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my vows how they sound

starwolf421starwolf421
in Chit Chat

My dearest Shana With all my heart i do vow to protect you , honor and obey you

to love you and to give all my heart and soul. My spirit and yours guided together by fate

have found each other. From day one when we met I felt we needed to be as one

as strong as the waves of the ocean breaking on the rocks.

After our first day we were swept up like a pair of hawks,

inseparable we have become like the soul mates we are

even stronger together than a solid gold bar

I promise and vow to cook for your hearts desire,

as long as you don't mind me with chili made of fire.

I shall keep the kitchen up as long as you are there to talk to

and will hope that the laundry doesn't eat you

I vow and promise to stay our of your chocolate stash

as long as you will let me have an occasional hot apple pie if we have the cash

I vow to guard you through thick and thin

all together there is nothing we haven't seen or been

this last year has been a trial,

I am glad the jury went the extra mile.

We have seen it all and still

together we are still climbing the hill

I know we will have our ups and downs

our love will still grow by leaps and bounds

Our family life seems bright, even in the darkest of nights

our future is written but not yet read aloud

I love you my dearest wife, your the greatest treasure of my life

Our boy Talyn he is strong and proud

guarding his mom he shouts it out loud

I love him so much yes it is a fact

let me raise him please my love

I will gladly sign that contract

my dearest loving Shana please be mine

I know forever my love for you will never end

As my wife to you I vow, you truly are the sunrise and sunset of my heart

I promise all of my heart soul and spirit even beyond the day I die

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Re: my vows how they sound

  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    this sound like a poem, not vows.

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

    Report Reply
  • achiduckachiduck member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    Agreed, they're kind of "poem-ish" and disjointed, hard to follow.

    When it comes to vows I prefer short and simple. Those are far too long.
    image
    Anniversary
    Report Reply
  • kimunder17kimunder17
    10 Comments
    Yeah, the fact that some parts rhyme and others don't make it weird for me. If the whole thing rhymed and was like a poem I think it would be okay but it seems to go ever which direction. Not my cup of tea.
    Report Reply
  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think the "poem" aspect of them makes them kinda cheezy.

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

    Report Reply
  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    The imagery jumps around too much, too many different metaphors and similes. Also agree that it's more poem than vows. Stick to the promises and don't try to force rhymes.

    FWIW, H and I wrote our vows in the form of sonnets and his rhymed, but he has a Master's in writing poetry. Mine was blank verse, so it didn't rhyme and just had lines of equal length.
    image
    Report Reply
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I agree w/ PPs....it sounds more like a poem than vows.  I really think you should rework them.
    Report Reply
  • beardo1111beardo1111
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_my-vows-how-they-sound?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:75e5a5d4-5df0-428f-8f44-a18654662a59Post:b4dbc335-3e6f-4657-81f7-4faa8bd0aedb">my vows how they sound</a>:
    [QUOTE]My dearest Shana With all my heart i do vow to protect you , honor and obey you to love you and to give all my heart and soul. My spirit and yours guided together by fate have found each other. From day one when we met I felt we needed to be as one as strong as the waves of the ocean breaking on the rocks. After our first day <strong>we were swept up like a pair</strong> <strong>of hawks</strong>, inseparable we have become like the soul mates we are even stronger together than a solid gold bar <strong>I promise and vow to cook for your hearts desire</strong>, as long as you don't mind me with <strong>chili made of fire. I shall keep the kitchen up as long as you are there to talk to and will hope that the laundry doesn't eat you</strong> I vow and promise to stay our of your chocolate stash as long as you will let me have an <strong>occasional hot apple pie if we have the cash</strong> I vow to guard you through thick and thin all together there is nothing we haven't seen or been this last year has been a trial,<strong> I am glad the jury went the extra mile</strong>. We have seen it all and still together we are still climbing the hill I know we will have our ups and downs our love will still grow by leaps and bounds Our family life seems bright, even in the darkest of nights our future is written but not yet read aloud I love you my dearest wife, your the greatest treasure of my life Our boy Talyn he is strong and proud guarding his mom he shouts it out loud I love him so much yes it is a fact let me raise him please my love I will gladly sign that contract my dearest loving Shana please be mine I know forever my love for you will never end As my wife to you I vow, you truly are the sunrise and sunset of my heart I promise all of my heart soul and spirit even beyond the day I die
    Posted by starwolf421[/QUOTE

    I'm sorry if this is horribly rude....but I just can't help but thinking maybe this post was a joke. 
    Report Reply
  • mcda04mcda04 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Yeah, they're way to long. It actually made me sleepy, you should rework them.
    Report Reply
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