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Registering and Gifts

How to ask for cash gifts to go towards a honeymoon

So I read a whole bunch of negative comments and feedback about doing a honeymoon registry... So, my question is, if I want to be polite and use good ettitique (sp?) how do I ask for monetary gifts instead? Is there ANY polite way of doing that? We are not going to be registered anywhere, just hoping that people will give us a small cash gift to help with the honeymoon... Please help! And I dont mean any disrespect to anyone! I want to be delicate with the matter here! My FI and I are older, on our second marriage both of us and dont need pots and pans, but some help with the honeymoon (since we are paying for everything) would be sublime. 

Thanks,
Zoe

Re: How to ask for cash gifts to go towards a honeymoon

  • Either don't register or make a small registry of upgrades, and people will get the hint that you want cash.  That is the only etiquette-appropriate way to do it.  

  • brielleinlovebrielleinlove member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited February 2013
    Make a small registry.  People will get the hint that you prefer cash.  If they ask what you would like for your wedding, you can say something like, "Oh, we're really all set on household essentials, but we're saving up for a vacation/home improvements/whatever."  That's really the only polite way to do this.

    ETA: My willingness to give cash as a gift depends greatly on what I think the bride and groom will do with it.  I'm much less likely to give money to a couple who says they want a spectacular honeymoon (JOIN THE FREAKING CLUB, who doesn't want to go on an awesome vacation, and why should I finance yours instead of mine?), and more likely to give to a couple who talks about wanting or needing more practical items.
  • Just remember that you never ask for gifts, especially cash. You say you're 'older,' yet you don't know asking for money is rude?

    As PPs said, the solution is to have a small or no registry. If someone asks you about gifts, you can direct them to the registry or explain you don't have one but are saving up for xyz.
    image
  • I know of many people that do not like or feel comfortable giving cash as a wedding gift.  If you do not want to register anywhere, then maybe tell people to get you gift cards.  If you get resturant gift cards you may still be able to use them on your honeymoon, depending on where you go.  Or if you recieve gift cards for certain stores, you can use them to purchase things for your honeymoon.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_how-to-ask-for-cash-gifts-to-go-towards-a-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:86b97e2b-e9f7-4741-854a-79a43662b3d4Post:617789ef-f391-40f9-ad00-00467787a439">Re: How to ask for cash gifts to go towards a honeymoon</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know of many people that do not like or feel comfortable giving cash as a wedding gift.  If you do not want to register anywhere, then <strong>maybe tell people to get you gift cards</strong>.  If you get resturant gift cards you may still be able to use them on your honeymoon, depending on where you go.  Or if you recieve gift cards for certain stores, you can use them to purchase things for your honeymoon.
    Posted by ndjk16[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is still considered rude, as you're more or less asking for money - it's just that it can only be spent in one place.  </div>
  • I don't give cash OR gift cards as a general rule.  I broke this once and really regret it because it took the couple 3 months to cash my check.  Never again.

    I don't give either because I don't want you to know how much I spent.  I'm really good about waiting for sales, coupons, bargain shopping, etc.  I always get something on the couples' registry but I usually spend far less than it looks like I did.
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  • edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_how-to-ask-for-cash-gifts-to-go-towards-a-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:86b97e2b-e9f7-4741-854a-79a43662b3d4Post:64268bad-efb3-43de-b8ee-60aa7bcc45be">Re: How to ask for cash gifts to go towards a honeymoon</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to ask for cash gifts to go towards a honeymoon : This is still considered rude, as you're more or less asking for money - it's just that it can only be spent in one place.  
    Posted by brielleinlove[/QUOTE]

    If someone is asking you what you want for your wedding gift & not asking where you are registered, I don't think it's rude at all.  They're obviously asking what you personally would like from them.  Asking for a gift card is not the same as asking for cash.  The person purchasing the card can determine where it is from & the person receiving it will only be able to use it at that location, unless it is a prepaid visa or something.  If they gave her cash, she could use it anywhere for anything.  If they ask where you are registered, that is different.  In that case I wouldn't say "we aren't registered anywhere, but you can give us money or a gift card".
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  • edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_how-to-ask-for-cash-gifts-to-go-towards-a-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:86b97e2b-e9f7-4741-854a-79a43662b3d4Post:8071e1cf-da10-48ad-aae0-be835a242af3">Re: How to ask for cash gifts to go towards a honeymoon</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't give cash OR gift cards as a general rule.  I broke this once and really regret it because it took the couple 3 months to cash my check.  Never again. I don't give either because I don't want you to know how much I spent.  I'm really good about waiting for sales, coupons, bargain shopping, etc.  I always get something on the couples' registry but I usually spend far less than it looks like I did.
    Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]

