yes of course, and now that we are on the topic of the wedding your cousin (21) asked me why she hadnt received and invite for her boyfriend" (let me mention the fact that ive seen this guy about 3 times and crossed probably 10 words with him...as well as the fact that we only invited family to the wedding, which means no boyfriends just spouses) I told my grandma that I would speak to my cousin personally regarding the issue and grandma responded: "ok, because your cousin said that the one with the money is her boyfriend so he would be the one buying your gift and not her" ....... Is that completely rude or what?? When I invited them it wasnt for the gift!! I invited them because I wanted them to be part of a very special day in my life! So, how should I go about this very uncomfortable situation.

lyndausvi · June 2012

You should have invited the boyfriend in the first place.

Call and apologize for the mistake.

eguzman2323 · June 2012

We didnt leave people out, since most of the family will be coming with their spouses. She is the only one with a boyfriend of 3 months. And she knows all of the family I didnt see why she would find it uncomfortable being there with her own family...hmmm

brilibby4 · June 2012

PPs are correct. You should go back and call any guests who are in relationships and invite their significant others.

eguzman2323 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousin-is-asking-for-boyfriend-to-be-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:49eecd7f-97a3-4177-ac4b-72ff71f9505cPost:f27966f2-c51f-4ae4-97d3-2df73c5710b6">Re: Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited : Maybe because she would like the company of her boyfriend? Did you leave out any other boyfriends or girlfriends?
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

Nope, didnt leave anyone else out. Just this incident

lyndausvi · June 2012

It's not about being uncomfortable around family as it is your don't break up a social unit.

I was engaged within a few months of meeting, so I don't know what length of time has to do with anything? Unless she is a serial dater? The fact you have met him 3 times and it sounds like grandma as met him also. I think they are more than a random fling.

eguzman2323 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousin-is-asking-for-boyfriend-to-be-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:49eecd7f-97a3-4177-ac4b-72ff71f9505cPost:2423be1c-6a72-40f7-81f9-a853ff7fb723">Re: Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited : Anyone who is dating someone at the time invitations go out, needs to be invited with their SO. You overlooked something. Just call her up and apologize for the miscommunication and that of course he is invited.
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

Thanks! I wasnt aware of that...Ok, Im glad I waited to give her a call until I received some advice. I will call her and apologize for the oversight and invite him. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

eguzman2323 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousin-is-asking-for-boyfriend-to-be-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:49eecd7f-97a3-4177-ac4b-72ff71f9505cPost:19a33176-36c7-4d55-8ba3-3ff978f8fe2e">Re: Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not about being uncomfortable around family as it is your don't break up a social unit. I was engaged within a few months of meeting, so I don't know what length of time has to do with anything? <strong>Unless she is a serial dater?</strong> The fact you have met him 3 times and it sounds like grandma as met him also. I think they are more than a random fling.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

She is a bit of a serial dater, as he is the 5th boyfriend shes had since ive been engaged (which is almost one year) thats why I didnt include him on the invite. But I do agree with the other PP´s and I guess for this particular event I will call her and let her know that he is welcome :)

HandBanana · June 2012

In Response to Re:Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited:[QUOTE]In Response to Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited:I need some advice regarding this issue since it was just sprung on me and I didnt and dont know how to react...alright I will try to be brief. Ok, so I have handed out all of my invitations and for my cousins who still live at home I included them on just one family invitation. So I gave my aunt "x" an invitation for 4 people that is my aunt, uncle, cousin 10yrs old and cousin 21 yrs old. So just a couple of days ago I called my grandma to ask her if she was coming to our bridal shower and said; "yes of course, and now that we are on the topic of the wedding your cousin 21 asked me why she hadnt received and invite for her boyfriend" let me mention the fact that ive seen this guy about 3 times and crossed probably 10 words with him...as well as the fact that we only invited family to the wedding, which means no boyfriends just spouses I told my grandma that I would speak to my cousin personally regarding the issue and grandma responded: "ok, because your cousin said that the one with the money is her boyfriend so he would be the one buying your gift and not her" ....... Is that completely rude or what?? When I invited them it wasnt for the gift!! I invited them because I wanted them to be part of a very special day in my life! So, how should I go about this very uncomfortable situation.Posted by eguzman2323Anyone over the age of 18 should have received their own invitation, even if living at home.Anyone over the age of 18 should be invited with their SO by name not matter how short of a time they have been dating.You need to call your cousin and apologize for the oversight and that of course he is welcome.ETA: nbsp;And you really should call up everyone whose SO you left off the guest list and let them know that their BF/GF/FI/W/H is invited. Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

This. Especially the part where you put a 21 year old on the same invite as their parents.

