Inviting some guests for cake only

pigleta18 · May 2011

Is it tacky to invite some guests to the ceremony and dinner part of the reception and others to just cake and dancing (meaning after the dinner portion is done)? Has anyone done this before??

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-guests-cake-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e60ac1a-b688-4a03-b547-d6b673be35aaPost:b0cfa87c-8a84-4eef-bba8-33fde9d68e1d">Inviting some guests for cake only</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it tacky to invite some guests to the ceremony and dinner part of the reception and others to just cake and dancing (meaning after the dinner portion is done)? Has anyone done this before??
Posted by pigleta18[/QUOTE]

Very rude. Guests need to be invited to the entire reception.

opalsky007 · May 2011

Yes, it's tacky. How would you like to be told, "you're less important than these folks who were invited for dinner, but feel free to stop by and bring a gift"? Because that's basically what that says, even if you have good intentions. Invite people to the whole event, or not at all.

ootmother2 · May 2011

no can do

Tiered receptions are very rude

andy71781 · May 2011

Sorry - this is always a no good very bad idea.

pantherRN · May 2011

Bad idea, it's all or nothing.

Brandiewine11 · May 2011

You really can't do this. It just says "Hey, come bring us a present, but we really don't want you to see us get married or pay for your dinner." Invite them to the whole thing, or nothing at all. If you want more people there than you can afford, scale it back to a cake and punch reception for everyone.

graysquirrel · May 2011

If someone is important enough to be invited, he or she should be welcome at the whole event. If they are not important enough to you to warrant paying for their dinner, why invite them at all?

pigleta18 · May 2011

My FI thought this would be a good idea to save money, I thought it would hurt feelings. He also thinks not everyone needs to be invited to the ceremony but can come to the reception.... thoughts on that???

andy71781 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-guests-cake-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e60ac1a-b688-4a03-b547-d6b673be35aaPost:9e85c2e2-069a-4c23-8104-4a2689e34bef">Re: Inviting some guests for cake only</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI thought this would be a good idea to save money, I thought it would hurt feelings. He also thinks not everyone needs to be invited to the ceremony but can come to the reception.... thoughts on that???
Posted by pigleta18[/QUOTE]
Did he come up with that idea to save money? Because it probably won't. Oh and it's rude too.

mob2689 · May 2011

This is sort of what I had to tell DD's FI who wanted sushi at their reception. Since I am hosting half and DD father the other half, I said NO to sushi it was way expensive for 200 guests, he then said "Well how about just the BP?" My response, I'll take you and get you so full of sushi the night before that you wouldn't want to see sushi for 6 months! What's good for all is good for you even though this is your wedding you aren't going to sit there like a King at his table eating sushi and watch others eat something less." End of topic and sushi.

Moral: All or none.

Kristin789 · May 2011

What? You really can't do this.

/>>My FI thought this would be a good idea to save money, I thought it would hurt feelings.

You are right about this.

/>>He also thinks not everyone needs to be invited to the ceremony but can come to the reception.... thoughts on that???

I think your FI hasn't hosted many big formal events. If your parents are hosting, and your FI is shooting off his mouth about changing up their plans, then you need to talk to him about how is going to be perceived as a manipulating sneaky chapass, and instead, he needs to go meet with his mom and plan the RD, which is hosted by the groom's family.

sarahsaturday2701 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-guests-cake-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e60ac1a-b688-4a03-b547-d6b673be35aaPost:b0cfa87c-8a84-4eef-bba8-33fde9d68e1d">Inviting some guests for cake only</a>:
[QUOTE]Is it tacky to invite some guests to the ceremony and dinner part of the reception and others to just cake and dancing (meaning after the dinner portion is done)? Has anyone done this before??
Posted by pigleta18[/QUOTE]

yes.no.

thesequel · May 2011

It's tacky and looks gift-grabby. Budget for every guest so that they all get treated the same.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2011

Logistically, how would that even work? Would you have extra tables and seats for these people? Would you tell the venue that you'll have 100 people for dinner, but you'll need to pay for 50 extra people for the bar for the last 2-3 hours of the reception? What if they don't show up and you pay for their bar package for nothing?

Habs2Hart · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-guests-cake-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5e60ac1a-b688-4a03-b547-d6b673be35aaPost:86a7f031-498e-47a2-bea4-2bddcada0d89">Re: Inviting some guests for cake only</a>:
[QUOTE]Logistically, how would that even work? Would you have extra tables and seats for these people? Would you tell the venue that you'll have 100 people for dinner, but you'll need to pay for 50 extra people for the bar for the last 2-3 hours of the reception? What if they don't show up and you pay for their bar package for nothing?
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

The only tiered weddings I've ever been to, there has been a cash bar or dry.

amyb140 · May 2011

See post about tiered receptions and how horrible they are.

I am no etiquette goddess, but some of the things people come up with in regard to their weddings make me wonder if they were born in a freaking barn! I mean, you're throwing a party. So THROW THE PARTY!!! Buy food and drink, and invite people. End of story. Geez. Not that difficult.

lalaith50 · May 2011

I know everyone has already said this but, yes. very rude.

Someone did it to me once, and I really kind of wished that they hadn't even invited me rather than so blatantly making me (and a bunch of their other college friends) "2nd class citizens."

kmmssg · May 2011

Yeah - your FI is going to need a lot of educating on this. His ideas are way off base and rude. He probably doesn't mean them to be rude, he's a guy who doesn't "get it."

He needs to realize there's just nothing like being told you are only good enough for cake.

Inviting some guests for cake only

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