    I would absolutely NEVER give a check as a gift.  I would think that is just asking for trouble.  And I agree with you on waiting for the sales.  I believe you can get a really nice gift for someone on sale that they will like & can use, and not break your pocket book. =)
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_how-to-ask-for-cash-gifts-to-go-towards-a-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:86b97e2b-e9f7-4741-854a-79a43662b3d4Post:2bdb0c65-43f8-43cb-a8cf-b76b3e6cc27a">Re: How to ask for cash gifts to go towards a honeymoon</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to ask for cash gifts to go towards a honeymoon : If someone is asking you what you want for your wedding gift & not asking where you are registered, I don't think it's rude at all.  They're obviously asking what you personally would like from them.  If they ask where you are registered, that is different.  In that case I wouldn't say "we aren't registered anywhere, but you can give us money or a gift card".
    Posted by ndjk16[/QUOTE]
    That's still not a good way to word it.  "We didn't register because we don't need anything for our house, but we are saving up for a house/some renovations/new furniture/our honeymoon" is a better way to word your response.



  • edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_how-to-ask-for-cash-gifts-to-go-towards-a-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:86b97e2b-e9f7-4741-854a-79a43662b3d4Post:3d50145a-7010-48a0-a27b-b9d8e028258b">Re: How to ask for cash gifts to go towards a honeymoon</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to ask for cash gifts to go towards a honeymoon : That's still not a good way to word it.  "We didn't register because we don't need anything for our house, but we are saving up for a house/some renovations/new furniture/our honeymoon" is a better way to word your response.
    Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

    I was saying I "wouldn't" say something like that...anything to that affect.  I agree with your response/wording totally.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_how-to-ask-for-cash-gifts-to-go-towards-a-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:86b97e2b-e9f7-4741-854a-79a43662b3d4Post:b76f5c6b-cbec-469e-991c-1bf8a53bc632">Re: How to ask for cash gifts to go towards a honeymoon</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How to ask for cash gifts to go towards a honeymoon : I would absolutely NEVER give a check as a gift.  I would think that is just asking for trouble.  And I agree with you on waiting for the sales.  I believe you can get a really nice gift for someone on sale that they will like & can use, and not break your pocket book. =)
    Posted by ndjk16[/QUOTE]

    <div>Checks are far more secure than cash.  That's why we did it that way.  I will never do it again because it took so long for her to deposit it, but that was the bride's fault not the method.  If i had given her actual cash then somebody at the venue could have stolen it and there would have been nothing in the world either of us could do about it.</div>
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  • amberdawn2344amberdawn2344 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    edited February 2013
    I personally think that it depends on your friends and family... I remember my mom thinking it was really cool that a girl she knew did a honeymoon registry.  Some people would rather spend their money on something that they know the couple will use and enjoy rather than buy some random household item they they may not want or take back.  I understand ediquette, and respect those who would prefer to stay within the traditional relm, but I really think that some people realize they are going to spend x dollar amount and are happy to know they are spending  their money on something the couple wants.  I am going to do a small registry for guest who prefer to buy an actual gift, but I am also going to do a honeymoon registry.  I am choosing a site that is slightly more expensive (take a higher percentage of your gifts)  but set it up so that guests can purchace parts of your honeymoon, (dinners, drinks, activities, rooms etc.)  I realize some think this is tacky but for me it is practical. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_how-to-ask-for-cash-gifts-to-go-towards-a-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:86b97e2b-e9f7-4741-854a-79a43662b3d4Post:6ecd4912-b2ea-40ae-8546-9f966c307fe4">Re: How to ask for cash gifts to go towards a honeymoon</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I personally think that it depends on your friends and family...</strong> I remember my mom thinking it was really cool that a girl she knew did a honeymoon registry.  Some people would rather spend their money on something that they know the couple will use and enjoy rather than buy some random household item they they may not want or take back.  I understand ediquette, and respect those who would prefer to stay within the traditional relm, but I really think that some people realize they are going to spend x dollar amount and are happy to know they are spending  their money on something the couple wants.  I am going to do a small registry for guest who prefer to buy an actual gift, but I am also going to do a honeymoon registry.  I am choosing a site that is slightly more expensive (take a higher percentage of your gifts)  but set it up so that guests can purchace parts of your honeymoon, (dinners, drinks, activities, rooms etc.)  I realize some think this is tacky but for me it is practical. 
    Posted by amberdawn2344[/QUOTE]

