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Wedding Etiquette Forum
shanlebret2
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Civic Center Wedding Taboo for Rich Relatives? Help!
My FH and I are paying for our own wedding. My parents are helping out where they can, but they're going through some financial harships. My FMIL and FFIL don't want to help us out financialy because, well, it's a long story. Needless to say, our wedding budget is under five grand. Total.
My parents recently suprised my FH and me by paying for a ceremony and reception venue for us. It's nothing fancy, just a civic hall in historic downtown, but it will look great with a bit of decor and it can accomidate our 150 guests.
When my FMIL saw photos of the hall she freaked. She kept going on and on complaining to my FH about the white cenderblock walls, the fact that it's not fancy enough, etc. He is the eldest grandchild/nephew and she keeps telling me that it's very important that his wedding be a big deal, and reminding me that they have a lot of very rich relatives and she doesn't want them to think that we are having a 'poor people' wedding.
My question is this; can I tell her (very, very nicely) to sit down and shut up because a) we aren't made of money, b) the hall is already paid for, and c) they aren't helping contribute to the cost? Or is she actaully making a valid point? Should I be worried about what his rich relatives will think/say?
My parents recently suprised my FH and me by paying for a ceremony and reception venue for us. It's nothing fancy, just a civic hall in historic downtown, but it will look great with a bit of decor and it can accomidate our 150 guests.
When my FMIL saw photos of the hall she freaked. She kept going on and on complaining to my FH about the white cenderblock walls, the fact that it's not fancy enough, etc. He is the eldest grandchild/nephew and she keeps telling me that it's very important that his wedding be a big deal, and reminding me that they have a lot of very rich relatives and she doesn't want them to think that we are having a 'poor people' wedding.
My question is this; can I tell her (very, very nicely) to sit down and shut up because a) we aren't made of money, b) the hall is already paid for, and c) they aren't helping contribute to the cost? Or is she actaully making a valid point? Should I be worried about what his rich relatives will think/say?
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Re: Civic Center Wedding Taboo for Rich Relatives? Help!
You can tell your FMIL everything you mentioned, and your FI should be backing you up 100%. What a bitch.
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I would talk to her w/ ur FI and explain that you're happy with your choice and you'd like it if she kept her hurtful comments to herself.
[QUOTE]Money=input. If she gives no money she gets no input. And from the way she sounds, I would rather have a BBQ than accept a dime from her and have a fancier wedding.
Posted by schlagetermari[/QUOTE]
This, exactly. Your FI needs to tell her to STFU. What a heifer. And if anyone judges their alleged loved ones because of a wedding venue, they're heifers too. Your wedding will be beautiful.
[QUOTE]hahaha Banana, that made me Cnot-so-quietlyTM. Also, did you post babeh pictures of the chiquita?
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]
Here's a few!
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There's not much else to say that hasn't been said already. That is just so offensive that I couldn't help but chime in. What a beeeeee-otch!!
We had ours in a fire hall but everyone had a blast. And I always said if soemone wanted to side-eye us for a fire hall, they could shove it.
Your venue sounds really cool!
[QUOTE]I had my wedding reception in an emormous gym but it was decorated beautifully. I think you can turn that Civic hall into a gorgeous place, too.<strong> Tell your FMIL to suck one.
</strong>Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
Love this. I agree that FI should have a talk with her.
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It was very generous of your parents to pay for the location and since your FMIL is neither generous financially nor in spirit, she needs to keep her rude comments to herself. As PPs have said, your FI should speak to her and tell her how rude, hurtful, and absolutely unnecessary her comments are.
Don't let her nasty attitude ruin your excitement - your relatives are going to be so thrilled to be celebrating with you, they aren't going to be worried about how "rich" of a party you throw.
That way your FI doesn't have to go through a full blown argument with her if she gets all pissy and emotional when he talks to her. I did that to a relative before and it was very effective. But whatever you choose I know will be good.
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[QUOTE]My FH and I are paying for our own wedding. My parents are helping out where they can, but they're going through some financial harships. <strong>My FMIL and FFIL don't want to help us out financialy because, well, it's a long story</strong>. Needless to say, our wedding budget is under five grand. Total.
Posted by shanlebret2[/QUOTE]
<div>I'd be curious why this is the case, since she is being so unfair with her comments. </div>
however, once the day came, she was gracious and saw taht it was really nice. but i also had the advantage of her also being in the process of planning my SIL's wedding so she honestly didnt care much about ours. she was completely consumed with the "perfect" wedding her daughter would be having a few months after ours.
so, id ignore her, and if your FI has a sister, try to get her engaged ASAP. lol
Why did she see photos of the hall?
If your parents were hosting a dinner party, would your parents send her photos of their dining room?
Since FMIL and FFIL are not pariticipating in hosting the wedding nor paying anything toward the wedding and reception - and you already knew this, I see no need to show her photos or discuss centerpieces or anything else with her.
>>My question is this; can I tell her
Absolutely not. You can't tell her anything. She's FI's mother, so FI deals with her. I suggest he say:
"Look Mom, Mr. and Mrs. B are hosting the wedding, so these details are theirs to decide according to their budget. Now our side hosts the RD, and you can make that as big and as fancy as you like. How about if I pick you up on Saturday at 11:15, and we'll take over a table at Paneras and start brainstorming our plans for the RD, like what three venues you want to consider, what food, what theme, etc.?"
But I have already offered to let her help me decorate and transform the civic center. Yes, it has cenderblock walls. Yes, the parking lot is butt-ugly. But there are ways to draw attention AWAY from those things and focus it on the beautiful drive, the fantastic library beside the center, the lovely soaring two story windows, ect.
In her defense, she has given us some lovely ideas. But my problem is that, when everything is said and done, she wants us to wait another YEAR AND A HALF to get married so that we can have a huge 400 guest fancy wedding, which is not what my FH and I want.
Pearlaqua, it really is a long and complicated story. I'll sum it up for you, but please understand that there is a lot more to it than I'm telling you here.
Basically, his family is denominational and we are not. They're pretty angry that he doesn't have the same religious views as they do anymore. Initially, they had offered to help financially, but later his mother said "If you're not going to come [to our church], then don't expect any help from us!"
Like I said, there is a whole lot more to it than that, but there you go. It really hurts me and especially my FH that they are like that, but we aren't going to change our beliefs just for them and definitely not for the money.
good for you for standing up for your beliefs and not making a mockery of their religion by faking it for appearances.
Maybe she would like to throw you a lavish rehersal dinner.
Normal people, even rich ones, will be happy for you and enjoy your wedding, white cinderblock and all.