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gdidomizio · September 2010

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**O-Face** · September 2010

Sounds like you need to elope. And that is the best I can do.

If you accept money, expect strings.

Heffalump · September 2010

Ah, I love it when I can reach into my bag of standard responses.

It would be nice if your father was on the same page with you and was willing to accommodate your wishes. Since he's not, your options are:

1. Let him pay for everything and do everything his way.
2. Pay for it yourself and do everything your way.

LnR70707 · September 2010

Find a way to pay for your own weddings. Your parents can help without contributing financially.

*Barbie* · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_am-being-ungrateful-father-being-lunatic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:2e40f079-7a5e-48ca-9e2a-722e12ec36c0Post:232c68f9-ab7e-4528-89cf-0b08c165dcea">Am I being ungrateful? My father is being a lunatic!</a>:
[QUOTE]This is lengthy, but I need advice... I recently got engaged towards the end of the summer. Since then everything has been almost perfect. One small problem..my father is being an absolute lunatic. No more than 2 weeks after I got engaged, he already had EVERYTHING planned out, down to who pays for what. My MIL offered to pay for her portion of the wedding since my FI has quite a large family. The problem is not only did my dad refuse her offer, he is insisting that he pay for everything. Sounds great, right? Wrong. My parents have decided that since they are insisting on having 200 people at this wedding, they are going to have my reception in a trashy firehouse social hall. I have been fighting them tooth and nail on it, now to the point that they arent even speaking to me. (I also found out that they considered the local senior center social hall). My MIL thinks (and so do I) that we should have something smaller in a nicer venue. My FI agrees with me that we do not want to have our reception in a place made to have weekly bingo nights. The food will be served in serving dishes on the table, and guests have to serve themselves. He is also opting for paper napkins since they dont cost anything. I'm afraid my guests will be appalled by this whole thing. Do you think I am being selfish? In addition to all of that, I have tried to convince my father that if he lets my FMIL pay for her family and friends, we can have it at a nicer place. He is refusing to let them pay, and says that if they want to contribute, they can pay for the alcohol (which we have to provide to the firehall). His suggestion is to hire a decorator to make it look nice, and I told him it will come out to be the same price as a reasonably priced place after you factor in all teh extra charges from the firehall. ($1 per cloth napkin!). He is also insisting that every decision I make related to the wedding be run by him first for approval. Additionally, I shared with him that my FI and I do not want to be married in a church, since neither of us are really religious. He has denied my request on this issue as well, stating that I am his daughter, and I will be married in a church. We also shared that we would rather have an ipod than a DJ, and this was also shot down by him. My father also tried to tell me how many attendants I am allowed to have! <strong>THe worst part is, I think my mother knows that I should have something nicer, but her opinion does not matter to him.</strong> She has looked at nicer, reasonably priced places, but there always seems to be something wrong like tax isnt included in the price, or with buffets, they dont let you take home the food. <strong>MY MIL has offered to give us 7000 to have our own wedding, the way we want it. My problem is that I want my parents to help, but I want them to listen to me. Do you think I should just shut up and have it somewhere that I don't, just because they are paying for it?</strong> I told my parents that my FI and I were not happy, and now they are not speaking to me. I don't know how to resolve this. He is just making me wonder what he will be like on the day of the wedding!
Posted by gdidomizio[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>1) you SHOULD have whatever YOU can afford. </div><div>2) "I want my parents to help" = "I want my parents to pay" </div><div>
</div><div>you need to grow up and realize that whoever is paying for a party gets to plan that party in the way that they see fit. if your dad is footing the bill, then he gets to decide everything, no matter what you want. would it be nice of him to consider your wants? yes, but it's not a requirement. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm going to recommend that you learn to tell your dad "no." you can do it nicely (cause you're being pretty bratty right now) - "Dad, i appreciate your offer to pay for the wedding, but FI and I have decided to pay for it ourselves - our vision is different than yours, and it would be unfair to tell you how to spend your money. thank you again." </div><div>
</div><div>If you want to accept your MIL's generous offer, do so, but just remember that she may want a say in how things are done as well. there's no such thing as free money. </div><div>
</div>

skippylouwho · September 2010

Grow up. You and FI pay for the wedding you can afford. If FMIL will contribute without strings, accept her offer but refuse your parents money unless they agree to your choices.

If you are old enough and mature enough to be married then you make the choice about whether you are married in a church or not.

If you don't like the reception hall and other demands your father is making - thank him for his generous offer to pay for your wedding but DECLINE the offer.

You may not have the wedding of your dreams but you'll be marrying the man of your dreams and it is possible to do that without all the trappings of a big wedding.

NOLABridesmaid · September 2010

This reminds me. When does V start back?

tldh · September 2010

I don't know if you are still checking but I think you have some legitimate gripes here. I have to ask though if your father has always been this controlling? Your opinion and your mother's opinion don't matter?? I'd be scared to think of what kind of wedding I would have had if my dad had planned the whole thing - think the BBQ wedding scene Steve Martin was picturing in Father of the Bride. Your dad, however, sounds like a controlling chauvinistic jackass.

I know it's almost a kneejerk reaction to call someone a spoiled little princess and tell her to grow up but I didn't see anything indicating that is you in your post. It is true though that if they pay, they call the shots.

baconsmom · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_am-being-ungrateful-father-being-lunatic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:2e40f079-7a5e-48ca-9e2a-722e12ec36c0Post:29aad3c4-6070-4e5f-893d-9ebd2eeda088">Re: v</a>:
[QUOTE]This reminds me. When does V start back?
Posted by NOLABridesmaid[/QUOTE]
November 3.

NOLABridesmaid · September 2010

Thanks.

gdidomizio · September 2010

You hit the nail on the head, tricia. He is a controlling jackass and yes, he has always been that way.

My mother gives and opinion and he finds someway to convince her that it wont work. My mom and I went to look at 2 beautiful places, $50 pp. My dad said no because "They reuse the food from the buffet"

I dont think I am beign a brat. I just want him to let my MIL contribute! Is that asking a lot?

mrsconn23 · September 2010

So you've known all your life that your dad's a controlling jackass...Why did you think he'd be any different when he offered to pay for your wedding?

Weddings, babies, deaths, or any other life event does not change a person.

gdidomizio · September 2010

conn23...i thought things might be different because I am his only daughter and he has been saving for a while. i thought my mom would be able to change his opinions. Its either fight my dad at this point, or give in and make the best of it.

**O-Face** · September 2010

Or pay for it yourself and have a wedding that YOU like. Is that not an option?

tldh · September 2010

Or option #3. Would you be able to work with your FMIL if you accept the $7000 from her? My SILs and mom worked well together for their weddings so I know it can be done. I can't tell you what to do, but if it were me, I'd tell dad that I'm planning my own wedding, he can keep his money, start saving to add to FMIL's contribution or pay for it all myself(w/FI contributing). Actually, the first thing I'd do would be ask my brothers to talk to him. Again, I don't know how yours are but mine were a PITA growing up and my biggest protectors as an adult.

If he knows he's going to be cut out entirely, he may be more reasonable.

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