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REALLY!!?

grizzly04grizzly04 member
100 Comments Second Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

I am lost for words.

I text my fml to see if her and husband plus the two boys would like to stay at the house that my fiance and I rented out for our family. She asked me if her ex-husband and his wife were staying as well, and if so she was not going to stay. So, I asked her if she is okay with her twin boys sitting by my fiance's dad due to the seating arraignment of the head table, and I have not gotten a reply back. She has been divorced over twenty years, is remarried and has twin fifteen year old boys. She always brings up how she was left with a new baby and how she was the victim and how she was the perfect wife when everyone in town said she was horrible to him!

So the head table we have the whole family sitting there. We have limited space, and we are trying to make more space by fitting a good chunk of the family at the head table. It is like on a little stage or platform.  We have twenty six or twenty eight if you count two babies. Grrr....need help.

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Re: REALLY!!?

  • LoopysevenLoopyseven member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    What is your question?
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Head tables suck.  People should be seated with those with whom they came to the wedding, and nobody wants to be on display while they eat.



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  • McRogolMcRogol member
    100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Agree with PP - figure out another seating arrangement.  Whether or not her feeling are rational or not, why play into it?  Just seat them seperately.
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  • grizzly04grizzly04 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited February 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a85ace2f-4acc-426c-9793-49e7a4fce430Post:eeb3d360-8ac3-4f40-b8e3-a8ec2250e3b4">Re: REALLY!!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Head tables suck.  People should be seated with those with whom they came to the wedding, and nobody wants to be on display while they eat.
    Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

    I am making sure that people are sitting with the person/people that they came with. We are having the Best Man's girlfriend sitting next to him at the table with us, and I don't really know the girl. I do not believe in separating people what so ever. My fiance and I have been separated at too many weddings and I know how it feels so I will be not doing that at our wedding.

    The huge issue I have is seating right now. <strong>It was very important to have the wedding at The Grainery for my fiance.</strong> We cut down the guest list as much as possible, and it is what it is. Right now I am just struggling what to do. My fiance is close to his dad, but we said we better put his mom closer so she doesn't throw a fit. Well, she threw a fit anyway so I thought of this last night. I am still not a 100% in love with this, but oh well. Here is a diagram

                                                           ________________
                                
                                             |                                                             |
                                             |                                                             |
                                             |                                                             |
                                             |                                                             |

    So the solid line is fiance, myself, sister (MOH), her husband and baby, his best man, best man's girlfriend, pastor and pastor's wife, plus my sister's baby. The dashed line on the left is my mom and dad, grandma, his step-mom and dad, his grandma(dad's side), his grandpa and step-grandma (dad's side), and then his nephew that has been raised by his dad and step-mom. 

    <strong>The one on the right his all of his mom's family.That whole table will be full as well. I would only set up on eight foot table for each side. The problem is the layout of the building. <u>The stage is directly across from the buffet line and we can't move the buffet line, it's literately built in. The room is more of a rectangular shape as well, it a barn that has been restored. I'm trying to save room by putting family on the stage and so then later on in the night we can put the tables down and use it for a dance floor. The wedding starts at two, and we will have the dance around six.</u> I want people to socialize and people to relax because we will have a good amount of older people and I know that they would like to socialize and I would like to as well. The family told me I can put the family tables down so we can have a dance because they were pushing for one like no other.      

    </strong>
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  • McRogolMcRogol member
    100 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I think that's a good idea.  FI's mom will be with her family and you have made adjustments to accomodate her.  I say this without knowing this woman at all, but there are people in life that are never really satisified.  So if she ends up unhappy with this new arrangement, just do what you can do move on...
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's more important to your finance to have your wedding in a barn than to have a location that accommodates your guest list??  okayyyyyyy.  Stop asking people if it is okay to seat them where you want them- just have escort cards at the reception.  If there's no other option no point in stirring them up now.
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  • grizzly04grizzly04 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a85ace2f-4acc-426c-9793-49e7a4fce430Post:5e17ad01-ce74-42f3-85aa-29ad58cf8541">Re: REALLY!!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's more important to your finance to have your wedding in a barn than to have a location that accommodates your guest list??  okayyyyyyy.  Stop asking people if it is okay to seat them where you want them- just have escort cards at the reception.  If there's no other option no point in stirring them up now.
    Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

    It's not a barn where animals are staying there. It was been restored with indoor plumbing and electric. There is no way I would have let it in a real barn and he is not the type to want a reception at a traditional venue. He grew up in the country farming and raising cattle, I grew up in cities all over the world, but I was willing to compromise for him to be happy.
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  • s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_really-16?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a85ace2f-4acc-426c-9793-49e7a4fce430Post:1a7a9ce0-ccc2-4a63-90a2-67145ad00c0a">Re: REALLY!!?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: REALLY!!? : It's not a barn where animals are staying there. It was been restored with indoor plumbing and electric. There is no way I would have let it in a real barn and he is not the type to want a reception at a traditional venue. He grew up in the country farming and raising cattle, I grew up in cities all over the world, but I was willing to compromise for him to be happy.
    Posted by grizzly04[/QUOTE]

    Grizzly, you missed the point. She was just saying that you choose the venue and then tried to fit in your guests after the fact, not the other way around (looking for a venue to accomodate your guests). This woman seems like she won't be happy, so do whatever you want. FI needs to tell her that he wants his father there and she needs to either 1) be happy for him and ignore dad or 2) remove herself from the situation if it gets too much.

    I do, however, think that you should not put her sons with her exH
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