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Just Found Out Bridesmaid Preggo

NJMom050911NJMom050911
1000 Comments Combo Breaker
in New Jersey
And due 5 weeks before the wedding. I had offered her to bow out since I still have plenty of time to find a replacement to fit in her dress. She wants to stay in and insists she will fit in her dress, I told her she can wear a different dress if there is a need.

However, I worry that once she actually has the baby she might not want to be in the wedding anymore and that will only give me 4 -5 weeks to find a replacement, and that might come off as rude to the replacement. Any advise? Thank you.
Logan Alexander born May 9th 2011. He has stolen my heart forever. Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 image
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Re: Just Found Out Bridesmaid Preggo

  • Just JenJust Jen
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My advice: Be happy for her.

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  • NJMom050911NJMom050911
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    I'm extremely happy for her and do not want to intrude on her special time with my wedding, I would rather her be with her baby and hubby than have to take pics with me.

    Logan Alexander born May 9th 2011. He has stolen my heart forever. Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 image
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  • Just JenJust Jen
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I guess I wouldn't worry about it.

    In the absolute worst-case scenario, she drops out last minute. And you have 1 fewer bridesmaid. To me, that's not a big deal. I think replacing her will come off as a bit rude to both her and the replacement. She says she wants to be there --I'd  take her word for it. And if she's not able to live up tp that, don't sweat it.

    Having said that, I've been to a wedding where a BM gave birth like 2 days before. The baby wasn't even home yet, but she stood up for her friend. So I think 5 weeks is enough time.

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  • ecg129ecg129
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with JustJen in the fact that - if she says she wants to be there - so be it, if by acts of g-d she can not be there or be in as a bridesmaid,  go 1 bridesmaid less -  have the best man not walk anyone down the aisle... etc.
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  • NJMom050911NJMom050911
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My main concern is that I don't want her to worry about being there if she just doesn't feel up to it or wants to just relax. I just don't want her to feel obligated. But you guys are right she will make the right decisions and I can def live without the extra bridesmaid if that happens. Thanks!
    Logan Alexander born May 9th 2011. He has stolen my heart forever. Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 image
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  • kle0113kle0113 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well, by my ticker you see that I am pregnant also.  I am due July 11th and my best freind is getting married August 14th and I am the MOH in the wedding.  I am so excited for her to be getting married that nothing will keep me from not being the MOH in her wedding and standing beside her.  You asked her to be a BM's for a reason so be excited for her and let her do what she can for you. 

    I have already gotten a baby sitter for us and the baby will be in our room at the hotel the night of the wedding. 
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  • ffbride_0813ffbride_0813
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I agree you should just keep her in the wedding and if something happens you have one less bridesmaid.  I have been a bridesmaid 2 times and both times had to walk back up the aisle with 2 guys because the numbers were uneven.  I dont think anyone noticed or cared. 

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  • Just JenJust Jen
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think you can just tell her that there's no pressure -- "I'm so, so excited for you, and the last thing I want you to worry about is my wedding. I would love for you to participate and stand up with us, but I understand that life can be a bit of a whirlwind after a new baby comes, an if at any time you feel like this will just be too much, please let me know."

    Good luck =)
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  • NJMom050911NJMom050911
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    You guys rock! Thank you.
    Logan Alexander born May 9th 2011. He has stolen my heart forever. Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 image
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  • alliecarrie41alliecarrie41 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    even if she does decide to bow out, you don't just "find a replacement".... if someone didn't make the cut the first time around, trust me, they don't want to be your runner up bridesmaid.  just be happy for her and let her call the shots.
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  • caketimecaketime
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Yup, do not do a last minute replacement just have uneven numbers.   Also, I wouldn't say anything else to her.  You told her she didn't have to do it, she said she wanted to, end of story.  If the time comes and she can't then oh well she can't.  While you are trying to be nice, bringing it up more will make her feel as though you don't want her there.
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  • Lola MinnieLola Minnie member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I have 2 bm's preggo and due a month before my wedding.  I'm over the moon happy for them.
    It was never a question in my mind to have them bow out. nor replaced. You shouldn't either. She has a month recooperate.

    The only thing I'd be nervous about for you is the bm dress if it was already ordered true to size.
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  • Jaytee501Jaytee501
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I had this exact situation: my BM delivered a bit early, just shy of 4 weeks before the wedding.

