Am I in the wrong? VENT

utahrion · September 2012

I'm at my wits end. I just need to vent (or find out if I'm in the wrong here).

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband. But it's becomming impossible to get on his good side these days. I feel like I'm getting b!tched at for everything and I'm so frustrated.

When he comes home, the first thing he does is b!tch at me about something. Last night, he yelled at me because my socks touched a shirt sleeve of his (socks I wear in bed when I sleep), he complains now he has to re-wash everything in the pile of clothes that touched the shirt that touched my sock.

Constantly complaining about the way I stack dishes on the dry rack (hey, at least I wash the dishes, he refuses to do so).

The landlord was coming by with a plumber to fix an issue. We had a basket of clean clothes in the living room, so I put the basket in the bedroom and closed the door. DH called me AT WORK the next day (he worked a double-shift so he wasn't home when I left for work) to b!thch about the fact that I shouldn't have moved the basket because when he got home he put the socks he wore on the top, now he has to re-wash THE ENTIRE LOAD OF LAUNDRY. I was told my suggestion of either removing the socks or just washing the ONE shirt the socks touched was silly.

After the gym I got a burger from a fast food restaurant. When DH came home 5 hours later, he saw the wrapper in the trash and then b!tched that I'm inconsiderate that I didn't get him one. Seriously?! I can understand if I came home with one and he was there, but he was at work!

QueerFemme · September 2012

Um. couples counseling maybe? Based solely on what you are sayikng, it doesn't sound like he really likes you all that much.

beardo1111 · September 2012

He sounds like a complete jerk with some serious obsessive-compulsive-irrational tendencies. Is there any good stuff you're not sharing? If not - barring some emotional/psychological breakdown that he's currently going through and needs treatment for - are you sure you want to stay married to this guy?

Kdancy0805 · September 2012

I would suggest a therapist to him. Sounds like he has a lot on his mind and you are the easiest thing for him to take it out on. I believe in working through things.

utahrion · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-i-in-the-wrong-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1dc72742-49d6-481f-9983-c0c6205b63a1Post:5e468f61-5fd5-431d-b1a2-30527afb0f47">Re: Am I in the wrong? VENT</a>:
[QUOTE]He sounds like a complete jerk with some serious obsessive-compulsive-irrational tendencies. Is there any good stuff you're not sharing? If not - barring some emotional/psychological breakdown that he's currently going through and needs treatment for - are you sure you want to stay married to this guy?
Posted by beardo1111[/QUOTE]

There are tons of good things about him, but this germ/foot phobia especially (among other things) is pushing me to a breaking point.

lyndausvi · September 2012

therapy seems to be in order.

cokie216 · September 2012

It does sound like he has some OCD tendencies that are getting in the way of his life. You shouldn't have to walk one egg shells around your husband. Has he always been like this or is this new behavior? I'd broach the subject about him talking to someone. Maybe a therapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

hshertenlieb · September 2012

THERAPY for sure!!!

achiduck · September 2012

Call a therapist. That's not cool.

utahrion · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-i-in-the-wrong-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:1dc72742-49d6-481f-9983-c0c6205b63a1Post:b481e600-5425-46fb-a280-3cbdbf3413a7">Re: Am I in the wrong? VENT</a>:
[QUOTE]It does sound like he has some OCD tendencies that are getting in the way of his life. You shouldn't have to walk one egg shells around your husband. <strong>Has he always been like this or is this new behavior?</strong> I'd broach the subject about him talking to someone. Maybe a therapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Posted by cokie216[/QUOTE]

I knew of his quirks and could deal with them (for the most part), like I know never to touch him with my foot or not put anything he owns at the foot of the bed (because your feet touch that part of the bed) or lysol/disinfect anyting that hit the floor, but it just feel like it's being taken up a notch with the whole "re-washing an entire pile of clothes" thing. It's not like I did it on purpose, I try to be tolerant but I'm getting really frustrated by his treatment of my honest mistakes/overlookings.

christinamarie325 · September 2012

He needs help. What is the worst thing that will happen if the laundry doesn't get re-washed and he just wore the "basically" clean clothes? His answer would probably be really irrational.

What sort of "horrendous germs" that are on socks going to do to him? Again, his answer will probably be so complicated and irrational.

As a kid I dealt with OCD tendencies, and had to force myself to put it in God's hands and stop worrying about things that were out of my control. I had this huge fear of the house catching on fire. (no idea where it came from) So I would check every heater in the house to make sure there was no paper near it, or anything flammable. I felt like if I thought to do it, I should. I didn't want it to be my fault if something happened. It took over my bedtime routine. Brush your teeth, check the heater. Go back to the bathroom and check the broken light switch, recheck the heater, go to sleep, do it agai in the middle of the night if you wake up. UGHHH. You drive yourself insane! He needs to tackle this now before it consumes his life forever. There is some other type of fear that is causing this. The behavior is just the outward projection of it.

yoshijo · September 2012

You are definately in the right here. I agree counseling seems to be necessary

Meghannsix · September 2012

Another vote for therapy. And hugs to you!

Ali092011 · September 2012

I agree that both of you could benefit from counseling and therapy. It's bad enough that he lets his OCD control his life, but now it's encroaching on your sense of normalcy and impacting your day-to-day life, and that is not good. (I'm not saying it's easy for him to just stop being the way he is, I'm just saying it shouldn't be impacting you this much.)

I agree with doing everything you can to save the relationship, but I have to say, if you approach him about therapy and he's unwilling to go, you should still see someone yourself. And that therapist/counselor will help you decide if you can stay married to a man who thinks it's okay to treat you the way he does.

mrsbiss2be · September 2012

Yikes! This guy deffinately needs some counceling. He is not acting normal at all and sounds like someone who has OCD. Now keeping in mind this is a mental disorder I don't want to bash the guy. OCD is a difficult thing to handle and he needs to speak to a therapist and possibly take meds. I feel for you but for some reason I also feel for him.
I don't think it's right how he's treating you, but he is acting this way because of a mental disorder. Seek some help for him and go from there.

Best of luck.

QueerFemme · September 2012

I know everyone is focusing on the OCD aspect of his personality, but my original point still stands. He doesn't seem to like you that much and is nitpicking you to death. It wasn't OCD that caused him to yell that you were inconsiderate for not buying him a burger 5+ hours before he got home.

I would get the fluck out of that relationship as quickly as possible.

Am I in the wrong? VENT

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