very frustrated with my MOH (long!)

Re: very frustrated with my MOH (long!)

• iamjoesgurl member

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  I got through that whole thing.  

  
  

  Seriously, I'm sorry that you are dealing with this.  It sucks!  Like you said, there isn't much you can do but if your current MOH backs out, you shouldn't feel bad at all about your other friend being MOH.  Is she in the wedding anyway?  If so, it should be pretty easy to make it happen.

  
  

  You said that current MOH said she may not be able to make it.  If I were you, I'd want to know now whether or not she will be coming for it.  Did she say when she'd let you know?  Can you talk to her about being told one way or the other by a certain time?  Or does it even matter?

  
  

  Again, sorry that you are dealing with this.  I can't even imagine.  Hang in there.

  
  

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• azdancer8 member

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
  
  I agree with joesgurl. For your own sanity, if nothing else, you need to know if you can rely on her to stand with you on your wedding day.

  
  

  As for the shower, my MOH did a co-shower with my mom (more of an engagement party, really). If she stays your MOH, is there someone else who might be willing to step in and assist her? Or even some ladies from your church maybe who would throw you one?

  
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• joyfulbride424

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  Ugh, Rachel. So so sorry that you are going through this. Oh my word. I cannot even imagine. My thoughts are exactly the same as Joesgurl. Maybe you could talk to your mom about a shower?
  
  I would definitely try to find out about this ASAP so you can move on with your planning. Just keep your head up and remember you're marrying Nate ::hugs::
  

  
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• kalizoomba

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  soulds like your California friend dropped out, so if you replace her, she shouldn't be upset - if she says anything, just tell her "you couldn't make it, so I had to make due with who I had" 

  
  

  I don't have a MOH, but I do have 3 bridesmaids - they're all my cousins, and all still in school. One's in high school, the other 2 are in junior high. the highscholler is going to act as MOH in the fact that she's going to sign the marriage liscense as a witness, but thats about all she's doing. I bought their dresses, they're going to hold flowers, walk down the aisle, and look pretty. I really doubt they'll help me with any of my planning, DIY stuff, decorating or throwing showers - a good friend of my mom's (who's a wedding planner) is helping with most of that. 

  
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• AshNoel8

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  So sorry you are going through this! Everyone is right- she needs to tell you for sure if she will be there for the wedding or not. It's so hard when we are such good friends with someone and they hurt us repeatedly. We know we should be forgiving, but we also don't deserve to keep going through the same old things with someone. I will pray that it all works out for you. With or without her, your wedding will be beautiful! 

  

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• rachelea

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  Thank you for all the support ladies When I told my current MOH that my other friend (who is currently my #1 BM) could step in if she needs to step out she said to give her a week first to figure it out. I know we need a phone conversation about this and it shouldn't be all through texts, but as I said she is so hard to get ahold of. If she can't tell me by that time, I'm going to have to let my other girl stpe in. Then I need to either find a new BM (I know it doesn't HAVE to match, but I WANT it to...) or ask my brother if he really wants to be a GM (he's in it primarily to keep numbers even). I may just go that route because we'd save on a bouquet, a bouteneirre, and 2 gifts...I just want her to be there, despite all the drama she caused. And I know if she is "replaced" by this other girl, she won't be even if she could come just as a guest. But I realy appreciate the support from you guys!

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• katieisawesome

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_very-frustrated-moh-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:56760461-2291-4515-b474-210bca51db65Post:18a7b2f9-b84e-4ebb-a2f6-87f2ecc57862">Re: very frustrated with my MOH (long!)</a>:
  [QUOTE]Thank you for all the support ladies :) When I told my current MOH that my other friend (who is currently my #1 BM) could step in if she needs to step out she said to give her a week first to figure it out. I know we need a phone conversation about this and it shouldn't be all through texts, but as I said she is so hard to get ahold of. If she can't tell me by that time, I'm going to have to let my other girl stpe in. Then I need to either find a new BM (I know it doesn't HAVE to match, but I WANT it to...) or ask my brother if he really wants to be a GM (he's in it primarily to keep numbers even). I may just go that route because we'd save on a bouquet, a bouteneirre, and 2 gifts...I just want her to be there, despite all the drama she caused. And I know if she is "replaced" by this other girl, she won't be even if she could come just as a guest. But I realy appreciate the support from you guys! :)
  Posted by rachelea[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>Why would you need another BM?  That's just silly, sorry.</div>

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• MrsTucker2011 member

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_very-frustrated-moh-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:56760461-2291-4515-b474-210bca51db65Post:654b61d7-a7e6-4dc1-88d9-8a6d35c59c12">Re: very frustrated with my MOH (long!)</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: very frustrated with my MOH (long!) : Why would you need another BM?  That's just silly, sorry.
  Posted by katieisawesome[/QUOTE]
  
  Yeahhhhhhhhhhh, now it's getting a little petty. I can understand everything up to MOH dropping out and another BM stepping up, but adding another BM? Then it's like A list/B list. I'm afraid you might hurt the person's feelings if you ask them 3 months before the wedding. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />

  An engaged woman is always more agreeable than a disengaged. She is satisfied with herself. Her cares are over, and she feels that she may exert all her powers of pleasing without suspicion. All is safe with a lady engaged; no harm can be done. ~Jane Austen

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• BrideToBeBecauseHeLovesMe

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm glad you're giving her a week to figure it out.  You might let her know that if she doesn't give you an answer you're going to take that as she can't make it.  It's great your BM is stepping up though and it shows how much she cares for you!! 
  
