First Look- For or Against? Any regrets?

akb3f7 · March 2013

Hi everyone,

My wedding is coming up in mid-June. It has a mostly traditional style. My mother is very staunch on traditional wedding do's and don't's. However, I am starting to consider doing a first look with my FH on our wedding day before our ceremony. My reasons: #1 we are paying 3k for an AMAZING photographer... I want to get the MOST out of that and I want to have PLENTY of pictures of my special guy and me #2 I would like to spend time with our guests and not miss our cocktail hr, especially since quite a few are coming in from across the country #3 I don't want to listen to A) My mom nagging me to hurry up because people are waiting and

the voice in my head saying hurry up because people are waiting #4 We both have divorced parents, huge families, and a pretty large bridal party (5 attendants each). I am worried that pictures will take FOREVER and the ones we will sacrifice will be of FH and myself.

So I would love to hear from you ladies (and gents?) about your opinion. Particularly I would like to know if you or someone you know has regretted having a first look pre-ceremony, because that is my biggest fear.

Thanks for all your help

kipnus · March 2013

We didn't want to do a first look, so we actually timed things out so that we did our family pics right after our afternoon ceremony, followed by some BP pics in another location, and then we did pics of just the two of us after the reception, when the lighting was better. Our photographer was awesome enough to let us split up our six hours into before and after the reception. Our reception was a casual backyard affair, and my best friend/amateur photographer got some great shots there.

OliveOilsMom · March 2013

We did not do a first look. But my photographer suggested that we get as many photos done before the ceremony so that we didn't miss all of our cocktail hour. We had the 2nd shooter dropped off at my MIL's house, where my H & his GM were getting ready. She took all their photos there and then went in the limo with the guys & MIL to the church. Then our photog came to my house where us girls were getting ready and got all of our photos with us. So after the wedding, we only needed couple shots, family photos, and entire WP photos. With our timeline, it worked for us and we did get into our cocktail hour for a bit, just not the whole hour.

Talk it over with your FI, what does he think? I have seen some brides want a first look and the FI doesn't want that done.

And if you do decide to do the first look, just remember this phrase for your mom. "Thank you for your opinion, but we have already made a decision, so this topic is not up for discussion anymore." Then change the topic or if your mom persists, either hang up the phone quickly "Sorry mom, I have a pot boiling over on the stove, gotta go!" or just leave to go home or go to the bathroom. Eventually your mom will get the hint that you aren't changing your minds. This could work with just about anything your mom is nagging you about!

AdeleDazeem · March 2013

We didn't do a First Look and I have absolutely zero regrets.

Many people use the argument that it's a "quiet moment" between you and your husband. No, it's a contrived, emotional situation where an outsider is documenting your every tear and smile. Not. for. me.

Some will argue that the ceremony is, too... but the ceremony - to me - is something that binds married couples across centuries and has amazing historical significance. A First Look - to me - is just a fad that photographers have pushed so they can take more and different pictures.

I was perfectly happy walking down the aisle and seeing my husband. We took separate pictures before the ceremony and we finished our combined pictures up in an hour after the ceremony. We have more pictures than I know what to do with and our wedding rings are present in our pictures (that was important to me).

What I really and truly wish we had done was taken 15 minutes after the ceremony to go in a private room with my new husband. We didn't have a moment to be happy, jump up and down, or really share a conversation until after the reception was over and everyone was in bed. I would've killed for a private (truly private, no one else) moment for a quiet minute with no one else around.

akb3f7 · March 2013

Thanks for the opinions! I usually don't like the trendy stuff but I may make an exeption here. I am still undecided but I am meeting with my photographer next week and I am hoping that will help me decide. Still just a little worried about time. I know we can do BP pictures before separately and parents, but there are several group shots I want and then plenty of pictures of us. At the same time, I would like to enjoy our cocktail hour and be able to greet our guests. It just seems like the only way to have both is to do a first look. BUUUT I'm not sure... I guess we will see! Still have plenty of time to decide

AddieCake · March 2013

We planned to do one, but then we decided on a morning ceremony and decided there just wasn't enough time unless we wanted to get up at 4 a.m.

AJuliaNJ · March 2013

We are doing a first look. We don't have any significant breaks between our ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception and want to be able to enjoy as much time as possible with our friends and family. We are spread out all over the country and I really want to be able to pay attention to everyone. I also want to get a ton of photos. So, having a first look is what works for us.

There are definitely good reasons to have one, and good reasons not to have one. Talk to your FI on what you want your day to look like before you go to the photographer. I wouldn't want the photographer to influence my decision.

MoonlightSilver · March 2013

We did a first look because our ceremony and reception were at the same venue, so there was no need for a cocktail hour or travel time. We didn't want to inconvenience our guests. Plus like you, OP, we spent a lot of money on the photographer and wanted to get fantastic pictures.

We don't regret the first look. Why would we? I was still super emotional the whole day, and yet got to spend extra time with my husband. Everything I've seen shows that people who want one, don't regret doing it and people who don't want one are perfectly happy without it.

manjermj · March 2013

We did not do a first look and I wouldn't want it any other way. The excitement of walking down the aisle and seeing his face for the first time right as I got there was priceless. It was truly the most amazing moment in my life.

We had a limited amount of time between the ceremony and reception - 1 hour (the cocktail hour) and we still have PLENTY of time for photos. We got all of the guy group photos and girl group photos out of the way before church.

ladytori · March 2013

My husband and I had completely different point of views for the first look picture. I really wanted to get first look pictures, and he wanted to see me for the first time walking down the isle. We decided to go with he wanted. To this day, I regret not having first look pictures, and he has zero regrets of seeing me walking down the isle.

At the end of the day, I married the man of my dreams.

[Deleted User] · March 2013

We're going to do the first look. He didn't want to at first, but after we talked about it and our photogs suggested it, he agreed it would be a good idea. We have time in between our ceremony and reception, but I don't want to miss a minute of the party because of pictures if I can help it.

Calypso1977 · March 2013

we did our pics before and it worked out well as we had more time with our guests, the pics werent rushed, everyone was "fresh" (no tears/wrinkes/wilting flowers) and we got to enjoy our cocktail time.

we didnt do a scripted first look tho. we actually got dressed together and went to the church together.

zizibet · March 2013

I think Joy's comments are a little uncalled-for.You could also say that about the aisle moment. We're doing it because our ceremony is planned to take place during sunset, and we're doing it at a gorgeous location. I want variousoutdoor photos taken that day, so it must be before the ceremony. I don't think it'll be contrived at all-just a way for us to get the pictures we want.

marston258 · March 2013

This is something I am also struggling with. It's alot harder when your ceremony and reception venue are in the same place. I think I do want that moment of seeing each other for the first time as I walk down the aisle, but I am very romantic and emotional that way. My fiance wants to do the first look because he wants the great photos we are paying for and he also wants to enjoy every moment of the wedding and cocktail hour because you only get to do this once ad it seems a shame to miss part of our own party.I do also like the idea of going to some different locations earlier because frankly, I don't mind an excuse for a few extra hours in my dress, and it does sound like a nice opportunity to sort of add some extra time into our day in general. I think we are going to do it, but I think that no matter what we choose, we'll be missing out on some things and gaining others. It is the real downfall of using only one location, but in our case, that couldn't be helped.

One nice story - My friend did a first look las October and says she has no regrets. We also encountered an ROTC group marching in the park we went to for photos and they all congratulated her as she walked by and it was a very cool moment she wouldn not have had if she had not made time for the offsite photos.

First Look- For or Against? Any regrets?

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