Ugh, my FI is irritating me regarding RSVPs...

gpapale1 · May 2012

Our deadline is this Saturday, and we're still waiting on RSVPs from his coworkers, a few of his friends, and some family members. I asked if he could contact/ask these people next week about their response if we don't get their postcards back on time. He told me NO! He thinks it's "tacky" to hound people for a response unless they are family. WHAT?! It's not like it's 2 people we're waiting on, it's TWENTY FOUR people! I'm sure the caterer will have extra food for a few people...not that many. He thinks it's okay to just tell people to leave if they show up without RSVPing. While I agree it's their fault and rude of them not to RSVP, it's NOT okay for us to be rude in turn! I don't know what he's thinking, but I'm really about to lose it. UGH.

Okay, don't venting.

[Deleted User] · May 2012

Would he be offended if you offered to contact them? Or maybe you can give him an example of a tactful way to ask. For my FI's coworkers we were able ot email them for answers. Hopefully he will see your point. You are absolutely in the right to contact people who haven't responded. It's better than them showing up the day of to find out they aren't welcome and have wasted time and money, IMO.

leopardgurl831 · May 2012

My FI wouldn't call either! I was really lucky and my Mom stepped up and said she would call all of FIs guest and look up the numbers in the white pages!! She did and got a hold of everyone of them! Maybe u should just try to contact them even though I know its not your job and I would be mad if I was in your situation!

mancila60 · May 2012

I would ask FMIL to help and at least let her call family. Maybe you could call friends. As far as co-workers I'm not sure what to tell you except just tell him when he sees them at work ask if they are coming. Sorry he's being a pain!

deanabuonincontri · May 2012

try this....either via email, text, phone...whatever you prefer:

"hey friend/co-worker/family. Our RSVP deadline was last week and I just wanted to follow up with you. I'm thinking your response may have been lost in the mail? Either way no worries! Just wanted to make sure you could share in our special day with us!! Please tell me you can??"

That way its not like "our rsvp deadline has passed, and we didnt get yours. we really need to know now if youre coming for our caterer"

its more like letting them know you want them there and hope they can make it!

You have to reach out to ppl for their rsvps....but just reach out once. If they still dont get back to you, count them as a no and move on.

Good luck...and so not tacky!

Flowerstar1023 · May 2012

Tell him to put on his big boy pants and start calling. You shouldn't have to call HIS coworkers and friends to find out if they're coming. They're HIS coworkers and friends! This is just part of getting a good count. Are you paying by the person? If so, maybe you can knock some sense into him with the financial aspect. Regardless though, make him do it. You have enough on your plate.

firemedicrr · May 2012

I sent emails/facebooked people we haven't heard from... and I did include that we needed to know ASAP because our caterer needs a final head count. I think some people don't think about that sort of thing. Of course I included that I hoped they could come and that perhaps their response was lost, but ... really, I wasn't going to beat around the bush. We had a deadline, and people missed it. I'm not asking for my health. lol.

Everyone that has replied hasn't taken issue with that.

and TBH, the people that don't reply by Saturday (which is when I told people I absolutely had to know by) will be getting a message that says "Since we didn't hear back from you, we're assuming that you are unable to attend so we have put your RSVP as a no. We really wish you were able to celebrate with us, but understand that life gets really busy sometimes!"

If that pisses someone off, then really they aren't that great of a friend... I mean, they're not that awesome anyway if they can't respond to multiple requests for an RSVP. ETA: I know etiquette people would probably slam me for this, but I'm not going to just leave it open for people to show up and then have my guests who did RSVP not have food because someone else was inconsiderate enough not to RSVP.

AurorasEnvy · May 2012

I'd be telling him if he didn't do it, I will! So annoying.

kitkatbubblicious · May 2012

Ugh I know, I'm waiting on more than half of my guests. My mom is wanting to start calling people now, and I have to reel her in, like, "Wait until Saturday, then we can start badgering" lol!

Good luck getting him to coorperate.

SonoBella13 · May 2012

This might sound silly, but my mom came up wih a great idea: have an anonymous friend call saying they're the wedding planner and are trying to get final head counts lol

this way no one feels pressure!

good luck!

enchantedonyx · May 2012

OP, I could have written this post myself! In fact, I had a bridezilla moment, followed by a meltdown last night over this. It's a really dumb thing to get worked up over but with all the stress we had with the photographer this week, I had just reached breaking point.

Not that I recommend this method, but when I got home from my class tonight, I had a freshly groomed fiance, a huge bouquet of flowers, and all of the rsvps I was missing.

gpapale1 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_ugh-my-fi-is-irritating-me-regarding-rsvps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:339f73c0-3a05-43aa-9dbc-527ed5639fe3Post:080b423f-5344-494b-bc33-456bcfc5940e">Re: Ugh, my FI is irritating me regarding RSVPs...</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, I could have written this post myself! In fact, I had a bridezilla moment, followed by a meltdown last night over this. It's a really dumb thing to get worked up over but with all the stress we had with the photographer this week, I had just reached breaking point. Not that I recommend this method, but when I got home from my class tonight, I had a freshly groomed fiance, a huge bouquet of flowers, and all of the rsvps I was missing. :)
Posted by enchantedonyx[/QUOTE]

LOL I love it!

lnvane00 · May 2012

I've wanted to kill FI more than once over crap like this! He's actually made it more stressful for me. Not only has all of his family still not rsvp'd two weeks after they were due. He tells me he's last minute inviting people he works with!! The wedding is in a week and now I have to wait for responses from his co workers! I'm BEYOND frustrated.

Ugh, my FI is irritating me regarding RSVPs...

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