  As far as even sides - I understand that, although it is silly.  :P  Could you talk to your brother and say, "Hey!! I really really really want you to be a part of our day which is why I put you as groomsmen.  Is that the duty you truly want or is there something else you have in mind?  I want you to be happy with your title!!"  That way if he chooses GM you can figure out if you really want/need a BM, and if he wants something else you're covered.  I'd make sure if you do want another BM that it's not JUST to have even sides though - that it's someone you truly want standing up there with you.  I know uneven sides isn't ideal but you could definitely have a guy "pimpin" and no one would even notice uneven sides. 

  
  
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• rachelea

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  I want things even. I know they don't HAVE to be, but I really don't want uneven numbers. There's no real reason for that, aside from the fact that its just not what I want. So to keep it even the way I always envisioned, I would need to ask someone to stand up with me or ask a GM to step down. 4 of the 6 GM are FI's friends. My brother, who he really doesn't know at all and is in no way close to him, is making it even but we don't now one way or the other if he's all excited to do it (it isn't really his thing, but he'd do anything for me and gets easily offended and could get so if we asked him down).
  
  Also...the word "petty" doesn't seem very nice when that isn't the case at all...I have always had a vision of my wedding and I envisioned it being the same number on each side...I don't feel like I should have to explain the vision I have always had...
  

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• MrsTucker2011 member

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_very-frustrated-moh-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:56760461-2291-4515-b474-210bca51db65Post:8fff9c6c-d823-4dd6-aaa9-a8016697678b">Re: very frustrated with my MOH (long!)</a>:
  [QUOTE]I want things even. I know they don't HAVE to be, but I really don't want uneven numbers. There's no real reason for that, aside from the fact that its just not what I want. So to keep it even the way I always envisioned, I would need to ask someone to stand up with me or ask a GM to step down. 4 of the 6 GM are FI's friends. My brother, who he really doesn't know at all and is in no way close to him, is making it even but we don't now one way or the other if he's all excited to do it (it isn't really his thing, but he'd do anything for me and gets easily offended and could get so if we asked him down). Also...the word "petty" doesn't seem very nice when that isn't the case at all...I have always had a vision of my wedding and I envisioned it being the same number on each side...I don't feel like I should have to explain the vision I have always had... :(
  Posted by rachelea[/QUOTE]
  
  The only reason why I said that WASN'T to say 'Oh you're sooo mean.' It was more to say, hey if I was the person you asked  3 months before to stand up in the wedding, my feelings would be hurt. Why didn't you ask me with everyone else? It would make them feel like a filler. Good enough to stand up, but only when the people you wanted first, step down. Especially would add stress in regards to a BM dress, duties, etc.

  An engaged woman is always more agreeable than a disengaged. She is satisfied with herself. Her cares are over, and she feels that she may exert all her powers of pleasing without suspicion. All is safe with a lady engaged; no harm can be done. ~Jane Austen

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• LuluP82 member

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  Yeah I also think it's rude and potential for hurt feelings if you either get a new BM or ask your brother to step down as a GM. It sucks you won't have even sides, but it is what it is.
  
  I also wanted even sides, and my H's uncle, one of the GMs, couldn't make the wedding. We found out about 3 months before too. We thought about adding another GM, but in the end, decided that it would be silly to do that, since people aren't really replaceable.
  
  I promise, no one noticed, or cared, including us! And we had a Catholic wedding, so we were there for a long time. We just had the GMs, the priest and my H come in from the side, and then the BMs walked in down the aisle. On the way back, we just had one guy with two girls.
  
  It sucks your MOH is being a bad friend, but don't go be a bad friend to someone else, or a bad sister! Your replacement BM and  your Bro haven't done anything to deserve such inconsiderate treatment.

  

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• thereisbeauty

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

     Even if she does end up being able to make it to the wedding after all, by telling you that she's not sure if she will, she is basically removing herself from the MOH role.  You need to be able to have someone that you are positive you can count on when that day comes.
  
     I would talk to your friend again, ask if she knows for sure whether or not she will be able to attend, and if she's still not certain, explain that you would love to have her stand up there with you, but you are going to have to transfer the MOH role to someone else that you know is going to be there.  If your wedding were still twelve months away, it would be entirely different, but this is crunch time.

  
  

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