brilibby4 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousin-is-asking-for-boyfriend-to-be-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49eecd7f-97a3-4177-ac4b-72ff71f9505cPost:b682a3e5-0a3f-444d-a565-2a926de8c4a4">Re: Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited : Thanks! I wasnt aware of that...Ok, Im glad I waited to give her a call until I received some advice. I will call her and apologize for the oversight and invite him.
Posted by eguzman2323[/QUOTE]

Wow, I did not expect this. Thank you for listening to the correct advice and doing the right thing!

eguzman2323 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousin-is-asking-for-boyfriend-to-be-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:49eecd7f-97a3-4177-ac4b-72ff71f9505cPost:ac4d804a-b14d-4271-8c03-821309b85b14">Re: Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited : Normal reaction? YES! I love normal reactions. =D
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

hahahahaha people who answer nicely on these boards will always receive a normal reaction from me lol <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

lyndausvi · June 2012

I like you.

Normal, didn't try to throw a bunch of "why you are the exception to the rule" crap.

MyUserName1 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousin-is-asking-for-boyfriend-to-be-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49eecd7f-97a3-4177-ac4b-72ff71f9505cPost:77d2ee09-76a2-4d1e-a266-2a1ab8d2f278">Re: Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited</a>:
[QUOTE]I like you. Normal, didn't try to throw a bunch of "why you are the exception to the rule" crap.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

<div>Why can't all the lurker/etiquette question posters be more like this. "Oh, you said I did something incorrectly and should do X to rectify it? Cool, will do"</div><div>
</div><div>bravo.</div>

joe&cassie · June 2012

Wow I wasn't aware of the over 18 rule. I'm glad I found that out. I have been invited as part of my family without FI for two weddings since engagement and I'm 21. One was out of state and he couldn't cause his sis got married same day and the other isn't but I'm the only one from my family going so it's ok cause they reserved 4 seats and there is 2 going and it was okayed by the bride.

Jzimmer8 · June 2012

It is YOUR day. If your cousin can't come to terms with this then I think maybe she is being a little too forward. However, clearly this is only an issue for one guest. If you don't mind adding another guest to your list then a simple phone call can fix everything. But if your guest list is already at it's limit, then you may have to explain to her that the budget and/or other possible factors are what lead you to leave her boyfriend off the guest list. I really think it's your decision.

lillypots · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousin-is-asking-for-boyfriend-to-be-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49eecd7f-97a3-4177-ac4b-72ff71f9505cPost:2423be1c-6a72-40f7-81f9-a853ff7fb723">Re: Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited : Anyone who is dating someone at the time invitations go out, needs to be invited with their SO. You overlooked something. Just call her up and apologize for the miscommunication and that of course he is invited.
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I strongly disagree. You invited all your cousins and their spouses if applicable. You have no obligation to invite this brand new boyfriend. Just tell her you can only fit so many ppl and that if she cant afford a gift that is fine.

</div>

Kate61487 · June 2012

ugh why do the lurker bad-E-advice givers always come out at the end of the thread? OP - it sounds like you're on the right track now, so this response is more for other brides who wander into this thread.

Jzimmer - all the "your day" crap goes out the window when you invite other people to celebrate with you. You want everything 100% your way regardless of how rude it is? then marry yourself and don't invite anyone.

lilypots - this "brand new boyfriend" has been around for three months and was in the picture when invitations went out. the ONLY circumstance where it's okay to exclude a bf/gf is if they got together AFTER invitaitons went out; and even then you really should try to make room for them if possible.

Ashes_3 · June 2012

Oh it was going soooo very well until jzimmer and lilypots jumped in. Hopefully they will learn manners and etiquette also

Snippylynn · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousin-is-asking-for-boyfriend-to-be-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49eecd7f-97a3-4177-ac4b-72ff71f9505cPost:e9761536-20a5-4d75-aafd-4cbedfef32a3">Re:Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited</a>:
[QUOTE]It is YOUR day. If your cousin can't come to terms with this then I think maybe she is being a little too forward. However, clearly this is only an issue for one guest. If you don't mind adding another guest to your list then a simple phone call can fix everything. But if your guest list is already at it's limit, then you may have to explain to her that the budget and/or other possible factors are what lead you to leave her boyfriend off the guest list. I really think it's your decision.
Posted by Jzimmer8[/QUOTE]
<img src="http://joyreactor.com/images/templates/solo/no.jpg" alt="http://joyreactor.com/images/templates/solo/no.jpg" />

mica178 · June 2012

This thread makes me happy (OP, Kate, Snippy) and sad (Jzimmer and lilipots).

aurianna · June 2012

Initial PPs are correct. Thanks for taking proper actions to correct.

