Do I have to invite her?

i2012do · February 2012

I found out that one of my friends (we were really close a few years ago when we both lived in the City together) was recently engaged. I know her and her fiance well, but they recently moved to South Carolina and I haven't seen them in over a year.
I saw her at a wedding in September and she shared a hotel room with my fiance and I. Even though she just got engaged in December she is getting marreid this June (I know right!!)

We get along fine and i love her but we don't like catch up on hte phone or anything. Every few months we exchange emails.

I wasn't planning on inviting her to my wedding at all. then I got an email from her best friend about planning her bachelorette party. So apparently, I am invited to her wedding!!

Do I need to invite her to mine? Is it rude if I don't? I have a feeling her and her then husband probably won't fly up from SC for the weekend. But they have kind of unliminited "finances" so maybe they would.....
no idea.

lk&dparker · February 2012

Hmmm I'm not sure...to me it depends on a couple of things...Since you are invited to hers, are you planning on going?? If you go to hers I would probably invite her. If you don't really mind if not invitng her could affect your relationship then I say go with your gut feeling of what you want to do. It is YOUR Wedding after all so it is whatever you and your FI want and whoever you guys want there.

Hope that helps!

bmetz34 · February 2012

Hmmm I have a friend that falls in that inbetween space too. You may be feeling closer to her in those coming months, because you'll be at her shower, bach, wedding etc, so you'll be seeing more of eachother. I'd say, if you have the room, and don't want to run the cost of hurting her feelings, invite them. If you are very tight on money or space (believe me, I'm there), then maybe when you are celebrating with her, or after an event, you can say something like "oh that was so much fun. I'm going to miss having you at my (insert event here). I wish I could afford to invite everyone I want to but we've got to keep it to a small group". Having just planned a wedding, she should have a clue how expensive they can be. But that's just my opinion since I'm no good with confrontation!!

william+brittney · February 2012

I had the same debate with myself with my old room mate. I went ahead and invited her because, what's changing the number by 1 or 2? Also, if you know there is a possibility they probably wont come, its not worth the stress over something silly, and so I just invited her.

i2012do · February 2012

Are numbers are pretty tight as it is an i am cutting the guest list. I am hoping that she isn't going to come with her husband. Her wedding is in June and she is a teaher- so I know shell be back at work at the end of August- plus not sure her husband can take off time for their own wedding, honeymoon, etc.
theyre traveling an awful lot back and forth for the wedding planning.

I am planning on attending her wedding. Its only about 45 min away and we are free that weekend (its the weekend after my shower)

calindi · February 2012

I wouldn't invite her. You weren't planning on it, and you don't have to feel guilty because she's inviting you to hers. As you said, she has an 'unlimited budget' for life, so she probably has a large budget for her wedding and as such can invite a lot of guests. If she asks about it, just apologize and tell her that you really would like to, but you both have such big families and the budget just doesn't allow more guests.

saraschilling88 · February 2012

I haven't had this problem yet, but I agree with PPs to go with your gut instinct on this one.. I'm not good with confrontation so not sure exactly how to handle the conversation... Good luck!!

i2012do · February 2012

HA! youa re right we kind of had this same convo.
I actually do like this girl , and we were close friends. Its just that she moved away.

I was TOTALLY shocked when i got ane mail about her bchelorette party.Then i was liek "crap what id her friend emailed people she ASSUMED she was inviting to the wedding for the bachelorette" but i think thats unliky.

i am still on teh fence about this one. er

Jenni8412 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_do-i-have-to-invite-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:51a11488-d674-49f7-bd39-ba9175432c98Post:15f114e5-d98b-4b75-b3bb-4c5f53834a3d">Re: Do I have to invite her?</a>:
[QUOTE]I was TOTALLY shocked when i got ane mail about her bchelorette party.Then i was liek "crap what id her friend emailed people she ASSUMED she was inviting to the wedding for the bachelorette" but i think thats unliky. i am still on teh fence about this one. er
Posted by i2012do[/QUOTE]

That reminds me of a friend who had moved away and we only saw each other every couple of years... It just happened to work out that we were going to get together when she was coming into town for her BP. Suddenly I was added to the FB list she created for organizing the night out, so I was in that state of confusion over being invited to a wedding with 2 weeks notice or was I just expected for the BP... The oddest thing was her MOH and a BM weren't going to make it in from OOT, so organizing and planning fell to one of the BM and me. That's right, ME. Just too weird, and I didn't really get any clarification until literally a week later (the week of the wedding) she emailed to ask if I'd like her to mail me an invitation. Um, that's okay but thanks? I kind of feel snotty, but I plan to invite her just to feel like I'm showing her up by using the proper etiquette - I really am just an awful, spiteful person ;)

Do I have to invite her?

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