    She knew I just wanted everyone to be comfortable & happy; she could have decided not to be in the wedding party at the last minute, no problem (and no "replacements!" Please no! ;) )

    Her dress was fine, she was only about 2 months pregnant when we ordered so we took that into account in selecting size & easily-altered style.

    Side note; my BM was a trooper- a new, nursing mom traveled 5 hrs from Boston for the wedding...with 5 family members in a van, including her two year old!
    A Yankee Fan & A Red Sox Fan...
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    "5.01.09"

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  • 30may09bride30may09bride
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My mom was a BM a month after I was born and it worked out perfectly.  If dresses haven't been ordered yet, maybe order a size or 2 larger for her, and let her take it from there.  She sounds excited to be there for you on your special day, and she may be looking forward to day where she can get away from the baby and enjoy herself with her hubby and have some more adult fun. 
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  • NJMom050911NJMom050911
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    She already has the dress but I told her it's no problem if she needs to select another dress, I even offered to pay for the new dress. Thank you, I feel better now.

    Logan Alexander born May 9th 2011. He has stolen my heart forever. Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 image
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  • Reilly626Reilly626 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    2-3 of my girls are trying to get pregnant, I am happy for them and if they dont mind being in my wedding than I just love them more.  I knew that asking them.  I dont need perfect girls in pictures, just my friends however they look.
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  • kewltifkewltif member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I think you have gotten some pretty sound advice here. I think I would mention one more time about buying the dress one size bigger- just so she doesn't have to stress about fitting into it.  The last thing I would want to think about with a new born is having to fit into my previous body a month out.  In the end though, it is her decision.
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ditto those who said that replacing her (or anyone who bows out for whatever reason) would be crummy. Like Allie said, it's not nice to treat someone as a second string BM. If she happens to drop out on her own, just go on with who you have left. The world won't end if your bridal party is uneven.

    I am glad that you told her you'd work with her to get a new dress if necessary. Happy & healthy 9 months to her!
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  • racheyt0227racheyt0227 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Even if she cannot make it, there is def no need for a replacement, Leave it as is!
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  • erikag23erikag23
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    why the _fuc do you need a replacement?  do you honestly think someone is going to be excited to be a replacement?  give me a break. 
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  • NJMom050911NJMom050911
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Actually yes, there will be someone who would be extremely excited to be a replacement. I had picked my bridesmaides 22 months before the wedding, when we got engaged. Since then I reconnected with an old friend of mine and she has become my closest friend since my MOH has moved away and I don't get to see her as much.

    Out of curtesy I will not be replacing anyone at last minute, I was trying to be nice to let my pregnant bridesmaid back out so she doesn't have to think about my wedding, her being pregnant, happy and healthy is my main priority.

    But thank you.
    Logan Alexander born May 9th 2011. He has stolen my heart forever. Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BFP #2 05/24/12 EDD 01/31/13 D&C 06/26/12 Missing you. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Diagnosed with Ashermans 11/06/12 Surgery 01/18/13, Cleared for TTC 03/01/13 image
    My Ovulation Chart     || Ovulation Tracker
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  • cascastecascaste member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    as many previous people have said....Let HER make the decision how SHE will feel about it.  It sounds like you are secretly wishing she would simply bow out on her own now  making it easier for you, since all the "excuses" you have made seem to be of your own design and not what she has actually told you....maybe she is actually excited about sharing in your special day and WANTS to be part of it, did you ever think about that!
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  • kewltifkewltif member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    If you have a new close friend, why don't you ask her to be a bridesmaid as well? You can have an extra girl.

    My bridal party was 7 girls and 8 guys.  Originally DH wasn't going to ask one of his friends because he thought he had to line things up with me, but I said, go for it! I also felt that since I was putting 3 of my brothers plus his brother in the bridal party, it was really unfair of me to limit his friends.

    No one noticed the one less girl! I had my one brother escort my mom into the room and everyone else paired up.  In the church the girls walked down the aisle and the guys were already up front.  It was a NON ISSUE.
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  • lk1980lk1980 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My cousin had 2 pregnant bridesmaids in her bridal party who were gonna be 9 months by the time of the wedding.  One wound of having the baby about a week before the wedding.  She had her dress altered and walked down that asile.  It was a non issue!  So I agree...be happy for her!
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