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Small ceremony/big reception issues. HELP

Rebekahgrace625Rebekahgrace625 member
First Comment
in Wedding Woes
Hi.  This is my first post.  Ran into a huge snag today.  My fiance and I have planned a small intimate ceremony (20 ppl) one week, and a reception the following weekend back in our home state.  To insure that the wedding ceremony would be just immediate family, we are having the ceremony 6 hours from our hometowns in our current city.  However, my mom informed me today that my grandma invited a bunch of distant relatives to the ceremony, and they are planning on coming!  Im glad that they want to share our special day with us, but now what!  We've planned to all eat dinner at our favorite local restaurant, but we can't if 20 + more people come down for the ceremony.  Now what!!!
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Re: Small ceremony/big reception issues. HELP

  • baconsmombaconsmom member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_small-ceremonybig-reception-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:c4400eff-bd2e-4452-aa45-64b170dffbecPost:7111936d-5d37-496e-90ff-73d80f1f4b86">Small ceremony/big reception issues. HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi.  This is my first post.  Ran into a huge snag today.  My fiance and I have planned a small intimate ceremony (20 ppl) one week, and a reception the following weekend back in our home state.  To insure that the wedding ceremony would be just immediate family, we are having the ceremony 6 hours from our hometowns in our current city.  However, my mom informed me today that my grandma invited a bunch of distant relatives to the ceremony, and they are planning on coming!  Im glad that they want to share our special day with us, but now what!  We've planned to all eat dinner at our favorite local restaurant, but we can't if 20 + more people come down for the ceremony.  Now what!!!
    Posted by Rebekahgrace625[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>So, you're having the A-listers come watch the ceremony, and are providing a reception for them. Then, you're having a party for the B-listers to - do what, exactly? They won't be able to see you get married, which is the point of a wedding.</div><div>
    </div><div>Should your grandmother be inviting people to someone else's party? No, but she probably doesn't know it's a party. She probably assumes that the point of a wedding is to see people get married, and therefore, you'd have a public ceremony even if you have your reception a week later. She probably does not expect that you've decided to take all the cool kids out to dinner after they get to watch your super-secret ceremony, because that? Is way ruder than anything she's done.</div><div>
    </div><div>

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  • Rebekahgrace625Rebekahgrace625 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That was really rude.  We are having a small ceremony because it is very personal to us and we just want our immediate family to be a part of that.   It has nothing to do with "a-listers and b-listers."  And were not having two receptions, we are all going out to dinner as a family after the ceremony.  This is the exact same situation as any destination wedding, we're just not getting married on a beach.  The probem is that we only want immediate family, and now the cat is out of the bag and I dont know how to get it back in.  I didn't ask for you opinion on whether or not you like the style of our wedding, I asked for advice on how to tell these people that I never invited to the ceremony that it is just for immediate family.  How is it rude to want the people that are closest to you to be there for the ceremony?  This is why i should have never posted a question.  Silly me for thinking someone would have some sound advice on the situation instead of getting on their soap box.
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  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    You asked for advice...you're going to get it and you probably won't really agree with it all.  Such is life.

    Im' generally OK w/ small wedding, big reception...but lunch in the middle really DOES make it seem like it's 2 receptions.

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  • Rebekahgrace625Rebekahgrace625 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The ceremony is the city we live in now, the reception is the following weekend in state where we are all from.  Shouldnt have asked.
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  • ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_small-ceremonybig-reception-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:c4400eff-bd2e-4452-aa45-64b170dffbecPost:91c04b15-3443-4120-a9d7-fce6e9d614bc">Re: Small ceremony/big reception issues. HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Small ceremony/big reception issues. HELP : So, you're having the A-listers come watch the ceremony, and are providing a reception for them. Then, you're having a party for the B-listers to - do what, exactly? They won't be able to see you get married, which is the point of a wedding. Should your grandmother be inviting people to someone else's party? No, but she probably doesn't know it's a party. She probably assumes that the point of a wedding is to see people get married, and therefore, you'd have a public ceremony even if you have your reception a week later. She probably does not expect that you've decided to take all the cool kids out to dinner after they get to watch your super-secret ceremony, because that? Is way ruder than anything she's done.
    Posted by baconsmom[/QUOTE]

    How is this any different from a DW? It wouldn't make a whole lot of sense to not provide refreshment for the people who attended afterwards. In fact...that's rude not to. I see no issue with her plan and since you offered absolutely no advice, I'm not really sure why you posted except to apparently state your hatred for DWs.

    OP, call your grandmother, explain the situation. She needs to call the friends she invited and tell them she made a mistake. Because it was a mistake, and it was rude, and she had no right to do any of that. If you can invite the friends to the AHR, that would be good. Otherwise, just have her deal with her "guests".
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  • Rebekahgrace625Rebekahgrace625 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you.  I appreciate the help with this matter.  It's a very touchy subject and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, including my grandmothers.  
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  • ManwaithielManwaithiel member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_small-ceremonybig-reception-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:c4400eff-bd2e-4452-aa45-64b170dffbecPost:e13c2e83-1b23-4ff5-bf21-92f7718a30ad">Re: Small ceremony/big reception issues. HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you.  I appreciate the help with this matter.  It's a very touchy subject and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, including my grandmothers.  
    Posted by Rebekahgrace625[/QUOTE]

    I'm sure you don't. Just be very polite, but firm. You don't need to scream at her or bite her head off. You don't even want to "that was so rude of you" because I'm sure she'll get the point once you tell her she needs to tell her friends it was a slip up on her part. Just explain what's going on and tell her to please inform her guests of the misunderstanding.
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  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I don't understand why people think having an DW entitles you to have a large reception later. You get one wedding, and with it one party. If that party is taking your immediate families out to dinner after a private ceremony, then that's it. The point of a wedding reception is to celebrate with the people who are close enough to you to witness your marriage. You think very few people in your life are worthy of witnessing the ceremony, but apparently lots of people are worthy of giving you gifts.
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  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_small-ceremonybig-reception-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:c4400eff-bd2e-4452-aa45-64b170dffbecPost:98a070db-d497-4142-9e3e-574becb3832b">Re: Small ceremony/big reception issues. HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't understand why people think having an DW entitles you to have a large reception later. You get one wedding, and with it one party. If that party is taking your immediate families out to dinner after a private ceremony, then that's it. The point of a wedding reception is to celebrate with the people who are close enough to you to witness your marriage. You think very few people in your life are worthy of witnessing the ceremony, but apparently lots of people are worthy of giving you gifts.
    Posted by TheDuckis[/QUOTE]
    Amen.
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_small-ceremonybig-reception-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:c4400eff-bd2e-4452-aa45-64b170dffbecPost:98a070db-d497-4142-9e3e-574becb3832b">Re: Small ceremony/big reception issues. HELP</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't understand why people think having an DW entitles you to have a large reception later. You get one wedding, and with it one party. If that party is taking your immediate families out to dinner after a private ceremony, then that's it. The point of a wedding reception is to celebrate with the people who are close enough to you to witness your marriage. You think very few people in your life are worthy of witnessing the ceremony, but apparently lots of people are worthy of giving you gifts.
    Posted by TheDuckis[/QUOTE]

    Exactly.

    However, OP, to answer your question: your grandmother really can't invite whoever she wants to your wedding without checking with you first. So your options are: to either just go along with it and let these new guests come, or talk to your grandmother and explain that you're having an intimate wedding, and you can't accomodate any more.
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