Need opinions on choosing kids for the wedding party!? sorry long!!

zeke17us · April 2011

Ok so FI and I have a lot of special kids in our life and i am having suuuuch a hard time narrowing it down to a ring bearer and flowergirl.

situation 1: Ok so to start Im planning on asking my cousin to be in the wedding, we were very close growing up and my sisters and I recently stood up in her wedding. I am the godmother to her 2 year old son. I would looove to have him in the wedding also but the problem is distance limits us from seeing each other so he hardly even knows me and is a somewhat shy kid, I don'nt know what to do... can I ask one without the other or just not ask either or try for both?!?

situaton 2: I am a nanny for a little girl who will be 2 at the time of our wedding, she is my heart, i have raised her since birth. I would loove to have her as a flowergirl...and I also worry about what my boss would think if I didnt ask her. The other part of me is worried that they will feel obligated if I ask, (as well as obligated to come if for whatever reason they planned to not attend :l) and with the wedding being 1.5 hrs away they will have to have her with them all night since there would be noone to watch her.

Situation 3: FI has 2 nieces ( 4 and 2) and a nephew (7) from one family. both of their parents will be standing up. they have family in town who could watch the kids after the wedding if they decided they wanted to party w/o the kids, I feel like they would be the most comfortable and most likely to walk down the isle considering theyd be meeting their parents on the other end!! this is an easy choice for me but Id want to ask them all.... now the whole fam is in the wedding and will have to buy attire!! FI says its no biggie but its still that feeling of obligation, I dont want to make anyone feel obligated!!

bwahajjkhfsafk!!!!!! I just dont know!!

thoughts?!?

raxxx17 · April 2011

i see all of your issues and points here this is a tough one. regarding situation 1 i would ask you cousin but not yoour godson, since he is shy and doesnt know you very well... plus two is pretty young. my goddaughter will be three in july and almost four at the time of my wedding, so i am having her as a FG but i wouldnt be having her if my wedding was this june - at 2+ she is still too immature to have in my opinion.

situation 2 is quite tough, being that it sounds like u really adore her and want her to be a part of such an important day. still, being that u have ur FI's nieces to be flower girls (who are siblings and can kind of guide each other down the aisle and will feel comfortable together), i wouldnt ask the girl u nanny for either. if it were me, i'd have your FIs nieces and nephew

AshnRobo · April 2011

Honestly, I would ask them all. If they all mean so much to you, they should at least have the option to do it.

There are no hard and fast rules about the number of child attendants in a wedding.

If you are worried about the cost of buying wedding attire for all of these children, you have a few options. A) offer to pay for half the cost of their clothing

let the parents pay for it C)see below. IDK where you are from but here wedding party is expected to pay for their own attire children included (obviously their parents would be picking up the tab here). It is a nice gesture for bride and groom to pay but not expected.

If you are worried about parents not being able to party with kids in tow, look into local babysitters. There is a service called seeking sitters that has a few branches nationwide and may have one near you. They do group jobs such as weddings and are reasonably priced. You would only need a sitter for the reception so maybe book for 4 hours our so. I think parents would appreciate a service like that more than offering to buy ceremony clothes. (<---this is my C from before!)

If you think parents will accept only out of obligation, be clear that you understand if they feel it is too much of a burden for them or their children. Send them a card rather then ask in person so they have time to think it over and discuss their options without the pressure of your eager face waiting for an answer.

IDK if any of this helps, but I just really want to say don't ask anyone out of feelings of obligation. That is a slippery slope into bridal hell.

sleblanc72 · April 2011

I agree with Ashn...the best thing you can do is ask them all and be open and understanding so they feel comfortable giving you either a yes or no. It sounds like it would be really special no matter whether you end up with one, two or all the kids so I would go ahead and ask them all!

doeie04 · April 2011

This is why we aren't going to have a RB and FG. I wouldn't be able to choose!

DodgersBride · April 2011

Situation 1: You can ask your cousin and not have her son in the WP. It is totally fine. I would suggest not having her son as RB. 2 is young and if he is shy he may not want to walk down an aisle in front of a bunch of people.

Situation 2:I don't think you should ask her simply because 2 is very young. I also don't think her parents should expect you to have her in your WP.

Situation 3: I think these 3 children would be best. If you are worried about the cost you can either offer to pay for the children's attire or even half. You could also let the parents dress them in formal attire they already have.