    This.

    Also, Zoe/<a href="http://www.theknot.com/profiles/blondilocks/wedding-planner/favorites" target="_blank" class="username_knot">blondilocks </a>- sent a PM. :)
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  • etiquette and tradition are different you are right, but the point I was trying to make is more traditional brides tend be more interested in staying with proper etiquette.  Which I respect and think to each is own.  
  • In Response to Re:How to ask for cash gifts to go towards a honeymoon:[QUOTE]etiquette and tradition are different you are right, but the point I was trying to make is more traditional brides tend be more interested in staying with proper etiquette. nbsp;Which I respect and think to each is own. nbsp; Posted by amberdawn2344[/QUOTE]

    I'm sorry but no. What you basically just said is that untraditional brides are and have a right to be rude to their guests. Etiquette and tradition have no relation to one another. Etiquette has to do with making others feel comfortable. In other words, being curteous and polite. Tradition has to do with things that are otherwise meaningless but that we do anyway to honor something that has been done a particular way for whatever reason like wearing a white wedding dress. A white wedding dress versus a red one has no impact on your guests. It is a tradition. Lying to your guests about what they are actually buying you through a HM registry or asking them for cash outright DOES affect your guests and thus it falls under etiquette.?
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  • Your right everyone should care about ettiquette, but what you may find to be bad manners or inappropriate may not be the same to me or my family.  I  agree that everyone will not find a honeymoon registry appropriate and I respect my guests who may feel that way, which is why I registered at an actual store as well.  But my fiance and I have been together for ten years and have an established home.  I just cant see the sence in registering for a bunch of things that we do not need or want.  And I think not doing a registry at all is in a sence asking for cash/ gift cards anyway.  I respect your opinions, but I have know my friends and family as you do yours and I am going to do what I think is best for my own personal situation.  I took a lot of extra time to really research restraunts that we would eat at etc so that the honeymoon gifts people bought for us were actually things that we are going to do.  I am also going to make it a point to take pictures of us doing these things and send them in the thank you cards so that the guest who bought us that part of our honeymoon, can see us enjoying their gift!
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_how-to-ask-for-cash-gifts-to-go-towards-a-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:86b97e2b-e9f7-4741-854a-79a43662b3d4Post:edd17fac-014f-4496-b6ae-bf09dfb62de2">Re: How to ask for cash gifts to go towards a honeymoon</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your right everyone should care about ettiquette, but what you may find to be bad manners or inappropriate may not be the same to me or my family.  I  agree that everyone will not find a honeymoon registry appropriate and I respect my guests who may feel that way, which is why I registered at an actual store as well.  But my fiance and I have been together for ten years and have an established home.  I just cant see the sence in registering for a bunch of things that we do not need or want.  And I think not doing a registry at all is in a sence asking for cash/ gift cards anyway.  I respect your opinions, but I have know my friends and family as you do yours and I am going to do what I think is best for my own personal situation.  I took a lot of extra time to really research restraunts that we would eat at etc so that the honeymoon gifts people bought for us were actually things that we are going to do.  I am also going to make it a point to take pictures of us doing these things and send them in the thank you cards so that the guest who bought us that part of our honeymoon, can see us enjoying their gift!
    Posted by amberdawn2344[/QUOTE]

    Are you going to wait a year until you go on and return from your honeymoon to send the thank you notes with pictures?
  • It's rude to ask for cash gift.


    However in my asian culture we receive cash gifts for our weddings. It's a tradition and the $ is suppose to help you start your new life. This is NOT asked but given freely from all your guests when they attend the traditional ceremony.
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