But as a quick bone to throw to OP: The comment about your cousin's boyfriend being the one to give a present so of course you should invite him... SUPER weird.
The fact that your cousin would say it and that your grandmother would repeat it... really weird. I'd be put out too. But just let it roll off and invite the bf and have a great wedding.

jmayinc · June 2012

Snippy...that picture is CLASSIC ahahaa

but in regards to the post... etiquette aside (not that I'm saying it should be ignored)....if there's only ONE person dating in your family....why not just invite him. It's only one person. It's not like it's a sticky situation where there are 25 other people who's boyfriends etc weren't invited or something....it's just one cousin. Everyone else has their counterparts there...let her have the company of her manpiece lol it's not going to add on THAT much cost lol

haileyschwebbs · June 2012

No way do you have to invite your 21 year old cousins boyfriend This is your wedding and especially if you are paying for it you invite who you want! We limited the guests to friends and family who were either a) married or b) living with one another...

i bet her 21 year old relationship lasts about 21 more seconds... and i was her once... i was invited to a cousins wedding at around age 21... and i was invited with a date... in hindsight their wedding photos woulda been much better without the (insert man here) guest.

your day your way! dont let anyone sway you otherwise. It is however customary to invite a guest if they are married or living with one another or have a child together.

RebeccaB88 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousin-is-asking-for-boyfriend-to-be-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:49eecd7f-97a3-4177-ac4b-72ff71f9505cPost:61dc715b-0f91-40e2-84cc-762d0be33f41">Re: Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited</a>:
[QUOTE]No way do you have to invite your 21 year old cousins boyfriend This is your wedding and especially if you are paying for it you invite who you want! We limited the guests to friends and family who were either a) married or b) living with one another... i bet her 21 year old relationship lasts about 21 more seconds... and i was her once... i was invited to a cousins wedding at around age 21... and i was invited with a date... in hindsight their wedding photos woulda been much better without the (insert man here) guest. your day your way! dont let anyone sway you otherwise. It is however customary to invite a guest if they are married or living with one another or have a child together.
Posted by haileyschwebbs[/QUOTE]

You haven't hung out here very much, have you? Wrong, wrong, wrong! The boyfriend should be invited, period. If they break up, then the invitation is no longer valid and he doesn't have to come.

midgetthemighty · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousin-is-asking-for-boyfriend-to-be-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:49eecd7f-97a3-4177-ac4b-72ff71f9505cPost:61dc715b-0f91-40e2-84cc-762d0be33f41">Re: Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited</a>:
[QUOTE]No way do you have to invite your 21 year old cousins boyfriend This is your wedding and especially if you are paying for it you invite who you want! We limited the guests to friends and family who were either a) married or b) living with one another... i bet her 21 year old relationship lasts about 21 more seconds... and i was her once... i was invited to a cousins wedding at around age 21... and i was invited with a date... in hindsight their wedding photos woulda been much better without the (insert man here) guest. your day your way! dont let anyone sway you otherwise. <strong>It is however customary to invite a guest if they are married or living with one another or have a child together.
</strong>Posted by haileyschwebbs[/QUOTE]

Actually, it's "customary" aka mandatory that all social units must be invited together. That means in a relationship, without your judgement placed upon their relationship.

jmayinc · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousin-is-asking-for-boyfriend-to-be-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:49eecd7f-97a3-4177-ac4b-72ff71f9505cPost:61dc715b-0f91-40e2-84cc-762d0be33f41">Re: Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited</a>:
[QUOTE]No way do you have to invite your 21 year old cousins boyfriend This is your wedding and especially if you are paying for it you invite who you want! We limited the guests to friends and family who were either a) married or b) living with one another... i bet her 21 year old relationship lasts about 21 more seconds... and i was her once... i was invited to a cousins wedding at around age 21... and i was invited with a date... in hindsight their wedding photos woulda been much better without the (insert man here) guest. your day your way! dont let anyone sway you otherwise. It is however customary to invite a guest if they are married or living with one another or have a child together.
Posted by haileyschwebbs[/QUOTE]

I must be uber rude or need some etiquette lessons...because I was not aware that it was customary to invite people because they have a child together lol can you say baby mama drama? If you replaced "have a child together" with "in a relationship with" then your statement would be correct. There are many brides who themselves are 21 or close to it. You do not know them and it is not your place to judge their relationship/type of relationship they have. If it lasts for "21 more seconds" then his invite would be null and void. It's ONE PERSON. Get a grip.

OwningAHome1981 · June 2012

Am the only person who thinks it's ridiculous that this cousin needs to have her boyf there? I'm not inviting my 18 year old cousin with her boyf... they are in HIGH SCHOOL. She will deal one day without him.

Cousin is asking for boyfriend to be invited

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