I would not ask all 5 of them to be in the wedding if you are this worried. I think it may get too excessive and become complicated to handle 5 children especially those that are young. Also you are no way obligated to ask anyone to be a part of the WP nor should anyone assume or become upset if you don't.

WEEZIE918 · April 2011

I agree with raxx for the same reasons she listed.

michellep1 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_need-opinions-choosing-kids-wedding-party-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:64ec4124-160c-48e5-b8f9-6995d8c64400Post:0b99afea-9867-4c58-9852-72e0e7ffb8b4">Re: Need opinions on choosing kids for the wedding party!? sorry long!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Situation 1: You can ask your cousin and not have her son in the WP. It is totally fine. I would suggest not having her son as RB. 2 is young and if he is shy he may not want to walk down an aisle in front of a bunch of people. Situation 2:I don't think you should ask her simply because 2 is very young. I also don't think her parents should expect you to have her in your WP. Situation 3: I think these 3 children would be best. If you are worried about the cost you can either offer to pay for the children's attire or even half. You could also let the parents dress them in formal attire they already have. I would not ask all 5 of them to be in the wedding if you are this worried. I think it may get too excessive and become complicated to handle 5 children especially those that are young. Also you are no way obligated to ask anyone to be a part of the WP nor should anyone assume or become upset if you don't.
Posted by DodgersBride[/QUOTE]

I was going to say exactly this. Two is very very young and they could easily become upset and refuse to walk down the aisle, among other fiascos. I'd ask the three nieces/nephews for sure though.

MMRoberts11 · April 2011

I agree with Michelle and Dodgers.

TeamMoriarty · April 2011

initally we weren't going to have children in the WP because we have lots of close cousins who have children. then i decided that i wanted to include 2 of my best friends and not have a huge bridal party (i have 3 sisters as BM and a MOH), so i am asking my GFs' children (3 girls) to be FG and not have a RB. Ultimately, I decided to include the people I wanted to include even if it didn't follow the tradition or balance of boys and girls. That is my suggestion for you. Think of who you want to be part of your day. Only you know what the right answeer is for you (and your FI). One best friend has a daughter who will be 5 and another that will be 2 1/2 and the other friend's daughter will also be 2 1/2. I have thought of the sisters walking down together and maybe having my girlfriend walk down with her daughter or having the older one walk down the 2 younger ones. Also, I know these girls (i'm "Auntie" Kristen, but one lives in Norway and the other two live in Texas, so even though I know them, they don't really know me. But they are extensions of my best friends, so for me personally, it's not as important for the girls to know me really well- it is my way of honoring my girlfriends as mothers and as my friends. What I'm saying, I guess, is that I don't think you have to follow a hard and fast rule on this one. Listen to your heart.

Carrie1208 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_need-opinions-choosing-kids-wedding-party-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:64ec4124-160c-48e5-b8f9-6995d8c64400Post:0b99afea-9867-4c58-9852-72e0e7ffb8b4">Re: Need opinions on choosing kids for the wedding party!? sorry long!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Situation 1: You can ask your cousin and not have her son in the WP. It is totally fine. I would suggest not having her son as RB. 2 is young and if he is shy he may not want to walk down an aisle in front of a bunch of people. Situation 2:I don't think you should ask her simply because 2 is very young. I also don't think her parents should expect you to have her in your WP. Situation 3: I think these 3 children would be best. If you are worried about the cost you can either offer to pay for the children's attire or even half. You could also let the parents dress them in formal attire they already have. I would not ask all 5 of them to be in the wedding if you are this worried. I think it may get too excessive and become complicated to handle 5 children especially those that are young. Also you are no way obligated to ask anyone to be a part of the WP nor should anyone assume or become upset if you don't.
Posted by DodgersBride[/QUOTE]

This was my thought too.

beca0409 · April 2011

It is a good question. I think that it is importat to have a child in the wedding that can follow directions. Important also is that the kids know you, so they feel special being included . My twin neices were asked to be in my wedding. They will be over three by then and I see them at least once a month.

MaryjaneA · April 2011

We had 8 flower girls, 2 pages, and a ring bearer at our 1st wedding in 1997. Our 10 year old daughter will walk down the aisle before I do for our renewal. I say ask all of them.

Need opinions on choosing kids for the wedding party!? sorry long!!

Re: Need opinions on choosing kids for the wedding party!? sorry long!!

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